A recent submission to The Red Pill subreddit sparked some interesting discussion regarding the concept of engaging in long-term relationships (LTRs) with women.

A common position taken by many Red Pill advocates is that committing to one woman, exclusively, is a strategy for “beta” losers and “blue pill” people. The idea is that if you are truly awesome and “alpha” enough, you don’t have to commit to any one woman. A large number of women will be willing to have sex with you, outside of a committed relationship, simply because you’re awesome. And if some women won’t, that’s not a big deal, because you have an abundance of other women who will. And that abundance of options with other women gives you all of the power to engage with women on your own terms. Because then, no particular woman is unique or special simply because she’s willing to touch your dick. If one woman won’t fuck you, another will.

This recent post took a different stance on the concept of LTRs, arguing that the common Red Pill position that relegates LTRs to a loser, blue pill, beta strategy is just a bunch of ignorant shaming by bitter and butt-hurt men who aren’t awesome and alpha enough to keep a woman’s interest in a relationship. The idea is that constantly chasing new girls is hard work for diminishing returns, while having one particular girl in a Red-Pill-style LTR who respects the hell out of you and fucks you on demand is far more rewarding. The quality of girls who allow themselves to be non-exclusively plated by guys is lower than that of girls who insist on a relationship, so the argument is that engaging in LTRs nets you higher quality girls. And that “mature” men eventually realize that banging a bunch of meaningless girls is an empty pursuit and want something more.

The idea is that if you work hard to become and remain a high value man, you dominate your relationships with women, and you are truly awesome, valuable, and alpha enough, you can engage in committed relationships with women and they won’t cheat, leave, or misbehave.

Stop here. Read the paragraph above one more time, kind of slowly, before continuing.

Now, let me rephrase that paragraph in more general terms:

If you behave a certain way, and avoid certain other behaviors, women will stay committed to you, have lots of sex with you, treat you with respect, and never cheat on your or leave you.

It wasn’t that long ago that most of us believed exactly that. However, the behaviors we engaged in to try to reach that goal involved paying for dates, backrubs, foot rubs, sitting on our hands and not being sexually assertive, and generally being nice as hell, generous, and respectful. We believed that if we behaved in certain ways with women, we would end up with a permanent, faithful, high sex relationship with a woman who treats us well. And we know how that went.

Many men who stumble across The Red Pill fall into the trap of remaining beta, blue pill, loser men, who simply substitute one set of behaviors for another. They believe that if they are aloof, narcissistic assholes with muscles, money, social aptitude, lots of options with women, and a push-pull, reward-punishment, dominant dynamic with a woman, that this will net them a permanent, faithful, high sex relationship with a woman who treats them well.

There is no such thing. If you are singing and dancing for a woman, even if your song and dance is a Red-Pill-style song and dance, you are still trapped in a blue pill mentality.

Women do not engage in monogamy. They engage in serial monogamy. They are always on the market. Even if they have a boyfriend or a husband. They are always open to the possibility of trading up. If you lose your job, become seriously ill or injured, get fat, start acting needy, or become a big enough loser in some other way, or if a man who’s more awesome than you on every front makes a move on your woman, or if both of these things happen, your girlfriend is not going to stay with you forever and ignore all other opportunities simply because you happened to come along first and you’re kinda sorta good enough.

You cannot earn a woman’s true and undying love by being alpha enough. All that alpha behaviors do is generate sexual attraction. No more, no less.

However, there is a place for LTRs in your toolbox, as one of many tools you may use in the pursuit of sex. You simply have to engage in LTRs in the same way that women do. Say the words if a woman won’t fuck you without you saying them first. Hell, even stay with her as long as the sex keeps coming with minimal demands on your time and resources. But leave as soon as that situation changes. She’d leave you the second she’s not getting what she wants, so why the hell would you stay if you're not?

And if you come across a better opportunity, cheat. Or dump her ass. She’s still on the market, cultivating other prospects. You should be as well.

LTRs are a valid tool in your sexual strategy arsenal, but should be used appropriately. If you are engaging women in exclusive relationships with the illusion that some combination of the right behaviors with the right kind of woman will get you a permanent, faithful, high sex relationship with a woman who will treat you well, you’re making the same mistake that you did before you found The Red Pill. Just with the addition that you're also being an asshole.

You definitely need something more in your life besides banging girls. But that something more is not a relationship. Relationships are a tool, not a goal.

Men seeking to have sex with women, that fail at this task, are often shamed. Reviled. How dare he, an unattractive man, attempt to assert his wants, uninvited, on an innocent woman who did not want or welcome his attempt? Doesn’t he know how uncomfortable he made her?

Even worse, this man didn’t just walk up and grab her by the pussy, Trump-style, but actually tried to introduce himself, talk to her, learn a little bit about her, and maybe even buy her a few drinks. And only then, after evilly getting her guard down by acting friendly and making her think she was about to make a new, unattractive man-friend, does he start to touch her and act interested in sex or romance. What an ass!

And then, after being very sternly rebuked, which he deserves for being such a misleading shit, he just leaves and doesn’t even try to salvage the friendship or make his insolence up to her! He never wanted to be friends or chat amicably with her in the first place. He wasn’t really interested in how her night was going, or that story she told about her friend Jenna, or what she does for a living. That whole friendly conversation was him angling for sex! The horror!

She was enjoying a friendly conversation with a stranger, but there was a hidden cost. He wanted something.

Life is transactional. Nothing is free. Everybody wants something.

Think about all of the times you’ve asked people how they’re doing or how their day is going. How many times did you actually care about how this person’s day was going when you asked that very vague, non-specific question? Especially if you weren’t speaking to a close friend but were meeting a new person. How many new people have you met in your life that you weren’t sure you were ever going to see again? In fact, you’ve probably met a lot of people you knew for a fact you weren’t going to see again, barring anything unexpected. Do you really care how a stranger is feeling today or what he or she does for a living or whether he or she has any siblings? Of course not. Not unless you want or need something from that stranger.

When people make small talk, the huge majority of the time, they don’t really care about the other person. They want something. Yes, given the choice, people generally prefer a world were complete strangers are happier versus one where they’re sad, but nobody is really and truly invested in how some stranger’s night is going or what she does for a living.

When people interact, they want something. Sometimes, they want something very basic. Maybe they’re busybodies that enjoy running their mouth and just want someone to listen to them for a bit. Maybe they’re curious, nosy types that love meeting people and asking them shit, just for fun. Maybe they’re in a group social setting and have to demonstrate proper social norms by engaging in proper conversational topics with those present, even though they don’t really care and aren’t really interested in what the other person wants to say. Or maybe, in a very, very dark and evil world, the person they’re talking to is physically attractive, and they’re making small talk to warm that person up for a bid for sex or romance. (The horror!)

Gentlemen, when you talk to a girl – especially a girl you don’t know well, though this also applies to girls you know – there is always an undercurrent of suspicion. She is uneasy. She is wondering why the hell you’re talking to her and what you want. She is bracing herself, with catlike readiness, suspicious that you’re going to touch her or ask her out or ask for her number or say something sexual. She is ready and waiting with that rejection. Because you have a penis and you’re talking to her, and she knows that you don’t really give a shit about her dog and she doesn’t really give a shit about your aquarium and all of this is just some long prelude until you make your move.

Don’t disrespect a girl by keeping her waiting like that. Don’t give her rejection blue balls. Don’t babble on and on about stupid shit if your intention is to fuck her. I’m not saying grab her by the pussy, but make your move. Early and often. Chat just enough to see if she’s interested, make your move, and if she rejects you, bail and move on. Talking for an hour about stupid shit doesn’t raise your chances or warm her up to the idea of fucking you. In fact, every minute that passes lowers your chances.

You need to get that girl attracted and interested in you early. Then, and only then, do you spend time making her comfortable with you by letting her run her mouth long enough to feel like she knows you. If you don’t have that interest in the first five minutes, ten tops, move on.

More important than any of this, however, is the corollary. When somebody is interacting with you, he or she wants something. Nobody gives a shit how your night is going, what you do for a living, or what your parents were like. If you’re talking about yourself and somebody is listening and asking questions, that person wants something. Because that person’s life is completely unaffected by the story you’re telling about the time you went bike riding. That shit doesn’t matter to the person you’re talking to at all. That person is not invested in your bike riding hobby.

If somebody is talking to you, that somebody wants something, even if it’s just something small like using you to alleviate boredom. If that somebody is a girl, and she’s asking shit about your life, she’s either interested in you, or she’s interested in using you. A woman doesn’t ask about your dog because she cares about your dog. She’s asking about your dog because she either wants to fuck, wants to date, wants to get you to buy her a few drinks, or maybe wants to get you to buy her a few meals under the guise of dating. Or she's just bored or doesn't want to be seen standing alone not talking to anybody in a social setting.

When you’re in a social setting, pay attention. Peel back the small-talk layer and try to notice what people actually want. If somebody wants to get to know you, that somebody wants something. If you can guess what somebody wants, you can appeal to them a lot more easily than just blindly playing the small-talk game. And if you can recognize interest and move along quickly when it’s absent, you’ll get a much bigger return on your time.

And quit pissing women off by not hitting on them. They’re waiting to reject you. They know what’s up when you walk over. Don’t insult them by blabbing on and on about stupid shit and denying them the opportunity. Be aggressive. Flirt. Touch them. Don't make friends. Make them feel smart for having that suspicion by validating it. Women love feeling smart.