Right, so first off: not an expert at this. This is pulled together from a lot of historical PUA resources, mostly from snippets that resonated with me, accumulated into something that I find works. None of the ideas are original. All have worked for me and the women I've known.

Justification

I've been on dates to nowhere. Spending time with her, getting to know her, emotionally connecting with her. Sometimes paying, sometimes not. Dates that go nowhere until you suggest meeting at your place and the girl freaks out. (Quick aside: women who aren't attracted are irrationally scared of being alone with you. It's not your fault, it's just how they're wired. They act very differently when they're physically attracted. They still freak out, but it's mostly with excitement.)

Conversely I have been on dates where I physically escalated. I have experienced turning dates from the girl literally saying "I think we should just be friends" to "Yeah, we should go away together for the weekend". I have never had physical escalation go wrong or backfire, which probably means I've been too cautious.

Fundamental concepts:

- It's your job as a man to physically escalate. Women will almost never do this, and if they do they'll do it badly and resent you for it.

- Escalation means "start at the bottom rung of the physical escalation ladder and work up"

Imagine a ladder. Bottom rung is "touch her arm". Top rung is "slide penis into vagina". You can imagine the 20 rungs in between.

- Physical escalation is very fun, exciting and attractive for the girl

Women LOVE it. Women will sleep with men they would never look at twice if they get this shit right. Women will walk away from attractive men who bore them to tears.

- You do this by going forwards AND BACKWARDS

Don't be the wimp who is afraid to touch her.

Don't be the relentless groper who just won't stop.

Somewhere in between is where the magic happens. Go forwards. Go a tiny bit too far and a tiny bit too fast. Back off before she can object and don't touch her at all. Now you've established that it's ok to go a little further because she didn't object..... then you can go there again..... and then back off like nothing happened. Make her miss the attention.

Women are a bit subtle in their reactions to this, so at some level you never know what you're dealing with ....... but you'll reach a point at which you can see it in their eyes when you're hitting it just right.

- If she likes it she will reciprocate, but usually at the same rung of the ladder as you, or slightly below.

If she's not joining in at all, she doesn't want you to go further. If you're going to rung 3 and whenever you back off she doesn't do anything, you don't want to go to rung 4 just yet. She might like it, but if she's not joining in then you are being put in the position of the only one doing anything, and that's not good.

Why isn't it good? Because she is avoiding all responsibility.... she is reserving the right to blame you for everything later. This isn't a position you want to be in. She's making you 100% responsible - these are the girls who aren't into you but are milking you for the attention. You backing off is a test. If she's not joining in then she's not into it. If you keep giving her something while she does nothing then you are.... at best.... dealing with a sponge. Keep going backwards and forwards..... rung 3..... rung 0..... rung 3..... rung 0...... if nothing happening from her, then you can politely thank her for the fun and leave.

DO NOT EXPLAIN ANY OF THIS.

At most you can say "I think you're just not feeling it".

Do not get into any sort of discussion more than that.

- No, I will not tell you all the rungs of the ladder

You can (and should!) make up your own ladder. Imagine 20 rungs ranging from "socially acceptable between any 2 people" up to full sex.... everyone's should be different, and there are strong cultural factors here.

What I will add is that you shouldn't be aiming for extended kissing outside the bedroom. Why emotionally satisfy her when you're not getting everything you want? You might be happy to kiss her all night long, but it's better to give her 3 minutes of explosions in her brain, make her miss you like crazy, and fuck her later.

- This all applies to first meeting with her, on dates and in the bedroom

It's all the same. Forwards, backwards. Advance and tease. It works in public and it works in private.

It makes women feel very excited.... and the constant backing off makes her feel SAFE. She doesn't feel like she's got to be the one on the brakes all the time. And you really don't want women to be putting on the brakes :)

- You can start again at any point. If there is any sort of a break, start again at the bottom (but you can usually progress very quickly back to where you were).

Fairly self explanatory...... always start at rung 1. Work your way up..... if there's a break, don't start by instantly going back to where you left off.

- Verbally wooing her and then hoping sex will happen DOES NOT WORK. Everything women say about "connect with my emotions first" is a poor method for seduction.

Again fairly self explanatory... forget emotional connection..... women will happily do 90% of the emotional connection work if she's excited by your presence. Mutual interest and attraction is all you need.

- Confidently and non-needily escalating shows you have options, guts, social standing and experience.

...... so do it :)

- You WILL get verbal shit tests. These are well covered elsewhere and will be of the obvious/easily dealt with variety if she's attracted.

Fundamentally don't care too much.

If she objects, just shrug. Do not discuss. Do not fan the drama flames by offering any sort of explanation.

If she's rude, just leave.

If she's playful, just smirk at her......... if she sticks around, good chance she's planning to fuck you.

- Physical escalation makes your intentions clear and eliminates most timewasters.

Women who will happily milk you for endless meals will run if you start touching them. Equally women who want you will enjoy it, so it's a double win.

- Touch Ladder

Let's define a rough progression ladder. This is mine, yours should be different, and it should be adapted for context. Remember that girls do not usually like to be too physical too quickly in front of other people (anti slut defence).

You want to be moving up AND DOWN the ladder. Go up the ladder, then back down. Then up again one rung further, then down again. For example: touch her arm, stop touching her, chat, touch her arm then her waist, then grab your drink and gesture to a friend, a few minutes later when you're deep in conversation you touch her arm, then her waist, then her hip, then back to chatting randomly and not touching.

Each time you go a little further, but then you stop. This teases her. This removes any fear "when will this guy stop". This makes her miss your touch. This is exactly what most men do not know how to do, and it's very exciting for the girl.

As you'll be leading the date, you should choose locations and environments that work in your favour. Standing is much much better for touching and moving and physically escalating. It can be done sitting but it's much harder.

Big Moves are best done as you leave one venue heading to another.

The Touch Barrier

There is a touch barrier in our (Western) culture. Touching is generally interpreted as sexual, which is a mixed blessing. It makes touching more effective, but it also makes it harder to do.

It feels clumsy at first

Oh boy does it feel clumsy and awkward at first...... you just gotta barrel through this.

There is no right time...... but I'll tell you the worst time: never.

Solutions: touch people more (even guys). Seriously. You can learn to do it. Not strangers obviously.

How to hug her

Ok, as the analytical autist that I am, I've broken this down for you. I'll spare you the tragic backstory of how many times I did this wrong: grabbing her out of the blue, waiting for her, etc etc... you can imagine the awkward tragedy here for yourself.

So here goes on how to do it easily:

A. This has to be done standing, approximately facing each other. If she's not standing, get her to stand before initiating the hug.

(Do not do this with a boner on a first date.)

B. Tell her it's coming. Make sure you have her attention, and then say in a way that is 100% definitely loud enough to hear clearly "I like you, give me a hug".

C. At the same time, open your arms wide but pointed down about 45 degrees, hands open, palms facing her. Practice in your bedroom.

D. She should move towards you somewhat. If she looks at all weirded out, confused, unwilling, doesn't move, etc then either give her a very quick token hug, or convert to a high five while saying ".... or a high five", or whatever else you're comfortable with. If she isn't responding then the reasons are lack of attraction or lack of comfort with you. Try again later knowing this time she'll be better warned.

E. As she moves towards you, press your body against hers and especially: pull her close to you. You're probably taller, so your arms go over hers, but one of yours under one of hers works too. Hers will naturally wrap round your mid back, and you press one hand, open palm, against the nape of her neck and the other round her waist (so one hand is significantly above the other). Gradually increase pulling her into you until it's a squeeze, then release and step back. Should take about three seconds.

- If you feel her relax/melt into you, this is a good sign. If she looks disappointed when it ends, that's also a good sign.

- Don't grind your hips forward, but don't pull them back either.

- Do not linger. Do not grab her ass. Do enjoy her tits pressing against you.

This is all way easier than it sounds - the only tricky bit is the initiation of the hug, which should clearly indicate that the hug is about to happen without it actually happening yet.

Some miscellaneous details

- Don't forget plausible deniability

female sexuality seems to require that she can plausibly deny everything.

- The backwards part is essential

make sure to tease her

- Do not "get as far as you can and linger there"

- Yes, this means she is in control. You're not removing her powers of control here, you're not removing consent. This is non-verbal consent.

To be clear: she is tacitly consenting to the initial touching by being there, and she is tacitly accepting your escalation by somewhere reciprocating. If she isn't into it, or is reluctant, or shy, or hesitant.... back off until she joins in.

- If there is physical separation (bathroom break, .... new date), start again at the bottom of the ladder. You'll be able to move through quickly.

If you are alone with her, maintain the option to leave if you're not happy. Girls can and will stop you from progressing to sex and while you have the same right, girls are generally the ones to do it. This is of course absolutely right and correct, but equally it's important as a man to make sure you have the option to leave if you're not happy, and it's important to not be baited into commitment (eg agreeing a future date). You should also move forwards and backwards to make sure that she doesn't feel like she's putting on the brakes all the time, but is in fact at risk of losing you. You do this by moving backwards down the ladder, and by maintaining the option to leave or end the date at yours (you do this with time constraints).

Time constraints

Reasons: makes her feel comfortable, makes you in control. "Hey... drop round my place... but only for an hour, I've got an early start".

This really helps to make things super comfortable for her.

If she says "don't you have an early start" and you want to continue, simply agree (she backed off, you must also back off) ...... "Yes... I do.... we should stop.... " ... you stop briefly, then go right back to kissing her.

Never apologise

"I can't help myself" is the only defence you need. While not literally true, you're not a rapist after all, this is most girl's fantasy: to be irresistible to a man.

Kissing

Kissing is generally believed by men and women to be the significant "we're doing this" point in getting to know each other. It's the transition from "maybe something could happen" to you both admitting you generally like each other sexually. Fundamental point: women may be shy about kissing in public, and don't do too much of it! You want sex, not kissing followed by sexual frustration. More kissing does not mean more sex. Kissing can release sexual tension and can confirm "he likes me" which can make women get bored.

Do Not Emotionally Commit

Your commitment, devotions, willingness to jump through her hoops, etc will make her BORED.

While you should be progressing your dates towards sex, equally she should never feel she's "got you". You should never stop pursuing other women. Getting another girl's phone number in front of her is tacky...... but flirting with other girls enough to make her jealous will increase attraction.

And attraction is 90% of the game. Comfort (establishing mutual interest and some amount of consideration) is the other 90%.... but comfort is easy. Most men have no problem falling into the friendzone, so comfort is a non issue. Comfort is little more than liking her and being nice to her and relaxing in her company.

But commitment....... commitment is the destruction of passion. Agreeing to see her without any gap before seeing her again. Answering her texts immediately. Her being certain you'll continue to try and seduce her. Her being able to smile at you and have you come running.... This is the destruction of attraction. This is when girls say "it's too easy". This is when girls get BORED.

Girls do not think about the guys they know are interested. They spend all their time working themselves into a sexually frustrated froth thinking about the guys who excite them and the guys they don't know where they stand with. Be exciting by physically escalating when you see her, and never give her the calming passion killer of emotional security by committing to her, committing to seeing her again, agreeing to anything that reduces your options and freedoms.

Committing is an easy trap to fall into for men who lack abundance because it is one of the main things that women scream for.... "I want to know where I stand" / "What are we?" / "I hate it when guys don't call" / "I hate guys who play games" / "Why can't men just be straight with me?". But notice something: they say all these things about the exciting guy who doesn't commit. Attractive women have endless men ready to commit their entire lives to her. But she's not talking about these men. She's talking about the attractive man she wants to fuck.

Is this emotional abuse? Absolutely not. There is no dishonesty here. All you are doing is charmingly keeping your options open.

- "We need to get to know each other first"

Well, yes and no. The trap here is that it leads men to commit to endless dates while she is free to fuck other guys. It's beta bait. It's "please keep on giving me attention while I don't fuck you".

It's true UP TO A POINT, and you should agree with her "Absolutely.... neither of us are the type to just jump into bed with a stranger". Then continue as normal.

There are two main time factors that are relevant here to being friends with benefits:

- Hours in her company / number of dates

Hours in her company: less than 10 hours before sex is pretty fast. More than 25 is pretty slow.

Seems like a lot of time? Well, it is - especially when there's no guarantees you will have anything to show for it. What's your time worth, per hour? What's 15 hours worth? You should never talk to her about this, but you should always bear it in mind.

Conversely, 15 hours is pretty easy to accumulate: 4 hours in a bar with her and other people..... 3 hour date...... another 3 hour date ending at your place and then watching Netflix together for a few hours. Make sure those hours are fun FOR YOU.

Number of dates: this is a simple girl pride thing. "I never have sex on a first date" is what she says, but she's had a one night stand before. All normal girls have. She's probably had friends with benefits before. But there is a pride thing... "not on a first date". Most normal girls will happily have sex on a third date. Second at a push. Which is why you should define meeting her as the first date..... and then you call your next meeting "second date". Next meeting is "third date". She'll fall into the frame of the "second date" and then "third date" without quite realising the significance.

If she asks, you refer to meeting her for 3 minutes in a bar as "our first date". She'll think this is cute, and will start to think of your second meeting as a third date, and sex will be that much easier. Second date and also be a quick lunchtime meetup. Still counts as a date. Still counts towards the magic three dates.

You can certainly push for sex sooner than this: personally I don't. I maintain the attitude of "if not you then someone else", and taking things a LITTLE slower than I could force things helps me maintain her as a regular partner, which is my preference over one night stands.

Big Moves

The big ballsy moves. Usually these are how you move from flirting to kissing in a dramatic way. If you can't handle these moves going wrong (girl not interested, girl not interested right now), don't do them. If they work they're great, if they don't you need to be stoic enough to handle the consequences without being butt hurt and without groveling. The basic retreat position is "I did that because I like you" or "I couldn't help myself".

Big moves should be avoided for progressing to sex in our current social climate.

But if you want to do it.....

- Get up, walk across to her, tilt her head back and kiss her

- Pull her close and kiss her as you're leaving a venue.

- You say "I've never kissed a girl with X before" (blonde hair / tongue piercing / face tattoos, whatever is unique about her). If she responds positively you have to kiss her immediately.

With all these moves: they are big and bold, but they are SLOW. Maintain eye contact throughout. Although you're doing all the moves, she is non verbally consenting to them by letting them take place (obvious caveat here: when it comes to sex you have to be more explicit in this day and age, see "progressing to sex" section).

Progressing to sex and consent

Sadly we live in an age in which a woman will consent to sex, then go away and concoct some reason why she didn't: "Although I ripped his clothes off and jumped on his dick, I never actually verbally said yes". The majority of women know where the line is and are fine with it. I have never had any problems. But you do have to be a little careful, especially as you get good at this because women will find themselves moving to sex faster than they expected, and may later regret it.

- Getting verbal consent

She's into you, she's half naked. Tell her "tell me you want it". If she doesn't then you don't fuck her. Women.... relaxed and horny...... will easily say this, and that commitment in her head can make the difference in her head. So can taking it a bit slow rather than expecting first night sex.

- Follow up

You aren't a pushover, you are not clingy, you do not need or want a second date immediately afterwards. But you CAN keep in touch. Do not textually agree or imply that sex took place. "Get home safe, girl". "I had a great time last night". "I really enjoyed your company last night". All these say good things, imply you're not ditching her, but equally you are not hoping/needing/pushing for a repeat performance.

Texting is fine...... but don't double text and don't agree or invite to another date straight away. Keep her guessing a bit!

Tip mattyanon for their post.