Many guys approach The Red Pill with a question that goes something like, “My girlfriend (or some girl I’m dating, fucking, or just interested in) said X after I did Y, so I responded Z. How did I do? What did she mean by this? What is she trying to do?”

It’s normal, as a human being with functioning ears, to listen to things we hear and react to them. This is how we avoid potential dangers. This is also how we obtain new knowledge, such as by receiving information and thoughts from other humans. Listening to what people say is half of the process, while talking is the other half, right?Wrong.

It is estimated that about 7% of communication is verbal. The remaining 93% is some combination of body language, tonality, and all kinds of other details and signals, right down to what socks you wore when you showed up to meet somebody. The fact that you didn’t make a point of wearing your newest pair of socks may well bother your girlfriend far more than anything you say to her the entire night, but she won’t say a word to you about it. Instead, she will answer everything you say with short, one to three word statements, make no effort to initiate any conversational topics of her own, shrink away every time you try to touch her, and pretend to be on her period to get out of sex. You unintentionally communicated to her that you don’t care about her or your relationship because you couldn’t be bothered to wear the right socks. So she intentionally tried to communicate to you that she’s not going to make any effort regarding you or the relationship. Unmistakably clear communication, right?

So naturally, during the night, you might ask her, “Is something bothering you?”, responsive to which she will answer that everything is fine. As a normal human being with functioning ears, you may hear her respond that everything is fine, assume that everything is fine, and try to have normal conversation with her for the rest of the night. But she tried to communicate to you that everything is not fine by answering you with a curt statement using a bland tone of voice. You ignored what she tried to communicate and just kept trying to act like everything was fine, further confirming that you don’t care about her, her feelings, or the relationship. Combined with the sock incident, this was completely unacceptable, so she spent the rest of dinner texting one of her male co-workers to set up a lunch date tomorrow.

When somebody asks the question “Some girl said X. What did she mean?” he is making a very critical error: He is listening to shit women say.

Never listen to shit women say. When a guy asks about something some girl said to him, the first question you ask this guy should be: “Is she fucking you?”

That’s it. That’s all you need to know. If she’s fucking him, she’s into him. If she’s not fucking him, she is not into him. The sounds she happens to make with her mouth don’t matter at all, only her actions. Is she fucking him, or not?

However, most guys fall into a gray area. She fucks him sometimes, but doesn’t fuck him other times. And most of what she says and does seems to be attempts to try to get him to say or do certain things, responsive to which she acts happy and sometimes fucks him, but sometimes doesn’t, seemingly at random. One might think that whether or not she fucks him is completely disconnected from what she says with her words. To an extent, this is true, but most of the time, her words are a shit test.

A shit test is essentially a power struggle. A test of who is dominant in the relationship. You want to have sex. She knows you want to have sex. She wants to have sex, too. But instead of having sex, she says something completely unrelated to sex. The normal instinct of a man having functioning ears would be to respond to what she said, and if what she said is a problem, to try to resolve it. But after he complies with whatever it was she said, she proceeds to not have sex with him! If he then attempts to initiate sex, she acts aghast! “What? After I had to tell you to do X instead of you doing it yourself, now you want sex? You didn’t care enough to have done X before I said something. I’m not feeling very close to you right now!” Or sometimes, she might say, “What? You only did X for me because you thought it would lead to sex? That’s manipulative! I am hurt. You must now make this up to me for many weeks before we have sex again.”

Never listen to shit women say. What she’s saying to you is secondary. The only question you need to concern yourself with is whether or not she’s fucking you.

If a woman is into you, she will fuck you without reservation and without imposing conditions on you. You can be the biggest asshole on the planet who’s never done shit for her, and she will beg you to fuck her. Sex with you is its own reward for her. She feels like it’s something she works to earn, rather than something you work to earn from her.

If a woman is not into you, she will make you jump through hoops with the vague notion that this may lead to sex sometime in the future, maybe, if she feels like it and you maintain your good behavior. Sex with you is a grudging chore she tries to avoid. She feels like it’s something you have to earn, and it’s annoying to have to put out every so often to keep you from whining too much.

The specific words a woman says aren’t that important. Wracking your brain trying to figure out what she meant or how you should respond is a waste of time. She’s either fucking you or she’s not.

Every time you say something to a woman, it should not be a direct response to her previous statement. It should be a stepping stone toward your objective: Sex. You should have a plan to lead her toward sex. Maybe you’re going to go to this first location and do a first activity, then leave at a certain time to go to a second location if necessary, then to your apartment, where you will do another activity and end up having sex. Everything you say to her should be taking charge of the interaction and leading it according to your plan.

She will try to throw monkey wrenches into your plan. She will try to get you to stop leading the interaction and start responding, line by line, to things she says. She will try to become the leader of the interaction, while you react to her words. Then, at the end of the interaction, she will feel like everything was disorganized. There was no plan. The two of you just spun your wheels, and she didn’t have a good time.

Don’t waste any more time listening to a woman’s words. That’s not how they communicate. Look only to her actions. She is either fucking you, or fucking with you.

Tip Archwinger for their post.