Dr. Kitten, PhD, is a useful girl to have around. Studying mainstream western psychology may have taught her all the wrong answers, but it did give her a certain facility with asking the right questions, and understanding the answers without too much difficulty.

The other day she laid this one on me:

“If there’s just a few men who all the women are attracted to, and the rest just get ignored...”

(Jealous as she is of FunSize, FanGirl, and whatever plates she might find out about, she has to admit she’d rather share my attention than have any of the various guys who have proposed to her all to herself.)

“… then is that true of women as well? Are there apex women who all the men want instead of anyone else? And what are they like? How do they get there?”

The answer, of course, is “No.”

Hypergamy is the reason, and it’s much talked about, but rarely understood. Most people think it just means “women are cheaters with an inherent tendency to trade up”.

If you think that, you missed the whole point. Hypergamy actually happens because women are monogamous, and men aren’t.

Here’s how it works:

If I go to a party, and meet a short blonde gymnastics girl with an amazing pair of tits, a tall willowy artistic brunette with super feminine body language, and a waifish Chinese spinner with an infectious smile, I don’t decide which one I like best.

I want to fuck them all. And if I only have time for one, any one of them will do.

But for each of those girls, what matters is if I am the most amazing, jacked, confident, witty, and generally gorgeous man in the room. If I am, they will fight to the death over me, or pretend very hard that I’m not with the other two on nights they don’t see me… rather than give me up.

Hypergamy means that women would rather go home alone than with the second place winner. This is monogamy. When a woman sees a man she desires, she is loyal to him until the moment she sees someone else she desires more… then she becomes monogamous to that man instead.

That may not sound much like loyalty to you, but the brain does not have a slot in it that says “husband”. There is no basic neural encoding of who a woman’s socially or legally expected partner is. There is simply who she is attracted to, and women are attracted to one man at once.

Men, not so much. Almost any man will cheat with less attractive women, solely for variety’s sake. And most of those who haven’t, would if they could. And even those who truly are principled pussywhipped still want to, even if they don’t follow through.

So what is “hypergamy”, really?

Hypergamy = a woman can only sustain attraction to one man at once.

Either it’s you, or it isn’t.

If it isn’t you, hypergamy will make her cheat with him on your marriage bed. It will make her excuse herself to the ladies’ room to send him pictures of her tits, and then come back to the table just in time for you to buy her dessert. It will make her buy a plane ticket to fly to San Diego and suck his dick while she tells you she’s visiting her sick mother.

And if it is you, then not only will she do all that for you behind her boyfriend’s back, but if you are her boyfriend, then anyone 3% less attractive than you might as well be a stick of wood for all she will care.

Hypergamy makes women disloyal… or loyal. Depending on you. Because women are loyal to the man they desire the most.

If you want loyalty, you have to be that man. If you want to break her loyalty, you have to be that man. There is no second place, to women. To women, second place isn’t even the first loser… he’s just one of the losers, and she couldn’t care less.

This is why men are allowed to cheat, and women aren’t. Because women’s nature demands it be so. If a man cheats on his woman, she may be angry indeed, but if she was still attracted to him before he cheated, she still will be after, and the same is true of him to her. But if she ever cheats on him, that relationship is dead… because if it wasn’t, the other man never even would have been visible to her at all.

This is why you should never forgive a cheating woman... because you can't. It's dead already. There is nothing to save. It's also why you should cheat, yourself, if you feel like it. Because if she doesn't forgive you... it was dead already. There is nothing to save.

The price women pay for not having to be the absolute best in the room is that they have to share.

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