So, I just asked "Are you in a relationship?" She reacted, but quickly composed herself and said confidently "No".

...

She became a bit nervous. "I'm seeing someone

What the fuck. Not in a relationship but seeing someone.

Do not shit where you eat.

Do not date liars.

Now here’s my issue: It’s the first time in six years I’ve felt this level of mutual tension with a woman.

So. It doesn't have to be the last.

Find single women YOU DO NOT WORK WITH who are not ambiguous about "seeing someone".

From an RP perspective, is that solid? Or should I have escalated more physically before the “I don’t date colleagues”-line? Not verbalized interest at all and just let it be pure subtext? Pushed harder, or done less?

So, she's cuddling all close to you, rubbing your neck and then says "I don't date colleagues".

She isn't in a relationship

Or wait until I’m no longer a colleague (January-ish) and drop a very simple, non-needy invite: “Now that we’re not colleagues anymore, that drink we should’ve taken earlier is on the table if you want it.”

I wouldn't even be that overt........ "I've left. Drinks?"

Or just treat this as “first spark after an LTR,” and focus 100% on rebuilding my dating reps with other women?

Do that either way

So I’m throwing it to you: Did I show up like a man that night?

you did fine

Am I overvaluing the whole thing because I’m emotionally rusty?

yes

Do I leave it, revisit it later, or use it as pure training data and move on?

ping her a text after you leave

But she is seeing someone.

Yep, and she could be fucking you too.

You can't date her because she is open to fucking you while seeing someone else. So she's a hoe. But no reason not to fuck her.

DO NOT DATE HER.

Christ man - this is so many red flags.

Yes

Alright boys, I need some calibration.

I’ve been out of the dating game for six years. Six years in an LTR with a single mom that slowly bled me out. Burnout, depression, mission drift, identity loss... all of it. I’ve been rebuilding, getting my shit together, but I haven’t really been in the arena with women since.

Met some girls... but none of them even sparked the tiniest amount of interest. Just, low quality. Low effort. So I ended the dates. I have all the "attention" I need. But it doesn't give me anything.

Now to the situation. A few days ago, we have a company party. I’m there as a consultant. There’s this girl, Angela. I’ve seen her before and we've always had great rapport. Gotten a few IOIs, but always left it at that. But this time we end up actually talking.

And it’s on.

Not imaginary “maybe she smiled at me” cope. I mean clear, sustained, unmistakable interest. On top of that, she does what women only do when they feel both safe and turned on: She isolates me.

We end up with our group at a table. They eventually walks away and she wants me to stay. We're sitting tightly, arms around each other, she's stroking my neck.

We get into that “bubble” where the club noise fades out and it’s just eye contact, teasing, warmth, tension. You know when a girl is really there with you. it was that. I put my hand on her cheek or head when I spoke. Maintained strong eye contact.

We're talking about work. I told her I'm leaving I January. She starts complimenting me: My vibe My energy How easy I am to talk to How “fun” and “different” I am compared to most guys at work How I'm the only true leader at work and they're losing someone valuable.

Time fades for some time. But the proximity, closeness and her fucking smell wakes something inside me that I thought has been dead for years. I don't make a move, because I've heard she might be in a relationship and I don't want that drama at work.

So, I just asked "Are you in a relationship?" She reacted, but quickly composed herself and said confidently "No".

"Listen, i find you attractive and smart. I want to make a move, but will not in this setting. But I want to see you outside work, sober."

She became a bit nervous. "I'm seeing someone. And, I have a rule against dating people at work." "Alright, I hear ya. I respect that. But give me your number and I'll come get you in January when I leave"

She gives me her number, takes mine and saves it.

"Listen, this wierds you out? Just tell me, I can handle rejection" "It doesn't. And believe me, I would've told you".

And then I just switched back to whatever we were talking about and the same vibe as before continued. No pulling away. She didn’t emotionally retract, didn’t move away, didn’t freeze. She said it… and then continued staying close, engaged, present.

So here’s how I handled it:

I didn’t argue. I didn’t try to logic her out of her boundaries. I didn’t do the “but is it really serious tho?” beta thing.

I just stayed in my frame, matched her energy, and at one point calmly told her something like:

No begging. No “please give me a chance.” Just clear intent, dropped once, then back to normal vibe.

She didn’t flinch. Didn’t get awkward. Didn’t shut down. She received it, smiled, kept the connection going, and stayed physically close. Still hand around me. Still an inch from my lips every time she spoke. Still welcomed my hands on her when she spoke.

Night ends. No kiss, no number exchange, no overt escalation past that point. Just a strong, emotionally charged interaction with clear mutual attraction and a boundary on her side. Walked for a bit, said our goodbyes.

Now here’s my issue:

It’s the first time in six years I’ve felt this level of mutual tension with a woman. And the next 48 hours? My brain went full casino mode: Replaying everything Fantasizing Second-guessing myself Building narratives Thinking about texting her Trying to find “reasons” to re-engage

I just hit the gym and social events until that wheel stopped spinning.

But basically my old LTR-softened, scarcity-poisoned brain trying to hook into the first real spark post-breakup. So yeah, I’m rusty as fuck. I can see that. What I don’t fully see is where I stand in terms of execution. That’s where I need you guys.

Did I handle the night correctly?

On paper: I stayed calm. I matched her energy. I let her do most of the isolation. I received the compliments without turning into a dancing monkey. I stated interest once without pushing. I respected her “I don’t date colleagues” and “I’m seeing someone” without negotiating. I didn’t chase after, didn’t drunk-text, didn’t beg, didn’t try to force an outcome.

From an RP perspective, is that solid? Or should I have escalated more physically before the “I don’t date colleagues”-line? Not verbalized interest at all and just let it be pure subtext? Pushed harder, or done less?

I need honest calibration here.

Is my post-event spiral just rust + drought? I can feel how “first real IOIs after a 6-year emotional desert” messed with me.

On one hand, I know attraction when I see it. She was into me. But on the other hand, I clearly still have that tendency to inflate a moment into a story.

Is this just normal recalibration after being out of the game for so long? Or is it a red flag that I need to slam the brakes and rebuild internal abundance ASAP?

What the fuck do I do now?

Realistic options I see: Do nothing. Let it be a powerful moment, keep my frame, move on with my life unless she makes a move. No pressure, no weirdness, just solid masculine presence.

Or wait until I’m no longer a colleague (January-ish) and drop a very simple, non-needy invite: “Now that we’re not colleagues anymore, that drink we should’ve taken earlier is on the table if you want it.”

Or just treat this as “first spark after an LTR,” and focus 100% on rebuilding my dating reps with other women?

Right now, my biggest issue isn’t her... it’s my internal compass after a long time out of the game.

So I’m throwing it to you: Did I show up like a man that night? Am I overvaluing the whole thing because I’m emotionally rusty? Do I leave it, revisit it later, or use it as pure training data and move on?

I want the harsh take, not the comforting one.

Because I’m rebuilding from the ground up here, and I’d rather calibrate hard now than run these patterns unconsciously later.

What’s the next move?