Like lots of regular guys with a laser sharp acumen for video games and other introverted addictions, it wasn’t due to choice, it was due to my far more impressive ability to be truly and utterly unfuckable.
And like lots of regular guys, when I did eventually get laid, I immediately appealed to her emotional hardwiring and begged her to be my GF.
And again, like lots of regular guys, I had the Perfect Disney Relationship (PDR):
We’ve all heard it before and perhaps you, dearest Red of Readers, have experienced something similar yourself.
Good. That’s my point.
Because of your ready acceptance of this standard relational outcome and all the daily horror stories off /TRP, you can probably agree with me right here that most relationships, like most marriages, usually
And just like most marriages that end up in the shit hole, the ending of *most* relationships—no matter how amicable the break up—leave you
emotionally compromised,
lower SMV than you started, and honestly
not much else to show for it other than a couple boringly predictable post-break up quickies, a few salvageable “she hadn’t fucked him yet” memories, and the pain of waking up every day knowing
it was all for nothing.All quiet on the relationship front
However, despite one of the key tenants of The Red being “marriages are a horrible idea”, I’m rarely seeing as much
cynical distance and critical examination of the lesser but still potentially harmful concept we know as the Long Term Relationship (LTR).
I’d like to change that.
Even more, I’m never seeing any new or more convincing reasons than The Big Three Reasons (BTR) why guys should forego LTRs to remain single: 1) AWALT, 2) You lose time, and 3) You lose freedom and independence.
Now all of this pains me more than the sad act of pulling off dried up toilet paper from my dick because over the years I’ve realized there are many colossal and life changing reasons why LTRs are not worth it; no matter how copious the watering hole or how “notch countlessly pure” the unicorn.
Unfortunately, no one is talking about them, and guys are freely committing without this necessary knowledge.
I’d like to change that too.
Before we get started
Bancroft's disclaimer
I’m NOT prescribing men to never commit to an LTR:
- They definitely have their uses and should not be ruled out no matter how bleedingly Red or how thirsty a MGTOW you believe yourself to be.
- Unlike so many normatively black and white threads off /TRP, this piece offers perspective instead of prescription.
Bancroft's goals
- I’m advocating for men to spend more time than ever evaluating whether LTRs are really what they want and if they truly are better off committing than not.
- I present this information to give naive, inexperienced, and veteran men alike as much perspective possible to make the best decisions for their own good.
- Maybe you’ll read this and believe you won’t be affected and you’re “above this shit” (I’m fully aware my avatar is a fucking dog pretending to be a pokemon), but I really hope you’ll read, digest, and objectively spend time connecting the dots as to why your past relationships have left you unsatisfied with regret.
- And with my perspective, you’ll finally have the insight to make more rational and beneficial decisions for your long term love life.
Bancroft's premises
- Like sexual strategy, the LTR is a colorless amoral tool for men to use however they see fit.
- LTRs aren’t inherently Red: There’s always going to be an ideological dilution for Red men who compromise their lifestyle to meet the sexual needs of a woman.
- LTRs aren’t inherently Blue: Plenty of Red men enjoy exclusivity despite discarding every last bit of their Perfectly Blue idealism.
That being said, I urge you to instead focus on how men receive utility or lose utility from them.
What I'm not going to cover
- I’m not going to talk about The Big Three Reasons to avoid an LTR
- If you need help understanding AWALT, either fuck more hoes or befriend the average newly married couple (make sure to bring the popcorn).
- If you need help understanding how LTRs eat your time and independence, Rollo wrote the best primer on those two subjects: Dream Killers and The Curse of Potential.
- I'm not going to talk about the benefits of LTRs
- I'm not going to talk about good and bad LTRs
- I'm not going to talk about "vetting" a girl for LTR qualities
- There’s already material published about this on /TRP. And just like rawdogging, vetting sounds fun but still leaves you at the mercy of someone else’s undisclosed sexual history.
- I'm not going to talk about how to have successful LTRs
What I will cover: The six unspoken laws of LTRs
Law 1) How LTRs physically limit your opportunities to thrive in solitude.
Law 2) How LTRs can never be idealistically enjoyed as much as if you were Blue instead of Red.
Law 3) How LTRs lower your SMV compared to when you were single.
Law 4) How LTRs force you to play an expensive unprofitable game where you have zero edge and lack the ability to cashout.
Law 5) How LTRs force you to become physically dependent on the volatile drug of a single woman’s good behavior.
Law 6) How LTRs force you to accept a woman’s inherent mediocrity every day of your life.
These six drawbacks are what the Red Gods appropriately deem as The Six Bancroft Immutable Laws of LTRs (acronym too long, so fuck it).
So let's begin.
Law 1: You physically limit your opportunities to thrive in solitude
By function of the LTR, you inevitably devote a set amount of hours sharing space with your GF. These hours you can’t rewind the clock and get back. It’s spent like a resource. That’s why “time” is one of The Big Three Reasons.
Guys seemingly understand and equally dread this from the get go. They have less time for hobbies, personal time, and doing whatever else they did to bide their time when single.
Most don’t, however, understand how this allocation of time with their on call pussy limits more than their personal entertainment, it also affects primary areas of their self-development.
Law 1a: You have less opportunities to seriously think about life by yourself
I’m sure many of your own greatest thoughts come from the space and silence that only genuine solitude brings forth. Yet every minute you spend with your GF is a minute that could have been spent thinking alone.
- You have less ability to process your thoughts, actions, and plans alone during many of the activities that couples do together: This includes normal “couply” things like watching TV, eating dinner, running errands, going on trips, and surviving the holidays—you know, pretty much the best times to do do some actual soul searching.
- You have less time to enjoy and process your solitude because you’re frequently texting or maintaining the relationship: Compared to plates, most guys end up texting more which means more distraction from focusing on something else you care about.
Law 1b: You have less opportunities to truly suffer and grow by yourself
GFs do bring the benefit of having someone “care” about your well being (I know, however duplicitous or trivial their “love”, their affection is still there). But the consequence of allowing a woman “care” for you is that you never face the harsh reality alone like you did when single.
By this, I mean the presence of a committed pussy can in effect soften your skin because you never feel the entire pain of rejection and life struggle by yourself.
- Your rejections, no matter how slight or large, are never faced alone: Whether or not you tell her about your pains in life, you subconsciously always have a woman in your corner.
- Your problems, no matter how slight or large, are never faced alone: Again, whether or not you tell her about your daily problems or she ends up helping, you subconsciously always have a woman in your corner.
Law 1c: You have less opportunities to develop self-esteem by yourself
In a way, you’re committed to fucking a lesser female version of a best friend and shitty wannabe therapist—at the same time. GFs play both roles better than a casual plate.
And due to their deeper friendly and whatever affection we sadly call feminine emotional support, you’re relieved of figuring some of this very important shit out on your own.
- You subconsciously benefit from all of her frequent feminine praise: Starting with the quirky physical observations like “I love how your left dimple is smaller than your right one” all the way to the feel good masculine truths like “I love how you never get upset”, you get affectionate fuel to love yourself more.
- You may work less on developing your own self-image: Because you still hear these sweet nothings (no matter how much or little you believe it), they’re something you can’t help but subconsciously process for your own self good, which means you may end up not focusing so much on developing your own positivity for yourself anymore.
- You’re never putting the same amount of sweat, pain, and struggle to earn a spot between her legs as when single: Because the ticket to her moist nectar lounge is cheaper than ever, this marginalizes the resulting and very useful pride received from the act of scoring pussy.
Law 2: You cannot idealistically enjoy your relationship as much as you would when Perfectly Blue
I want to clarify this point.
I’m not saying you can’t overall enjoy your relationship as much as when Blue. It’s obvious after swallowing the pill many men have more power, control, and accurate expectations over their significant other. Just like the actual pill, the Red Pill can make relationship life much better for men.
What I’m saying is although Red comes with benefits, the act of accepting Red simultaneously discards and destroys the most “special” and “romantic” sentiments you felt from your GF in years of Blue past.
All the cute fairy tale, soul mate searching paradigms that kept you up late at night as you awaited her next text are the same reasons weak men remain grasping to these ideals: Because it feels god damn great at times to think “this is the one”.
Granted these don’t carry a sliver of pussy fucking truth, and I’m in no way recommending you start believing them again—I’m just saying you don’t get to enjoy them anymore.
Law 2a: You’ll never see her more than a woman with a hot enough body you want to fuck and good enough personality you want to keep around
Women aren’t gatekeepers to the promised land anymore and this restricts your emotional enjoyment to feelings grounded in reality, not your romantic ideals.
- You’ll never see her as “the one” or someone who “completes you”: Stripped to down to their core, women are idealistically less enjoyable now because there’s no spiritual or meta-sexual aspect about their existence.
- You’ll never enjoy the idea of her being a “better” or more “special” than other women: She’s just like all other women. For better or worse.
Law 2b: You’ll never see the relationship as more than a mutual agreement to be sexual partners
The Red eliminates the exact romantic optimism and Perfect Disney Relationship hope that fed The Blue.
- You’ll never enjoy the “hope” of getting married for the purpose of building a happily ever after future together: Sure, you can tie the knot, but you’ll always have that legendary RP doubt of divorce lingering above you every night as you sleep.
- You’ll never be able to exploit the Blue romanticism to your motivational advantage because you know it isn’t true: All the giddy life changing feelings you received during “special” moments couples eventually share are completely diminished when you accept she’s only just the best hole you’re choosing to occupy at the present moment.
Law 3: You're never as sexually attractive as the exact same man who’s single
Again, I’ll make sure to clarify.
You already know LTRs are pussy slaying mode on extra hard. By virtue of that truth, it does make sense your game might actually improve by having a relationship. Not arguing here.
What I’m saying is that by simply being in a relationship, all things being equal, while your game may improve, your SMV is never as high as if you were the exact same guy, same game, but single.
I’ll explain why.
Law 3a: Your SMV is lower because women instinctively are attracted to men with options
While you may have a Secret Agent Vagina (SAV) on the side, the moment you disclose your commitment to women, you lose some bit of SMV in their eyes.
- Hypergamy values committed men less because they gave up their sexual strategy in favor of theirs: While women may not consciously elicit this, their hypergamy does it for them.
- Hypergamy values the mystery and strength that being single telegraphs: Again, all things being equal, if you were the same guy but single, most women are going to find you some bit more attractive than committed, barring any Lusty Homewreckers (LH).
- Hypergamy values the ability to make selfish assertive decisions without compromise that being single maximizes: Again, all things being equal, you can make a shitload more selfish masculine decisions than when committed. You know well, but hypergamy knows better.
Law 3b: Your SMV handicap affects your potential confidence gains
This one is tricky because most guys won’t explicitly realize the slight SMV drop as they’re in a relationship.
- You’ll be target of fewer sexual advances from women: Now I’m not saying all pussies will stay in check but your female attention from non-Lusty Homewreckers will never be as high as when single, all things being equal.
- You’ll subconsciously sexually mitigate your own thoughts, actions, and responses because you’re committed: This one is a no brainer—you aren’t gaming women in public with as much conviction as when single which results in less masculine pride and useful SMV improving receptions from said hotties.
Law 4: You play an expensive unprofitable game without an edge or ability to cashout
It’s been said before by far wiser than myself that relationships are restuarants, not banks.
That being repeated, I want to build upon Archwinger’s concept by explaining relationships don’t just eat your time and resources, you truly stand a shitty chance at “winning” anything before, during, and after it all ends.
Law 4a: Most men will have no edge in the game of relationships
Like gambling, your edge is your estimated advantage over your competition. In this case, hypergamy.
- You’re stupid to assume you’re attractive, strong, or lucky enough to be in the top 20% of all LTRs: Sure, you might believe you’re top 20% single alpha material (hell, half of /TRP assumes this). Yet LTR alphaness is binary—you’re merely “good enough” if you’re still fucking and you’ll only truly know where you actually stand when it’s already over.
- You’re stupid to assume you can “game” your way into the top 20% of all LTRs: Again, if you believe LTRs are pussy slaying mode on extra hard, then how can you confidently assume you’ll be better than the average alpha? They didn’t.
- You’re stupid to assume even if you did develop an edge, hypergamy would not demand even more: Like your own dick, it always wants more. And all your pussy slaying work has no relational equity because hypergamy doesn’t believe in it.
Law 4b: There’s no such thing as “winning” and “cashing out” in the game of relationships
When you were Blue, the goal of relationships was to get married and foster your soul mate courtship. Now that you’re Red, the only bet is hoping you can continue fucking for as long as possible without Unexpected Hamster Interference (UHI).
- Most relationships are doomed to fail: All those relationships you had prior to this unicorn? All those relationships your friends had before theirs? That’s right, they’re all dead. What makes you think this one is more special than the others? All relationships are like that (ARALT).
- Most relationships have no higher purpose to cashout for all the work: Since you’re Red, there is no endgame like a Blue marriage.
- Most relationships end up like a bad family vacation you TRY to forget: You pay time, energy, and money to enjoy yourself but at the end all the shit hits the fan tainting whatever memories you so dearly tried to create. You leave emptier than you started.
- Most relationships are an unprofitable hobby: You do it purely for the fun and sex but at the end you have no ability to monetize or extract lasting value to make up for your expenses because you rarely remain friends or even acquaintances with ex’s. Again, you leave emptier than you started.
Law 4c: Bancroft's note about Homely Hollys (HH: SMV 3-4) and Average Amys (AA: SMV 5)
- I know, there’s something to be said about committing to a woman with far less SMV than yourself. It’s a useful defense against hypergamy. Next to game and luck, maybe your best defense.
- But I don’t need to start pulling out examples of high SMV men having their low SMV women cheat on them.
- Anything can happen in the long term and that’s my point.
Law 5: You become physically dependent on the feel good chemicals she produces in your mind
Billy the Blue comes to believe fucking Post-Wall Wendy feels amazing because of their special soulmate connection.
Anyone the Redder understands Billy to be full of pussy whipped shit: Fucking and falling in love feels good because of certain “pleasure” chemicals (dopamine and serotonin) and “cuddle” hormones (oxytocin and vasopressin).
Red biology, not the Blue spiritual powers that be, determine whether or not you’ll like sticking your dick in a certain honey hole.
And Red biology, as a consequence, determines whether or not you’ll feel pain when that hole dries up or starts getting properly plugged by ThunderCock the Honey Badger.
Law 5a: The constant surge of pleasure chemicals create long term emotional adaptations to your motivation
The “emotional bond” we understand to be normal between lovers is nevertheless a basic chemical dependency, not unlike any other pleasurable drug addiction.
- Your judgement is influenced by easy access to pre-committed sex and intimacy: After a while, your reward pathology is skewed toward constantly refeeding from that source of pleasure. On a strictly chemical level, you’ll subconsciously prioritize your lady more than when single.
- Your enjoyment in all other activities is affected: The more you love your partner, the less you’ll need to fill in the emotional pleasure gaps everywhere else in your life. For many, this means you honestly won’t have the energy or desire to be finding new passions, plating new female “friends”, or forging deep relationships with fellow men. You know, cool masculine stuff.
Law 5b: The constant surge of cuddle hormones make you incredibly sensitive to just one specific woman’s actions
With certain drugs like cocaine, repeated intake does not only build tolerance but also long term adaptations that enable you to get higher for the same amount of substance. They call this phenomenon “sensitization”, and it applies here because as your brain becomes sensitized to your GFs good behavior like an addictive drug, it also becomes painfully exposed to her worst.
- Your emotional well being is reliant on a single woman’s best behavior: As your brain adapts to enjoy your GFs good behavior, it ultimately becomes reliant on this constant positive state. This means your happiness is in many ways tied directly to the very random and often solipsistic hamster driven actions of one individual female mind—AKA your GF.
- You’re emotionally distracted more than ever in a relationship: From little weekly annoyances to larger feminine fuck ups (FFU), an LTR slowly eats away at your emotional fortitude. No matter how alpha or how submissive she is—and all life commitments being equal—you’ll always be in some form of additional emotional compromise at any given moment compared to when single.
Law 6: You willingly accept a woman’s inherent mediocrity every day of your life
Women want to be treated like children. Women are actually children. Women are the most responsible teenagers in the house.
You’ve heard it before so I won’t go into detail about these classic analogical truths.
Instead, I’ll describe how these core RP beliefs play into committed relationships and their effect over your life.
Law 6a: You invest in someone who requires an emotional caretaker
Depending on how self-reliant she is, your energy will be spent either being the cool stoic shoulder to lean on or the impenetrable Rock of Gibraltar. And whether or not you like it, this parental role is draining.
- You’re never fucking anyone more than an adopted a teenager that requires supervision: If you want a steady supply of sex, you’ll be required to constantly make decisions, listen (of course, without interruption) to her problems, and of course feed her.
- You’re never going to receive more intimate care than you put in: Just like being a parent, this relationship is going to be lopsided when it comes to how much useful and empathetic support she sends your way.
- You’re never going to enjoy the caretaking as much as when you were Perfectly Blue: I’m sure you can name at least one guy in an LTR who’s beta as fuck but absolutely loves taking care of his woman. He’s what I call a “Relationship Masochist”, and they genetically get off on lopsided Blue LTRs. Fortunately but also unfortunately, you’re not that guy anymore. Right?
Law 6b: You invest in someone who’ll never have the same desire to change as yourself
Men have a hard time changing. Women have an even harder fucking time changing.
- You’re going up against generations of feminism and The Disney Princess Ideal: Even if she says she doesn’t want marriage, her entire gender wants it for her. She also was birthed to rarely back down from her innate sense of feminine privilege. Would you?
- You’re going up against a gender that has every reason to remain the status quo: She has more valid reasons to why it’s beneficial to continue acting like a child than reasons why she shouldn’t. Her “charm” and “personality” worked for every other guy she’s fucked so her Solipsistic Feminine Intuition (SFI) believes it must be correct for you. And she’s already earned your commitment, so why fix a hamster wheel that isn't broken?
Law 6c: You invest in someone with many worse personality traits than you’d tolerate in a male friend
My favorite pop quiz to ask my friends with shitty GFs is to ask them what they like most about her. Other than opening their legs and mouth, they always list off things that all our guy friends can do better without nearly as much parental oversight.
- Your testosterone mitigates her intrinsic stupidity: If you put a dick on all her cute ignorance and bashful feigns of affection, you’d think this person was fucking retarded, annoying, and should be riding the shortbus to school.
- Your ability to emotionally invest in other human beings such as close male friends is limited: Going back to Law #1, you just won’t have as much physical time and energy to put toward mentorship in men with arguably more upside than your GF.
- Your eventual wellbeing will be affected, for better or worse, by the daily interactions with her second-rate personality: They always say you’ll become most like the five people you spend the most time with, and in an LTR, one of those is always going to be a woman.
Closing: It’s more than who you want to fuck, it’s how you want live
The real irony of many of my points disclosed here is that for many of the Blue and Beta that live amongst us, they aren’t drawbacks at all—they’re actually benefits.
And when you take a look at them again, you’ll see that for the Blue, Beta, and Desperate (BBD), they’d honestly love all these drawbacks more than we dislike them.
There’s plenty of secretly desperate and thirsty men who have no meaningful or enjoyable life that they are more than willing to embrace every single drawback of an LTR and sadly then lie to themselves rationalizing that this is the morally right way to live.
Why?
Because for them, any time spent with someone—no matter how immature or worthless they come to be—is time spent away from the excruciating daily acceptance of what’s been right square in front of them all this time:
Their own insecurities.
