Share jokes that people can tell at parties or add to their repertoire. Ideally related to sex, dating, the SMP, or Red Pill Truths, but anything that will get a room laughing is welcome!
Here's one for before the alcohol has really started flowing at the party:
Q: What's the square-root of 69?
A: Eight something.
Three nuns are standing in line at the pearly gates.
St. Peter goes to the first and says "Welcome to Heaven! Is there anything you'd like to confess before I let you in?" "Father," says the nun holding up her hands, "I'm ashamed to admit it, but these hands have known a man's penis." "My daughter," says St. Peter, "simply wash your hands in that bowl of holy water and all will be forgiven."
As she walks over to wash her hands, the 3rd nun cuts the second in line. "What are you doing?" whispers the second. "I want to gargle with that water before you rinse your ass with it!" she hisses back.
A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide.
The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord, have mercy -- I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license, they'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not, you can NOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
Song of internalized misogyny that made the rounds of middle school:
She was flying down the hill doing 90
When the chain on her motorcycle broke
She landed on the grass
With the muffler up her ass
And her tits were playing Dixie on the spokes!
I told my wife that she would look better with longer hair on her head, but apparently it's frowned upon to tell this to a terminal cancer patient.
A boy was crying at the edge of a cliff. A man who was passing while walking his dog goes to the boy and asks him "hey, what's up little buddy?"
The boy points to the base of the cliff, where a crashed car was burning.
The man asks "oh God, your family is in that car?" and the boy answers while sobbing "yes, they're all dead"
The man sighs while he unzips his pants. "Well, today is not your lucky day, child"
And one Long Form joke, in case the party is really slow...
A man is in Las Vegas and losing his ass. He cannot win anything, and before he knows it, he has absolutely no money left. The only thing he does have is his plane ticket home, but he has no way to the airport.
He walks out of the casino and sees a solitary cab with the cabby leaning against it. He walks over and asks the driver if there's any way he could just take him to the airport. He swears that he will wire the cabby the money the moment he gets home, but the cabby is a total dick.
"You know how many fucking losers I deal with everyday that give me that bullshit story? Fuck you ya piece of shit. Get away from me before I call the cops", the shithead cabby says.
Well, the guy walks half way to the airport, finally thumbs a ride, and gets home. He has an outstanding year in business and makes a killing in the market.
Almost a year to the day, he goes back to the same casino where he previously lost his ass, but this time he kills. He cannot lose. Blackjack, slots, you name it, and he's kickin' it's ass.
When it's finally time to go, he walks out of the casino and sees a line of about 5 cabs. As he looks down the row, he sees that same asshole that gave him such a hard time the previous year, leaning against his cab at the end of the cab line.
He goes up to the nearest cabby and says, "How much for a ride to the airport?"
The cabby says $10.
The guy says, "OK. How about I give you an extra $2 and you suck my cock?"
The cabby nearly hits him, and tells him to get the hell out of there before he calls the cops.
So the guy goes to the next cab and the next cab, and so on, asking the same thing, "How much for a ride to the airport...how about I give you an extra $2 to suck my dick?", and each time he gets told to go away.
Finally, the guy comes to the shithead cab driver from last year, and says, "How much for a ride to the airport?", to which the cabby says $10.
So without another word, the guy hops in the cab.
As the cab is pulling past the other cab drivers, the guy holds up 2 $1 bills against the side window, smiles and gives the other cab drivers the thumbs up.
Read MoreBruce was walking along in the outback when he came across Doug, who had a sheep under each arm.
"G'day Doug, you shearing?"
"Nah mate, I'm gonna shag 'em both meself"