Do you have anything to declare?

@Vermillion-Rx Even if what Lone Ranger says doesn't map 100% to your feelings and intentions, I think he's spot on.

I've never been addicted to alcohol, but I've known many and heard from/read lots more. There's a VERY small chance that you can keep alcohol in your life socially/occasionally/nonproblematically.

Think of booze like a hot but totally crazy BPD chick. She can mold her way to appearing to fit you and your life like a glove. Sure the sex was outstanding at times, for she could suck a baseball up a garden hose. But in the same week, she can just as easily cut up all your clothes, write schizoform graffiti from ceiling to floor in your living room, alienate your friends, wreck your car, and boil your bunny.

Treat alcohol like it is dead to you. You will likely be 4 months to 2 years out, before you can look back and realize that alcohol can't have a rational place in your life, from now on, seriously meaning forever. Don't be afraid or ashamed to reach out for support from others who are further down this path to help get you over that hump.

Dildo store owner hires a new guy. On his first day, tells him, "I need to run too the bank, do you feel ready to watch the store? I'll be gone for 15 mins."

He says "sure, no problem."

Well as soon as the guy leaves, someone comes walking in, they're looking around. "How much for the white latex dildo?"

"$25."

"I'll take it!"

The customer gives him the money, he puts it in a bag and out they go.

Second person comes walking in, starts looking around. "How much for the big black one with all the veins?"

"$50"

"I'll take it!"

The customer gives him the money, he puts it in a bag and out they go.

Third person comes in. "Um, how much for the red and green plaid dildo?"

"Oh, um, $125"

"Ooh, well you only live once!"

The customer gives him the money, he puts it in a bag and out they go.

Fourth person, "Wow, how much for this fat red one?"

"Errr, uh, 125."

"My ass will never be the same" he says with confident overshare.

Owner comes back from the bank, says "Thank you so much for watching the store. Did you do any business while i was gone?"

"Actually i did. I got $25 For the white latex dildo, I Got $50 for the black one, And i got $125 each for your thermos and the fire extinguisher!"

A man goes to a bar and drinks to the point where he throws up all down his shirt. He says, "Aw, man, my wife's gonna kill me. She's always saying I don't know when to stop."

The bartender says, "Hey it's cool. Just stick a ten dollar bill in your front shirt pocket and say that someone threw up on you and they gave you ten dollars to pay for the dry cleaning."

The man says, "That's a really good idea." and heads home.

When he gets home his wife is waiting for him and immediately lays into him and he says, "No no no, you got it all wrong. Somebody threw up on me and they gave me this ten dollars to pay for the dry cleaning." and points to his shirt pocket

She reaches in and pulls out two ten dollar bills and says, "There's twenty dollars here."

The man replies, "Oh right, I forgot. He shit my pants, too."