You decide:

In a mid-sized town, somewhere in America there lived a family. The youngest boy was named Butch. The family was a troubled one – Dad had been in an out of work due to a combination of alcohol and a lack of transferrable skills. After his factory closed, there were simply no jobs for men in his shows. As of late, he had fallen into a deep depression and spent most of his days ranting talking about how “the system is stacked against the working man” to whomever would listen. He and his wife had been divorced for a few years now, but he would visit from time to time.

Butch’s mother was always angry too. She was the prototypical Karen type – haircut and all. She got by on her ability to bully, cajole, or shame people into letting her get her way. She was also very well versed in collecting public assistance of various sorts. Her latest travail was convincing the local Section 8 Housing people that her house, which she inherited from her father, was in fact not hers, but her family’s, so she still needed to pay rent. The application was pending last anyone checked. Ms. Butch's mom was also a strong intendent single mother - and proud of it.

Butch had three older brothers. The eldest was broody and quiet mostly. He would ignore the younger three – if they did something he of which he did not approve, he would give them a beat down. Not like a street fight, punch in the face and draw blood sort of ass-kicking. He just made sure to leave a bruise on an arm or leg to make sure the lesson stuck for a few days. His approach worked well.

Butch, being the youngest, escaped most of the “lessons” since the older one tended to protect him from the middle two. The dynamics of four boys was more complicated than most folks would understand. This would sound like a good thing. At least one of the boys would be spared this cycle of “lessons” and “discipline”. But it had a somewhat unexpected effect. It made Butch a little tyrant out in town. He could do and say just about anything and even adults would give him wide berth. After all, his mom was THE Karen about town, and the boys were, let’s just say, loyal to their family.

Since he had not yet hit puberty, he was still relatively tame. He was a huge risk taker and was actually quite charismatic, despite his rough edges. But one thing he had in his corner was intelligence. Not worldly knowledge, or wisdom, but when he spoke about something he usually had his facts straight. This was unusual for kids his age, so he looked pretty smart to most kids. He could never back up his arguments, nor did he ever consider the fact that there might be legitimate alternate views (after all, he was just a kid) but most kids listened when he spoke, which gave him a pretty good amount of influence with his peers.

For the past two years during the summer months, Butch had been roaming around town with his small band of friends on weekends looking for things to do. By the end of last summer his crew had grown quite large. They were not always in one place at the same time, but about a third of the town’s kids considered them a member of the “Butch Bunch”. They despised this term, but they embraced it when Old Man Smith called them that after he caught a few picking apples from the tree in his yard. “Get the HHHHHell out of here you punks! And don’t come back here you… B B Butch Bunch.” He was struggling for words while trying to avoid using expletives, which made the moniker absolutely hilarious. So it stuck.

In late June of last summer, a buzz was in the air. One of Butch’s brothers picked up a carload of fireworks from another state in which they were legal. He gave a few boxes to each brother and made them promise to pay for them. They could charge whatever they wanted, but he wanted to be paid back at least what he paid. Within a week he was quickly reimbursed and even made a small profit with his own stash with plenty of fireworks to spare. Butch easily did the same with the Bunch. After all, what kid did not like to play with fireworks?

Mom knew what was happening. She watched as Butch left the house with an armful of explosives, and all she could muster was “Be careful with those kid, you’ll blow your eye out”

The neighbor lady watched on in disgust. She was one of those stuffy patriotic old people who hated fun, so suffice it to say, Butch was not a fan. His mom often claimed that she was judgmental, despite her never really saying much. "you can tell just by looking at her" mom would say.

As evening closed in, as summer evenings do. The smell of wet earth and honeysuckle filled the cooling air (or was it Jasmine – it was hard to tell). In the center of town was the local park. From above, it looked like the hub of a wheel with all streets leading to it. Back when the town was founded, it was thought by the Urban Planners that having a central location like this would encourage neighbors to mingle on evenings such as this and get to know each other. Also being at the very center of town gave it that “heart of town” sort of vibe. It also made for a safe location, as opposed to other parks that were out of the way and a bit darker.

Despite the initial intentions, it was mostly a working class park, mixed with younger Professionals. People did not know what the word “gentrification” meant, but small waves of recent college grads found the town to be charming and affordable. They also agreed with the working class folks there.Things needed to change, and the system was indeed stacked against the poor folks – just like their professors had taught them. This place was living proof.

On this particular evening, there was a larger than usual showing of the Butch Bunch. Fireworks time was here and it was going to be awesome. As the kids were setting up and discussing how to get this done, a few older people walked by and almost all of them warned the kids.

“Please children, be careful” one older man said. He was met with mumbles that sounded like “sure old man, go back to yer porn stash” or some other crude remark. It was hard to make it out from all the grumbling. The boys chuckled as the man continued to shuffle his way home.

One of the local moms from a block away knew most of the kids. As she walked by she said hello and some of the kids repeated the greeting. “What are you boys up to?”

“Nothing. Just chilling” Butch replied. The woman could clearly see the fireworks. “Boys, you should not be playing with fireworks…” They knew this was coming, so they pretended to listen. This lady was pretty cool, so they did not want to be mean to her. “…you could lose a finger. ”The boys said nothing; Butch just gave a thumbs up as fished around his pocket for a lighter. “Where the hell did I put that thing...”

Within the hour, it seemed that half the town knew that loud noises were coming. Some even resorted to taking their dogs for a long car ride out of town. They figured it would last about an hour or so. This was common around the 4^th of July, so there was no escaping it. It always seemed to start early around this town for some reason.

As predicted, someone called the police. The boys expected as much, so earlier they decided that they would hide the stash on the far side of the park in the bushes. One kid would stand watch just in case. The rest would get one batch of fireworks, set it off, and then quietly disperse. Each made sure to not leave any evidence. If no police came, they would go for round 2 and so on.

As it turned out, by round 5, a police car turned the corner. Due to the layout of the park, one could easily see in 360 degrees, so any approaching car was immediately visible and identifiable. As planned the kids dispersed.

Officer Mann approached Butch, who was sitting on a seesaw with a few of the Bunch. “What’s going on fellas” he exclaimed. Usually this was a question, but when Mann asked questions, they usually sounded like a statement of fact. “Nothing much Officer Mann. We’re just chillin” offered Butch.

“Chillin. Hmm. I am going to guess that none of you saw who set off the fireworks then.” Again, a questions in the form of a declaration. “No sir. We saw the fireworks, they were awesome. But we were sitting here. All we saw were the fireworks, so whoever did it must have run” offered Butch. “Riiight. Alright men, you know my job is to make sure people don’t get hurt if I can, and you also know that fireworks are dangerous. I also bet that you have been warned about this repeatedly, right? (Again, with the question-statement) So if something goes wrong and I have to come back with EMS – you know, the ambulance, you will have only yourselves to blame. Tell me you understand what I just said”

“Yessir” they all promised. “I will be back in an hour and you will not be here when I get back, tell me you understand what I just said”

They offered the obligatory “Yessir”

As Officer Mann walked away, they all agreed; Mann was a pain in the ass, but he was pretty badass. He had a cool tattoo in script on his arm that said “Semper Fi’ right next to a long scar. Also, he would lecture them from time to time, but he did his best to leave people be. Butch thought that one day he too may join the Army and then become a cop like Mann. How did he get that scar? He wondered. And what did those Greek words mean?

The boys were down to their last box of blockbusters and about two dozen heavy duty bottle rockets. Some folks called them M80’s, while others argued that they were two different things. Since the package said “Military Grade Fun” the boys didn’t care. These things were going to make some BOOM happen. "Shits Gonna Get Lit" was the motto of the day.

For some reason, a few of the townsfolk gathered around to see the show. Nothing bad had happened yet, and besides, the boys seemed to have a pretty good system- light, run, hide, enjoy. It seemed safe and methodical to them! All in all there were about 20-25 folks in the area, including spectators. It was getting a bit late, but the timing was just about right – the older folks and babies were all just about hitting the hay.

Butch stepped up as if he were the mayor. “Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Military Grade BIG BOOM extravaganza!” The boys all laughed, and some of the adults even clapped. The kid was entertaining if nothing else.

Butch grabbed the first M80 in the package. He smartly stepped away from the stash and told everyone to step back. As he lit the M80 the fuse flashed way too quickly – it was almost instantaneous. Pure reflexes took over and he tossed it wildly.

The M80 rolled right over to the stash and the whole thing began to go off.

Officer Mann got the first call from a frantic woman on her cellphone. Shortly thereafter about 6 calls came in quick succession. He called the local EMS squad and he and his partner raced to the scene. Upon arrival, the place looked like a terrorist attack. In fact, that was his first instinct and he could not help but look around. In Iraq, folks would set off an explosion, and when the marines came in to help or assess the situation, a secondary explosion would take out the response team. “You are home Mann, relax” he had to tell himself. He had to do this quite often since his separation from active duty.

It took about 90 minutes to clear the scene. Everyone corroborated the story. It was a freak accident and Butch was not to blame. Nonetheless, Mann scooped up three of the boys, along with Butch and delivered them to their parents. “We will contact you on Monday about potential charges”

“CHARGES! Are you INSANE! He is just a freaking KID! What’s wrong with you!” Butch’s mom screamed. She hated police. They were always in the area, and it made her feel like a criminal. They were always just cruising around “trying to catch one of us poor white trash with our pants down” she would often say. She despised all cops with a passion.

The following day, the newspaper contained the following article:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Pre July 4^th Celebration Leads to Injuries.

APA NEWS WIRE LOCAL. June 32^nd.

A small gathering of locals in town center last evening became a blood bath after a freak accident involving defective fireworks. Approximately twenty two spectators were witness to the event that some described as a “massacre”. A local boy, whose name was not divulged due to his age, was innocently setting off a firework when the explosive device misfired and led to a cascade of secondary explosions involving a nearby box of firecrackers.

The Officer on the Scene, Officer Mann, had no comment. But others expressed deep concerns about the incident. One woman, who refused to be identified exclaimed “Where are the police in this? They were earlier and just let these kids go. He should have stopped this and he didn’t He should be fired if you ask me. The police in this town do absolutely nothing for the community”

Others express concern over the quality of the fireworks, which police have identified as being made in China. “All this cheap Chinese crap is the real problem here.” Complained another local man who witnessed the scene. “Back in my day, we had sex, drugs, and rock and roll – and freedom. But our last so called ‘president’ allowed his Chinese friends to tell these dangerous assault explosives to children. I hope his supporters are happy.”

The local hospital admitted half a dozen people for injuries that ranged from missing fingers to mild facial burns. The worst injury involved a young boy who lost sight in his right eye from a bottle rocket that went off in the secondary explosion nearby.

At a press conference, the local District Attorney took aim at Federal Law Enforcement. “This is the third time this year in this state alone in which fireworks have injured children. If border control would stop its racist policies of apprehending innocent people seeking a better life, and paid closer attention to the dangerous goods crossing our border, we might be able to avoid scenes like the one we saw here tonight. Our best wishes go out to the injured and their families. We have set up a counseling tent to help those emotionally traumatized by this horrible accident.”

There was no word as to how the children obtained the fireworks. “Details are still emerging and the investigation is ongoing, so I can offer no further comments.” said the DA when questioned by a reporter.

_________________________________________________

In the following days and weeks, the incident was all people could talk about. The town seemed to be divided into three camps. The first did not have any comment. They had their lives and did not pay much attention to local affairs. The second camp was planning a protest outside the Mayor’s office. They wanted justice for the faulty fireworks and the botched response of law enforcement.

The third camp all shared about the same perspective. It was best summed up in a post that got the largest number of comments any of them had seen over a local matter.

What happened was tragic. But where were these kids’ parents? There is a whole chain of events that preceded this tragedy, but all people can do is spin and lay the blame on law enforcement and the Chinese government. If we keep going after the symptoms and keep avoiding the root issues, we will keep seeing this over and over. I remember growing up seeing a commercial that said 'It’s 10PM, do you know where your children are?' I guess we need those again because people are just letting their kids run rampant. The parents are to blame, and any other adult that let these kids’ bad behavior slide for years now. Wake up folks.

Signed: Ms_Jones_1776

This comment led to a virtual civil war in town. In retort, the most “liked” comment said:

Uh, racism much there Ms_Jones? Just because you have a decent job and were lucky enough to have children who were born good, does not mean that we are sub-humans. Go ahead and call us “white trash” because that’s what everyone knows is on your lips.

These children are VICTIMS. Victims of a system that lets dangerous MILITARY GRADE WEAPONS get into the hands of children. The last president is directly responsible for this!

And the Police – don’t even get me started. If you leave your garbage can out for more than a few hours, you get a ticket. But save some kids life? Ha! They got no time for that, they are too busy jacking the working class for petty tickets to make money for this corrupt government.

And don’t even get me started on the Mayor. He is less than worthless.

Uneducated ignorant people like YOU are the problem "Ms. patriot". How are people like you even allowed on this site. I will be contacting the Admins about your hateful bigotry.

Signed: Butch’s mom

The Ms_Jones_1776 post was reported for “hate speech” and was promptly removed. Most people who read the post after that defended Butch’s Mom. Most agreed that a variety of biases were at the root cause of this tragedy. Those who were on the fence were afraid to speak out, in fear of being censored like Ms_Jones.

_________________________________________________

Shortly thereafter, State Lawmakers proposed a new law that would hold neighbors liable for injuries that happened within 100 yards of their homes. One legislator stated on the house floor:

"Grown adults should not just sit idly by as young children are exploited by a broken system. This bill will give injured parties the equity they deserve when negligence like this gets out of control. The name of the Bill is "The Child Safety and Reporting Act" which includes a provision for rewards for those who can identify neighbors who witness such events in the future so they can be brought to justice"

The latest reports indicated that there was widespread support for the bill.

Dan and Lisa has been married for 20 years and had two children.

By all accounts, they were a wholesome and happy family, and a loving couple. It had been a relatively quiet month; the bills were paid, their two teenage kids were doing well in school, and they had recently had an enjoyable vacation.

Lisa was a teacher. She had a great schedule – she was home by 4pm most days, she had summers off, incredible benefits, good retirement plan, and great holiday breaks. After a few years of working, she found the work repetitive and boring - and stressful. Middle School kids were the worst, and she would often complain when she got home.

Dan was a financial analyst at a large investment bank. He worked extra hard in college, taking any internship he could find, and avoiding the typical party scene (for the most part). After a decade of hard work he landed an amazing position. The work was insanely difficult, and the days were long – he would often leave work at 7:00PM or later and get home after dark. It was also competitive; younger talent is always a threat - they are easy to train and WAY cheaper. But Dan was on his game, and this was how he paid his dues. He had a good shot at upper management once he completed his MBA.

They were chatting after dinner one evening, and as the evening’s discussion evolved, Dan noticed a difference in Lisa’s usual upbeat demeanor.

"Babe, what’s wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing, why do you ask?"

"You just seem a bit distracted."

"Oh, it’s nothing. Nothing worth mentioning".

"I am here if you want to talk about it."

"It's fine."

"Okay. I love you".

The next day, they slept in – Saturdays were awesome! They both rolled out of bed at about the same time, went downstairs, toilet, coffee, and social media check in – average American stuff. No kid’s sports today and no other obligations, so it looked like this would be a relaxing day.

Dan mentioned a few chores he wanted to get around to. The back door latch was acting up again, the car needed new wiper blades, and there were like 3 light bulbs out. The weather was decent, so he figure he would also get some yard work done as well. They also agreed to go food shopping together later that afternoon. For some odd reason, Dan liked food shopping with her. Clothes shopping was an entirely different story!

So after a slow morning, a good breakfast and a few cups of coffee, Dan took a shower, got dressed and headed outside. After about two hours of work, he put the tools away in the shed and came inside, to find Lisa looking frustrated.

Babe, you good?

"Yeah, I just have so much to do. It’s frustrating because I just want to relax on the weekends. Every day it seems like there is dinner, and kids homework, and then chauffer duty on the weekends to soccer and baseball games. It never ends!"

"Hey babe, take a deep breath. It sucks, I hear you. Do you need help with anything?"

No. It’s okay. I haven’t started anything yet – besides, I have so much to do I am not even sure where to start.

Okay, I will be changing the light bulbs and then I plan to get on the door knob.

Lisa did not appear to hear that last bit. She seemed to just check out while he was talking and started walking away. She did that sometimes when she was stressed, and Dan knew that it is best to just let her go. So off he went to round two of repairs.

He had to run to Home Depot to pick up a new door knob. That old one was just beat. He also stopped by the Auto Parts store to get the windshield wipers. While he was there he also got oil and a filter. It was past time to get this done. So while the weather was good, he took advantage.

He got back home, arms full of bags. Once inside, he noticed Lisa meandering around looking annoyed.

"Hey babe. I just stopped and got us some lunch. I got your favorite riiiiight here".

Lisa scoffed. "I’m not hungry right now."

"What’s up?"

"I cannot find my bank card."

"Okay, I assume you checked your wallet and purse. Did you check the car seat. I must do that like twice a month. I’ll go check.

Dan goes out to her car, opens the door and pokes around and – lo and behold, the card was under the drivers’ side seat. Same place he finds random stuff whenever he loses it.

He walks back inside triumphantly.

"Okay, WHO’S THE MAN! Go ahead, you can say it."

He is dangling the card in front of her. She scoffs and grabs it. "God, you’re so annoying sometimes."

"Woah, I am just being playful. You’re welcome." he replied with playful sarcasm.

"Yeah, well I still have to figure out where to start. I have like 10 pairs of old shoes that have to be donated, I need a haircut, and I really need a mani-pedi. I am starting to look like a troglodyte."

"Well, I am not sure what a troglodyte is, but you are a HOT troglodyte. As he grabs her waist, he growls in her ear…."

"Stop. I’m serious." She smiles, but contemptuously. She knows he is being playful and trying, but she is just stressed for some reason.

"Okay. Well, like I said, if you need any help…"

"Okay. Thanks. I ‘ll let you know."

A few minutes later, Lisa grabs her purse and wallet and yells upstairs to him. Babe, I am headed to the salon, I’ll be back in a few.

"Okay babe. See you later. I love you!"

"Love you too, she mumbles."

A few hours pass. Dan had swapped out the windshield wiper blades, changed the oil and filter, changed the door knob, and changed all of the dead light bulbs. By then the yard was raked and looking sharp and he even found time to prune the hedges. What a productive day. It felt great!

So he went upstairs, took a second shower, and got dressed. It was about 3:30 and Lisa was still out. He called her on cell, but he got voicemail. “She’s probably under one of those dryer things” he thought.

He then answered a few work emails, picked up his daughter who was at a friends house all day, and fed the dog. He also decided that he would make dinner tonight. Maybe the right bottle of wine would help. So he calls Lisa again to ask her to pick up a bottle or two of their favorite on the way home. This time she picks up.

"Hey babe. How you doing?"

"Good. I am in a rush, what’s up?"

I am starting dinner and we could use a bottle of wine. Why don’t you pick up two bottles on the way back. Lisa sighed loudly and said “ FINE. I have to go. Talk to you later”

This attitude thing was starting to grate on Dan at this point.

He stopped what he was doing as he zoned out looking out the back window into their beautiful yard. How many days has it been like this? If you had asked him last month, he would tell you that Lisa rarely acted like this. Now he realizes that she was ALWAYS like this – mostly on the weekends though. He snapped out of it. He realized that if a man dwells on his partners negatives, that will cause a bad mindset that may never be undone. So he thought of how she would look with a new hairdo. He loved her and he thought she was beautiful – no matter the hair cut. "I hope she didn't cut it too short" he thought to himself.

Dinner was simmering on the stove – spaghetti and meatballs. His favorite. Kids were both upstairs playing video games and the dog was looking out the back door for murders - and squirrels. Especially squirrels.

Lisa’s car could be heard pulling up.

Dan had the table set, and dinner was almost ready. Surely this would all cheer her up. Dan felt great.

As she walked in, Dan walked over and kissed her check.

“Let me see” he said.

See what?

Your hair. Take the hat off!

"Oh, I never got it cut. I got my nails done, and then wound up shopping around for clothes for the kids."

Oh. Ok. He thought to himself “that took all day?” but let it go.

"What! "She asked defensively.

What do you mean ‘what’? I didn’t say anything.

"Yeah, but I can tell from the look on your face that you are pissed."

"Pissed! Hell no, I am in a great mood. But you need to calm down. I have been patient and you have been a jerk all day long pretty much. So knock it off. I can be a dick too if you want to go there."

He slightly regretted the snap, but felt better for having let it out.

Lisa huffed and stormed off. "I CANNOT believe this!"

“Great” he thought. "Here we go again. And the day was going so well."

In that moment, he realized that his romantic plan for the evening suddenly felt stupid. There would be no sex tonight – she was clearly sending out those “no” signals, but either way he suddenly felt mildly repulsed by her behavior.

Then he stopped. He looked at the calendar trying to remember when her last period was. Every man who is with a woman for more than a year or two, knows this pattern.

No, she should be past that week. What’s with her? That nagging feeling hit his gut – but he ignored it. He had heard stories from friends, family, and men on the internet. Their woman starts acting funny one day, and before you know it she is cheating and he is alone, broke, and living in a one bedroom apartment wondering what went wrong.

“Don’t let that get in your head Dan. Lisa’s not like that. She would never” he tried to convince himself.

He took a deep breath, called everyone down for dinner and they ate.

The kids cleaned up and Lisa and Dan sat there with a glass of wine in hand.

Dan broke the ice.

I had an awesome day today. I got so much done. My to do list almost got wiped out. You would think I’d be tired, but I feel great.

"Great. Must be nice to be you."

"Babe, what the hell. I am just trying to be nice. What the hell did I do to set you off? Is this about whatever last night was?"

"Are you sure you want to know?"

"Of course. Whatever it is, let’s hear it."

"Okay, we agreed to go shopping and we still have not gone. I missed my hair appointment, drove around looking for parking, the nail salon was packed and the lady who did my nails nicked my cuticle and now it hurts like hell. THEN, you didn’t even think to ask me if I even wanted spaghetti and meatballs. To top it off, you are running around here having a good old time doing things YOU want to do, while I am out there dealing with morons all day. I am fucking sick of it!"

"Wait, sick of what?"

"Sick of you always being in this great mood when I am miserable. You have fun at work all day when I have to deal with annoying hormonal children, and you expect me to come home in a good mood?"

Shit. She said that quiet part out loud.

"Babe, you are home like 2-3 hours before I get here. Every. Single. Day. That isn’t enough time to calm down?"

"How can I when the kids always need something – it’s always some shit. Everyone is so selfish, but I always put myself last and no one seems to see it."

Dan stops and listens as she goes on for another few minutes about how hard her life is, and how easy everyone else has it. Her voice begins to sound like a Peanut's teacher, as it slowly fades. He is trying to pay attention, but suddenly he realizes that it was THIS shit that weighed most heavily on him. Weeks and months of work, the physical labor in the yard, the tossing kids overhead to make them laugh, the home repairs - all of it somehow actually GAVE him energy. This woman was sapping it like a vampire.

Her voice fades back in “….THEN you have the balls to ask ME to get wine!?Like what the fuck – you couldn’t have driven there yourself? Just ‘aaahhhhh!I am so over this shit.”

Dan sat there. For some reason, it just occurred to him that this sort of rant was more common than he realized. In fact, most weekends were something like this. Getting ready for vacations, visiting the parents, school events, and even the birth of their children. Everything was a crisis.

**And every time she ranted like this, he felt fear. Yes, that was it. He was afraid. Because every single time she got like this, his immediate instinct was to reassure her. Because if her mood did not change, then that would mean bad things. Her being mad was a clever low key threat - a threat that could lead to divorce, loneliness, and destitution.**

But suddenly he did not feel that fear. He felt annoyed. No, HE felt anger. He realized that he had been deluding himself all these years. He slowly fell into the “happy wife, happy life” sort of arrangement without realizing it, and he suddenly felt foolish. Actually he felt pathetic. This feeling was not good and he knew it.

Now HE was pissed. The exact version of pissed he had hoped she would never feel. The DEEP permanent kind. He knew himself well and he knew this was not good.

It had not always been this way. They got along great for most of their marriage. It is like when she hit 45 years old, she became a different person. In recent times, after a big argument, he would lay awake late at night looking at her sleep. It was an odd sort of feeling, as if an alien had taken over her body and it was mocking him for his inability to do anything about it. This is such a bizarre thing to think, he thought to himself. But that’s exactly how it felt. This alien would berate, annoy, provoke, and disrespect him from time to time, and after every episode, he came to realize that he would never see his wife again.

This new person was in control of his wife's body. And this person seemed to despise him.

Yes, the fear was gone, and it was replaced with anger. But he knew that he had to control that. “Never make life changing decisions based on temporary feelings” his father had told him many times. It was times like these that he missed his Dad. He didn’t realize how right Dad had been about so many things. He wished he could say sorry and hug him, but Dad passed a few years ago. It was just him, alone in this situation.

As he sat there on that Saturday night with a half full glass of wine, he felt numb. How did we get here?

He went off to sleep on the sofa.

The next morning, Lisa was silent. No words were exchanged, no “good morning babe”, or even “hey”. Nothing. Just coldness.

He decided to look at his To Do list. There were no sports events, no family things, and certainly no couples things. He decided that he needed to attend to the kids. They must feel the vibe in the house. This was not their fault, and he would not pass this sort of toxicity onto his children. “Over my dead body” he thought.

So he called the kids down and asked if they wanted to go out and do something. A few ideas were tossed around – they really wanted to get back to their electronics, but deep inside they knew Dad was trying and they knew family time was important. They wanted this too. So they all agreed to bowling. Dan went up to Lisa, who was puttering around the bedroom.

“Hey. We are going bowling. Would you like to join us?”

REALLY? After all this crap yesterday? What do you expect me to say to that Dan?

“You can either say 'yes', or 'no'.

"Well then, NO. I have things to do here." She snapped.

"Okay, as you wish."

And off they went to the bowling alley. Despite the fact that none of them had really wanted to go bowling, they actually had a great time. The family time allowed Dan to forget about things for a while and enjoy some wholesome time with the kids. They were growing up so fast. People used to say that all the time when HE was little; “OMG Danny, you are getting soooo big!” Now he got it. Kids really Do grow up fast. TOO fast.

After bowling they all agreed to visit the mall and get a few things. Shoes and sneakers seemed to be a monthly expense. They all split up and went in different directions. Two hours later they were back in the car and headed home.

Dan texted Lisa: “Hey. Headed home. Need anything?"

No response.

The ride home took about 15 minutes and they all laughed at a few memes together. This what life SHOULD be about. Dan felt a strong sense of pride in his two children. They were turning out to be amazing people and he started choking back tears. Was this the stress of the last few days, or were his hormones changing. “Fuck” he thought, “I hope I am not becoming a woman!” He smiled and avoided any actual tears. But he felt a warm buzz of bliss flow over him as they pulled into the driveway.

The minute the car turned off, the two kids got out - but he sat there. He did not want to go inside. This feeling hit him like a ton of bricks. He would rather literally break his leg than go back into that environment. But the kids were there and he felt suddenly extra protective. Lisa would never hurt the kids, but she might infect them with her attitude somehow.

It was 2:09PM on Sunday afternoon. A day he will never forget.

Lisa was sitting at the kitchen table. She seemed more angry than before.

He walked past her and she said “We need to talk”

“Uh oh” He thought. But he replied. “Yeah, we do”

Lisa spoke first. “Look Dan, I love you. You are a great father and a decent provider. But this has to stop.”

“what has to…”

“let me finish” she interrupted.

“In the past week, you have almost completely ignored me. You spent all day yesterday having fun doing your own thing, while I suffered with a pile of crap. Today you leave without me to have fun with the family. Did you think I might feel excluded?

“But I ASKED you!”

“Yeah, but only AFTER the decision had been made”

“Well, I went with bowling because the kids picked it. You know how hard it is to get those two to agree on ANYTHING. It was their family day – not mine or yours. They are a part of this family too Lisa.”

“stop changing the subject. This is about you and all the things you do that make me feel left out and like I am doing all this by myself”

“Woah. Back the fuck up. I am a patient man, but what the fuck are you talking about”

I just spent the whole day cleaning out closets. The kids have clothes that needed to be donated. The attic had summer and winter clothes, so they needed to be swapped out. Not to mention I had to go to the store by myself after WE agreed we would BOTH go”

Dan chimed in “You didn’t tell me you were even going. How the hell was I supposed to know?”

“yeah, well while you were off gallivanting with the kids having a good time, someone has to take care of this house. It’s like you are so clueless about what happens around here. It drives me nuts!”

Dan let his shoulders fall. He felt tense and a headache was coming on. She was riling him up again, and that had to stop. So he breathed deeply and asked.

“Ok. Fair enough. What other things do you feel I ignore around the house”

“everything” she said.

He nodded. He realized what was happening. Lisa was completely oblivious to all that he did and why he did it. It might as well be a ghost doing all the things he did around the house. It was all for nothing. Well, at least as far as the marriage was concerned. Such is the life of a father and husband. He knew this, but to be on the receiving end of such contempt was just too much. He wasn’t looking for recognition, or praise, or even thanks; but why such contempt and anger?

What the hell was happening right now. He felt lost. How do we close this gap?

“Come with me” he said. “I will meet you in the car”

“Where are we going?

"Get in the car”

They told the kids they would be back in a while and off they drove into the fall afternoon.

He decided to take a few back roads through a quiet area outside of town. There were a few farms and lots of greenery. He needed to relax.

“Lisa. I love you very much. I have from the very beginning. We have been together a long time and we know each other very well. I need you to tell me what is happening. And I need the truth. I promise I will not interrupt.”

“Ok. I have already said what I have to say. I feel unappreciated”

“Oh you do. Okay. Anything else?"

“The division of chores feels unfair to me. It's like you expect me to work full time and come home and be this little housekeeper wifey woman, and that is just not me”

"First of all, your career was well under way when we met, so working full time is all on you. You know you can stop any time. And the housework seems fair to me"

"I don't see it that way": she retorted.

“Really. How?”

“Well you only do dishes 2-3 days a week for starters”

“Yes, and the kids do them 2-3 days as well, leaving ONE day a week for you”

“Okay fine. What about laundry”

Dan knew where this was going.

“Lisa, yesterday I spent the entire day working my ass off to make our house a home. I fixed everything I could. And I did it with a smile. My entire day was spent working, while you went out shopping and getting your nails done for YOU. Do you remember two weeks ago, and the week before that AND THE FUCKING MONTHS AND YEARS BEFORE THAT! What you are saying right now is bullshit. Utter bullshit. The fucking ball is it takes to complain to me as you sit there getting your feet massaged, as your husband is breaking his ass in the backyard is UN FUCKING BELIEVABLE. This is clearly NOT about chores. You cannot possibly be serious right now Lisa. I have helped you consistently with every fucking chore in this house, yet you have never ONCE helped me with ONE FUCKING JOB! NOT ONE!

His voice cracked. He realized that he had lost his shit and he would not be able to calm himself.

“I have been with you every step of the way. From the late night feedings, to breast pumping, to diapers, to puke, to skinned knees, to post partum. Every fucking step. I have not quit on you ONCE. This can NOT possibly be about work or chores Lisa. That’s bullshit and you know it. Tell me what the fuck is happening right now Lisa. Tell me now”

She sat in silence.

“TELL ME NOW GODDAMNIT!”

His brain suddenly decided to go there. He hesitated and could not hold back any longer. If he could just get this one thing off his chest, she would say no and he could relax. At least that would be SOME small relief in all this.”

“Are you seeing someone?”

She looked at him and began to cry.

“I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you so many times” She couldn’t speak.

Dan suddenly wished he hadn’t gone there. The realistic guy in the back of his head said “this is over dude” but he ignored it. He felt dizzy and slightly nauseous.

He pulled the car over.

“What did you just say?”

She sat there sobbing.

He turned the car around and headed home. He got back into town and pulled over at the gas station, left the car running and told Lisa. I may be home later. And started walking.

She yelled out to him, but he kept walking.

The thoughts and feelings in his head had him reeling. He felt like he was having an out of body experience. It’s like this rage, hate, anger, sadness, embarrassment, humiliation, and self-pity were all competing for control, but it just felt like a loud noise that he couldn’t turn off. He realized that he would never be the same man again – he wasn’t making a decision, just recognizing the reality. **Nothing would ever be the same again**.

Damn, he wished he did not ask that question. But the other guy in his head must have his due from time to time. Whether in a fight, or in the bedroom, in a competition or moments like this, Dan’s primitive brain never let him down. But this time he wishes it would just shut the fuck up.

“I KNEW IT! I tried to warn you dude!”

“Shut the fuck up dude. Not now”

He was going crazy, talking out loud to himself while he walked. Luckily no one seemed to notice. He just walked mindlessly to a nearby bar. Because, well, isn’t that how this worked in the movies?
There would be a bartender who would see his pain, and serve him some amber liquid in a glass and say something like “Hey mac, looks like you got a lot on your mind.” And he would listen for an hour and dispense some wisdom unknown to Dan that would fix all this shit.

He entered the bar and there were two old men – an old man bartender and an old man customer. And it smelled that way. No movie scenes today I guess.

He sat down and asked for bourbon on the rocks. Just like the movies. In his mind he was suddenly Rick from Casablanca, nursing a broken heart over a glass of whiskey. Where was a piano player when you need one?

The two older men sat at the end of the bar talking. Dan listened in.

“Yeah, she just passed away last week. Sad situation. She had a boyfriend after our divorce, but he left her soon after for a younger model. Then she just bounced around until she turned 60 and that was it. That whole thing about cat ladies? It’s true! “

The two old men laughed. Dan choked back a chuckle too, while trying to appear like he was not eavesdropping.

“Hey youngster” one of the old men chirped.

“Ha! I am 50. It has been a while since I heard that”

“I am John”

“Dan, nice to meet you John.” Dan picked up and moved closer.

“So what’s your story kid?”

Dan chuckled. “Well, I just found out my wife is cheating on me for starters”

John nodded at the bartender. The bar tender reached up and grabbed a bottle of Macallan 18.

He took the glass of Makers Mark from Dan and dumped it and gave him a new glass filled with the higher quality whiskey.

“Damn. Sorry to hear that kid. Was this a surprise, or did you see it coming?”

That’s a funny question, Dan thought. A clever question indeed. Clearly this old dude has seen some shit.

“yeah, I sort of felt it but I thought I was being insecure and jealous. And you don’t want to be THAT guy. You know what I mean”

“Oh I do indeed”

Hugh, the bartended chimed in.

“Kid, this sucks. And it’s going to suck for a long time. But trust me, it will get better.”

“Do you have any children” John asked.

“yeah, we have two. Great kids. They don’t know anything yet. As far as I know”

“Look kid, I am not trying to get too personal here, but can I ask you a question. Feel free to tell me to shut up if I pry too much” Hugh asked.

“Of course. Ask away. What do I have to lose”

“Does she have any reason to cheat? You know what I’m asking. Do you hit her, drink too much? Stuff like that?”

“Oh no. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. I am a fucking altar boy”

Damn this mamillacanalans shit was powerful or whatever the fuck it’s called.

“Have you ever cheated?”

“Hell no. I mean I had a few temptations and chances, but I honestly just wanted to maintain the moral high ground. I know it sounds stupid. It’s just how I felt at the time.”

“ Good”

“Then what’s her problem?” Hugh asked. “you seem like a decent fella”

“We just had this big fight over the household chores. Who does what, and when, and all that”

Dan was feeling this whiskey. It was like a truth serum, and these two old goats were like priests in a confessional.

“Oh, so it's the old ‘what you didn’t do” thing”

“What does THAT mean?”

“Well kid. Women sometimes have literally no reason to be angry. They cannot get mad at you, because, if you’re being honest with us, they have nothing to complain about. Some women then start to point out the things you DIDN’T do. Get it?”

“Holy shit dude. That shit is deep” Dan was half drunk but still coherent. It hit Dan like the Sudden Clarity Clarence meme.

This guy was right.

Almost everything Lisa had complained about was what Dan did NOT do.

It didn’t matter how much work he did - inside or out, how much money he made, how much cleaning, how many things he just did without a second thought or complaint. The countless things he did on a daily basis meant NOTHING in this relationship.

To Lisa Dan's contributions were irrelevant; she had this long covert list of expectations in her head - and he did NOT do them. Furthermore, he was completely unaware of this list of expectations, and it seemed that she resented him for being "clueless" about it all.

It all suddenly made sense.

In the background the radio softly played “As time goes by” by Dooley Wilson.

“Kid, listen to me carefully” John spoke up. “Look, I am an old man, and times change. Fashions change, people change, and culture changes. Hell, everything changes. Well almost everything. But one thing that never changes – at least not in one lifetime – is human nature. That evolves over millennia. And one thing I have seen more times than I want to admit, is your story. A good man who did all the right things and got screwed over”

Hugh asked “Do you still love her? Is there still a shot?”

“I am confused. This shit literally just happened like a few minutes before I walked in here.” He tried to think through the whiskey. “Look, I love her. Or at least the woman I married, but that women seems to have disappeared and I never even noticed. This past two days is like I got a new pair of glasses and everything is clear. I don’t love this version of her. I want my old wife….he choked up…. I wan…”

Dan got up and walked to the bathroom, wobbling slightly. Tears were streaming down his face. He had to hold it together until the bathroom. Ten more steps. He felt like a weak, pathetic, fool.

He came back after a piss and a splash of water. What the hell was in that whiskey. He needed to get a bottle for home. These two old bastards were going to make a whiskey snob out of him before this day was over.

“Look Dan, there is no shame in having strong feelings. We have both been where you are. Let me share my story”

Hugh and John spent the next hour or so drinking and telling their stories and laughing. Dan couldn’t help but laugh too. These two were hilarious.

Suddenly it started getting dark. John stood up first. “Well gents, I will be on my way. See you next week Hugh. Dan. You take care of yourself. You are a man, so I would not presume to give advice or tell you what to do. But whatever you do, do NOT make a long term decision based on short term feelings. That’s some age old wisdom right there. Wish I had known that when I was younger”

He put his hand on Dan’s shoulder and smiled and left.

Dan was floored.

“Well, I guess it is time for me to face the music” Dan exclaimed as he took the last gulp of drink number….how many had it been? Anyway, he needed an Uber, so he sorted that out.

“John, you are a good man. Thanks for indulging me. I didn’t realize that I needed this, but fate intervened. I am glad I got to know you. Would you mind if I came back next week?”

“Of course not. But next time YOU are paying for the expensive whiskey”

“Oh shit! I almost forgot. How much do I owe you?”

“Go home kid. Hugh took care of it”

“Thanks. And If I can’t get away next Sunday, please tell Hugh I appreciate it”

“He knows kid. He knows. And you will definitely not be back next week. But one day you will”

Fast forward 23 years. Dan is sitting in a bar with his old friend Steve. Steve and he had very similar stories. Great kids, good careers, divorce and the loss of substantial net worth. Dan had long since retired. He changed jobs after his divorce. The kids were older and he was a grandfather to six little ones. All in all life was good. Most of all he was free. He had a girlfriend who would come over a few times week to "take care of him". He felt lucky – she was much younger and in good shape. He was still able to, well, you know. The sex was incredible.

It was a rocky journey, but life was good. He had just attended the funeral of Lisa. He expected himself to be the one who would go first. If the broken heart didn’t get him, the statistics would. But here he was, sharing the sad news with his best friend about Lisa's funeral.

Suddenly, a young man walked into the bar. He did not look well.

“what can I get you sir” asked the bartender.

“I don’t know. Anything will do” The bartended grabbed a bottle from the well and poured it on ice.

Dan and Steve looked at the bar tended and said “Why don’t you grab us a both glass of Macallan, and send a glass to our friend there. He looks like he needs it”

The man looked up, looking like he had seen a ghost. “Oh, hey. Thanks. I appreciate it. You don’t have to do that though”

“Oh yes we do kid. Yes we do. Now come over here and sit chat with us for a bit”

The man got up slowly and walked down to the end of the bar. Handshakes and introductions were made. A few sips later, the stories unfolded.

As they spoke, “as time goes by” droned on softly in the background.