Share jokes that people can tell at parties or add to their repertoire. Ideally related to sex, dating, the SMP, or Red Pill Truths, but anything that will get a room laughing is welcome!
And one Long Form joke, in case the party is really slow...
A man is in Las Vegas and losing his ass. He cannot win anything, and before he knows it, he has absolutely no money left. The only thing he does have is his plane ticket home, but he has no way to the airport.
He walks out of the casino and sees a solitary cab with the cabby leaning against it. He walks over and asks the driver if there's any way he could just take him to the airport. He swears that he will wire the cabby the money the moment he gets home, but the cabby is a total dick.
"You know how many fucking losers I deal with everyday that give me that bullshit story? Fuck you ya piece of shit. Get away from me before I call the cops", the shithead cabby says.
Well, the guy walks half way to the airport, finally thumbs a ride, and gets home. He has an outstanding year in business and makes a killing in the market.
Almost a year to the day, he goes back to the same casino where he previously lost his ass, but this time he kills. He cannot lose. Blackjack, slots, you name it, and he's kickin' it's ass.
When it's finally time to go, he walks out of the casino and sees a line of about 5 cabs. As he looks down the row, he sees that same asshole that gave him such a hard time the previous year, leaning against his cab at the end of the cab line.
He goes up to the nearest cabby and says, "How much for a ride to the airport?"
The cabby says $10.
The guy says, "OK. How about I give you an extra $2 and you suck my cock?"
The cabby nearly hits him, and tells him to get the hell out of there before he calls the cops.
So the guy goes to the next cab and the next cab, and so on, asking the same thing, "How much for a ride to the airport...how about I give you an extra $2 to suck my dick?", and each time he gets told to go away.
Finally, the guy comes to the shithead cab driver from last year, and says, "How much for a ride to the airport?", to which the cabby says $10.
So without another word, the guy hops in the cab.
As the cab is pulling past the other cab drivers, the guy holds up 2 $1 bills against the side window, smiles and gives the other cab drivers the thumbs up.
Read MoreBruce was walking along in the outback when he came across Doug, who had a sheep under each arm.
"G'day Doug, you shearing?"
"Nah mate, I'm gonna shag 'em both meself"
If a woman is uncomfortable watching you masturbate, do you think:
(a) You need more time together?
(b) She's a prude?
(c) She should sit somewhere else on the bus?
I hear Sylvester Stallone is on his third marriage.
The first one was rocky.
The second one was rocky too.
Here you go some auto translated jokes from across the pond
On a beautiful, sunny day, a guy went to the zoo with his wife. The wife, a very attractive woman - makeup, a summer pink skimpy dress, cinched with a belt, self-supporting tights....
As they walked between the cages of the monkeys, they saw a gorilla, which at the sight of them seemed to go crazy, began to jump on the bars, grunting, hanging on one paw, with the other pounding on his skull, apparently incredibly excited. The husband, noticing this excitement of the monkey, suggested to his wife to irritate the animal even more, and began to give her ideas : lick your lips .... , curl your butt .... The wife followed his instructions, and the gorilla began to make such sounds that would probably wake the dead. “Unbuckle the belt ...” (the gorilla almost unbuckled the bars from the tension), “Lift the dress above the pantyhose” (the gorilla went completely crazy). Suddenly the guy grabbed his wife by the hair, opened the cage door, threw his wife inside, slammed the door and shouted reproachfully:
- Now explain to him that you have a headache!
What is pregnancy?
Otherwise the revenge of the conductor. Did not want to play with a stick, you have to carry a drum
@MentORPHEUS I could have sworn I'd shared this one on here ages ago, but alas I did not
It's one of my favorite clean jokes
A comment in another thread reminded me of this one.
Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all hired to do movies about the big three classical music composers. The director gives them the choice on who they play.
Bruce shrugs and says, "I guess I'll be Beethoven".
Stallone thinks for a minute and says, "Eh, I'll be Mozart then."
Everyone then turns to Arnold who looks down with a sigh, "I'll be Bach".
Johnny was an unlucky incel and his roommates always gave him grief over this. One day though, he excitedly burst in and exclaimed, "I was FINALLY with A GIRL!!!"
His friends wowed and asked him what went down.
"Well, after the date she wanted to go back to her place!"
Yeah..? the friends all urged
"So we ended up in bed and sure enough I thrust it in!"
Yeah..?
"She was really into it! She squirmed and moaned!"
Yeah..?
"And every time I thrust, her toes would curl!"
"YOU IDIOT! You forgot to take her pantyhose off first!"