Plate continues egging on for more attention aka "spinning" - what's the next move?
TLDR: Red flag plate caught feelings and wanted more than casual but went right back to initiating hookups—felt like a test to push me into commitment. Meanwhile, I met a new girl who's chill, drama free, and refreshing. Now red flag is pushing for quality time again and guilt texting when I don’t give a straight yes. I’ve got other plates in rotation now and more value to offer. Red flag’s consistent but draining. Not sure if I should cut her off or throw her a small bone to keep things smooth without compromising frame or future prospects.
I previously posted about the woman with the red flags that I was just spinning as a plate and she got all upset about the fact that we were just casual and said that casual sex was hurting her mentally (even though she was inviting me 9 out of 10 initiations past midnight) -- she tested my frame, had a whole tear session talking about how her therapist asked her to have the "where do we stand talk" with me and whatnot. I said I wouldn't rush into a relationship, especially since I don't see a lot of the traditional things my Eastern European parents' culture had instilled in me in her.
The next part of the story: following weekend, she invites me over, not a word about the previous tear session, she was being extra pushy to get into the bedroom. WTF I thought, all that must have been a show, a huge shit test to push for my commitment, when she knows that I won't hand it out like an ad flyer.
Anyways, that same weekend the following night I go out and meet a different girl, a whole other can of worms. There was this Greek night that happens once every several months at a local restaurant I met her at, it was going on till later in the night and I had obligations in the morning, so I left early. But this new plate was being much more agreeable and easier to be around. None of this combativeness. She invited me the following week to hang out, had some great sex, and afterwards she said she had been celibate for 2 years randomly.
Now, do I believe that? Probably not, but she graduated college and works as a babysitter and seems very aloof and rose-lensed, kind of shy, I wouldn't bet my money that she was celibate, but I have had a date with an actual virgin (a woman that hadn't even held hands with a man before) and I saw some of those similar qualities in this new plate, but of course all women are good with reputation management so I take their words at face value and follow the actions.
Anyways, I set up another time to hang out with my new plate (this Friday) - but now my original plate, red flag girl, asks if I'm free Friday night. Mind you, she just invited me over last night to fuck, and we did. I said, idk yet I might have to get up early on Sat. Which, she knows I have a lot of obligations 2-3 jobs at a time, but still, shit-tests me again. I get this long paragraph text, I'll paste it verbatim:
"okay wellll i know i have continued inviting you over and whatnot but i meant what i said about wanting to spend time with you that isnt just late night/my bed. doesn’t have to be anything crazy but i kinda was hoping if you were around friday evening we could plan something. if friday doesn’t work that’s fine, there are other days that we could do something or if you’re just not interested in that at all that’s fine too but please let me know that"
It's been 3 weeks since the last "crying session" and this is the first time she gives me pushback since that.
I'm not entitled to give her a whole night; you take what I give you. This second plate I told the same ordeal, she asked if I could hang out with her this last Friday evening, I said I'd be busy with Easter events, she said have fun, maybe next week. That's it, none of this combativeness and entitlement.
Also, I have a date set up Thursday evening, because fuck it, I'm expanding plates for this first time, in the past I'd have plates fall after a couple weeks, but now that I've leveled up, I've created more time and value to allow for that.
But I'm still perplexed what I am to do with this first plate. Do I let it drop finally? She's been the most available, but also hard in certain ways and good in others. It's been 5 months now and I've had to train her too much, it's like I bought a car that was used and restored it and modified it, but I could have bought the car I wanted from the get-go instead. What would you do?
Edit/ Solution: seeing that this plate previously had avoided the casual only topic after I reinstated/ introduced my frame, I should do the same course of action by not falling for the commitment puppy eyes bait. I could set up an activity, but that would ruin possible other plate spinning opportunities. She has got a long way to go from getting LTR'd and caving to the second major shit test would only weaken my value and future prospects. Seems one of those cases where you have to dig through a lot of shit to find gold, I just need to keep digging and not fall prey to shit testing.
What's would be your next move?
"Next move"? Honestly, I wouldn't have gotten myself into that sort of situation to begin with. I deal with Alchies. Regardless, if you'd bailed several weeks ago there likely wouldn't be any "next move" beyond updating your plate inventory, call-blocking, and in the extreme case, a restraining order. Love Hurts, and there's no way to soften the blow of ejection.
I pity the other poor bastard she's latched onto.
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She had the where do we stand talk 3 months in, but has red flags, stick or split?
TLDR: Casual fling for three months -- she’s catching feelings, but not LTR material (party phase, red flags, different values). I’ve kept one foot out the door, and she wants more, but I’m unsure if it’s worth it. Keep it going or cut it off?
I've been seeing this girl semi-consistently for about three months. Met her at the bar I work at on weekends. I knew she wasn’t LTR material from the jump—just recreational. She’s attractive, and relatively low-maintenance (until recently), but she’s been hitting me with the wyd texts more than I'd like.
Plenty of red flags: tatted up, goes to bars religiously, hangs with skimpy women, no faith, poor diet, thinks "equality" is real, and treats everything like a competition. On the plus side, she’s been low drama, buys me things, initiates meetups, listens, and has a good relationship with her father/ family -- bare bones.
A couple of weeks ago, I was already considering ending it. I don't mind it casual, but I’d rather spend that energy on a more feminine, demure woman—not a "boss babe" in her party phase. I was raised in a traditional Eastern European household, so I know Western women are mostly a lost cause Unicorns don't exist here, even the “good ones” I've met, like a virgin Orthodox girl I went on a date with, was socially awkward or lacked femininity in other ways. Fewer red flags doesn’t automatically mean it will work out.
I think that I'd struggle spinning plates. I work three jobs, among other obligations, and don’t have time to juggle women like a full-time hobby. That said, while seeing this girl, I’ve gone on a date with another and hooked up with someone else, so I’ve kept one foot out the door.
Yesterday, she wanted to meet and have the "where do we stand?" talk. She told me she was in a four-year relationship with an introvert who never let her go out, and now she’s in her rebellious phase. She said she's developed heavy feeling for me but thinks casual sex is weighing on her and wanted to know if that’s all I see her as. Before I came, she cried for a couple of hours thinking I'd ghost after we talked or would just get angry.
I listened to her half of it then I laid it out: we all come as we are, and the casual tone was set from the start. I’m not in the business of teaching an old dog new tricks, if someone doesn't want to be tamed why would I tame them. Basically ended the conversation on a "let's chew on it", so I have yet to make a concrete decision on the situation.
I won't lie, consistent P isn't bad, but I disagree with her on 95% of her beliefs, and I’ve seen her dating app notifications and her chatting up other guys at my place of work. Though that happened only during the first month, I can't oversee that it happened. She wants to do more “relationship” activities, but that’s something that has to be earned not handed out.
What would you do from experience, keep the fire burning, or light it out?
A thought comes to mind.
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