@Durek_The_Bald There's ton of things I should have added but the one that jumps out most was getting "show don't tell" cracked made a big difference to my performance as a father. There are a lot of learning styles out there and you need to identify what kind of learner your kid is. However they all respond well to being shown stuff. Explanation Demonstration Practice Are the best ways to train an adult but with smaller kids, demonstrate and they copy. You don't have to explain why. They do it because you do it. Get them doing.

With practical skills that's all you need but with ideas about how to pursue life, they won't get all the nuances of the why in many cases till they are in their 20's or more. Remember they will stop caring about why you said it was a good idea when they are teenagers but habits die hard even if they move away from them for a time.

So if you want your daughter not to be a slut telling her how valueless sluts are is only of slight help. Not watching and praising slutty characters in films and books will help. Not having promiscuous friends in your life will help. Not buying her immodest clothing will help (but it needs to be fashionable and in keeping with the normal modesty standards of your culture or she will rebel). Praising good loyal women when you see them is helpful and so on.

If you want your kids to be active and healthy, eat well, sleep early yourself, train yourself, have books on sport and training on the shelves, watch sport. Don't ban alcohol (or it becomes forbidden fruit) just without making any show of it, never drink more than a glass at festivities and none at all otherwise.

Read yourself. Studies have found that where there are lots of books in a house kids are good readers, regardless of whether the parents actually read with the kids. Reading with kids is good (especially for bonding in the evening before bed) but making reading normal (not a home work activity if you can help it) is most important.

@Durek_The_Bald I wish I had chosen mothers for my children better in some cases. The three categories you really need to pay attention to are; The calibre of the woman -health, strength, intelligence, wisdom, kindness and so on. I did well and I did badly there and I can tell the difference now. The quality of the match -does she make up for your weaknesses and add to your strengths both genetically and in life? How well do you work with her? You have to do so for a couple of decades and very closely. Here similar background and values help but are not the whole story.

Get these three things optimised and its much smoother and more successful. I have the benefit of 4 different women to compare and contrast here and I can see the difference when you do well and when you do not.

I would aim to earn a little more another time around but its not essential and should not be a main point.

Set life up to allow family time. When honest hard work or hobbies take too much form it, everything is a stress and the woman feels let down (whether or not this is fair for her to feel if you are working your nuts off). So eliminate commutes. Get a house with plenty of green around it so the kids can "go play" not need taking to play.

You can regret not being into their learning early enough. I think my greatest weakness was that I am a good father for high school kids and a poor father for kindergarten kids. Even though women do it better early on, the more you are at least a presence when they are learning to count and use the toilet and clean their teeth, the easier it comes to get in on it later. when they need help to do trigonometry, advice on relationships and help training for sports. They already see you as a go to person.

Don't let women molly coddle children and spoon feed them too much. I have tried hard with this and I feel I have been right every time. They need risk and failure to learn to be robust and creative but you need to pick them up when they fail or the whole experience could teach them to be risk adverse. Let them go take risk but be close by when they first do new things.

Don't be too hard line in what you expect of them ethically or academically. You want good rounded adults at the end. Some kids have certain character traits and behaviours that irk you or make you feel they are letting themselves down. Sometimes these need stamping out (stealing from friends and family for example, lying to close friends and family). These traits ruin your relationships and kids need to know that from a purely selfish point of view alone. However, some kids are loud people who don't have good concentration in class but are great socially. You need to help those kids moderate these unhelpful traits but remember they are only who they are. They are not you. They have different strengths. If you spend all your time trying to mend their weaknesses, you will never be backing their strengths. It took me time and relaxation to see this. Some of my kids are academically gifted and studious (like I was) but others have other strengths and those strengths needed to be backed. For a guy who was a high school jock the same would be true if he had a son who wanted to program computers, feed the strengths more than you work the weaknesses.

I would personally add that teaching them to do practical skills really helps them to have confidence in life. Hunting, processing wood, growing stuff, mending stuff all help kids to see how the world works in ways they could not if they kept their hands clean. I think I did OK there. I could perhaps have done better with the book learning. It just came easily to me and my parents never helped me with it, so I just assumed it would be like that for all my kids. Don't assume, examine the child for who they are, not who you are or who you wish they could be.

@Durek_The_Bald

Too much to list. But here are some ideas:

"Right"

• Never made my kids do a chore or homework or exercise without first doing it with them repeatedly. After a while, they start wanting to do it on their own. Funny how that works.

• Keep bad people away from them. Harder than it seems

• Be consistent like their life depends on it. Because it sort of does.

• ALWAYS answer them when they ask things like "But why...?" even when they are little. It works.

• Be even keeled in your emotions to the best of your ability

• Be goofy and happy as often as possible. Life is fun, when you wake up and decide it will be. Sure, shit happens. But YOU need to show them that it can be fun - even when it isn't. Strength is this right here.

• Make sure they handle the big four: Sports/Fitness, Academics, Socialization, and Character (Spirituality, Values, Honor, etc.)

• Tell them as often as possible whenever they have earned it "That was an excellent way to show good judgment. This is why I trust you" This is such a powerful thing to say to your kids. When you put that burden on a kid, they learn to protect it. The words "I trust you" is like crack for the soul. (Yeah, I said that).

• From day 1, make sure you speak to them like an adult. This works with most kids. They dial in way more when they feel like they're being treated with a min amt of respect. You can be goofy, and goo goo gaga at them, but make your normal convos the same as you talk with any adult. They will feel it.

I could write a book. Not necessarily because I am a perfect Father, but because the lessons are myriad.

• Had the sex convos the first time they asked. All three. They came to me first, oddly. Straight down the middle without hedging or humming. And then I bring it up about once a year for each of them, reminding them about Things like "THAT is why it is better to be married first" or "THAT is why I said to use protection" etc. This makes such discussion and topics somewhat natural when casually thrown in occasionally. So it's "normal" to discuss. and one day THEY start asking YOU questions and initiate those thigs. Who knew?

"Wrong"

• I wish I didn't lose my temper the few times that I did. All I did was yell, but I never want my kids to see me lose my shit.

• I wish I had never divorced their mom. Yeah. That. I divorced for a complex set of reasons, but that was for ME. I could no longer tolerate the disrespect I was seeing increasingly. But divorce is bad for kids. She passed away about two years after divorce, so this oddly made things right. Long story. We all got very lucky. Yes. I said that too. I think they know it too.

• My humble (white trash-adjacent) upbringing comes out once in a while. Mainly in my crude sense of humor and potty mouth. I wish I could more easily rein that in. too late now I guess. But I wish I could have held that in more.

Bottom Line:

All three of my children are fucking rock stars. I am not joking.

One son is getting a doctoral degree in robotics engineering (Ivy League Undergrad). Played HS football, LaCrosse, and has a charming personality. He is well over 6' tall and is remarkably handsome.

Other son is pursuing FinTech and just applied to one of the Ivies (he has a super good chance of getting in). Also 6', charming, handsome and perhaps the smartest of us all. Captain of his wrestling team, Ju Jitsu came naturally, has had a few very attractive girlfriends. Kids on another level across the board.

Daughter is a super attractive young woman (over 18). To my knowledge, she is still a virgin. And yes, we talk about such things once in a while. No religious reasons; just talks with Dad about self-respect and power. She gets it. No nagging required. She is responsible, has good judgment in friends, and is a gifted writer. I cannot possibly explain how good she was at writing stories- when she was 9 years old. YEs, you read that right. How the hell are these even my kids!

(Scratch that. I know what comments are inbound. Then again, they do look like our old mailman. Hmmmm.... Anyhoo.)

More than anything else. we like to be together. The eldest is a young man and backs me up with the two younger ones. So that matters a lot. he often says things when they don't think I'm listening. Like when they're upstairs playing a game and I hear "yeah dumbass, why do you think Dad is always saying that"

It's like an assistant father without even trying or planning.

Finally, there is a BIG element of luck in all this. They had family around them when their mom died (many years ago). This matters. They also had their formative years being cuddled, spoiled, loved, fed, nurtured, and instilled with good values by their mom.

Then when they were all over the age of reason, I became their only parent. JUST when kids need to shift from baby to adolescence is when they need their Father more. The timing could not possibly have been better. Any younger and they would not have that imprinting that a good mother provides. Any later and they would have been teenagers dealing with the death of their mom. Holy moly, one could write a lot about that right there.

I hope this helps. I'll add more if I think of anything later.

Good luck.