We often refer to the relationship as the "Captain and First Mate Dynamic". The Captain is in charge of the ship, and the First Mate follows his lead. The term "First Mate" is used to mean that the women is not a passive bystander on the ship, or in the relationship. A competent First Mate can be relied on to take on duties that the Captain is not in the best position to do. These are the tasks that women are best suited for, or duties that the Captain is unable or unwilling to do. If the First Mate performs her essential duties, then the ship will run smoothly and the relationship will be a peaceful and happy one.

I have categorized the essential duties of the First Mate into 5 categories. They are:

1. Morale Officer
2. Reporting Ship Status
3. Carrying-out Assigned Duties
4. Supporting Your Captain
5. Ship Maintenance

Morale Officer

The First Mate's main duty is to keep spirits on the ship high. This becomes especially important to keep in mind when there are sources of tension. Being the Morale Officer means you are the soft place to land. You are not only a huge source of joy in his life, you are more often the solution to his problems, rather than the creator of them. You are not the cause of his headaches, you are the person he turns to that can relieve them. You are there to cure tension. The following techniques are a grab-bag of possibilities, use the ones the best suit your lifestyle. The more the better!

Techniques of the Morale Officer

• Sex. This is the most important because it is the main way men give and feel that they receive affection. It is also a huge way to distress. You should be having sex with him or giving him blow jobs frequently, ideally at least once a day.
  
• Always great him with a smile on your face to show him how happy you are to see him.
• Have dinner is ready for him the moment he walks in from a long hard day at work
• Prepare him a lunch to take with him to work, leave a note in it to tell him you love him
• Wake up early in the morning to prepare breakfast so you can eat it together before he leaves.
  
• If you have a busy lifestyle, even a hot cup of coffee, a ice cold beer or a tall glass of ice water can work wonders.
  
• If he needs some time to decompress after work, leave him alone for a bit. He will come to you when he's ready.
• Massages: Head/Scalp, back, feet. Spend time just pampering him.
• Pay special attention to his love language and communicate to him using it.
• Don't ignore the other love languages. For example, if "words of affirmation" doesn't communicate that you love him, he still will get an ego boost from being complimented.
• Keep a positive attitude. Your default mode should be happiness. If things go wrong try to find the silver lining, or treat at as a small set back. You are the optimist.
• Initiate play with him. Laugh, giggle, make jokes, chase him, squeal when he grabs your butt... whatever. Play is a great way for adults to unwind and it is often forgotten.

Reporting Ship Status

Another essential duty of being a First Mate is reporting to your Captain everything that is going on with the ship. This ensure that he has to have all the information he needs to make good decisions. Remember that you are a team. Every time you do not give him the information he needs, you are actively hindering his ability to be a good captain.

Do:

• Tell him how you are feeling.
• Tell him is something unexpected has gone wrong.
• Let him know what is going on in your life.
• Tell him if he missed his exit on the freeway.
• Let him know your thoughts on possible plans he may have, and concerns that may arise.
  

Do not:

• Tell him how to solve a problem you have presented him with. Remember to bring him your problem not your solution.
• Undermine his authority in any way.
• Complain about his choices.

Carrying-out Assigned Duties

We often get questions about if it's okay if the woman of the house takes care of the finances, or if the man does the cooking. Absolutely, because that is how the Captain has delegated tasks. Any task that is assigned to you by your Captain becomes one of your essential duties as a first mate. They must be completed with the competence and care that you would give to any other task. The Captain may insert himself into these tasks to make sure they are done to his standards and meet his approval, but he is assigning them to you because he trusts your judgement to be able to take care of all of it (or most of it) on your own.

By taking things off his plate, and handling them well, you take a lot of stress off his plate that he might otherwise have. You are also showing to him that the trust that he has put into you in being able to complete these tasks has not been misplaced.

Supporting Your Captain

When your Captain is taking the helm it is important that he feels that you and others believe in him, but especially you. Men don't exist on an island, even if they don't appear it, men are absolutely effected by how people view him. If you believe in him, he will be able to believe in himself. If you think he will succeed, it will make him feel empowered to fight. Even if things look glum, you rooting in his corner will give him the strength he needs to keep pushing through.

There are two ways of supporting your captain. The first is backing his play, the second is helping to create a favorable impression of others about him.

Backing His Play

Backing his play means whatever his final decision is, you are on board. You not only will go along with it, but actively believe in the objective. Your duties are to encourage him, be the morale officer, and do anything you can to help the objective become a reality. Whatever the objective is, make yourself part of the solution rather than another obstacle he has to overcome.

• If he wants quit his job to go back to school, you start by helping put together a budget, and tell him what you're going to cut back on.
  
• If he wants to build you a table and he's never done it before, you smile and tell him how excited you are to see the final product.
  
• if he's feeling frustrated, let him know that you know he'll power through, because you've seen what he is capable of.
  

Creating a Favorable Impression

Your Captain's availability of options can often depend on his ability to influence people. For example, people are promoted most often because they are well liked rather than because they are the hardest working. It is also true that other people having a favorable impression of him will give him more confidence that he can use to excel. There are two methods of creating a positive impression of others.

1. Simply talking him up, and never talking badly about him in front of others. When he comes up in conversation talk about all the wonderful things about him, and never mention anything negative. Focus the conversation about what he's capable of, even if he's not around.
2. Reflecting well on him. A man is is judged by others based the woman who is around his arm. If she is attractive, pleasant, and always arrives to functions with a well executed home-cooked dish to share, those around will think that he was able to get such a good woman by being a quality man. By presenting a positive, well put-together appearance, of the woman by his side, people will automatically assume good things about him.
   

Ship Maintenance

The last category is meant to encompass all the little things that make life just go smoother. They are not things that he has asked you to do, they are just things that need to be done, and when they're done there's less reason for tension. Here's a list of examples:

• Making sure the kids are up in the morning.
• Cleaning the kitchen before it needs to be cooked in.
• If the electricity company calls asking why the bill hasn't been paid, if he forgot just pay it.
• Checking that there is always plenty of toilet paper.
• Keeping the house in order, just in case guests come over.
• Having the clothes cleaned and put away before they are needed.
• Etc...

Conclusion

By remembering the 5 essential duties of the First Mate, you will be on your way to making yourself a woman worthy of a good man, and creating a relationship that is a positive experience for everyone involved.

Tip Fleetingwish for their post.