@Tempsyy

Long time lurker, first post. Need harsh truth from you guys.

Met this girl, Giulia. Older (25, I'm 20). Smart, deep connection, good sex. Started during intense pastry course. Lived close, saw her every day. Became my main emotional support. My mistake, I know.

Problem: she was textbook one-itis for her ex, Thomas. Used "buying weed" as excuse to see him. Always created drama.

The cycle was fucked:

She meets ex, fucks up (cheats emotionally, physically). Comes crying to me, full of guilt. I play the "good guy", comfort her, "forgive" her. I become her emotional tampon. This shit drained me. Anxiety, no sleep. My mission (top pastry chef) was suffering.

I tried setting boundaries. Told her to cut him off. She promised, then broke promises. Classic. I broke it off, went no contact. She showed up at my work, crying, begging, kneeling. Said she loved me. Weak moment, I let her back in on "probation".

We met again. Same shit. Good morning, but then back at her place... the vibe was poison. I felt my power drain. We had sex. It was shit. Full of anxiety. I realized I was her validation machine, not her man.

My action: Cut her off completely. Blocked everywhere. Deleted number. Total ghost. It hurts like hell, but the mental clarity is already returning. I’m on a strict self-improvement protocol now: early mornings, cold showers, gym, focusing 100% on my mission. Rasated my head to reset.

My question: I know I let my empathy fuck me over. I played the savior instead of the prize. How do I prevent this emotional drain in the future? How do I build a stronger frame so a woman's chaos doesn't become my own? Trying to get back on trp, would love to have some posts or guides linked to me.

Looking for raw feedback, not sympathy. Hit me.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtwiAkUj5Go

Better to find out a female you're involved with is incompatible as early as possible, than after several years of marriage with children. The problem is that you sought validation through your relationship with a female pothead. Unfortunately, nothing good ever came of men whose self-confidence was dependent on female validation, especially undisciplined females who use drugs, legal or otherwise. Self-confidence is a result of pursuing and overcoming the various challenges of life. During which time, you come to understand what interests, drives, and motivates you. To that end, I suggest that you get yourself two sheets of paper, a pen, and sit down at a table.

On the first sheet write down a list of things that you've been putting off on the back burner due to work, schooling, or just life in general. It doesn't matter how silly, or stupid the task or idea might be, just write it down. When you're done, take the second sheet of paper, and re-write the items from the first list starting with what you believe to be the simplest, easiest tasks, down to the most complicated.

When you're done with the second list, get to work. The challenge once you've got the list done won't be simply accomplishing them, but not allowing yourself to be de-spirited whenever you encounter difficulty, or failure. To not let yourself be defeated. You'll spend the time to troubleshoot and diagnose the problem, then start over. If you need help, ask. There's no shortage of #books we can recommend that may help you achieve your goal.

Best of luck to you.

Long time lurker, first post. Need harsh truth from you guys.

Met this girl, Giulia. Older (25, I'm 20). Smart, deep connection, good sex. Started during intense pastry course. Lived close, saw her every day. Became my main emotional support. My mistake, I know.

Problem: she was textbook one-itis for her ex, Thomas. Used "buying weed" as excuse to see him. Always created drama.

The cycle was fucked:

She meets ex, fucks up (cheats emotionally, physically). Comes crying to me, full of guilt. I play the "good guy", comfort her, "forgive" her. I become her emotional tampon. This shit drained me. Anxiety, no sleep. My mission (top pastry chef) was suffering.

I tried setting boundaries. Told her to cut him off. She promised, then broke promises. Classic. I broke it off, went no contact. She showed up at my work, crying, begging, kneeling. Said she loved me. Weak moment, I let her back in on "probation".

We met again. Same shit. Good morning, but then back at her place... the vibe was poison. I felt my power drain. We had sex. It was shit. Full of anxiety. I realized I was her validation machine, not her man.

My action: Cut her off completely. Blocked everywhere. Deleted number. Total ghost. It hurts like hell, but the mental clarity is already returning. I’m on a strict self-improvement protocol now: early mornings, cold showers, gym, focusing 100% on my mission. Rasated my head to reset.

My question: I know I let my empathy fuck me over. I played the savior instead of the prize. How do I prevent this emotional drain in the future? How do I build a stronger frame so a woman's chaos doesn't become my own? Trying to get back on trp, would love to have some posts or guides linked to me.

Looking for raw feedback, not sympathy. Hit me.

Field Report: Date with an HB – Lots of Laughter, Physical Contact, but No Kiss (Looking for Feedback)

Context and Background

Last night, I went on a date with a girl who is clearly attracted to me. The date went well in many ways, but there’s one major issue I need to fix: I didn’t kiss her.

It’s not like there weren’t any good moments. There were plenty of opportunities where I could’ve gone for it, but I held back. Why? Probably because I’m still fighting with a “nice guy” mentality that makes me hesitate when it matters most. I want to break down what went well, what didn’t, and get some solid feedback from the veterans here.

What Went Well

1. Consistent Physical Contact:

   • I maintained a good level of touch throughout the date:
     • I touched the inside of her leg.
     • I held her hands frequently.
     • I stroked her neck and fixed her hair.
     • At one point, I even kissed her hand in a playful, confident way.

   She seemed comfortable with all the touching—she never pulled back and even leaned into it at times.

2. Handled Shit Tests Well:

   • She threw a few shit tests my way, but I kept my cool and responded confidently without coming across as needy. I stayed mysterious, which seemed to intrigue her.
3. Used Humor Effectively:
   • I had her laughing the entire evening. I teased her lightly about things she did and made playful jokes. She was smiling nonstop and seemed to genuinely enjoy herself.

What Went Wrong

1. No Kiss:
   Despite the physical contact and positive vibes, I failed to make a move for the kiss. There were moments where it felt right, but I hesitated. The reason? Overthinking. I kept wondering, “Is this the right moment?” or “What if she pulls back?”

2. Too Much Humor, Not Enough Sexual Vibe:

   • Looking back, I realize I focused too much on making her laugh and not enough on creating sexual tension. The dynamic leaned more toward “you’re funny” than “I want you.”
3. Mental Blocks in Conversation:
   • There were moments where I couldn’t think of what to say next. My mind just went blank, and I felt the need to scramble for a topic to avoid awkward silences.

Lessons Learned and Strategies for the Next Date

1. Stop Overthinking the Kiss:

   • The kiss doesn’t have to be a huge deal. Next time, I’ll focus on acting when the moment feels right without overanalyzing. If she pulls back, I’ll just smile and say, “Don’t be shy, I know you want this,” and try again.

2. Reduce the Comedy:

   • I can’t be the stand-up comedian of the night. Humor is useful, but it needs to be balanced with moments of deeper, more seductive tension.

3. Create Sexual Tension:

   • I’ll experiment more with body language and tone of voice. I’ll slow down my speech, hold eye contact longer, and add flirty lines that show my intentions, like:
     • “That smile of yours is dangerous.”
     • “You know you’re playing with fire, right?”
4. Embrace Silences:
   • I’ve realized I don’t need to fill every moment with conversation. Silences aren’t enemies—they’re opportunities to create tension. If I can’t think of anything to say, I’ll just smile, hold her gaze, and let her feel the moment.

Next Steps

Tomorrow night, I have another date with a different girl. This time, I’m determined to correct the mistakes I made yesterday. My goal is simple: don’t be the guy who makes her laugh all night but doesn’t escalate the interaction.

I’m here to learn and improve. If you have any advice, criticism, or suggestions, I’m all ears. I don’t want to waste opportunities like this again.