@alchemist

She had the where do we stand talk 3 months in, but has red flags, stick or split?

TLDR: Casual fling for three months -- she’s catching feelings, but not LTR material (party phase, red flags, different values). I’ve kept one foot out the door, and she wants more, but I’m unsure if it’s worth it. Keep it going or cut it off?

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I've been seeing this girl semi-consistently for about three months. Met her at the bar I work at on weekends. I knew she wasn’t LTR material from the jump—just recreational. She’s attractive, and relatively low-maintenance (until recently), but she’s been hitting me with the wyd texts more than I'd like.

Plenty of red flags: tatted up, goes to bars religiously, hangs with skimpy women, no faith, poor diet, thinks "equality" is real, and treats everything like a competition. On the plus side, she’s been low drama, buys me things, initiates meetups, listens, and has a good relationship with her father/ family -- bare bones.

A couple of weeks ago, I was already considering ending it. I don't mind it casual, but I’d rather spend that energy on a more feminine, demure woman—not a "boss babe" in her party phase. I was raised in a traditional Eastern European household, so I know Western women are mostly a lost cause Unicorns don't exist here, even the “good ones” I've met, like a virgin Orthodox girl I went on a date with, was socially awkward or lacked femininity in other ways. Fewer red flags doesn’t automatically mean it will work out.

I think that I'd struggle spinning plates. I work three jobs, among other obligations, and don’t have time to juggle women like a full-time hobby. That said, while seeing this girl, I’ve gone on a date with another and hooked up with someone else, so I’ve kept one foot out the door.

Yesterday, she wanted to meet and have the "where do we stand?" talk. She told me she was in a four-year relationship with an introvert who never let her go out, and now she’s in her rebellious phase. She said she's developed heavy feeling for me but thinks casual sex is weighing on her and wanted to know if that’s all I see her as. Before I came, she cried for a couple of hours thinking I'd ghost after we talked or would just get angry.

I listened to her half of it then I laid it out: we all come as we are, and the casual tone was set from the start. I’m not in the business of teaching an old dog new tricks, if someone doesn't want to be tamed why would I tame them. Basically ended the conversation on a "let's chew on it", so I have yet to make a concrete decision on the situation.

I won't lie, consistent P isn't bad, but I disagree with her on 95% of her beliefs, and I’ve seen her dating app notifications and her chatting up other guys at my place of work. Though that happened only during the first month, I can't oversee that it happened. She wants to do more “relationship” activities, but that’s something that has to be earned not handed out.

What would you do from experience, keep the fire burning, or light it out?

A thought comes to mind.

@derdeutscher

"Looking for a man that lets you be a woman? You just found him. Masculine needs feminine".

Yeah, that's pretty terrible. Whether in real life, or on dating profiles, keep the manosphere speak to yourself. There's a reason why women invented the word "mansplaining" (spoiler alert: they hate it).

If you want to discuss or explain how stuff works, particularly the inner workings of women and men, keep that shit between you and your very best male friends. With women, you don't talk about it, you just do/demonstrate, and keep things fun.

Even using words like 'masculine' and 'feminine', or whatever else is in your gender dynamics vocabulary, betrays the fact that you once had to learn this shit by reading up on it. But women want you to "just get it" all by yourself. And if you always "got it", you'd just behave a certain way without having a vocabulary for it, or talking about it at all.

"Just looking for fun" would've been a better profile text - in so far as people even read them Either way, your profile text isn't what's going to get you some (your photos will). But your profile text can certainly stop you from getting some. So keep it short, vague, and fun. No explaining anything.