Her realtor sent the numbers

Knows how to save money, but can't be bothered to look up stuff herself, and doesn't understand debt or interest very well. Very few women do.

With those numbers, today's rates, AND the full 20% down payment, you're paying $892,032 over the course of a 30-year mortgage, most of that being interest to banks.

Your monthly payment will be $2,478, which is 4x more than the $600 you've been eating rice and beans to afford. That does not include taxes, HOA, repairs, maintenance, or utilities. As a woman who presumably can't repair/maintain anything around the house, these things will be even higher for you. Besides, you'll be working all the time, for three decades, to pay off the loan.

doing everything right

Uh, no. You've missed your purpose in life as a woman. You were launched well and are now flying sky high, but your trajectory is wrong.

It's a man's job, duty, and joy to manage all these financial things. It's what we do best. It's your job to respect your husband for managing his money which he generously shares with you, and become a wonderful mother (and then grandmother) to many of his children.

In this sense, you never even got off the runway. F for failure and U for useless.

Skipped every vacation, same car, cooked at home

This is hilarious. Women do these things and think they're being frugal. Absolutely nuts.

Come on over, and I'll show you a woman who has been under the poverty level for 25 years, yet is so frugal her husband has been able to invest and grow the family fortune. She respects and appreciates every dollar he makes. She cooks everything from scratch, mends clothing through multiple hole cycles, gets furniture from the dump, buys everything second-hand, does not buy makeup of any kind, re-uses everything possible, makes clothing and blankets. She goes out to eat 1-2x per year, and her idea of a "vacation" is camping with her family. She does all of this with a content and thankful spirit. She never compares herself to other women and finds her life lacking, and she is happier than most richer women.

You ain't done shit, lady.

Ok I want to help here bro, there are a few mistakes, but these are calibration errors not true dire mistakes.

Let's start with your first question: One: This isn't about planning better, this is about integration.

Let's say you have a good date. You're going to tell the girl. "This was fun. I want to hang out with you again. I'm going to Myrtle Beach for the week so you're going to have to be patient (shit eating grin) I'll shoot you a text sometime during the week and we will work out a time and place".

This is where you show interest but you're not needy. It tells her you're going to reach out and leaves the door open. On your trip you get to demonstrate value send her a pic of something. "Look at this sunset" or I just has the most amazing cake that my aunt made". Keep her engaged in your story while giving her a bit of attention.

Now you're going to get a lot of spergs on here bitching that you shouldn't give a woman attention ever and you should only text for logistics. Don't listen. These are the guys that aren't getting laid. Keep her engaged and she won't lose interest.

Two: It's quite possible that she wanted to smash, it's also possible that it was a compliance test. So here's the thing, you're the man. You set the pace and the frame. So as a guy who gets laid I can tell you that if I have shit to do I'm not dropping it regardless. You're not her dancing monkey or errand boy, fuck that!

So here's what to do: Set the frame first. "Spider" huh? I see what you did there (smirk emoji). I would love to visit your house but I'm occupied until ____ time.

If that doesn't work how about Friday at 6. I'l take care of any spiders and address other things that may need "attention"...

If she laughs and likes this, she wanted you to smash and then you will later. If she gets butt hurt and meant this literally, you are her beta errand boy. In this case, you fucking bail because you know how she feels about you.

In the future just be flirty and keep the inertia going. You can do that by just a bit of playful banter while you're busy.

Preface: 31M Virgin. Have yet to have any success.

Please try to stop defining yourself as a virgin. It won't last forever, and why bother?

You're just a guy who hasn't had sex yet. No big deal. I lost my virginity very late too, it doesn't matter.

Have been implementing some advice from my last post and landed a date through acting confident/aloof with a girl I work with.

"Work with" is terrible, you know that right? I'll continue, but this is a major fuckup.

First date went well, acted confident/did kino. Ended the date by kissing her, and she was super into it.

Ok, so top respect here. That's a solid date plan: escalate to kissing. If you can get that far, you are literally 90% of the way to sex. This is the hardest part: getting dates and kissing that she's into.

Well fucking done.

Said we should get dinner, maybe hang at her or my place that night. She laughed and said nice try.

Ok, so here we go with the LMR.

Dinner is terrible. You're expected to pay and noone looks good eating. It's straight into provider behaviour. You know better.

As regards your place or her place: you were vague and had no plan. That's fine, this is a first date.

Here's a good line for you: "I'd like to continue this, we can go back to mine, but no funny business". You instantly steal her line, and you look high value and choosy, and you've taken sex off the table.

She's a colleague. First date sex can go around the office. She knows this. You know this. This is expected.

Made my first mistake, I went on vacation the next day so I didn’t text/contact her for a week.

Fucking terrible. You keep in touch that night "Get home safe girl". You text the next day "I really enjoyed last night". That's it - you're not pushing for a date, you're just reassuring her that you had a good time.

I think the main issue here is that due to circumstance there was too long between first and second date.

Nah, that can work. But the no contact is bad.

Since I’ve been back I’ve been trying to get her on a second date three times. She seems kinda into it but never initiates.

Three times? That makes no sense. If she's interested, it's easy.

Her never initiating is normal - she's female. They basically don't initiate with men until you've fucked them, it's just how they're wired.

One time I asked her for dinner

Dinner is terrible, why are you paying for her food?

the next day and she asked me to come over right away to help get a spider out of her bathroom. I told her I was busy with friends and would come over in 3ish hours.

WHAT

THE

FUCK.

Ok, so let's establish facts here. She has "a spider" in her bathroom. She can ask a neighbour or about 100 other male friends to remove it. Instead she asks you to come over, a guy who has recently been on a hot date with her.

To come over.

To her house.

To remove a spider that honestly she could remove herself.

You understand what's going on here right? You're not completely retarded?

Two hours she texts me she took care of it and didn’t need help anymore.

Right. You turned down her BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS OFFER OF SEX and for some weird reason she went off the idea of sex with you.

Tried to reschedule with her over a call, and she seemed into dinner and movie at my place a couple days later.

So let's see..... she wants you to come over RIGHT NOW, and you're moving back to dinner and movie. Uh huh.

Day of, she cancelled saying she was tired and had work early the next morning. I called her and told her she should still come over, it’ll be fun.

Never do this. If she says no, you say "that's cool, I'm going to hit a bar" or something. You don't offer, you don't persuade.

The reasons they give are often bullshit anyway, so no point arguing about it.

She said no, and I think I let a little frustration come out and said cool, have a good night, and hung up. Pretty sure it’s not happening, but if she texts me I’ll reengage, but I have no plans reaching out again.

Good chance she met someone else

Questions: 1) Is there anyway to bridge the gap when there’s a long time between dates?

Yes, see above.

2) Did I fuck up not dropping what I was doing to come over to her house right away?

Oh yes my dude, you really did.

Answering my own questions: 1) No, I should just plan better so there’s no long amounts of time between dates.

Nope, long gaps is fine.

2) I don’t think so, I think it would have been a wimpy thing to do to drop everything and run over to her house.

Yeah, totally wimpy to go over and accept a girl's invite to be alone with her in her house.

Dude, she didn't say "come fix my plumbing" or "come over and fix my car" ...... it's a fucking spider. I bet when you got there, she'd have it removed.

You want to really not get into her frame, you do a swap. "Ok, I'll remove your spider, I bet it's fucking terrifying. Wear something nice for me." Now you've set the frame as a date.

Overall pleased with how the first date went,

You should be, you did great.

but very discouraged because I thought I was finally going to lose my V card.

I know this is a big ask, but here's the thing. You're going to build a life of sexual abundance. Lots of sexual opportunities. There's going to be lots of girls. It's not about the next girl or even the next 10 girls, you're building yourself and your life to get lots of women, and the virginity thing doesn't really matter - so stop making it matter.

Going to try to put myself back out there soon but haven’t had any other success besides this one. Thanks y’all.

Well, you've done a lot right.

And a lot wrong.

That's ok, it's all a journey.

Avoid colleagues though.

And this girl? Just be friendly and polite, and stop inviting her out.