?

@otbt2

LTR completely ignoring me - is she planning on breaking up with me?

So I (22M) have been with my girlfriend (21F) for just over a year. We’ve lived together for the last 8 months in college and we've had recurring fights throughout the relationship, mostly stemming from me calling out a lack of effort on her part—whether it’s not even offering to do simple tasks for me such as cooking like she did before, having no hobbies, or not really showing up for quality time as she'd prefer to doomscroll 24/7—and her flipping it into me thinking she’s not good enough. We went home from college two weeks ago, easily the roughest two weeks of my life due to psychopath brother/many deadlines/working full time .

She started getting disrespectful by drinking from 3pm and ending up at the club until 2am when it was supposed to only be a "work lunch" and I told her if she's going to behave like the town bike I'm going to treat her like one and leave her if she does it again, among other things and I slipped up by breaking frame and asking about her body count and who this guy is that’s liking her stories and posts every day (she’s liked his posts in the past). She got enraged and said it’s none of my business—even though she made me cut off my old female friends early in the relationship.

Over the next few days I tried to deescalate, but she kept pressing the issue, acting like I was in the wrong. Eventually I snapped and called her out—told her she’s a shitty person (based on past behavior and current secrecy), and after a round of insults from her, I asked if she's done insulting me and she ghosted me and left me on read for a week.

After a week of no contact, I sent her a confident post-workout pic (I'm in great shape) and asked if she wanted to get a nice hotel and blow off some steam. She opened it instantly, saved it, didn’t reply. I followed up with a cocky message a couple hours later. Next day she replied: “I don’t think that’s what we need right now, but if you send me the money you owe me that would be great.” I told her I would when work pays me. Left on delivered again.

Next day (today) I asked if she was ready to talk—left on delivered for 8+ hours now. She’s also deleted most of her nudes from our chat and removed me from close friends on insta.

Here’s the deal: I found out she hid something major from me when we first got together—enough to walk away over—but since we’ve lived together all year, I’ve been keeping her around for fun. I plan to break up for good when I move out in July. I just can’t afford a breakup right now with exams coming up in 3 weeks—it’d mess with my mental.

I wasn't planning on messaging her again but now I'm unsure if I should just break up with her and unadd her or go for a different approach and post a shirtless photo on my public story/ post a story of me out with friends etc.

I've never prioritised her as I've got a solid career path, gym/boxing routine, good social circle, and I know my value—I’m not worried if she walks. Just would prefer to keep her around for another while/ FWB her.

**she just responded "what is it you want to say?"

The situation isn't that she's planning to break up with you, but that it already happened several months ago, and you're only now figuring that out. It's probably best that you abandon hopes that she'll be interested in a friends with benefits situation. Instead, focus on wrapping up the academic semester as strongly as you can, accept that this relationship is done, and move on accordingly. She's emotionally withdrawn from you. Without her interest in you, there's nothing to salvage. While not ideal, the situation absolves you of any further reason to concern yourself with her anymore, so let her go.

When the semester is over, consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

@taya2002

Would you confront her again or just walk?

I am in a long distance relationship with a girl for 4 months. I have known her for a year. We met many times, we were casual for the most part, I liked her a lot and wanted to pursue this. She is emotionally invested, plans on moving to my country mid summer, and is paying me a visit in 2 weeks.

There's something that I have noticed later in the relationship which was having casual interactions with old flings. In all honesty, I didn't care about it at the time, but at some point she added me to her private IG where she has just a few people there and I took notice that she has at least two old flings there (an ex and a FWB). On the same day, I confirmed one of them because I saw he commented on her post in her public IG with fire emojis, told her I don't keep contact with exs. So, she said it's indeed her ex, but assured that their interactions only pertain to reactions and nothing else. She didn't deflect or anything.

If I am being honest with myself, If I go back to 8 years ago, I'd next this girl in a heartbeat. But I do feel like I am a little calmer in my reactions and more understanding as I truly trust this woman.

Generally, this has worked for me, but it just keep showing up against my face. Last week I took notice that they still exist with her posts, I just naturally pulled back she noticed and pursued me with warm signals, but we didn't confront anything.

I am unsure about how I should move forward with this girl. Her next trip is fully ready. I do want to meet her, but I somehow cannot disengage myself emotionally and enjoy the moment. I feel like initiating this convo again is weak as I'd be repeating myself, but it also feels like dumping her is a bad idea as I trust her.

I am not sure to which extent has she minimized her communication with old flings after our conversation.

What do you guys think about this dynamic? Is it a good idea to revisit this topic once more for clarity rather than jumping to conclusions?

---

If I try to answer to answer my own question: She's keeping options open, not necessarily maliciously, but her intent isn't as important as her actions.

She still values these guys' attention, and asking her directly about this is going to make or break this situation.

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.