35M. Been seeing this girl almost 2 years, nonexclusive. She’s wanted to be my girlfriend for a long time, but I’ve held off because of her inconsistency and poor follow-through. She knows I’ve seen other women. The whole time its been meet 1x a week chill at my spot, drink, fuck, stays late, then leaves. I actually do like this girl but she’s on and off with letting me just lead. When I tell her maybe this type of thing isn’t for her she claims it is and she wants to be in it and follows with “I just need care” basically saying I don’t show I like her and she’s scared to let go.

so it’s basically I’m not committing because she’s not being fully submissive and showing me what being with her would be like. And her claim is she’s not being fully submissive because she doesn’t feel care/secure. Whether that’s true or not who know but that’s the claim.

Early on she was extremely sexual and spontaneous. Initiated dirty talk, sent pics of marks from the night before, dressed up for me, etc. We had a dom/sub dynamic she seemed genuinely into. I still tell her what to wear when she comes over every time.

Now it’s mostly girlfriend type affection. “My jacket smells like you ”, missing me, wanting to cuddle. Sex is still great when we’re together, but she barely initiates anything sexual outside the bedroom anymore.

Saturdays are another noticeable change. She works during the week long shifts and is usually off Sat–Tue. Saturday used to be our regular day, and she’d initiate seeing me. Now she rarely does, and sometimes says she’s unavailable without suggesting another time. No proof of another guy, but the change is obvious.

Recently she brought up Halloween and volunteered to wear a costume for me. Said she’d check her closet, then never followed up. When I asked, she claimed she had nothing, despite recently buying and wearing a dress at my place.

She then offered to go shopping and send pictures. I asked for 3 sexy costume options by 3 PM. She asked for 5, I agreed. She came back with zero pictures, saying nothing was worth buying and she’d ordered clothes online. Didn’t even show me what she’d ordered.

Then she said she’d make it up to me and asked if we were seeing each other. I declined. The next day I texted, “Should’ve done what we agreed then. No excuse for that.” Haven’t spoken since.

Where I’ve probably fucked up: I’ve stayed available on her days off when she doesn’t give any effort to come by after work. I’ve made entry too easy after she’s done shit I don’t like. And she might see that as my word doesn’t mean much.

My main question is whether she’s losing genuine sexual attraction, deliberately toning it down to get girlfriend treatment, or simply no longer investing the same effort.

I’m planning to stop being automatically available and let her initiate more rather than keep trying to recreate the old dynamic.

What’s your read? The main question I have is whether you think she’s backing off the sexual talk/energy because she’s trying to fit into the role she wants that wholesome girlfriend or if she just lost attraction/had another guy.

I could have very easily tested her whole claim that she’s not fully letting go by saying sure we’re exclusive you’re mine and continued to fuck other girls and watched what she did but I didn’t.

Especially interested in whether I’ve contributed to this and what you’d actually do from here. Not looking for generic “next her” replies.

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This woman is real and has an actual wiki page on her background not related to this post. She posts regularly on social media that Chads are better than normal "loser" men and women should select them because normal men are bitter losers but also regularly blames normal men for not punishing Chads that don't commit and "lie" to women. She went too far this time and may get her social media account revoked for doxxing the guy above. I'm surprised it hasn't been revoked already. This guy has a good legal case for defamation.