A common stumbling block for men on the path from bluepill oneitis scarcity mentality, to redpill plate spinning abundance mentality, is this: How do I sleep with/eventually leave all these women without turning into "that asshole?" Turns out that correctly understood and applied RP ideas didn't require abandoning ethics and hurting women, they reinforced many aspects of my morality and made me a better and more sought after partner. Here are some of my musings on the topic, from early in my RP awakening.
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You're probably familiar with the concept of The Tragedy of the Commons,
the classic example of which involves a commonly-owned pasture area
which in the absence of the responsibility of ownership, was overgrazed
and destroyed, to the tragic detriment of the entire village.
I'd like to discuss stewardship of the common pool of single women.
This is not motivated by abstract notions of social justice, but
actually plain self-interest. With the same amount of effort, we can
be involved and part with women in ways that leave them satisfied with
the outcome and improved and ready for the next relationship, or we can
leave them unhappy, hurt, and resistant in the future. One way helps
ourselves and other men in the big picture, the other does the opposite
and leaves women more cynical and less available. Like all of my
posts, this represents my personal love life experience that now spans
1/3 century; your circumstances and style may vary.
Single women are not a limitless resource. Good
women are like apples; if you keep dropping them hard, they turn rotten.
I'm not asking you to care out of SJW-type shaming; I hate that crap
as much as the next guy here. Fact is, there are plenty of perfectly selfish reasons to care about how the women you sleep with are left feeling after your relationship.
- Social reputation Failed relationships are a
part of life especially for the young, and the greater social effects of
those that end amicably fade off rapidly, usually well less than a
year. Those who were treated badly during and after the relationship
often harbor resentment for years and it will spread durably to those
who know her. A reputation as a cad can only harm you over time,
whereas nobody sane really resents someone who tried but failed at love.
- Negative business reputation It may of been fun
at the time to humiliate her and kick her out with your jizz still on
her face never expecting to see her again. Turns out she's a Senior
Partner's daughter's really good friend. Well, crap!
- Positive business reputation At least 10 former
lovers have become clients of my business, or referred good clients to
me. My clients have a total spend of $5000-25,000+ over time. Every
one of them has volunteered the fact that they're doing it because they trust me.
[Edit to clarify: I'm not talking about getting into relationships
with employees or customers. I'm referring to many lovers met outside
of work, who after breaking up (sometimes 10+ years) chose to do
business with me or refer high-spend clients.]
- Less chance of spontaneous drama in your life
The more women you're with over time, the greater the mathematical
certainty that they'll converge in your social circles. Once four of my
exes were in the same small room together for a time; some knew of
others, none knew of all. Not only did nothing happen then, it didn't
cause any waves between me and the individuals moving forward. In an
earlier life, a legit crazy scorned woman discovered and nuked the other
women I was seeing, tried to lobby all of my neighbors against me, and
contacted several of my clients to talk crap about me. There is a lot of downside potential to a poorly managed love life!
- Reduced chance of false accusations A little
effort put in to relationship aftercare can reap great dividends later.
A woman who is let down relatively gently is far less likely to have a
burning well of anger and humiliation that her hamster gins up and
exaggerates to levels of, "He was abusive to me!" or, "He raped me!"
- They might come back as improved plates.
Different parts of the aging cycle can actually bring about improvements
in appearance. Women often discover increasing sex drive with age, and
experience and maturity can transform a fair lover to an amazing one.
It can be an extra thrill to experience the changes several years can
make in each of you. One of my plates has orbited like a comet for over
10 years; a few weeks or months of great, pretty much NSA sex; then she
orbits away for months or years, only to orbit back again easily and
eagerly.
- Leave her more receptive for the next guy, for
you are everyone else's next guy. A woman who has been through an
unnecessarily harsh breakup will be suspicious and aggressively
defensive, susceptible to every radfem meme and idea that comes along,
and throwing up massive ASD and LMR. I can't entirely hold them
blameless for this.
- Your long-term peace of mind is the most
valuable legacy you create with your day-to-day actions. I'm not
challenging that sexual strategy is amoral, but reflecting on over 30
years of experience. Every "bad" breakup I've had disturbs my inner
peace; not pathologically but in measure of the unnecessary pain I
caused another. I wish I didn't rack up bad breakups unnecessarily
before even realizing this impact would surface later.
The Camping Rule and applying it to relationships.
For generations, young campers have been taught by their elders to
always leave the place in better condition than you found it. The
concept is often used in reference to relationships; someone asked for
details in a recent thread so here we go.
- Bad habits diminished or extinguished with a healthy push-pull of
intermittent reward of good and certain negative reinforcement of bad
behaviors, plus leading with a good Captain example.
- Better diet; better and more fit body, again through leading by example.
- Harbors fewer misconceptions of reality. Many "deeply held
misinformation" that people harbor has simply never been meaningfully
challenged and only comes from facebook memes. Carefully measured
ridicule of stupid ideas, and offering practical examples of better ones
can make an effortless change in the long-term outlook of people you
are close to. Hello and goodbye, radical feminism.
- Better relationship skills acquired through your example. She'll
appreciate you forever if you bust her out of a pattern of unhappy
relationships, and it's hard not to feel pride about genuinely improving
someone's life. I'm glad if everyone I've been with gains healthier
self-image and self-esteem from their experience with me. Everyone
complains about the wreckage of broken families, poor upbringing, and
dysfunctional relationships; here's a way to actually do something about
it, while having sex along the way.
Better breakups for a healthy dating pool. Doing
the long fade and making her wonder and worry for an extended time is a
time-honored but weak and destructive way to go. If you're fucking like
a champ, learn to break up like a champ. Rip the band-aid off
decisively, yet with compassion. Do it in person, over text or phone
is a classic dick move. Avoid stupid cliches like, "It's not you, it's
me." That's weak sauce and will hurt and work against you more than
gentle but firm sincerity.
- No-fault breakup #1 choice. When she hasn't
done anything wrong, use a gentle speech about how you think your
destinies are different and she deserves a man who can give her 100%,
which you apologetically but firmly cannot at this time. If you
consider her a replate candidate, mention once that she's a really
awesome woman and you'd love to keep seeing her, but you "don't want to
be unfair." Downgrade to plate seldom happens on the spot, there has
to be a reset period apart, which might be days or years.
- Last straw A precipitating event, such as an
annoying habit or recurring infraction that you've talked about and
offered chances for correction, yet in and of itself seems petty to the
outside observer. Go cool but not silent for a day or two (no less or
more), then initiate #1 as above.
- Punishable infraction Initiate the breakup on
the spot; try to turn it amicable and proceed similarly to #1 once she
admits fault, without offering replating. This has the greatest chance
of extinguishing the offensive behavior in her for posterity, and you
might be seeing her reformed posterior again in the future.
- Called bluff If she's the argumentative type,
she's liable to threaten to break up or tell you to like it or leave.
Call the bluff and say okay; withdraw from the scene, go radio silent
for days, then only consider answering 5:1 instead of the usual 2:1, if
at all. If you have to blatantly provoke an incident, you're doing it
wrong.
- Full Beta (eta) Shift your behavior to
supplicating and sappy to make her lose her tingles and decide for
herself that she's not attracted and wants to walk away with her dignity
intact. Slow, inherently manipulative, and may backfire because some
women want to turn their man beta once captured. However,
there are circumstances where this is the most expedient option, notably
the Tom Leykis Hail Mary.
There are 50 million ways to leave your lover; if you make the slight
effort to choose the best one for the situation at hand, it makes the
social and sexual landscape much better for all of us men. Harsh or
cavalier dumping may be expedient in the moment, but the long-term
consequences make it worth doing our best as men even in the potentially
ignoble moment of breaking up.
Like the camping rule, men collectively taking good care of the
shared resource of single women indirectly but profoundly improves our
own dating social landscape, and prevents a Tragedy of the Pussy
Commons. The effort required isn't really more, just different.
Tip MentORPHEUS for their post.
I think some people refuse to end things on good terms because they resent their partners. This resentment causes the seeking of destructive behaviors such as the ruination of an ex’s reputation or self-esteem. In a certain sense, it is an act against humanity.
Thank you.
Aka your reputation matters, guard it with your life
Thanks, I really needed this.