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It might be that Western civilization is more of an ideal than a reality.
It has to do with a brotherhood of individuals, was birthed in Classical Greek Philosophy, revived in the Enlightenment, trotted out during the American, the French and the Russian revolution, and then conveniently stashed and subdued.
In the West today there's emotionality rather than Logos, and politics based on the Father-son, authoritarian schema instead of the brotherhood one.
So I'm sceptical of the kind of civilizational benefits the West has provided to the peoples it has come in contact with...
Ohh, yes. Women only get pregnant off of "perfect" guys. That's riiiiight. He's gotta be just peerrrrrrrfecto before they'll even think of a future with him. Unlike a hot, tall dude flying a bunch of red flags whom they'll nonetheless find "fixable" because "he's a good person deep down."
He's gotta be trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. Then Mister Stork flies-in from the Baby Factory in the clouds and drops a bundle of joy down the chimney.
I didn't blur out the credit, I assume someone modified the original
@Typo-MAGAshiv Yeah that ought to fix it. Western culture has been a big hit around the world and the other nations have so taken it to heart that they will surely adopt our position on things.
Its not like they just going to have taken the free stuff from us and then turn round and laugh at us for being so simple when we ask for some back.
If a hetero woman is 40, single, and wants a child, she has probably spent many years looking for a partner.
Well, at least the last 5 or 6. And note, even here, she stresses the weasel word.
You all demand women have children, but then you judge them if they have children without a husband, and you judge them if they have children with men who turn out to be bad fathers, but then you also judge them if they don't settle for any random man.
Holy run-on sentence, Batman! Also, nice straw man. The actual expectation is, of course, far simpler: spend your youth wisely. Seek to secure the commitment of a good man (note the adjective) when you are most optimally positioned to do so.
The vast majority of us do not meet the perfect guy at 22 [...] Women cannot make perfect men materialize out of thin air.
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."
But you all talk about this as if a woman who is having a child by herself at 40 has chosen that path since childhood.
Because she has. She probably didn't intend to choose that path, to be sure. I certainly didn't intend to be single and living with my parents again at 40 when I was a child - yet here I am. There are extenuating circumstances, reasonable explanations for why I'm in this situation. Ultimately, however, it's on me. Whatever my intentions going in, I'm in the position I am now because I made choices that led me here. The same is true of a single woman seeking to have a child on her own at 40.
Have some damn grace.
...like you would doubtless have for a man in my position?
Oh, right. Silly me. Understanding and grace are for women's benefit.
Read MoreI actually do understand your feelings on this OP. I'm currently divorced (about to re-marry soon) and the emotions and struggles you are describing are quite common. My biggest pain point when trying to make a decision in the "what to do" phase of calling it quits was how this would affect my children. Fucking killed me with the notion that they'd be growing up in separate households, but deep down I knew I wasn't going to be able to make it work out long term with the now ex-wife. One thing I suspected at the very end of my marriage was that my stress tolerance was overloaded. It wasn't until a year or so later after the ex-wife was completely removed from my life that I realized and experienced just how peaceful things could be in my life, and the weight of that stress was life-changing.
I can promise you that children can adjust assuming you are willing to be regularly active in their lives.
I do agree with everyone else that based on what you've written this marriage is over. You need to bite the bullet now, realize you'll probably be giving up a lot of money and such - just get it over with now.
Now let me highlight several things working in your favor:
- You're a doctor and someone who's willing to work hard
- You're still young, you said you're currently 33.
- You will have no trouble at all pulling younger women even at age 50.
Everything you're describing that's wrong right now, someone else will be more than happy to share their life with you. Make sure to get a pre-nup next time.
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