@Mofreer

is this scarcity talking, or is it worth trying?

I’ve been casually dating for the past five years, but recently I got into a serious relationship. It started long-distance, but she actually moved in with me last week—sooner than either of us planned.

She’s attractive, does the cooking and cleaning, and our physical connection is strong—we’re intimate multiple times a day. Before making things official, we had a quick talk about what we both expect in a relationship, and I made it clear that staying in touch with exes is a dealbreaker for me. She told me that she doesn't keep contact with them, which I appreciated.

After we became official, I brought it up again just to be sure, and she reassured me that there’s no communication with them.

But recently I found out that her definition of “not keeping in touch” is… flexible. She doesn’t message them directly, but she still interacts with their posts on social media. I even noticed that some of them seem to have access to more personal content she shares—like stories that aren’t public. At the very least, it seems like she’s still feeding off their attention—and that doesn’t sit well with me.

I really do like her, and we’ve been having a good time together. Still, this crosses a line for me. I feel like if I bring it up again, it might have to be in the context of ending the relationship—but part of me thinks there’s potential here, and I’m not sure if I’m overreacting.

For context, I’m not hung up on anyone from my past. I’ve been completely loyal, and maybe that loyalty has made me a bit too scarce emotionally.

So now I’m stuck wondering: Is breaking up the only logical step, since she hasn’t respected this boundary or even tried to understand it? Or is this my own scarcity mindset blowing it out of proportion?

Ending things right after she moved in feels abrupt, but the fact that she’s still emotionally entertaining other people while I’m 100% focused on her… makes me think I should start emotionally detaching and maybe even consider opening myself up to others too.

There's an attractive woman you've been longing for in your home, cooking, cleaning, engaging in regular heavy petting after five years of long-distance interactions, but one week in and the honeymoon seems to already be dimming, just slightly. You're reluctant to eject this woman from your home after discovering her deal-breaking lie, but as the old saying goes, "Lie to me once, shame on you. Lie to me twice, shame on me." And brother, you best believe more lies will be coming now that she knows your resolve and follow-through are as weak as they are.

Females are vastly better at manipulating men, than the male ego is inclined to acknowledge, so much so that even with game we'll never be as good and I strongly suspect that's why she's able to exploit your one-itis and scarcity thinking. If you'd had more confidence in yourself in other facets of your life, I doubt you'd have entered into a long-distance relationship, let alone installed this woman into your home without at least reaching out to us sooner for advice to better prepare. These sort of situations are annoyingly stupid, because this site exists to help you succeed, but most guys come to us after they've already failed, when the best time tested proven strategies with most things in life are advance planning and preventive care.

Additionally, what complicates matters is that depending on where you live, especially in parts of the U.S., after thirty days a tenant has to be formally evicted, which can be a costly process. In some parts, after two years a woman can be considered a common law wife. If either of those are at all applicable to your situation, then the clock is really ticking fast. I honestly think you should get rid of her, but you don't strike me as the sort who would follow such advice. It's likely been quite a few years since you've had female companionship and you're not eager to part with it now that you've got some.

So, just as before, what you do next is entirely up to you. Regardless of what choice you make, consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

I also strongly recommend you consider investing into a discrete internal car and home audio/video surveillance system as well as develop an exit strategy for yourself. If she ever lets her mask slip and calls the police, you don't want to find yourself subject to Duluth model law enforcement without tangible proof of her false claims against you. Most people are stupid, and cops are somewhat people too. Somewhat, but just as stupid as anyone else, if not more so.