i met a girl at a dance today (thursday night); she was with her friends (a guy and a girl), our dance was really fucking hot and her guy friend had to come in and interject, so she had to leave. i gave her my number, told her to text me - she gave me a call instead. i texted her 3-4 hours later (at the time i'm writing this post), she responded almost immediately.
i don't know how to proceed from here: my first thought was to not text her again until say wednesday, and tell her that i'm going to that dance again on thursday and that she should join me - partly because, if i ask her out this weekend, i feel like she's going to think i'm a loser that doesn't have weekend plans set up already (with other girls). then again, maybe a whole week is too long and she going to forget the encounter or a million other guys are going to pop up in her life over the weekend and what not. maybe sunday and go for drinks/billiards? but then is that too high-investment? is sunday even good for a date (in this case especially), because usually guys recommend going on first dates in the middle of week. should i text on sunday morning: "i'm going to shoot some pool later this evening, you should join me"? it is much more obvious that it's a date as opposed to going to the same social dance event, much less plausible deniablity.
when (what day) do you think i should ask her out? do you think i should text her more tomorrow either way? if so, what should i talk (text) to her about?
forgive the shitty formatting.
mattyanon Admin 5mo ago
She likes you. Set something up.
Call her. Tell her you're busy Friday but you'd like to go out with her Saturday.
sounds good
text her "I'm going to call you at 3". Call her at 3.04. tell her to meet you sunday or whenever.
yes
Do it...... it works or it doesn't..... then move on.
AbusiveFather1 5mo ago
Called her. Exchanged small talk: it felt like she was either shy or she wasn’t feeling like talking or talking to me specifically; she did put on the “sweet” voice, I’m not sure if it was out of politeness or what. We talked for a couple of minutes, I told her to come join me to hang out on Saturday. She said she was planning to meet a friend but she’s not sure when but otherwise she’d love to join me and to tell her when/where. I said I’d text her the info and we said our goodbyes.
So, I may be her backup plan for tomorrow, I’m not sure - wasn’t a resounding “yes, just tell me when”, she had to mention this friend. I wonder if it’s a bad thing that we spoke for only a couple of minutes, or if that’s enough. Of course, it’s my wishful thinking that she’s shy or not used to guys actually calling her instead of texting, and not that she wasn’t feeling our conversation - she definitely didn’t dress like she’s shy though. I could’ve prolonged the conversation but it would turn into an interview.
Thoughts?
Edit: I went for Saturday instead of Sunday, because there are events I was going to anyway, in case this falls through.
mattyanon Admin 5mo ago
Often this is enough for her to loop around and hit you up for a second try. You've shown enough value and enough "I will move this forward", there's a good chance she'll make it even easier for the next try.
Give her 3-4 days, try again, if not then move on.
Hugo_The_Great 5mo ago
You're still a newbie, understand you're gonna make mistakes, not just in terms of game/frame, but also logistics.
Over time, you'll get setting up the logistics side of things down to a tee. But you'll make mistakes getting there that are unavoidable.
Right now, you still give a shit about how to properly set it up and what she will think if you use X approach. That will also diminish as you get more confident in your capability to pull these things off successfully.
Do what Matty says for now, don't overthink too much. Don't expect too much. From her & from yourself.
lurkerhasarisen 5mo ago
You are MASSIVELY overthinking this. The red pill isn't a formula or a checklist: forget all that crap about counting the number of words in her texts and yours, or running a stopwatch to wait the "optimal" amount of time before you respond.
To the very limited extent that such advice is useful, it's just to get complete newbies to not sperg out around women. When a girl likes a guy she makes it easy to be with her, and this girl obviously likes you.
ObliviousDuck 5mo ago
The entirety of your post is operating in her frame. You are trying to please her by pretending to be busy using formulas and circus tricks. Are you a dancing monkey? Or are you a genuine man with an interesting fullfiling life?
Stop planning your life around pussies and start getting genuinely busy then you won't have to pretend.
The good news is, the girl seems interested and investing a lot already by calling you back. You don't need to pretend to be mega chad fucking 1000 women, you just need to not be unattractive. She's already rooting for you and there is not much you can do to at that point that will turn her off until you meet again.
[deleted] 5mo ago
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AbusiveFather1 5mo ago
absolutely: this is the first girl in america that gave me IOIs that i'm actually physically attracted to, so obviously oneitis + scarcity mindset. i'm gonna do what matty says and give her a call; i expect to be rejected tbh