@MatteMatto

Logistics in a Difficult Situation in My Life

I’m 40 years old. I’ve lived away from my parents since I was 20, but three years ago I moved into the house next door to them because I discovered they’d squandered a fortune. I’m worried—not for them, but for myself—because I’m afraid I’ll have to take the blame for their mistakes. They’re terrible people who’ve ruined my life, but for some stupid reason, I feel obligated to help them out.

My house is right next to theirs, and I’ve never brought girls or friends over because I’m ashamed of them. They literally live holed up in the house, and my mother, in particular, always has harsh words for everyone. I wouldn’t want anyone to associate me with them for any reason in the world.

That said, I’m in a tough spot because I basically don’t have anywhere to take girls. It’s never been a problem before, since at this age everyone has their own place, but I feel weird about it. On the one hand, I’m doing a good thing by helping my parents, but on the other hand, I might come across as a loser.

Renting a place far away from them, like I used to, doesn’t make financial sense. I’m not seeing anyone right now, and looking for a rental just for dates seems like a terrible financial decision to me. It’s not a money issue, though I don’t want to waste it carelessly.

As for one-night stands and the like, I have no problem booking an Airbnb. I’m currently recovering from a broken heart and have no intention of rushing into another relationship. I do plan to look for a studio apartment, a small house, or a single room to share with others. But that’s a medium-term solution.

I don’t know how long this situation with my parents will last, and I’m afraid that in the meantime, a girl who truly deserves me might come along, and I won’t be able to seize the opportunity since, let’s face it, I don’t have a place of my own where I can host her without feeling embarrassed.

What can I do in the meantime? How can I come up with plausible excuses without coming across as a loser? If it helps, I’m a good-looking guy, and I’m really popular socially, but when it comes to this topic, I get embarrassed and lose my cool.

As for hookups, I can easily say, “I’m not exactly free,” since I have absolutely no intention of getting serious with whoever I’m with at the time.

But what about girls who have a little more potential? How should I act? Could I even use this situation to see if they’re empathetic?

Thanks in advance for your time

The problem isn't logistics. Like a lot of folks, after high school you probably went to college, got a job, and spent years living away from your abusive parents, and didn't invest into getting mental health assistance, because the distance brought you peace of mind. Then, during the #Kungflu #Covid19 panic, you got softhearted and chose to reconnect with relatives, which isn't a bad thing. However, since then things have cooled down, you're resuming your life dating again, but you're being constantly reminded that your parents are absolutely toxic.

If putting in privacy film on your windows hasn't deterred your parents probing, you've got several other options. If the area you live is one you're looking to keep roots, consider finding another place nearby that's within your means. Buy it, fix it up, get a reliable surveillance system for inside and outside. Make that your home and make the current place available as a rental. Lastly, you could just pack up, move elsewhere, and sell the house. It doesn't make sense for a guy in your situation to be thinking of either hotels or rentals solely for hookups. No pu$$y is worth that hassle.