@theBoss

Scared to have a Girlfriend

Please read

I’m in my early 20s, and as dumb as it sounds, I’m scared of having a girlfriend. I’ve had multiple girls approach me, but I always reject or ignore them. I can play the game, but when it comes time to escalate, I freeze. I lost a girl recently who really wanted me, but I never made a move and she moved on after a few months.

Now there’s another girl trying to be with me. She’s a solid 8, has other orbiters, but she keeps texting me. She’s shy around me though, so the convos are dry, and I left her on read. She texted again a few days later, still dry, so I told her I was busy and didn’t reply. That was a week ago.

I think the fear comes from how I grew up. I used to be one of the most confident kids in elementary and middle school, gave zero shits, everyone wanted to be my friend. But I got punished a lot, i mean A LOT, especially by my feminist teachers and my sisters. I was constantly shut down for being bold or loud, and over time it turned me into this shy, introverted version of myself.

On top of that, I got beat up by my family and never really felt safe growing up. Outwardly I have confident body language, probably from who I used to be, and girls say I look confident, but inside I feel like a little boy. I’m introverted and not socially calibrated at all; mostly because I kept getting punished, to the point where they just stopped letting me go out. Now, when I’m around guys I see as high-value, my fight-or-flight kicks in out of nowhere, even if there’s no real reason. I don’t have that calm, grounded masculine energy. I overthink everything and constantly doubt myself.

I shared all that because I feel like some people out there might’ve gone through the same thing, or at least something similar, and maybe they’ll get where I’m coming from.

But back to the main issue

• I want to ask her out, but I panic. What if she sees I’m not who she thinks I am? What if I mess it up or can’t handle a relationship? Is she hot enough for me? What will other people think of me?

• Why do i have a fear of intimacy? How do I stop being scared, stop overthinking, and actually feel like a grounded, confident man? How do I become a man who doesn’t give a shit about what others think and just owns it and says fuck you?

• Also, what kind of date do you suggest?

Before you ask, yeah, i am reading the sidebar

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

@theBoss

My Sister Wants to End Her Marriage, but She’s Making a Huge Mistake

My sister (37) has been with her husband for almost 10 years. They have four kids and a business together. Out of nowhere, she’s completely shut him out, saying he doesn’t give her attention. She stopped talking to him, barely cares about their kids, and has distanced herself from most of the family except for me, my dad, my mom (kind of), and one of my sisters.

She gets mad whenever my mom tells her she’s making a mistake. Meanwhile, her husband is trying to be patient - he’s apologized, he’s talking with my parents, and he’s doing everything to keep the family together. But she doesn’t seem to care. Today, my mom told me her husband called, saying she wasn’t home and was probably out clubbing with another one of my sisters.

It’s becoming more obvious that someone else is influencing her. She suddenly shut out her husband, distanced herself from her kids, and started going out more, classic signs that there’s another man in the picture. She’s about to throw away her marriage, her family, and everything she built for what? Some cheap attention? She’s 37 – she’s not going to find something better. Most likely, she’s being plated by some guy who sees her as an easy target, feeding her just enough validation to make her feel special while knowing full well he’ll never commit to her.

I haven’t confronted her yet, but I feel like I have to. How do I get through to her? How do I make her see she’s making one of the worst decisions of her life?

I don’t want people telling me to just let her make her own decisions. As her brother and as a man, it doesn’t sit right with me to watch her destroy her life like this.

Reads like her presumed lover and your other sister are strong influences on her, more than anything. The thing about divorce is that it's a form of government sanctioned unrestricted warfare. During this time your mother may do bizarre things to accommodate your divorcing sister, if she believes it will ensure her continued access to her grand-children. If your father's involved, you'll have enough experience to know if he's the sort to defer to his wife on these matters, so keep in mind that moving forward on this will require a cold and calculating mind understanding that the objective isn't to save the marriage. It's not yours to save and never was.

Your objective is to preserve whatever remaining kinship in the midst of a failing marriage you can, so take any advice you receive that doesn't require you directly engage your sister seriously. Unless you are prepared to at least hire a private investigator to shadow your sister to confirm her infidelity, I'd strongly advise you not broadcast your feelings on this matter and keep your mouth shut. Any relative who's got a habit of letting secrets slip or just being an @$$hole has to be kept in the dark about any plans you make.

Your sister may indeed have clearly had a few screws knocked loose courtesy of some extra-marital thunder-cock, but there's little you can do or say which can help screw them back into place short of chad thunder-cock turning your wayward sister down as a monkey branch option. Instead, focus upon being a good brother-in-law and good uncle for your nephews and nieces during this difficult time. If your sister asks for help watching her kids, be available to help. It'll provide you with the opportunity to discretely gather information on her activities. I suggest your first act be to do inner cheek swabs to collect DNA from your nephews and nieces, so you can confirm that your brother-in-law is indeed their sire. As the marriage failure progresses, it maybe later revealed that your sister's been unfaithful for years longer than you may suspect and your brother-in-law will want to have that particular question answered. This will enable you to be ahead of a problem, instead of simply reacting to it. If your parents like to splurge on tech gifts for either of your sisters, make friends with techies who can help you install surveillance software on that tech. Keystroke software on their smartphones and computers alone can be invaluable means through which you can gain insight on their activities.

As for your brother-in-law himself, saving the marriage is his job. For now, suggest that he get himself STD tested, and at least read Dick Hart's "Screw the Bitch: Divorce Tactics for Men" to gauge whether he's ready to begin initial consultations with divorce attorneys in his area, so he is on some level mentally prepared. If he rebukes you and says he's not ready to consider divorce, suggest the following alternative. That he consider investing into a reliable ready reference he can pick up and study to better prepare himself for engaging those of the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you recommend he get himself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. Let your brother-in-law review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what he aspires for himself. To save them a search, give them this scribed link to gander at to find out if The System is something they'd like to add to their library. You should also be able to easily find the digital books on libgen and other websites.

Best of luck to you on this.