This is a phenomenon that irked me ever since my first approach when I was 13. I approached this older girl at school after weeks of her giving IOIs (stares, smiling), I just walked up to her scared as fuck and awkwardly said hi and asked how are you. Got rejected in a harsh and embarrassing way, but just a few weeks later when I saw her again and she was giving me IOIs again, smiling at me.

Same thing happened again several times after that, in fact I struggle to remember a single time where something like this did not happen (I’m talking about girls I would see on a regular basis).

I‘m exceptionally goodlooking so maybe that changes the dynamic.

Why does this happen? What should I do about it?

Obviously if it was an unfriendly rejection I will just ignore, but say she rejected me in a more ambiguous way (has a boyfriend, or I already fucked her friend, or another dumb reason). Is it fair to treat this as an invitation to talk to her again? I am quite inhibited when it comes to approaching women, and my worry here is that it’s nothing more than a good way to try and get rejected a second time, boosting her ego and making me look desperate

Attempt to answer own Question: I would try to have a low stakes conversation first, then gauge interest based on that.

I've been in a committed relationship for several years. In parallel, I've been back in contact with my ex for about a year – it escalated into mutual exchange of intimate photos. She never knew I had a girlfriend the entire time. I had blocked her on social media from the start so she'd think I wasn't using it anymore. She still kept reaching out via SMS or email. I wanted to end it multiple times but never followed through. The situation has now come to a head: She left her husband and wants to meet up and get back together. I don't want that – I never seriously pursued that from the beginning. Shortly after, I received this message from her:

"Word on the street is that you're renovating half of your grandparents' house with your girlfriend and moving in together. Apparently she's not exactly slim either. Gotta love living in a small town?"

The information most likely came through her cousin, who is loosely connected to my social circle. She now knows I have a girlfriend – but not who she is, and she can't know her. That's currently my only protective factor. She knows where I live and where my parents live. My specific questions:

How do I end this for good without angering her enough to escalate? How do I prevent her from showing up at my place or my family's? How do I prevent her from contacting people in my circle and letting things leak out? How do I protect my girlfriend from finding out?

I'm aware this situation is my own fault – still looking for the most realistic way out.