How did you know monogamy was not for you?
As the title suggests, every time I enter a relationship—even with a "perfect" girl by RP standards (younger, virgin, cooks, cleans, submissive, affectionate, loves children, shares my beliefs)—I still find myself thinking about being with other women. My girlfriend is 21, and I’m 24.
This happened in my previous relationship as well. I spun plates for a while before committing, but once in a relationship (currently almost 2.5 years), I start thinking about being single again. I’m unsure if this feeling will ever go away. I see mixed opinions—some say they prefer a committed relationship over spinning plates, while others insist they are strictly non-monogamous.
How did you determine whether monogamy was or wasn’t for you?
Did you experience similar thoughts about other women while in a relationship? If so, did you act on them? Did those feelings eventually fade?
I feel torn. I can envision a future where I embrace non-monogamy—only spinning plates or having OLTRs. But I can also see myself settling down and starting a family with my current girlfriend, as she checks all the right boxes. Am I feeling this way due to social conditioning, or is monogamy simply unnatural for men, as history and nature seem to suggest?
I’d love to hear your experiences and insights on how you figured it out.
Those are some deep questions. Unfortunately, we came to our conclusions regarding our interest/disinterest in monogamy differently and you'll have to figure that out for yourself. If instinct is telling you to keep riding the dragon, be responsible about it, and use contraceptives when doing so.
If you don't feel yourself ready for exclusivity in a relationship, or monogamy, at this point in your life, then don't pretend for the sake of pleasing others. Make sure the females you get involved with understand that you're not interested in being exclusive from the start and let them know they're free to keep dating other guys who might. Be prepared for the females who will take that as a challenge, because they're going to be the ones who create problems for themselves with you.
Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
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