TL;DR: I don't have trouble attracting women or fear being left. My problem starts after we become close, when some women begin creating drama, testing boundaries, trying to control me, and treating me disrespectfully even I did amused mastery, amplify and agree stuffs. Even when I stay calm and set boundaries, it sometimes seems to make them push further. Some have even smeared me after I ended things. So I'm wondering: Do I need to maintain emotional distance and a stronger position of power in relationships, or am I somehow creating or misreading this pattern?

I honestly don't know what I'm supposed to do with dating these days.

I understand the Red Pill idea of keeping multiple plates and not putting all your emotional investment into one woman. I get the logic behind it. But at some point, I got tired of dating that way and wanted to try focusing on just one woman. I was genuinely prepared for the possibility that she might cheat, lose interest, leave me, or that the relationship simply wouldn't work. I can accept that.

What I struggle with is what happens after we become close.

Every time I get close to a woman, even when I'm already mentally prepared to be rejected or left, I eventually end up dealing with things like unnecessary drama, random anger, bringing up pointless issues, playing hard to get, trying to control me, treating me as if I'm easy to control, and continuously undermining or disrespecting me. Some of these things might technically be shit tests, although I haven't paid that much attention to identifying them.

The important part is that this usually doesn't happen during the initial dating phase. In the beginning, things are usually fine. I don't have much trouble attracting women or getting their initial interest. The problem starts once we become comfortable with each other and they know me better. It's not like I'm spoiling them or overinvesting in them either. I usually look for a green light and then progress naturally. I'm also not afraid of walking away. If something crosses a line, I will call it out, and if it continues, I eventually cut the woman off. But somehow, the same pattern keeps repeating. Once they become comfortable with me, there seems to be an increasing attempt to control the dynamic. They become more entitled, more willing to create unnecessary conflict, and more comfortable treating me casually or disrespectfully. Sometimes it feels like the more non-reactive I become, the more they interpret that as permission to push further.

I've tried approaches that are commonly recommended in Red Pill spaces, such as amused mastery, ignoring certain behavior, agreeing and amplifying, and simply being willing to walk away. But sometimes that doesn't lead to greater respect or cooperation. Instead, it seems to encourage them to push the boundary even further.

That's usually the point where I cut them off.

There is another part of this that makes me question the whole dynamic. In some cases, when I was the one who ended things, the woman's ego seemed to become involved. Instead of simply accepting that the relationship was over, she seemed determined not to "lose" and eventually resorted to smearing me or trying to damage my reputation. I've also had traumatic experiences where women falsely accused me, and I genuinely never expected someone to be willing to go that far. Because of those experiences, I've started wondering whether I should establish some kind of position of power before getting seriously involved with someone. Not necessarily because I want to dominate her, but because I don't want to enter a relationship from a position where I can be easily controlled, psychologically destabilized, or disproportionately harmed if things go south. Ironically, I've also noticed something that bothers me. In my country, men who are more aggressive, intimidating, harsh, or even somewhat manipulative toward women sometimes seem to receive more respect than men who aren't aggressive but are still firm and have clear boundaries. I don't know whether this is actually a broader cultural phenomenon or simply my own selection bias based on what I've experienced, but I've noticed the pattern enough that it has made me question my own approach. Usually, the Red Pill principle would be something like: if she disrespects you, be ready to walk away. I already do that. But based on my experience, being willing to walk away doesn't seem to prevent some women from becoming increasingly disrespectful once they become comfortable with me.

In fact, I sometimes get the impression that women who encounter a man who is consistently calm, non-reactive, and unwilling to escalate may eventually interpret that as weakness rather than emotional stability. Meanwhile, men who are more aggressive from the beginning sometimes seem to establish boundaries faster because the woman immediately understands that there are consequences for crossing them. I don't necessarily want to become that kind of man. I don't want a relationship based on intimidation, manipulation, or fear. But I also don't want to keep repeating the same dynamic where I start with reasonable boundaries, become closer to someone, and then gradually find myself dealing with control, drama, disrespect, and power struggles.

So I'm genuinely confused about what the correct approach is.

Do I need to maintain multiple options and emotional distance indefinitely? Do I need to establish a stronger position of power before becoming emotionally invested? Am I somehow selecting women who are prone to these dynamics? Or am I misunderstanding what is actually happening and interpreting normal relationship friction as attempts at control or shit tests?

The frustrating part is that I don't have a problem with attraction. I don't have a problem with the possibility of being rejected or left. I'm actually quite prepared for that. What I don't understand is why, once a woman becomes close to me, the dynamic so often seems to shift toward control, drama, testing, and disrespect rather than submissiveness after I passed the shit tests (because I did amused mastery and their behavior tend to be more arbitrary afterwards) .

At some point, after experiencing this repeatedly, I started wondering whether modern dating is even worth the effort anymore, or whether I'd be better off just paying for an escort and avoiding the entire emotional and interpersonal power struggle altogether.

I think this may be an overreaction. Just log the info and carry on next time. You make your decisions based on hers but you don't have to drop her till you have thought it over and explored your options.

You have not been with this girl for 3 months. There was another guy who was interested but she chose you and kept him as a back up. She didn't bang him she just didn't hurry to tell him she had a boyfriend. OK so she is not super committed. That's all this means at this stage. It is not a great sign but its options not actions. That itself means something but it doesn't mean you have to throw your toys out of the pram. You have invested a lot of effort in getting access to her pussy. In the worst case you could keep her as an option while checking out other options, just to keep your balls empty.

It might be that a conversation in the cool light of day would set it out to her that she really didn't inspire confidence there. Sometimes its that she is just not that mature about it. Sometimes its that she actually likes you but you don't inspire confidence in forging a lasting bond, sometimes she is the sort of girl you can't trust. (Can you trust any girl? -the answer can only ever be 99% and that is once she has given you a few children and hit the wall, when you would probably like an upgrade to a newer model, while she would like to offer less for the same deal as before).

The reality of life is that probably most women have a back up guy. Many of them are just more subtle about it making a show of playing by the rules but still letting the guy hope. Back up guys are the reality for most guys in LTRs, particularly if the woman is quality. Most guys just don't know it and act like she is solid gold. You had the advantage there of knowing it. You knew who to watch out for, you knew it was now fine for you to examine options.