4 Months beta orbiter of a sex worker, $1k usd later but still say "i love you" when i'm facing death and fucking the alpha

Published 12/24/20 by disabledtrp [0 Comments]

Hello everyone, has been a while!

Context: 31Yr old, business owner, disabled (check some other post to know more about this). Of course, the disabled part, made me completely out of the game at all (check other posts for references about this btw). 26yr sexual worker, 7 with make up, if not 6, full of tatoos, swinger history, single mom, addicted to cocaine ( i would know this later ), working and partying all the time (in a rough spot for covid restriction on work aspect, but also, like addicted, burned all her money so very poor too). She had a beta orbiter already at "home", another addicted roommate, that she fucked for pity for some credit card loans.

Decided to give it a try to something different. The plan, was to hook up a sex worker i knew, for a mixed solution. Where i could put money down, more than a normal client, but with a GF schema, where we would go out, dinner, share things and have sex. Of course, in the need of the intimacy i lacked my whole life, looking to do it honestly, where she could get the benefits of money and status. i would get the company i wanted. I tried with this specifically sexual worker why it looked like she didn't care about my disability. And see me at least the beginning, as a good catch.

We went out first time. all lovey dovey. Even she even insisted to tag her on FB and other people to see it of her circle (this happened only this time only).

Second time, we went to a concert. then i realize the cocaine addiction when i look at her when driving. not good, but nothing i couldn't expect.

Of course, we where seeing each other to mini go outs, where we would just drink something in the car (covid restrictions). All lovey dovey. even more i could expect. But then things started to go south. She started to party again, all days of the week. and 2 weeks later, she didn't even remember we agreed to go out. I was ready to cut out, thinking, this is not working. But then went back at it again, by myself. First big error. We went out a third time. But this time, all lovey dovey, but the restriction started to appear. Don't tag me on social media. Alright... (i bet on social pressure after the first tag, how the party girl would go out with a disabled guy?)

Then, don't kiss me in my neighborhood. Then, we can't go out on our town, we need to go far ahead, 30km away (that we didn't go anyway, why she didn't wanted). Or stay in the car, where we couldn't be seen. In the middle of all of this, crying for help: that i'm depressed, i can't go out with you (but i can go to parties), that i need to move out from my parents house (surprise, she didn't move), things for the bastard kid etc.. Of course, i poured money, why she was professing a so profound love for me at the same time, she just needs the comfort she never had /sarcasm #CaptainSaveAHoe.

For 2 months we didn't see each other, with fights in the middle initiated by me, why i was putting money for nothing more than "i love you" messages. She starts to tells me that i'm insecure, that i'm a coward. but at the same time apologizing afterwards. I was really at the beginning of December, accepting reality, letting all this go. I needed to face a life or death situation (i don't give out details for privacy reason). The night before, she talks to me out of nowhere. i wasn't planned to tell her, but i let her know anyway. Desperate to see me. We see each other 3hs before i need to go to this thing. She has sex with me. All crying, promises that she will wait for me, etc...

During the week, messages of her saying that she is expecting to have a kiss and a coffee with me ASAP. lovey dovey words. Thing of death and life situation is rough, so mother keeps in touch with her for updates. Say the same to her. I will wait for him, i love him, he is the most important thing in my life. She sent me a video crying saying that she is gonna change, that she will look for the help of god.

By just a sheer chance, i grab my mothers phone, and i see that she blocked me to see her social media status but not my mom's phone. Then i see her showing off kissing the alpha after a party at 6am (she said that she didn't share us on social media why she didn't share the people she fucks, only friends, this was a "friend"). Enough of this beta shit.

Nothing new under the sun. Don't care about the money, i make that in 1-2 days. The manipulation when i'm in the verge of death, was just too much. At least i got what i wanted, twice. Just trying to convey, that you should never waiver your stoicism. Your core values of TRP. Money doesn't matter. Death doesn't matter. They just don't care. You can't negotiate attraction. All of this is a game. You play with the rules or get out (beta, cuck, MGTOW, whatever). There is no middle solution at all. No trust. No honesty. Never show weakness. Grab what you can and want. And only think in yourself. And if you are visible disabled like me, sorry, you will never, ever, experience real attraction.

I'm back. And with enough luck, i'm gonna be able to enter the game, as several things are gonna change!

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Lesson learned after founding TRP for over a year as a disabled person

Published 11/06/19 by disabledtrp [0 Comments]

TLDR: If you are disabled, you are fucked to get laid. Still, you can grow personally in the aspect of the social anxiety with women and your IDGAF.

I don't even remember how i ended up in TRP. I know that has something to do with "The Game" book of neil strauss that one friend of mine recommended to me. I just want to share some real experience at this self-improvement journey, in case that other people in my similar but particular situation is looking for some previous experience. Sorry to disappoint you but is not gonna be a positive outcome in the aspect of getting women. Is all based in everything i tried, and i'm trying to be as honest as possible. Like everything you read at the internet, take it with a grain of salt.

Context:

30Yr old, 5.9'', white, 14% body fat, not shredded, as my genetic sucks and all the fat get's in my lower belly, and by time i reach the 10%, i will be left with some loose skin. But i have an awesome back. Bald. Business man. I use awesome suits & shirts most of the time. No sport wear except for the gym. On the disability side, i use an O2 tank 24/7. I use something like this in my face. As someone who has work & done business since very young (i started to work at 11yr old, as i was poor as fuck), the TRP concept weren't completely weird for me. outcome independence, social interactions, body & speaking language, rejection handling, frame where all concepts i used every day to survive. But related to women, i was the most BP ever. When i saw it wrote here, everything just made a click.

Actions:

When i started, i was fat as fuck and with an outdated wardrobe. Of course, i started to lift as much as i could, due my physical limit, and reached my actual state. Where at least, i can easily use size 1 slim fit shirts or tank tops and look beach lean. Updated the wardrobe with shirts i like, i would say they are in the "Mistery" side of fashion, but i love them and they are always a good conversation topic. After that, i started OD and on social circles i already frequented (that weren't related to work).

Results:

After hundreds of matches, & real life approaches, i only got 2 dates. One 8HB that wanted to have a free drink but at least i could escalate kino to K-close. Another 7HB that wanted a free meal and nothing happened. Did i knew that where their intentions? Yes. Why did you accepted? I believe any experience is good. When you don't have even the small chance to have a 1 to 1 with women like me, you will take them, just to acquire the experience.

Now, i could get an 3/4/5HB. Fatties of 200 pounds, other disabled person or just genetically & post wall (40yr+) very ugly women. I haven't took the chance, simply why it doesn't worth my time. If i need to spend my time trying to seduce or kino someone who doesn't has options, i prefer to spend more time at the gym or at work. Or pay a hooker, that is what i have been doing so far. It just doesn't serve the purpose of improving myself.

Why does this happen if i got better in physical terms, if i have money & status, if i dress well, if my openers always make anyone laugh or be hook up at the conversation, if i have anecdotes of travels & places, hobbies to tell about, knowledge about 20 different industries (in an interesting or funny way i mean)?

Why it doesn't matter how much you improve (except if you are a movie star), if you have a visible disability, it will kill any kind of genuine attraction the other person could feel. Is like an invisible stop. Again, at least in my experience. Every time you are trying to generate sexual tension, mistery, rush, with just one look at you, everything is replaced with fear, pity or just gross. Another thing that even stop you to be in the even spectrum of the SM, is the inspirational porn. They see you as an example, but not as a potential partner. And in my experience, is impossible to overcome. They see you like a kid at first, not a sexual person. And when you show your professional & personal capacity, that in my case, is better than almost everyone i have met, you are faced with shame & envy, why as someone disabled, you are better than them.

On my tries, i tried OD, that had a lot of matches with good pics (i can easily get 10 matches a month), and 60% is just curious about the disability, and the other 40% is distributed into validation whores, flakes or people that just put excuses to not meet you in IRL but doesn't say no or un-match, why it looks rude.

On personal approach, i tried social circles, with just excuses as result. even with people that congratulate me with my physical transformation.

Tried some approach at bars, with no success at isolation. Openers where good & started conversation, but when i tried to isolate, there was always an excuse to leave me.

Didn't tried clubs, as my failed tries at bars, but recently went to a weeding. Every time i tried to approach a group of girls to dance, they dispersed immediately. Every comment in the room was how i was an example of life, that god will give me a lot of life, bla bla, for dancing even disabled. Again, i'm an example, not a person nor a sexual entity / possible partner.

Day game haven't tried at all. Is something i still want to try at some point, even if i don't think is gonna be different.

Good Side Effects: IDGAF

My social anxiety in terms of women is completely gone. i can approach anywhere, anyone, even if is a 10HB (done it already). IDGAF at all, at anything. this helped with work too, mostly why i'm less stressed. I see that people is so fragile and breaks with so little things. I faced so many hard things that i feel like a god walking among humans. I'm most of the time in the winners zone. I can do anything and that if women doesn't want to be with me, is their loss. I feel in peace with me, with what i am, and excited to see how much more i can accomplish. I enjoy the company of my friends, i do fun stuff, travel, i love my work, and when i need female company, i pay for it, as i know i don't have any other option anyway. That doesn't stop to me to keep trying, but not as a main goal, just curious to see if i can revert somehow this biological & society ingrained reaction i receive. Plus i'm so happy with my body, proud of it, lifting & eating healthy has become an essential part of my life. I also believe i can "love" more honestly. If i like a women, i'm upfront on it, no covert contracts. Take it or leave it. Not gonna be your friend. Same with friends & family. This are my boundaries. They are not negotiable. This is what i expect from you. This is what you can expect from me. If at some point, our needs are not meet, we can part ways, thanks for all the memories. We had fun. Period.

Bad Side Effects: Suicidal

I have been very close to end it all at the first real and concrete signs that i couldn't revert this result. Remember, i'm someone that comes from the utmost poverty, so my reason for years that women (or people in general) didn't wanted to be with me is that i wasn't enough. so i improved myself every day even before finding TRP (not including the physical aspect). After seeing that be better than all the others, wasn't enough, put me in a very dark place. I could get out from this with the help of my mom that supported me, and improving my IDGAF. My meaning in life, is just live & have fun. I make good money in the meantime, i enjoy things, done. If i don't enjoy something, i remove myself from the situation and reflect. Nothing else. I can't tell you that this is going to help you to be out from this mindset or even if it worth the effort. I believe there are a lot of thing to live for, like trying, doing and seeing new things, but if that is enough, is up to you.

Palliative Care: Hookers GFE

See that i never mentioned abundance mentality in the whole post right? Is why i don't have it. And i believe is impossible to fake it. My outcome independence comes from my IDGAF, and that born from my hard past & rejections, but i don't have abundance mentality why i simply have no proof of someone that has been genuinely interested in me in my whole life. Still, at least, in my case, i don't only have the urge for sex itself, but for real human touch. Even if i internalized that i'm enough, that i'm happy with myself and to not look external validation, if you face rejection every day, is going to affect your sanity at some point. In my case, as a practical solution, i found 2 GFE hookers that has been awesome for me, to use them as a imperfect solution to this urges, where for that time i forget the fact that i'm paying and i get what i want & need. The last one i'm employing, is awesome, why he charges me like for 1hr service, but then she stays with me for 2-3hs more, cuddling, talking, going to jacuzzi etc.. Is not easy to find this kind of professional, but it worth the try. WARNING: the first time you do this, you going to catch feelings. been there, done that. If you have a real outcome independence, it shouldn't happen twice. You will enjoy her during that time & forget about her like you should do with any other non-paid hookup you can have in the future. If you can't do it, you need to still work on yourself more.

My conclusion is that if you have a visible disability, you are fucked. You will be on "hookers support" your whole life or with a 3HB that no ones wants to touch. Of course, this is not really a motivation to hit the gym, or improve yourself at all. And it would never should. But i understand you, if you are disabled, nothing else maybe is enough motivation except this. I'm here just to tell you my experience, and maybe confirm, from my experience, that even if you are better than the others, having frame, status, money, you will never have even enough SMV than the average or below BP. That's the hard truth i experienced.

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