@youngandlost

18M and need advice for girl with boyfriend. (Possible alpha widow?)

I'll try to keep things short. I apologize for the schoollike drama but keep in mind everyone in this story is 18.

There's this girl I met 2 months ago. We were friends and at the beginning I didn't like her at all, I actually was more interested in her friend. But of course as time went on and I spent more time with her, I ended up little by little liking her. Now, while I know many of you are probably going to directly diagnose me with 'full blown oneitis', it's not like that. I'm in a LTR and I have another fwb, so it's not I'm out here desperate for a crumb of pussy.

Anyway, not to get off topic. A bit of background about this girl: She's the same age as I (18) and she's been seeing her boyfriend for the past 3 years. He was her first everything, and while at the beginning everything was good, in the past year he started treating her like shit. She was of course unhappy, but tolerated it due to some 'external factor', according to her friend.

Now at first things were completly platonic, especially after I learned about her boyfriend. However as things went on, it started changing. She would get touchy (tickling, biting) and eventually I just said fuck it and kissed her (on the cheek and then right on the lips as of recently).

A week ago she began kissing me back. She was hesitant the whole time, didn't want to cheat on her boyfriend and even asked me if kissing me back counted as 'cheating' (lol). But after a while she gave in, although she stops after a while and resists again (the hamster on overdrive probably).

She knows about my girlfriend and in the past few weeks has been telling me to break up (my relationship with my gf is good but there are shaky moments). I told her I broke up (I didn't) and that now it's her turn. At first she said 'she didnt have a reason to' and didn't want to be alone. I told her she wouldn't be and said we should start dating (I am considering her for an LTR as she's not a bad girl).

She seems indecisive however, and says she feels bad after all the time she's wasted on this relationship (sunk cost fallacy, he was her first everything after all). And still hasn't after I asked her to. I think she might be alpha widowed and last night I saw something that probably confirmed it. Her saved messages has all of his messages where he complimented and said he loved her.

This got me thinking and while it's hard to try and be unbiased I came to the conclusion that she's just using me. She doesn't get enough attention from her boyfriend so she get's it from me instead. She's using me to get her boyfriend jealous in the hopes that he will change and I'm just her 'backup option'.

I don't have anyone irl i can discuss this with which is why I came here to ask what you guys think. I'd appreciate any help or insights on this.

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.