I’m 40 years old. I’ve lived away from my parents since I was 20, but three years ago I moved into the house next door to them because I discovered they’d squandered a fortune. I’m worried—not for them, but for myself—because I’m afraid I’ll have to take the blame for their mistakes. They’re terrible people who’ve ruined my life, but for some stupid reason, I feel obligated to help them out.

My house is right next to theirs, and I’ve never brought girls or friends over because I’m ashamed of them. They literally live holed up in the house, and my mother, in particular, always has harsh words for everyone. I wouldn’t want anyone to associate me with them for any reason in the world.

That said, I’m in a tough spot because I basically don’t have anywhere to take girls. It’s never been a problem before, since at this age everyone has their own place, but I feel weird about it. On the one hand, I’m doing a good thing by helping my parents, but on the other hand, I might come across as a loser.

Renting a place far away from them, like I used to, doesn’t make financial sense. I’m not seeing anyone right now, and looking for a rental just for dates seems like a terrible financial decision to me. It’s not a money issue, though I don’t want to waste it carelessly.

As for one-night stands and the like, I have no problem booking an Airbnb. I’m currently recovering from a broken heart and have no intention of rushing into another relationship. I do plan to look for a studio apartment, a small house, or a single room to share with others. But that’s a medium-term solution.

I don’t know how long this situation with my parents will last, and I’m afraid that in the meantime, a girl who truly deserves me might come along, and I won’t be able to seize the opportunity since, let’s face it, I don’t have a place of my own where I can host her without feeling embarrassed.

What can I do in the meantime? How can I come up with plausible excuses without coming across as a loser? If it helps, I’m a good-looking guy, and I’m really popular socially, but when it comes to this topic, I get embarrassed and lose my cool.

As for hookups, I can easily say, “I’m not exactly free,” since I have absolutely no intention of getting serious with whoever I’m with at the time.

But what about girls who have a little more potential? How should I act? Could I even use this situation to see if they’re empathetic?

Thanks in advance for your time

I don't like post like these because they waste everyone's time, the readers' and writer's and they're an utter waste of time because the writer always knows the answer deep inside: She's backing off because she has given up on her main goal of you becoming her boyfriend.

She has monkey branched & found a more suitable & stable branch to cling on. This is the natural course of a situationship in which one half has no intention of getting serious with the other. Turn your brain on and use common sense. I can safely assume that she's at least moderately attractive. Based on what you wrote, I can also assume she has at the least a moderately tolerable personality. Finally, based on your age, I can guess that she's around the age where she's increasingly concerned about her chances of having children vanishing thus, she's realizing that you won't be addressing the concern anytime soon & that she has a far better chance of reaching her goal by moving on, since she's not ugly and can be moderately pleasant for her companion. How else did you think this would end?

It's sheer stupidity that the most logical next move for you is the reply you're not looking for. Do her and yourself a favor and next her. Actually do yourself that favor because she's clearly already nexted you.

35M. Been seeing this girl almost 2 years, nonexclusive. She’s wanted to be my girlfriend for a long time, but I’ve held off because of her inconsistency and poor follow-through. She knows I’ve seen other women. The whole time its been meet 1x a week chill at my spot, drink, fuck, stays late, then leaves. I actually do like this girl but she’s on and off with letting me just lead. When I tell her maybe this type of thing isn’t for her she claims it is and she wants to be in it and follows with “I just need care” basically saying I don’t show I like her and she’s scared to let go.

so it’s basically I’m not committing because she’s not being fully submissive and showing me what being with her would be like. And her claim is she’s not being fully submissive because she doesn’t feel care/secure. Whether that’s true or not who know but that’s the claim.

Early on she was extremely sexual and spontaneous. Initiated dirty talk, sent pics of marks from the night before, dressed up for me, etc. We had a dom/sub dynamic she seemed genuinely into. I still tell her what to wear when she comes over every time.

Now it’s mostly girlfriend type affection. “My jacket smells like you ”, missing me, wanting to cuddle. Sex is still great when we’re together, but she barely initiates anything sexual outside the bedroom anymore.

Saturdays are another noticeable change. She works during the week long shifts and is usually off Sat–Tue. Saturday used to be our regular day, and she’d initiate seeing me. Now she rarely does, and sometimes says she’s unavailable without suggesting another time. No proof of another guy, but the change is obvious.

Recently she brought up Halloween and volunteered to wear a costume for me. Said she’d check her closet, then never followed up. When I asked, she claimed she had nothing, despite recently buying and wearing a dress at my place.

She then offered to go shopping and send pictures. I asked for 3 sexy costume options by 3 PM. She asked for 5, I agreed. She came back with zero pictures, saying nothing was worth buying and she’d ordered clothes online. Didn’t even show me what she’d ordered.

Then she said she’d make it up to me and asked if we were seeing each other. I declined. The next day I texted, “Should’ve done what we agreed then. No excuse for that.” Haven’t spoken since.

Where I’ve probably fucked up: I’ve stayed available on her days off when she doesn’t give any effort to come by after work. I’ve made entry too easy after she’s done shit I don’t like. And she might see that as my word doesn’t mean much.

My main question is whether she’s losing genuine sexual attraction, deliberately toning it down to get girlfriend treatment, or simply no longer investing the same effort.

I’m planning to stop being automatically available and let her initiate more rather than keep trying to recreate the old dynamic.

What’s your read? The main question I have is whether you think she’s backing off the sexual talk/energy because she’s trying to fit into the role she wants that wholesome girlfriend or if she just lost attraction/had another guy.

I could have very easily tested her whole claim that she’s not fully letting go by saying sure we’re exclusive you’re mine and continued to fuck other girls and watched what she did but I didn’t.

Especially interested in whether I’ve contributed to this and what you’d actually do from here. Not looking for generic “next her” replies.