@Machiaspinner

Am i paranoid or i need to trust my. gut feelings

Hello everyone , hope you are doing very well .

I am really in a fucked up mental paranoia right now , your advice would help that will really sooth me .

I am with a LDR for 5 months now , she pushed for exclusivity many times (Not by the talk) but by removing all her dating apps , saying her Pussy is mine , i own her and tries to please me sexually and non sexually (Cooking etc ) etc... I gave it a try , not saying we are exclusive but i acted like we are , i dropped my 2 plates too without saying anything (I outrank her massively on SMV level ) , in addition i pay for all dates because she is a student .

All was good , because at the beginning i wasn't paying attention to what she does or she says , a plate is a plate .

Now as things became more serious , i pay more attention to texts timelapse and i feel like my oneitis is creeping in.

I tracked her ovulation phase , it's those 3 days , and by coincidence she vanishes for 9 hours (Not working , not studying this week ) , and respond when she is at home (because her parents rarely let her sleep outside) , says she was with her sister shopping , a female friend visited her and they went out and tries to keep the conversation with affection , emojis etc , good night .... I dind't buy this shit and the paranoia began AWALT.

Adding to that , she said she will send me nudes to recharge me for the next time we will meet , and she didn't (I didn't ask for them or said anything) .

To be honest i didn't sleep well 3 days in a row , i keep my sanity by running every night . I am really sure in my deepest guts this bitch is cheating (There can be no coincidence of vanishing and her ovulatory phase without cheating , the problem is i don't have a proof .... LDR ) . My dread is on point , minimal affection , coldness after thoses vanishes , she tries to keep conversations , double texts etc ....

I took a decision that i will end this mess , keep lifting and work on my career . Honestly i can't plate her , oneitis is creeping in , to restore my plates i need time , and if i open the relationship , i will be more hurt (Seems like she has many backups she is actually cheating with) .

Now , we arranged to see each other the next week (she will come to my city) to stay together for valentines and her birthday .

So i prepared a revenge plan (Beta trait but that will appease me at least ) , i will fuck her one last time , have good time , lovebomb her , do all naughty things i think of , then when i drop her at the train station i will send this message to: Hey babe , i think this long distance thing won't work , it's better to stop it now . Wish you all the best / Then go ghost without closure .

What do you think guys of my paranoia and if it's justified and my revenge plan .

You guidance and advices are very well appreciated .

"As a rule, what is out of sight disturbs men's minds more seriously than what they see."

― Gaius Julius Caesar, Commentaries on the Gallic War

I don't understand what benefit you gain in spending time and energy planning this Birthday slash St. Valentine's date with your LTR-LD-GF to just blow it up afterwards, because you're paranoid she might be seeing someone else. If you two haven't agreed to being exclusive, then focus on enjoying the time she spends with you during this date, wrap your junk, bang her brains out, then send her home with a skip in her step and a smile on her face.

Consider taking the time to actually read The Socio-Sexual Hierarchy and stop concerning yourself with doing what you believe an alpha would do. Make the time to accept that you're not an alpha, and that it's perfectly find that you never were. Don't concern yourself with if she's exclusive with you, until such a time as you're able to be around her regularly to observe her behavior firsthand.

Contrary to your current thinking, seeking revenge on others for perceived slights is gamma behavior, not Bravo/beta, and this isn't the first time you've hinted at that side of yourself.

While not at the top of the hierarchy, bravo/beta's and delta's are invaluable as they provide the knowledge and skills essential to making sure society functions as smoothly as it does. Focus on being the most capable competent man you imagine you could reasonably be. Simply because you don't see yourself at the top of yet another hierarchy, doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you.