From time to time, we come across the writing of a passive, loser, “beta” man, in the process of attempting to reclaim his manhood and his power in a relationship (or possibly attempting to claim this for the first time ever). His story usually goes something like, “My girlfriend is doing [insert shitty behavior here] but I finally put my foot down and told her to stop this or I’m gone. She apologized. It felt good confronting her and setting a boundary like that. You guys should follow my alpha manly man red pill example!”

On one hand, we want to encourage the guy. He’s made great progress. He recognizes shitty behavior in his woman. He knows that this behavior is a sign that she doesn’t respect him or the relationship and that he has no power in the relationship. He knows that he shouldn’t have to tolerate this bad behavior and that continuing to put up with it is costing him additional power and respect. He knows he needs to stop tolerating this. I don’t want to minimize these steps. They’re important steps. Men who have taken these steps are leaps and bounds ahead of most loser men.

But then guys like this go and fuck things up. They confront their women and attempt to set a boundary. Because they read somewhere on The Red Pill that setting boundaries is an alpha manly man Red Pill thing to do.

The problem is that betas don’t set boundaries. Women ignore the boundaries of a beta. They laugh at them inside. They think it’s amusing when a little beta loser tries to tell them to do or refrain from doing something. A beta loser man has not earned the right to act like an alpha winner man and speak to her that way – to presume to command her submission like that.

When a loser tells his woman to do or refrain from doing something, the woman will do one of three things: 1) Dump his ass because she doesn’t care about him; 2) Ignore his request (and maybe even tell him she’s ignoring it), which is a shit-test she is using to demonstrate that she has the power in the relationship, not him; 3) Manipulate him – apologize, pretend she cares about the relationship so she can keep benefiting from it, then just do a better job of hiding her bad behavior from him in the future.

The one thing a woman doesn’t do when a beta loser man asks her to do something is submit. Whining that you want your woman to do or refrain from doing something and threatening to leave if she doesn’t obey does not make her suddenly recognize that you’re a real manly man that she’s afraid to lose, hence her apparent capitulation and obedience. If things get to the point where you have to deliver ultimatums, and your woman appears to submit to your ultimatum, you didn’t win. All you did is tell her where she needs to improve her skills and do a better job of lying and hiding her bad behavior.

If you’re a Red Pill newbie, or even a guy who’s been reading this shit for years but still doesn’t have complete control over his relationship, be honest. You know who you are. It’s not shameful – you’re still leaps and bounds ahead of the huge majority of men. In fact, acknowledging where you’re lacking and need to improve is a sign of strength, not weakness.

But now that you know where you’re lacking, don’t try to command your woman like some kind of boundary-enforcing alpha manly man when you haven’t earned that right. It doesn’t work. Before your woman demonstrates her respect for you by submitting to your boundaries, you need to actually be respectable.

If your woman is doing shitty behavior, don’t talk to her about it. She’ll either dump you, ignore you, or pretend to care while hiding her ongoing shitty behavior. Instead, you have two options:

1- Ignore her and work on yourself. Become emotionally less available to her. Still escalate and go for sex frequently, but pull away if you don’t get laid and go do something else. Hit the gym. Get buff. Excel at work. Get rich. Throw yourself into learning new skills and interesting hobbies. Get out there and make friends and do fun shit. Build an awesome life without her. You only bring her along for the ride if that escalation starts leading to getting laid like a champ. Otherwise, she stays home and you have a fun life without her tagging along.

2- Leave her. Having no woman is better than having a shitty woman. And it shows that you respect yourself far more than she respects you. After doing this, do #1 and find a better girl. But leave that other girl, too, the moment she’s shitty.

When you become a respectable man with an awesome life, you’ll find that women tend to behave themselves without you having to confront them and set boundaries. And on the rare occasions when you need to tell them to get in line, they’re quick to do so for fear of losing you to one of the ten other women waiting in line to fuck you.

Just remember: If you’re a work in progress, you don’t get to overtly set boundaries. That’s not a tool in your toolbox. Confrontation is a tool of women, not men, and if you have to use a woman’s tool against a woman, all you’re telling her is what buttons she can press in the future to really upset you, or what she needs to do a better job of hiding. Why would you arm a woman with that kind of weapon?

Tip Archwinger for their post.