Published 08/17/21 by deeplydisturbed [1 Comments]

This is going to be controversial , but it needs to be said. So let's get this party started.

NAWALT. Yeah, that's right. I said it. However....Bear with me.

AWALT.

WTF do I mean?

Let's consider Junior and Juniorette. Two children being raised by a good man.

Dad's Message to Juniorette:

Dear Daughter,

As you grow and develop, boys are going to become more interested in you. You are going to start having powerful feelings that seem odd, scary, and exciting all at the same time. Just about everyone goes through some version of this.

We have already talked about the birds and the bees, so now its time for the next level conversation.

Some boys, let's say 10% of them, are dangerous. They have not been taught to control their sexual and romantic urges. Or they were raised by aggressive fathers who acted like predatory animals around women. Or they were raised by single mothers who allowed those bad men in their lives. However they learned this, they did.

And because of this, you must be on your guard. You have to assume that ALL MEN are like that, even though it is only 10%. So:

Never go anywhere alone with a boy unless you are ready, willing, and able to have sex (and don't forget what your mom and me explained about STD, pregnancy etc)
Never go anywhere alone with strange men, like to a party, unless you have a designated driver or another sober friend to keep an eye out for you.
Never do drugs with men around. In fact, never do drugs
Never leave your drink unattended in a bar - or anywhere for that matter.
Be situationally aware. Keep an eye out as you go for a walk or a run in the park. Keep an eye out for strange acting/looking characters.
Trust your judgment. Those bad feelings in your gut? LISTEN to them and GTFO of there ASAP.
Etc.

I love you and I know you will do well with this advice. But above all, please remember this: NOT all men are like that. But you have to ASSUME they are because of the 10%. Good luck out there.

Love,

Dad

Dad's Typical Message to Junior:

Dear Son,

Good luck out there buddy. Buckle up, don't drive drunk, and be sure to wear a condom if you have sex. And remember - respect women. No means no.

Have fun!

Love,

Dad

I know some of you will chime in with corrections to the above. it is not literal, so have at it. It is an incomplete dumbed down version of the exact messages we send to our boys and girls in the world.

And it is problematic to say the least.

Here is my proposed message to Junior:

Dad's REVISED Message to Junior:

Dear Son,

As you grow and develop, girls are going to become more interested in you. You are going to start having powerful feelings that seem odd, scary, and exciting all at the same time. Just about everyone goes through some version of this.

We have already talked about the birds and the bees, so now its time for the next level conversation.

Some girls, let's say 80% of them, are dangerous to you. They have not been taught to control their hypergamous, predatory female urges. Or they were raised by aggressive mother who acted like predatory animals around men. Or they were raised by mothers who allowed weak men in their lives. However they learned this, they did.

And because of this, you must be on your guard. You have to assume that ALL WOMEN are like that, even though it is only 80%. So:

Never go anywhere alone with a woman unless you are ready, willing, and able to handle the consequences of her getting pregnant and owning you for the rest of your life (not it doesn't end when you stop paying child support. And don't forget what your mom and me explained about STD's etc.)
Never go anywhere alone with strange woman, like to a party, unless you have a designated driver or another sober friend to keep an eye out for you.
Never do drugs with women around. They can and will film you and bring that shit up 30 years from now if you become successful. In fact, never do drugs
Never leave your drunk friends unattended in a bar - or anywhere for that matter.
Be situationally aware. Keep an eye out for women who are drunk and dancing around like an sexually frustrated chimpanzee. Keep an eye out for strange acting/looking characters in general.
Trust your judgment. Those bad feelings in your gut? LISTEN to them and GTFO of there ASAP.
Etc.

I love you and I know you will do well with this advice. But above all, please remember this: NOT all women are like that. But you have to ASSUME they are because of the 80% who ARE like that. Good luck out there.

Love,

Dad

Have a good day men.

Be safe out there.

[1 Comments]

On Jealousy

Published 07/10/21 by deeplydisturbed [1 Comments]

Someone recently asked me about jealousy and here is my response.

I consider jealousy to be among the biggest red flags there is in dating.

If I feel jealous, which has been extremely rare for me, I end the relationship. Unless it is a fleeting feeling that comes and goes for 5 minutes or so and never comes back, I listen to and trust my instincts.

There are only a few explanations for this feeling. Either,

She is purposely trying to make you feel jealous. One must NEVER tolerate such games, even in a casual relationship. And a man should certainly never purposely make a woman feel this way either - it goes both ways. That old advice about making a man jealous to bring him closer is evil and wrong.

She is unaware that she is doing things that led to these feelings. If so, then it is her basic nature and it will like never end. Perhaps she is unaware of what proper boundaries look like in a committed relationship, or perhaps she has a different view. Either way, it's not a good fit. If you express this to her, she just may change in the short run to keep you around, but the issue will raise its ugly head again sooner or later. She will also likely label you in her mind as either controlling or insecure, depending on how you handle it

She is not doing anything “wrong” at all, and you are jealous anyway. If she is NOT the one making you feel this way, and you have no good reason to be jealous, then it is YOU who is the problem. You are either incapable of handling any relationship at the moment, or you are not a fit for this particular woman. Maybe she is simply beautiful and gets a lot of attention and you feel threatened. Whatever the reason, the problem is YOU.

So no matter the scenario, the relationship should end right there, before real long term emotional damage is inflicted.

Unfortunately, there are usually few clues that this may be an issue, until there IS an issue. But one can find hints, especially in a dating profile or in early dates. For example, when a woman says "I don't like jealous/insecure/controlling men" This is very telling.

When a woman mentions anything about jealousy it can be a HUGE red flag. Women who experience jealous men in multiple relationships tend to have loose boundaries - or they are straight up cheaters or players.

We say more about ourselves with such statements than we may realize. It is like when a woman says “I am tired of losers” or “I am done with players,” she is telegraphing the fact that she has dated almost exclusively losers and players until now and she regrets it. She just may not realize that this is the message she is inadvertently communicating - whether this is true or not, it is a reasonable assumption and good men steer clear of such women.

Conversely, any man who would be jealous of a good woman is a probably a damaged man, or he is simply not ready for a serious relationship. Why would a man be jealous if his woman were being completely above board? If she is not keeping orbiters around in the background, and she not lie, cheat, party a lot, flirt, or work in a very male-dominated field, then why would her man be jealous?

Another issue is the insecure vs. controlling conversation.

Controlling is not something a man should be or do. It is a sign of weakness in my view. On the other hand, I have felt insecure in relationships before – not insecure in MYSELF, but about her and us together, and insecure about the future. This is an important distinction to make. This is also important because once you start thinking about marriage; literally your whole life is on the line. So there is good reason to experience huge caution in those moments.

At any rate, controlling and insecurity are not often found together. Controlling is an aggressive take on the situation, whereas expressing insecurity is borderline passive.

No matter the woman or the circumstances, if you hear or read this sort of language, you should see these as warnings, not complaints.

Conclusion

Jealousy is the easiest canary-in-a-coalmine indicator of trouble there is. Most people who have experienced jealousy never want to feel that way again. So don't! If you feel serious jealousy, end that relationship ASAP, because either:

You have NO reason to feel that way, which means that you are not emotionally equipped to handle a relationship at that time. Besides, why torture someone you claim to love with jealous feelings? That would be cruel and unfair to her; or

You DO have good reason to feel that way, which means she does not respect you or the relationship, or she simply has no clue how to maintain healthy appropriate boundaries.

So if you ever feel jealous, it is a signal that the end is near - no matter the cause. It is up to you to have the courage to leave before it festers. No insecurity, no controlling, just calm rational decision making. Better yet, why not be assertive and let your woman know this up front, so she knows who she is dealing with. Tell her you are not the jealous type, not insecure, and not controlling, so if you ever feel that way, you will walk away immediately. I have done this and it works.

Jealousy is among the most toxic horrible feelings a person can feel, and there should be no room for it in a loving, wholesome, committed relationship. It is either you or her – but either way, it is a bad sign that usually does not end well.

[1 Comments]