@sandman1998 Brother, you’re facing a critical moment—the kind of challenge that defines men. When everything feels uncertain and validation from others falls short, it’s the universe nudging you to confront the most important question: Who are you without external validation?

Here’s the truth: Real strength and freedom come from mastering yourself—not from fixing others or seeking their approval. Women, relationships, even worldly success—these are reflections of the energy and clarity you cultivate within. If you depend on others to fill the void inside, you’re setting yourself up for frustration and heartbreak.

This is your wake-up call.

Instead of focusing on what’s outside of your control, shift your attention inward. The pain you feel right now isn’t your enemy—it’s your teacher. It’s showing you the gaps in your foundation and urging you to rebuild. Here’s how you do it:

1. Detach to Gain Clarity

Attachment clouds your judgment and makes you reactive. Instead of chasing what’s slipping away, take a step back. Real detachment doesn’t mean indifference—it means shifting your focus from what you can’t control to what you can. When you detach from the outcome, you’ll see reality more clearly and act with purpose, not desperation.

Practical Tip: Spend 10 minutes daily in silence or meditation. Focus on your breath and let go of thoughts about her or anyone else. This creates space to regain control over your emotions.

1. Build Your Inner Foundation

Your energy is your most valuable currency, and right now, it’s being drained by overthinking, emotional turmoil, and attachment. Redirect that energy toward strengthening yourself. Work on your body, mind, and spirit. The stronger you become internally, the more attractive and unshakable you’ll be externally.

Practical Tip: • Start a workout routine that challenges you physically. Strength training or combat sports like boxing not only build your physique but also your mental toughness. • Set a daily discipline, such as reading 10 pages of a self-improvement book or journaling your thoughts and goals.

1. Understand the Nature of Relationships

Many men fall into the trap of thinking their worth comes from their relationship. But here’s a harsh truth: Women are drawn to strength, purpose, and direction—not dependence. The more you rely on someone else for your sense of identity, the less attractive you become to them. Focus on becoming the man you were meant to be, and the right relationships will follow naturally.

Practical Tip: Write down your top 3 goals for the next 6 months—personal, professional, or spiritual. Every day, take one small action toward each goal. Purpose and progress are magnets for respect.

Practical Tip: Write down your top 3 goals for the next 6 months—personal, professional, or spiritual. Every day, take one small action toward each goal. Purpose and progress are magnets for respect.

A mountain doesn’t chase the wind or fear the storm—it stands steady, immovable, and commanding respect simply by existing. Become the mountain. Build yourself into a man of unshakable values, discipline, and purpose. When you stop chasing, the world will naturally align with your energy.

Pain is temporary, but the man you become through this process will last forever. Focus on what you can control: your habits, your mindset, and your growth. In doing so, you’ll not only heal but rise to a level where you no longer seek validation—you become the source of it.

Ask yourself: What kind of man do I want to be a year from now? Start building him today. The chaos you face now is your greatest opportunity to evolve. Don’t waste it.

@sandman1998

line of boys and infidelity after marriage is like very high.

of the girls are already with someone, including my ex.

Are trying to say they have the chumps (husbands, bf) and they are fucking other guys behind their back and you feel bad about it. I hope your research conclusions are better, because if you don't see a link between the quotes your reasoning is shit.

But, I dont feel like to get up and go to playground. Also, when I go running, my brain goes like, running doesnt build muscle and girls love muscle. So, there is no point in running and I leave it after a few days

yeah mental wank on repeat

I dont go to the gym because I feel scared as hell.

Sure as hell no one will go for you to the gym, nor anyone will hang a bar for the pull ups nor anyone will do the push ups for you.

You are the only one responsible for you day to day life. You can choose no women and its fine, or you can choose to do something about it.

This may sound blue pilled and irritating. I agree that sidebar has content related to this. Ive read that. I still need some advice and so, Im posting. Im 26, look like dudley from HP movie. Im from India and pursuing research in one of the best in my country, but I feel very bad and disgusted by myself. Please help me.

A girl was insanely hooked to me about 2 years ago. I was a complete blue pill and the good boy type and eventually she left me, without citing any reason. I encountered TRP and got much clarity and it made huge positive changes in me. Its been around 1 year of that. Since childhood, I was not into physical activity and so didn't have any muscle on my body, on top of it, I weigh 78kg and 165 cm (Im 26 years old). Initially after reading trp, I was motivated to loose weight and was running 5k daily. But, since last 3-4 months I left it. I dont feel doing any physical activity and my pace and stamina have dropped very badly. I hate myself about the way I look, but also it doesn't motivate me to exercise or loose weight. I've become to a state where I feel sorry for myself and find solace that if I wanted, I could loose all my weight in 6 months. But, I dont feel like to get up and go to playground. Also, when I go running, my brain goes like, running doesnt build muscle and girls love muscle. So, there is no point in running and I leave it after a few days. I dont go to the gym because I feel scared as hell. I don`t know why but I feel scared. Everyone there is with good physique etc. Just thinking of gym gives me frightening since childhood.

Also, lately, I have again started thinking and wasting my time over the ex and like, had I known about trp at the beginning, we could have been together and feel sad about myself for being a blue pilled shit. Many times, the scenes play in my head wherein, she had maybe indirectly indicated me to be a bad-boy type or more masculine or controlling, but I being a shit-head was always an idiot blue pilled. I repent like I should have done this instead, and told her this etc. and we would have been together.

I know that this is oneties phenomenon and sidebar has lot of content, not to obsess over oneties and focus on new ones etc. But it seems impossible for me. My mind involuntarily goes towards her and I'm not able to stop it. Also, I am not getting any new girls because I am fat as fuck and no muscle, my university doesn't have many girls, the city I live in is conservative as hell and the big region is Im very tensed and disturbed regarding my work. Regarding exercise, I do it for 4-5 days continuously and something from work comes up and from next day I feel lazy and leave it. This cycle happens 2-3 times every month. Also, I dont have any friends who do physical activities, so its only me.

Marriage and all in my country was primarily arranged by parents when I was a kid and growing up. Usually it was very common for the girl and boy to be virgins till marriage. Believing in that, I didn`t get involved with anyone and so am a virgin. But since last 5-8 years majority are love marriages and most girls (~80%) today are not virgins. They have had a line of boys and infidelity after marriage is like very high. So, while I was in my 18-25 I was being the good boy and didn't date and even rejected a couple of girls for dating. Now, after seeing things for what they are, I feel I have wasted my life in conforming to this society rules regarding this etc.

Every night while sleeping, I feel very bad about myself and want to change my life but again its the same story from morning. I sometimes feel that Im just doing a mental-masturbation, thinking that I can do this etc., but never doing it. Also, I sometimes feel suicidal that Im a waste in this life and can never get any girl and theres no point of doing it all, because Im already 26 and most of the girls are already with someone, including my ex. Also, sometimes I feel like crying because no girl will ever find me attractive no matter what I do in my life and so, there is no point in doing any hard work. I just want to restart my life 10 years ago or just die.

How do I come out of this all. Please help me.