I'm
48, and unlike my Brother and Sister, never been married. My family,
especially Mom and Grandma, feel sorry for me and everyone thinks I've
missed out in life without marriage and children; they would be quite
wrong. Through having several relationships running concurrently, I
feel a satisfaction as though I've lived several lifetimes in one.
Instead of feeling like I've missed out as I face the waning decade of
mens' sexuality, it's like being Lazarus Long and having a 192-year
lifespan to look back upon. I will go to a happy grave.
My preference is LTRS; I've never been married or with a married
person, but I find keeping more enjoyable and expedient than getting.
Not everyone on TRP seeks this type of relationship, and I'm not an
authority on everyone's multi-relationship methods, but I hope this
helps to build a body of knowlege about applying TRP methods to managing
multiple relationships.
Types of relationship
Not all simultaneous relationships are created equal! I've found
across several turnovers of relationship groups, things tend to fall
naturally into a semi-orderly pattern. When everyone is satisfied
within their role in the giant web, they are likely to work toward
keeping their role stable by not making waves they know will ripple to
the others and cause trouble. Understanding these roles thoroughly, and
treating/keeping everyone within the bounds and expectations of their
positions can help you get managing multiple relationships at once down
to an efficient system.
- The Main Always an LTR, this is the "official
girlfriend" as far as your family is concerned, and the one who gets
first priority at all the big holidays. If she comes from outside the
plate network she is not informed of it. Sometimes a plate is promoted
to main; they understand the situation and desire the position anyway.
There is an unspoken agreement that the main will be shielded from all
signs of extracurricular activity. There is also sexual meritocracy to
my system; the main has first priority to sex, and plate activity falls
off as far as 100% according to how well she keeps my balls empty. Even when this position is filled by a plate fully aware of your
sexual ways, the Main is #1 priority for sex, and she's tacitly
considered exclusive. Former plates get busy in bed thanks to soft
dread, and I strive to keep them content in and out of bed myself. If
another plate intrudes, the main is 100% defended and supported. I
don't demand exclusivity from women I'm not exclusive with myself, but
try to be the man they prefer to fuck.
- Side Girlfriend A favorite plate with whom you
share an emotional connection and a full "girlfriend experience" while
together- yet you're both able to turn it on and off like a switch
between visits. Often someone in an LTR of their own or holding out for
one, not a CC rider. Sometimes, side girlfriend status is a
placeholder position for the new main when the current one attrits
sooner or later, whether openly between you or implicitly. However, a
main will seldom move directly to side girlfriend status, though a
shut-down and reset through plate status again can be a successful path
for this.
- Plate A woman who is knowingly having sex with
you on the side, for the sake of the sex only, with little to no
emotional or resource input from you. Likely to be dating other men in
succession, often not in LTR of their own. This requires the least
input from you initially, so when everything goes smoothly it seems like
the only way to go. Unfortunately, this is the most volatile type of
side relationship, most likely to result in drama that spills over into
your other relationships, from stalking, public blowups or
confrontations, or expectations, and with the weakest bond they are more
likely to bring STDs into the picture. Free plates often take more
energy to get, keep, and replace in the big picture, when your goal is
an ongoing, hassle free collection of women. If frequent new pussy is
your goal, you must recognize and accept the risk it brings to you and
your other current lovers.
- Mistress For men of means only; spending your
own grocery money on a side woman is foolish, and outspending your main
here is a dick move. A relationship involving open support of a
woman in exchange for sex, whether cash, groceries, rent, or shopping.
This might be a woman you have a love child with, a higher SMV woman
than you could pull for free on an open "side" basis. For example a
college student for an older man or a desirable woman with more than one
longterm "patron"; or a favorite plate fallen on hard times with whom
you negotiate better sex (demand,frequency,variety, exclusivity) in
exchange for a period of support; sometimes you just find a great value
and pride in bettering the life of someone who you're regularly intimate
with. Beware of cognitive and emotional traps and wallow in it, if
this brings you joy and possibly peace with your sex. Mistresses might
get second dibs on major holidays, often the weekend before or after
with your main, but this class of relationship has an explicit
understanding that it is subordinate to the main, and she accepts this
position without fuss or complaint as part of the financial deal. Least
likely to incite damage to your main relationship. Young men starting
out might classify a plate that commands more resources than his others
as a sort of mistress, to remember to fully negotiate his position in
this relationship.
How it began
After a blue pill early love life with serial oneitis relationships
that bloom, stagnate, and die over time in a pattern familiar to many
here, I raised my SMV and hit a stride with women by my 30s. A "crime
of opportunity" occurred when somebody really wanted to be with me
knowing I was in an LTR. It hit me, I could parallel process several
relationships at a time, staggered at different stages. This both
quickly filled whatever I felt I had missed out on when younger, and
effectively sped up the throughputting of women through my love life in
search of that ever-elusive unicorn, without necessarily speeding up or
rushing the relationship process. Why have just one 4-year relationship
when you can have that plus a couple of other relationships spanning 6
months-3 years during the same 4 years, plus a meta-lover occasionally
from years before through years after?
Relationship tracks
Long-term side relationships don't necessarily have a beginning,
middle, and end like a regular relationship. The most durable and
hassle free ones I've known were mutually able/willing to dial it
up/down/on/off repeatedly over time, as other relationships wax and wane
in our respective lives. Some womens' tracks spanned over a decade and
the reign of several mains/others. Others ran their various courses
and ended in one run. A couple came back for seconds or more, out of
the blue years later. The important thing was, each ran at its own pace
and opportunity, but by running concurrently, it amounted to many
decades' worth of relationships for me over the course of the past 20
years.
Disadvantages of multiple lovers
It's not all parties and pussy without cost. Most men aren't natural
pussy magnets with a constant stream of free groupies available. The
average man must work for even "free" pussy, and multiple relationships
bring compound and additional costs to the love game.
- Division of time/resources Multiple
relationships are inevitably a zero sum game. Time and resources given
to one are necessarily taken from the others. It's not a simple math
problem; you must manage jealousy, priority, meritocracy, and more than
just a calendar. The more serious your main becomes, the more you'll
wrestle with the ethics of it all. You may wonder if X relationship
would have flourished after all with 100% of your attention. These are
some of the gigantic trade offs of this lifestyle.
- Occasional extinction events You might get a
psycho-stalker who literally goes pounding on all of your other current
womens' doors, or someone who rallies one or more of the other women
against you in a sudden coup. The happy, abundant life can hum along
just fine for a long time, then suddenly go 100% into the shitter
overnight. Effort spent managing everyone's expectations, keeping their
needs filled, and avoiding unnecessarily hurt feelings in maintaining
and ending individual relationships keeps problems from spreading to
others.
- Awkward moments When one lover sees another out
with another in public; sometimes it can be played off, sometimes
you're ducking back out the restaurant door or side alley, fortunate if
the woman you're suddenly frog-marching a new direction plays along
without fuss and raising attention. Having four of your current lovers
manage to converge in the same room together by chance; one unaware,
some knowing of others, none knowing all- now THERE is a dynamic to test
your mettle! Then there was the undesired experimental plate who
showed up at my work with a dozen roses, and I had to fast-talk her up
to speed on her status, and the fact that a long-time heir-apparent to
my main position was due for our first official date as an LTR any
minute. She left out one door literally seconds before the next one
walked in the other... and was slickly presented with a "surprise" of
the roses and became an important part of my life for 10+ years after
that... but 10 seconds sooner that night would have altered that
indelibly!
- Overall lack of spare time You might find your
other life activities, relationships, and hobbies limited by the sheer
amount of TIME you spend managing multiple relationships. Accept that
women are one of your hobbies and be at peace with it.
Incorporating your outside interests with your plates can help with
this; for instance, keeping my motorsports hobby alive for years AND
taking different eager families on excursions many weekends per season.
I follow my passion to my own fulfillment, many others get to share
the fun without getting burned out- sometimes you can spread disparities
of interest into a win-win for yourself and all parties.
- Holidays Oh fuck, Holidays! Manage everyones'
expectations in advance to prevent blowups. For those you celebrate
with, calendar them carefully, keep your promises, and remember the
strength and efficiency of the intermittent reward schedule here.
Instead of approaching holidays with a sense of dread, gloom, and
botched relations through mismanagement, accept them as a challenge to
spread as much happiness as you can with efficiency of effort like a
love superhero.
Advantages to a man
- Variety Instead of being married to one woman,
I've experienced a tremendous variety. Races, classes, cultures,
traditions, relationship styles, power structures or lack of,
intergender dynamics; Tall, short, thicker, thinner, PhDs to high school
dropouts. I've been able to taste so much variety in my time. I
had a girlfriend older than I am now when I was 30, and am now looking
at someone half my age.
- No downtime Besides the power of abundance
mentality, having parallel running options at all times pretty much
eliminates the cycle time of breakup/gloom/recovery/getting out there
again finally.
- Positive experience with multiple kids Not all
mothers want you involved with their kids, and these make damn good
long-term, low effort plates. For those that do, it is an opportunity
for an interested man to enjoy many of the benefits and peak experiences
of having over a dozen children, with minimal downside exposure. First
days of school, graduations, birthdays, quinceaneras, sweet 16s, first
dates, weddings, grandchildren. I've taught many city kids how to ride a
bike, hit a baseball, build a good campfire, ride a dirtbike, shoot a
pellet gun, recognize and navigate by the constellations, leave the
place better than we found it, defend themselves, confront a bully,
drive a stick, choose and buy a car, check and fill the fluids, and get a
first apartment and eventually, house. I've been a part of the support
structure as they meet, keep, and eventually get over a first lover,
choose a college, start a career and family.
Critics might suggest it was bad of me to be involved because the
relationships weren't permanent, and breaking up with the mother
amounted to breaking up with the kids. While there is some truth to
this, I've always strongly believed that it is better to have loved and
lost than to never have loved. Time has confirmed in most cases where I
have long-term feedback on the outcomes: Most of the women in question
never went on to enter a lifetime bond with one man. Second
and most important, all of the kids that I've had contact with as adults
said that our experiences together were some of the most memorable and
positive of their childhood, and they are appreciative of my
involvement. - Staggered cycles Women in close contact usually
sync their menstrual cycles; plates who never see each other don't, so
during any given week at least one woman in your life is out of
commission and one is at her horniest. The downside is you'll have to
mark your calendar to keep track of when everyone's ovulating; mnemonics
like the moon are too easy to mix up in your head when two or more
women are at play.
- Peak experiences A few short years after my dry
Blue Pill phase of serial relationship bummers, I was filling my own
sexual Guiness Black Book. How many girlfriends can you have at once?
Five! What's the shortest time to have sex with them all? 36 hours.
How long can you keep all that going? Not very. What's the most
girlfriends you break up with in a day? Two, unimaginable to my old BP
oneitis-riddled self. In the end, quality proved better than quantity.
Managing large numbers was a thrill at first, but sometimes you're
literally speeding from woman to woman and the abundance can become a
burden quickly. For the long haul, it's much easier to keep 2-3
satisfied and on cruise control, than to maintain the record breaking
numbers of your love life.
Advantages to the women
Critics are no doubt fuming- HOW could you so selfishly take
ADVANTAGE of all these women? I thought I'd mention some of what should
be obvious advantages to the women, for their sake.
- Abundance is a two way street Many women are
quite happy to maintain a steady non-exclusive partner for the same
reasons as men. Having a good plan B man available part time is quite
empowering- women who had a pattern of developing oneitis for jerks
found this helped them break this cycle finally, as one firsthand
example I've seen. Variety and a little social risk is exciting. I've
never had to persuade a side plate or girlfriend to enter or remain in
an openly secondary position.
- Filling in the gaps like a smorgasbord Not every
person can be 100% of what another needs in a partner over the long
haul. That doesn't always mean you must end things with a mostly
quality partner you've developed a good companionate relationship and
public life with. Having those certain needs filled elsewhere can
actually strengthen the position of your main, though you're extremely
unlikely to sell her on this point right after she discovers the
situation by surprise! Your main might be an excellent companion,
partner, co-parent, or whatever durable reasons for keeping but
unchangeably passive and conventional in bed. An occasional visit to
the adventurous tattooed chick and the butterface with the exquisite ass
that loves to grind into you, and your main need never feel unwanted
pressure to overperform or be replaced entirely. I can say with
firsthand certainty- the right amount of variety on the side can make a
main LTR MORE healthy.
- Familiarity and safety One-night stands are
much riskier for women, both physically and emotionally. Having a
regular lover even on a part-time shared basis allows a sufficient
connection to exist, and reduces the stigma of sleeping around, in her
own eyes and others'.
Summary
As an LTR minded man who rejected marriage and found serial monogamy
frustratingly slow of a throughput for the time my life span offers, I
found a love life niche in running several LTRs in parallel. There have
been many costs and challenges and some mistakes and regrets, but
looking back over the last 20 years, it's as though I lived several
lifetimes in that period. In a world where marriage has been corrupted
into a bad deal, this is one method for experiencing many of the good
aspects of human pair bonding, as well as a satisfying variety, all
within one lifetime.
Loved this post when I originally saw it on Reddit. My favorite part was the mention of the occasional extinction-level event.
You had me at Lazarus Long... Great write.