You are asking a lot of big questions and so any answers will be quite simple as to go into detail needs a chapter on each.

Well done for taking a good clear look at yourself.

You don't overcome fear of death, you accept it, then it gets in perspective. You have to let your ego die a little to do this. Who you are and what you want is not that important really in the world and your life is not either. You are just another animal that will die and you will get through it because you lunch did. This is not something you can suddenly realise, it takes time and some knocks in life to really let it sink in. the good news is, for most people life supplies all that and they do get reconciled by the end.

What do you really want? If you want a wife and kids go get them, don't act out of fear or from what others expect. If you don't want those things, start looking at what you think you want and finding out if its as good as you hope. Be honest with yourself and your desires.

You can't fully deal with family disrespect. They are who they are and they are also your blood kin. Any drastic solution is self harm and harm to the family, which is valuable as an asset and as part of your identity. You do need to try things and you do need to have boundaries. You need to improve your behaviour, try to get others to and draw lines where you cannot. This is an on going thing through life. Don't quit, don't go in too hard, don't get too hurt.

Who you are will dictate what career is not too demanding for you emotionally. I can see form what you write that you have been hurt by life. This is to some extent bad luck but its also evidence of how you take bad luck -hard. Seeing your mother naked does not have to be life defining nor does your parents' divorce. Difficult sure but to make it part of your personal stats suggests you feel damaged by it. Likewise to have your life changed by a grandmother's death is unusual. I suggest you accept you are quite easily wounded. To some extent you can learn to toughen up but to some extent it is also who you are, so don't pick a career where you take a lot of emotional abuse and hard interactions with others. Also do not pressure yourself to much or you will suffer. The post already suggests you want to drive yourself hard but are quite vulnerable. You need to accept that these are opposites but also truths about yourself. One will never win out over the other without self harm. This may even limit your earning potential. That you have to accept. We all have to accept we can't be everything we want to be but to do the best with what we have.

You do need to learn to like yourself. You are honest about your short comings. Your ego is not on top of your grip on reality. That's a very likeable trait.

The number of people I see on here saying look looksmaxxing doesn’t matter or is cope is ridiculous. It’s obviously important, otherwise no one would be talking about it. Doesn’t matter if it’s black pill, red pill, or fucking birth control pill.

Two Broad Categories of Looksmaxxing:

Yes, hardmaxxing (getting surgeries) is dumb as fuck. And height essentially cannot be changed safely. 99% of men should not be looking at any cosmetic surgeries. Barring some horrific facial disfigurement, you are in that 99% OP.

Softmaxxing is super important and actually good for you. Some of the things in this window even red pill guys say are mandatory: lifting (improves physique), eating well, dressing and grooming properly, etc. Know this: if someone says looks looksmaxxing is useless/cringe, but then recommends gym, diet, haircut, and fashion, they are recommending the softmaxxing side of looksmaxxing. Which again, I think is good and healthy for you, with or without women.

For more on Soft- and Hardmaxxing, I found this nice write-up. It comes with a rough plan for how you should approach this too. Hint: start with softmaxxing. https://looksmaxxers.com/pages/softmaxxing-vs-hardmaxxing-whats-the-difference

Last, game and status are also super important. Those are just harder to develop than getting a haircut or a surgery. We just see an overemphasis on looksmaxxing because people in general are less and less socially adept, thanks to internet culture. And unwilling to put in the reps to become game-competent.

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As for you OP, you don’t need to worry about looksmaxxing. You have SO much else to worry about first. From the frantic posting habits we have seen, you need to get your mental health in order. They way you are now, even if you were a male supermodel, just talking for 30s is likely to drive away any interested girls.

You’ve gotta work out how to process your traumatic events. I don’t know how exactly, as that stuff hasn’t happened to me, but not doing so will totally fuck up your inner mental state, and therefore game.

As for your life goal and what to do if not marriage, you are a young guy and you need to figure that out on your own. You don’t need to do it for all your life at once; just start with a goal for this year (like properly processing your traumas in a therapeutic practice, or benching X kgs by the end of 2026).

You really aren’t at the point where you need to worry about deep philosophical meanings in life, or what happens to the dead. Right now, as you are alive, day-to-day, I sense you aren’t well. Worrying about what god has in store for all of humanity is pointless until you have your own shit in order day-to-day.

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Last, OP, if you are really doing all that stuff in your progress section, just stick with it and keep improving there. You’ve been posting about this stuff several times this month. But you gotta be patient. You were (and still are) in bad all around life shape. That shit isn’t gonna be fixed in just 1 month. Focus on improving your day-to-day habits and you will be fine. Rome was not built in a day, and neither will you.