I messed up a great relationship with a girl I managed to date, who’s honestly way out of my league.
She looks just like Brooke Shields when she was young (I've lost track of how many times strangers have commented on it in malls and restaurants), from an old money family—think golf courses, country clubs, horseback riding, and sailing. She’s living off a six-figure annuity thanks to her family, working just for fun, mainly teaching lessons to kids in various things that she spent her childhood taking lessons in.
I have no game but I am 6'4 and have good financial success. I never think much about what to say to women or how to act. I just do what I feel like. Before dating her, I’d say I was just average with women—not terrible, but not great either. Most of my interactions happened through social circles or women approaching me. I’ve had my share of attractive dates, but usually they were attractive in a vulgar way. Nothing like my LTR. She is so beautiful everybody stares at her everywhere we go. She is so beautiful I could barely think a coherent thought or string together a sentence without stuttering for first few times we meet. I did not game her I only asked her for a date and after few dates asked her to be my girlfriend and for some lucky reason she agreed. I honestly didn’t think I had a shot.
She's so nice, so light-hearted, happy, soft spoken also, not crazy, not causing problems like other women I dealt with in the past. Her family treats me well, and her friends are classy.
For work, I sometimes have to head out to sea for long stretches, which complicates relationships since I can’t always stay in touch. I ended up at sea for eight months. When we stopped in a foreign port, I got drunk with my crew, and a cheap girl made a move on me. The first time, I turned her down, telling her I was in a relationship. But after so long without female company, I gave in and slept with her. I convinced myself it didn’t matter because my girlfriend was out of my league and probably moving on without me. I had been away for work for more months than we had spent together. Looking back, that was a stupid excuse.
When I got back, I found out my girlfriend hadn’t given up on us; she was still holding out for my return. A few months later, we faced an accidental pregnancy, but she was happy about it and looking forward to having the baby and yes it was a real pregnancy and mine. I have had crazy women before lie and pretend to be pregnant, but I went to her dating sonograph and saw the sonograph of the baby and the dates lined up to when we were having sex.
She ended up miscarrying, which devastated her. To make things worse, the girl I hooked up with while away tracked me down through social media and claimed she was pregnant. There was no way it could be mine—the timing didn’t match up, and I knew she had been with other guys from my crew. It wasn’t the first time a woman had tried to pin something like that on me; it’s happened to friends too. What is wrong with these women?
The timing couldn’t have been worse. My girlfriend had her miscarriage on a Wednesday, and this other girl showed up in person to confront me the following Saturday. I can't believe the girl came in person. My girlfriend physically assaulted the girl - rather severely - got taken to the police and was going to be charged with assault. This is a girl who is calm, reserved, from a good family, not violent, it was very out of character. Her family convinced the girl to drop the charges. Her brother is a lawyer.
I made it clear to the cheap girl that I wanted nothing to do with her—she was just a mistake and a distraction. I begged my girl not to leave me, promising I’d do anything to make it right. She did not even argue with me, she did not get vindictive, all she did was cry a lot and then told me that she never wants to see me again. Then she just ignored all my calls, my messages, and completely cut me out of her life.
I am supposed go to Norway for a while, and after realizing I was getting nowhere with her, I decided to stop by her place one last time. After nearly three months of silence, she actually came out to see me, but didn’t let me inside. I got down on my knees and pleaded with her not to leave me, nearly in tears—yeah, I know, pretty pathetic. She said she and her family would be gone for a few days, and when she returns, we can talk. I told her that I am supposed to go to Norway, but I would cancel just to be with her. Then she asked me - Bjorn, are you going to stop going on long voyages now? - and I told her that yes, I will stop, and I will stay here. We set a date and time to meet and talk.
Now I’m wondering how to approach this meeting. Does her question about my traveling mean she’s considering taking me back? Why would she care if I stop going away? I also realized she never officially broke things off—she just ignored me for three months, and I assumed it was over.
I know this sounds like oneitis, but it doesn’t come from a place of scarcity. My past experiences have shown me that she’s genuinely superior to other girls and someone good for me.
How should I act when we finally meet? I’ve been pretty beta in my previous attempts, but given everything that’s happened, should I keep begging for forgiveness? She refused to talk with me for three months, and it was when I was at my most vulnerable that she agreed to meet. Should I consider getting her an expensive gift? Would offering to try for another baby help her feel better about the miscarriage or just remind her of the loss and make her feel worse? I am stressing hard – I don't know how to act – I feel like this is my only chance.
You two were banging bareback, so while knocking her up wasn't your intent, the resulting pregnancy was more unwanted then 'accidental'. It's clear that you're either lazy regarding discipline on condom use, one of those guys still stupid enough to believe a female when she claims to be on birth control, or you've zero f&%k$ to give. Either way, I'm not going to waste time asking any probing questions. The sad truth is your girlfriend likely had an abortion before you knocked her up, that's why she had the miscarriage. If she's as hot as Brooks Shields was in her prime, and into horseback riding then you're not the only male stud she been riding at any time. Unfortunately, she's likely as undisciplined with her fertility as you are with your virility. If she doesn't get scrapped out again, she should be able to bring the next baby she's knocked up with to term. Whenever you're stateside, hit up the free clinics, and raid the condom bowls. That's what they're there for, so use them.
Regardless, you'll get more return from the book I'm about to recommend than any actual advice I or anyone else would otherwise provide. The next time you're on one of your long sea journey's consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen and other free book websites.
Read More
