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Would you confront her again or just walk?
I am in a long distance relationship with a girl for 4 months. I have known her for a year. We met many times, we were casual for the most part, I liked her a lot and wanted to pursue this. She is emotionally invested, plans on moving to my country mid summer, and is paying me a visit in 2 weeks.
There's something that I have noticed later in the relationship which was having casual interactions with old flings. In all honesty, I didn't care about it at the time, but at some point she added me to her private IG where she has just a few people there and I took notice that she has at least two old flings there (an ex and a FWB). On the same day, I confirmed one of them because I saw he commented on her post in her public IG with fire emojis, told her I don't keep contact with exs. So, she said it's indeed her ex, but assured that their interactions only pertain to reactions and nothing else. She didn't deflect or anything.
If I am being honest with myself, If I go back to 8 years ago, I'd next this girl in a heartbeat. But I do feel like I am a little calmer in my reactions and more understanding as I truly trust this woman.
Generally, this has worked for me, but it just keep showing up against my face. Last week I took notice that they still exist with her posts, I just naturally pulled back she noticed and pursued me with warm signals, but we didn't confront anything.
I am unsure about how I should move forward with this girl. Her next trip is fully ready. I do want to meet her, but I somehow cannot disengage myself emotionally and enjoy the moment. I feel like initiating this convo again is weak as I'd be repeating myself, but it also feels like dumping her is a bad idea as I trust her.
I am not sure to which extent has she minimized her communication with old flings after our conversation.
What do you guys think about this dynamic? Is it a good idea to revisit this topic once more for clarity rather than jumping to conclusions?
If I try to answer to answer my own question: She's keeping options open, not necessarily maliciously, but her intent isn't as important as her actions.
She still values these guys' attention, and asking her directly about this is going to make or break this situation.
Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
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Please read
I’m in my early 20s, and as dumb as it sounds, I’m scared of having a girlfriend. I’ve had multiple girls approach me, but I always reject or ignore them. I can play the game, but when it comes time to escalate, I freeze. I lost a girl recently who really wanted me, but I never made a move and she moved on after a few months.
Now there’s another girl trying to be with me. She’s a solid 8, has other orbiters, but she keeps texting me. She’s shy around me though, so the convos are dry, and I left her on read. She texted again a few days later, still dry, so I told her I was busy and didn’t reply. That was a week ago.
I think the fear comes from how I grew up. I used to be one of the most confident kids in elementary and middle school, gave zero shits, everyone wanted to be my friend. But I got punished a lot, i mean A LOT, especially by my feminist teachers and my sisters. I was constantly shut down for being bold or loud, and over time it turned me into this shy, introverted version of myself.
On top of that, I got beat up by my family and never really felt safe growing up. Outwardly I have confident body language, probably from who I used to be, and girls say I look confident, but inside I feel like a little boy. I’m introverted and not socially calibrated at all; mostly because I kept getting punished, to the point where they just stopped letting me go out. Now, when I’m around guys I see as high-value, my fight-or-flight kicks in out of nowhere, even if there’s no real reason. I don’t have that calm, grounded masculine energy. I overthink everything and constantly doubt myself.
I shared all that because I feel like some people out there might’ve gone through the same thing, or at least something similar, and maybe they’ll get where I’m coming from.
But back to the main issue
• I want to ask her out, but I panic. What if she sees I’m not who she thinks I am? What if I mess it up or can’t handle a relationship? Is she hot enough for me? What will other people think of me?
• Why do i have a fear of intimacy? How do I stop being scared, stop overthinking, and actually feel like a grounded, confident man? How do I become a man who doesn’t give a shit about what others think and just owns it and says fuck you?
• Also, what kind of date do you suggest?
Before you ask, yeah, i am reading the sidebar
Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
Read MoreShould your plates see other people?
On one hand, I don’t want to share my women with anybody. On the other hand, plates are not really my women, and it’s just my turn with them, so why should I be bothered?
Say one of your plates was going on a trip for a few months. You know she’s going to get drilled by some foreign cock. Would you be down to see her again once she’s back? Or would you just replace her then and there?
Technically I should just be able to slap a rubber on it, get my nut off and go about my day as if nothing happened, but at the same time it’s kind of weird. It’s an interesting conundrum to me.
P.S. Now that I think about it, my inability to accept the fact that plates will be promiscuous may be just me living in la la land and thinking we have something special going on, when in reality it’s no more special of a relationship than what you and your favorite prostitute from the red light district have. Thoughts?
In what ways are they your women? In what ways are you their man? You've shared no hints of agreements to mutual exclusivity, so how's that supposed to work?
You're both single. Just as you should be courting other females, they will be courting other guys. Much like pimps, females make stables with stallions, like yourself, while us guys maintain inventories of plates. As they're plates, they're not yours in any meaningful way like girlfriends could be, or a wife might. It's normal to be disappointed if a female should lose interest in you at any given time, but you should be otherwise unconcerned and unattached. Just as she has her life to live, you've got your own. Faith, self, work, family, friends, hobbies, other plates in inventory who want to spend time with you, and the ability to find entirely new ones should be your concern and focus, in that order.
The only reason any female you're dating would let you know their plan to spend time with another guy, at all, is likely to provoke jealousy in you. Congrats, they've provided you the most glaringly obvious sign of being narcissists, which is thee most valid reason to drop their psychologically mal-adapted @$$ from your rotation and move on without them. They've unwittingly liberated you by removing any doubt that as a diabolical ball-draining soul sapping succubi they're completely unqualified to be considered relationship material. This allows you to avoid the mind-bending horror resulting from your life suddenly becoming more interesting and stressful, as you hopefully cease any further contact to quietly fall off their radar.
It's been a year and your lack of comprehension of these topics is comically sad. Study the book. The sidebar's clearly too advanced for you right now.
Read More@carnold03 Gagging? Did you mean gauging? Because gagging is actually a better test...
Do men shit test women? If so, how are they similar and how do they differ from women's shit test for men?
Men talk shit and fuck with each other all the time for fun. Iron sharpens iron in a game of verbal jujitsu and yes when emotions get hot this can be used to crack or test a real opponent. Not really shit tests in the way I understand them. Mainly it's just for sport.
I do the exact same with the women in my life and most of them enjoy it until they don't anymore. My girls even crack jokes back. Not really shit test, more like a temperament test or gagging someone's wit.
The only thing that comes close would be a test of submission. Gagging how well she follows directions, values you as a leader.
More comparable to a comfort test from them would be simple things like asking her to grab a water for you, an item from the store while she's out.
Otherwise, if shits getting sticky, can she calm down her emotions and take instructions when the pressure is on. Fortunately my girl seems to follow my lead when emotions have gotten hot out and about.
So no, I don't necessarily believe men in general use shit test in a similar fashion as women.
And then suddenly, the theme song to The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy plays, as a Raccoon enthusiastically throws up the horns with both arms before gleefully exclaiming, "Always!"
Read MoreI know this platform is not the most active anymore but I don't know where else to post this. I feel like women are becoming more hypergamous than ever, dating apps are essentially dead. Even for geoarbitrage: An average guy might have gotten a lot of matches in Southeast Asia and Latin America around 5 years ago but now it is hard even in those places. Women everywhere are running around in skin tight leggings, sometimes these chicks are not even 18. So everywhere you go is basically sexualised. And this is getting more, not less, due to Tik Tok and the likes frying the brains of the new generations. So, are things overall getting worse for dating and society?
Things have always been bad and are likely far worse than any of us not involved in the trade of intelligence gathering are aware of. The only difference is that you're no longer in a position where you can either ignore or deny that it's bad at all, or overlook how your own actions, and those of others, have actively contributed to making things worse. Unfortunately, the only options going forward are the same as before, two of which being whether you continue to participate, or find a different, less emotionally burdensome path to your goals.
Whatever path you choose to take, I suggest you consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
Read MoreShould I cut it off if I'm not physically attracted to her?
Hey guys, I’m 21 and met a 19-year-old girl last month who shares pretty much all the same interests as me. Emotionally and personality-wise, we connect really well.
The only issue is that she has zero experience. She’s never kissed anyone before and is really shy about physical affection. She told me she’s scared she’ll mess up or turn me off. I put my foot down a dew days ago and was honest with her, told her the lack of affection is starting to affect me and feels like a dealbreaker. She ended up breaking down and said she doesn’t want to seem desperate, but she’d do anything to make this work.
Here’s the thing, I’m not physically attracted to her. She’s not fat at all, just maybe a 4 or 5/10 but honestly feels like long-term material, but that physical chemistry just isn’t there for me. On the other hand, there’s another girl I’ve been seeing where the physical attraction is way stronger, but I don't connect with her as well and she does have quite a few more red flags.
I’m in a spot now where I feel like I have to choose. She told me if she kisses a guy and then gets broken up with she'll kill herself (maybe not literally but she is saving herself). I also feel like I have options as I'm good looking ( not as good looking as when I used to lift before working crazy hours), I am working in investment banking this summer and will likely go full-time next year, so I will be making six figs at a relatively young age (but no work life balance). I’ve spent maybe $300 on the first girl, so it's feeling like a money sink now. I'm just not excited to be around her but she'd be great LTR material.
Should I keep seeing the girl I connect with emotionally, even though I’m not that attracted to her? Would really appreciate some honest thoughts.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=qzliaVBQKDs
Read More30 Y/O Beginner with some questions
Hey y’all, trying to figure out how to improve my situation as much as possible within my current means. I’m currently unemployed and have been fighting depression but therapy has been helping. I’ve cleaned up my diet, and I’m starting to work out more regularly. Down 35 lbs so far with 35 more to go. I’ve begun replacing my wardrobe so I don’t look homeless using reddit’s male fashion advice basics. Read most of the sidebar and the rational male, still making my way through the book of pook. After that I will read day game.
My main issue is I have been spending my days playing video games and watching TV and never leaving the house. I haven’t been on a date in over 10 years and am still a virgin. I’m currently living with my parents. I’m planning on saving up to buy a house when I get a job, but I don’t think I’ll reach that goal for another 18 months for when I can get my own place. My current plan is to begin to re-expose myself to social environments and talking to people, and raise my SMV as much as possible until I can become employed again.
Overall Goals: -10% body fat -Find employment with at least 70k a year so I can save up for a house by the end of the year -Force myself to be social so I can talk to people without being weird -Ask a girl for her number before May 30(while this seems easy, I have never done this before and want to lose a bit more weight and finish fixing wardrobe before I try)
Daily Plan to Prevent Myself from self-isolation: Morning – Workout, Go to coffee shop and work on Resume/ Job Search 4 hours (Coffee shop is where I will be exposed to other people so I’m not isolated for days on end) Afternoon- Read self-development 3 hours Evening – This is the part I struggle with the most, my evenings are usually empty, and with that emptiness I just watch TV or porn. I plan to try and start volunteering in order to broaden my horizons and the number of people I meet while not spending any money except for gas. I will also try hobby group meetups for stuff I’m interested in.
Advice Needed: I am open to suggestions on any of this plan if anyone sees an issue I’m blind to. What are some good ideas on how to spend my evening productive, because I’m used to having the mindset “I’ve earned a break in the evening” despite doing minimal things to have earned a break. I don’t drink (sober 2 years) and don’t like bars, so I don’t really want to go there unless I have to, so open to suggestions on how to meet women or friends. All my friends are married with kids and don’t do anything, so meeting people through friends isn’t really a good option. For online dating, I’ve only attracted overweight women, should I just go on dates even though I’m not attracted to them for practice?
Brainstorming for current issues: For evenings I'm leaning more towards reading fantasy hobby or practicing a skill although I don't know what skills could help SMV while working on it at home. Meeting women I think hobby groups would be my best bet, such as board game groups, hiking groups, and running groups as these are things I am actually interested in. Are there any easy hobby groups to meet women in? As for online dating, my intuition is to not date women I don't have any attraction to, but I'm not sure if my lack of experience is extreme enough to date them anyway to try and get that experience.
I wasted my entire 20s to depression so really trying to improve now, thank you for your time and advice.
Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
Read MoreHow do I get over the fact that I "lost" a virgin
This goes back to my break up post, but TLDR had a literal virgin that I became her first for everything sexually. Things didn't end up working out, now I'm tainted because that was my literally a 1 in a billion chance.
I accept total accountability that it was the lack of me being a complete man that lead to me losing her. Now she's literally out there riding the cock carousel after her first long term relationship with me lol...
Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
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