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I don’t know why, but I found myself looking at r/relationships
…
That’s the saddest hole I’ve ever seen on the internet.
I cheated on my girlfriend while drunk. Should I tell her?
My girlfriend and I have been dating five months, exclusive for almost two. We have an otherwise good relationship.
She’s an high quality girl, no doubt. After a minor disagreement, I got drunk and had a one-night stand with a random gal I met at the bar. It meant nothing emotionally, and I regret it. Totally uncalled for.
I do really care about my girlfriend, don’t want to lose her, and would never cheating again. I’m struggling with a lot of guilt and shame tho
I don’t want to tell her because I believe it would devastate her and likely end our relationship. But I also recognize that keeping it secret denies her the choice. I ultimately see almost zero upside to telling her other than absolving myself of the guilt
Is it possible to move forward from this or is telling her the only ethical option?
"Our greatest glory is, not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."
― Oliver Goldsmith, "The Citizen of the World"
I don't know what the argument was about and I won't prod for more info, but I know that you'll be moving forward from this regardless. Where that might be, I can't say, but I can only pray it's towards a better outcomes in similar situations in your future.
Unless she suspects you passed onto her an STD, or the chick you banged has shown up with the ability to prove the baby in her arms is yours, the girlfriend doesn't need to know what you did. I know you're not Catholic, but if this is something you need to get off your chest face-to-face, either a priest, or someone else you trust and regard as a mentor are the better options while you're still sorting out your feelings on this.
I recall you mentioned this kind of thing before. That you get hammered to deal with stressful situations. You should probably look into that. That situations of conflict with your girlfriends are followed by heavy drinking is the bigger concern.
Read MoreSo let's tell this story from the guys side.
Woman gets the 411 from her bartender friend that there are a lot of rich older guys at her bar. She figures they'll be nice patsies for free drinks, because they're rich and old. Unlike the young broke dudes who tend to be more redpilled and less likely to buy drinks anymore even if they have money.
She plants herself at the bar with a book, the most obvious sign at a bar that she wants guys to come up to her. I'll be charitable and say she is a gold digger but genuinely one who wants a relationship, not just looking for free drinks, although I suspect the latter is more true.
A mutual friend comes up, talks, moves on. Doesn't buy her a drink. She's now on her second or third $10 martini and Bartender/pimp feels bad that her implied promise of free drinks by a bunch of thirsty rich old men is not working. So she pulls over a "connected" guy hoping he'll buy her a drink. Bartender/pimp probably even suggests "hey, her Martini's almost done, you should get her another one!" But it doesn't work. He talks, nopes out. No free drink in sight. Homegirl's bar tab is growing. This isn't what she planned, and it's going to fuck up her week's budget.
Hilariously, the two guys bond and start talking to each other, right next to her, completely ignoring her. She gets disgusted and decides to leave. At this point, the guys, being gentlemen, realize they've been ignoring her, and ask about buying her a drink. They know that's what they were recruited for, and they're not really interested in her, but they don't want to be mean either. Figured they'd buy her a drink, which would allow her to stay for another 10 minutes and they could chat with her just to be polite. She's more interested in getting them to reduce the bartab she never expected to pile up, misunderstanding that they were just trying to be polite, not get suckered into paying her bar tab. Instead of being polite back and accepting the drink, she makes a snarky comment about "being gentlemen" not realizing that's what they're were trying to do. So they turn around and laugh. They weren't interested in her, just trying to be nice, and if she wants to act high and mighty, let her.
Girl realizes just how little pull she has, even with "older" men who should have been tripping over themselves to talk to her and should be easy marks for free drinks, has a crisis of confidence about whether she's getting too old to be the hot young thing even at a bar for old guys. Makes a tiktok trying to shame the guys so she doesn't have to contemplate her own declining attractiveness.
I think my version is probably more accurate. What do you guys think?
PS. The main criterion for Bartenders and DJs interviewing for a job at a bar, is how many hot women they can bring to the bar. That's why they all cultivate "regulars" and chat them up at the bar, then text them on weekends to come over, promise them a free drink, etc. female bartenders have a distinct advantage because they don't look like they're hitting on the women.
This is because a bars attractiveness to the paying customers i.e. the men, is the quality and quantity of women at the bar. So a bartender that has a large harem of women he/she can call over to sit and look pretty for the night is the one you'll hire.
Now, the way those bartenders and DJs get these women to stay a part of their harem, is by promising free drinks. But they don't want them coming off their own salary. So ideally, if you can hoodwink guys into paying for their drinks, it's a double score: your employer is happy that you brought in hot women, and those women managed to get the guys to pony up for drinks.
A woman who can't consistently draw guys into buying her drinks may not be dropped from the list, but they'll definitely be moved down, ie not invited on the busiest nights, maybe called on weeknights or other slow times when the hottest girls arent returning the bartender's texts.
When a woman boasts that she knows a lot of bartenders or DJs, it's helpful to understand why they befriended her, and it ain't for her sparkly personality.
Read More"Our greatest glory is, not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall."
― Oliver Goldsmith, "The Citizen of the World"
#1762 #Quotes #OliverGoldsmith #TheCitizenoftheWorld #World #UnitedKingdom #Ireland #England
I can't even follow her logic. Some Chad dumped her, so, she wants strangers to call him to get his side of the story? Wtf?
Here's the truth lady. It's on you to police Chad's behavior because you're the only person that has something he wants. Give it away for nothing, and he'll learn he can get it for nothing. Make him work for it, and he'll learn he has to work for it. Choose a nice guy to fuck and he'll become a nice guy.
If a random dude walked up to him and asked him to change his behavior, what exactly is his leverage? Chad's not looking for sex from a dude (not that there's anything wrong with that ;) why would he even listen.
So, no, you can't outsource your responsibility for his behavior to the rest of men. It's on you and the rest of the sisterhood that reward his behaviors with pussy.
Read More"Every person, genius or moron, has a right to reproduce himself."
― Lee Kuan Yew, 1st Prime Minister of Singapore (1923–2015) during a speech about an abortion bill in December, 1969
#1969 #Quotes #LeeKuanYew #PrimeMinister #Statesman #World #Asia #Singapore #Nation #CultureWar #EconomicWar #SpiritualWarfare #PsychologicalWarfare #BiologicalWarfare #KineticWarfare #UnrestrictedWarfare
@MentORPHEUS There are so many vested interests making money off the current state of affairs that major changes don't seem possible. It's very unfortunate. Regulatory and fiscal changes could improve some markets, but I don't see it happening. Average people don't have enough information about how certain markets work, and those who do have the information want to keep things as they are or rig them further.
Here comes the uncomfortable truth. This is your medicine. You are a professional victim.
Everything your bitching about is your choice. Let's just cut the shit. You've done nothing and you aren't doing anything to improve your situation. Do you really think there's a magic answer when you're putting yourself in these stupid situations?
Get off your ass and fucking try. You're worried about coming off as a loser because you're being a loser.
You're 40 years old man. Grow some balls and lay down boundaries and consequences with your parents. It's your house invite women over. Read what you wrote and tell me if bitching has yielded you any results?
You're not being honest with yourself first and foremost!
If you can't have a minor disagreement without going out and getting hammered and cheating on her, you need to do a lot of self reflective work on you.
Stop promising exclusivity if you can't deliver on it. If you want to keep thingsnopen that's fine. But stop making promises. The guilt is going to chew away at you.
Don't tell her about your infidelity. Your pushing your guilt onto her and hurting her in the process. I suggest ending it with her. It will suck, but you need to work on yourself.
Patrice O'Neal offered a piece of advice in regards to testing your relationship. Go out and cheat. If you feel no remorse, the relationship is dead and it's time to move on. If, however, you feel guilty, there's still life in the relationship.
I'm bastardising the conversation but I covered the gist.
