Talk to the lawyer again and ask about how it would look like if you two were to split. Is her name on whatever papers you signed? Can you buy her out? Can you afford the mortgage by yourself, or maybe rent the house and live somewhere smaller and cheaper?

As for the relationship, it does not look good. I won't go straight to "dump her", but I'm getting the feeling that she never really cut the umbilical cord. I dated a girl like that once - and let me tell you, it gets old really fast. And don't be stupid: she will hardly cut said cord, not without lots of therapy (that I'm sure she'll be unwilling to get).

This now is what your future looks like if you marry her. A job offer in a different city? Can't go. Travelling to a nice place? Her parents should totally come too*, they'll love it there. Her sister got dumped by her boyfriend? Of course she can stay the next six months with you. Think long and hard about how you want your life to be. Look at your fiancée as who she is, not who you want her to be.

*The girl I dated? She had an older sister. We broke up for a while, and during this time apart her sister got married. Guess who went to the same city the new couple travelled to during their honeymoon? Yup, the groom's new inlaws.

Future Wife Ex

Fixed that for you.

Let's be honest about this situation and after we start from there let's answer the question.

30 minutes is nothing. And why does a grown woman need to live 10 mins from her parents? This is honestly ridiculous. She doesn't genuinely desire you at all, she's not into you very much dude.

Further you are in her frame. If she even needs to consider whether a man she has invested 8 years into is someone she still wants to be with you need to leave her.

Marriage will NOT fix any of this. It will make all of it infinitely worse. You are on fast-track to being divorce raped after getting a dead bedroom.

If i were you I'd end it ASAP and seriously ponder how it got to this point.

You're luckily not married to her. Thank God. Your life will circle the drain as a shit show if you let this drag on, especially if she accidentally gets pregnant and fucks you over with that too.

Leave before she finds a way to fuck you over with further toxic commitment

You are so lucky you did not marry or live together in the house. The repayments may be hefty but you will survive, just get it all staight legally and chalk this up to experience and good luck. You found out in the nick of time.

"When someone shows you who they are, for the love of god, please believe them"

Your gf is clearly telling you that she does not acknowledge you as the head of the family. It is nothing to do with the house, or the location of the house. She is telling you that she is in charge. As you have been together 8 years, this is not 'teething issues'. She is not 'feeling out her boundaries'. This is a disrespectful woman that is running the show, and you are trying to appease her. Tbh, you should acknowledge your own blame in all of this... you have allowed a disrespectful and controlling women to dominate your life for 8 years. Let this episode in your life be a wake up call. It may be an expensive lesson, but a useful one. I am assuming that you were raised beta (like myself) and it takes ages to break free from the chains. I am on your side brother.

Appeasing women never works, and I'll tell you why. Because women do not respect men that appease them. It's as simple as that. She will never acknowledge you as the head of the family, because she does not respect you, and the more you appease her, the more you confirm in her heart that she is right not to respect you.

The way I see it, you have two problems, which you may be tangling up. I think you would benefit greatly from treating them both very separately:

Problem number 1: the house purchase contract

This is actually the easy part to solve. It may cost you a bit. But it is essentially just admin.

If both of your names are on the documents (you are both liable) you can call simply say to your gf "we are both liable - I also no longer want this house, so we are both going to have to pay the loss" In this case you suffer a loss, ditch the gf and move on with your life.

OR

if only your name is on the contract, you go ahead and buy the house (I assume you like it) and you rent out some of the rooms to your buddies to help cover the mortgage. In this case, ditch the gf.

OR

If only your name is on the contract, you suffer a loss and withdraw from the sale. In this case you ditch the GF.

Problem number 2: your (ex) GF

Your GF is not unusual or strange. A lot of women are like this. They try to run the show (as a form of massive shit test) and then when they find that they are able to run the show, they become fearful and anxious. The very thing that they try to achieve (running the show, controlling their man) makes them miserable. I don't think she will be happy if you go ahead with this marriage. She will be fearful and anxious because she her man is allowing himself to be controlled by her. This is very hard to understand because it makes no sense at all. And yet, this is how most women behave.

To be entirely honest, this relationship may have failed many years ago, when she challenged your authority, and you didn't step up and firmly deny her. Ask yourself honestly, has this been a feature of your relationship?

Please let us know more, what culture / country are you in? What ages are you? Body count? Religious upbringing? Is the relationship sexual?

PS. If you do put your foot down now, be prepared for some 'hysterical pair bonding'. There will be tears and gnashing and wailing. Please ignore this.

Some good advice here already from Cricket and Vermillion. I would listen to them.

It's not the house. My chick will follow me to he'll and back. It's clear you have been in this woman's frame for a long time trying to please her. End the engagement and go invisible. Stop being so nice. Understand what keeps chick's attracted. You salvage the rela. 8 by ending the engagement and going NC and leading the relationship like a confident leader who she is compelled to follow. Right now that's not you. She's not even compelled by your provider status.

she proved she's not LTR material, be thankful before you were actually married and/or had kids

lot of good advice from the guys on here.

do yourself a favor, next this girl.

You want a girl who makes your life "easier", this girl is a headache. Remember that next time

I'm in a LTR, I don't mix finances, we split 50/50 costs, what's hers is hers, what's mine is mine. It's her place, so If I want to move, I move. The only time this would not work, is if you have kids. Then you are subject to the local laws on support,etc.

Does she hint once in awhile that she wants to mix finances, sure. I'm always 100% clear, no thx to that. I like the way it is, so she drops it real fast. If she didn't, I'd start looking for a new place.

This is how women need to be managed today.

I'm surprised no one has mentioned she might be fucking another dude/other dudes.

Believe it or not, some women are fixated on marrying the perfect guy(which OP isn't, in her eyes at least), or not marrying at all(till a certain age). Explains why girls in their prime (18-25) very rarely get married. They ride the CC and then "settle"(aka use for resources/as a safety net) for someone in their 30's, just to cuck him and keep fucking chads.

If she is faithful and has GENUINE burning desire for OP, why the hell would she do what she has done?

Add to that, the manipulation with the crying and shit, gaslighting, etc.

I guarantee she fucked someone, if not multiple others, during that 8 year relationship.

NEVER GET MARRIED.

If she needs space to think about stuff,then shes bullshitting you since she already moved to her family's. If she had made the choice to stay with you she would have told her family she's moving with you and she'd be spending time thinking about stuff at your side. I married and divorced someone like that, you'll never be part of her family,she will put them first always and drag you along, and she wont be able to MAKE a new family with you. A woman who values family is not always a green flag. I suggest you move,dump her ass to the curb and find some other woman before you dig a deeper hole. Check out Rian Stone's website and Married Red Pill to know what youre getting yourself into. As a divorced man, I tell you,think about yourself first.

Tangentially related to this topic is the subject of real estate ownership.

TL/DR: Don't buy real estate with a woman. In fact, keep all your assets separate. Then you can protect this in a prenuptual agreement if you choose to be married later (subject to local laws).

I don't know why y'all wasted your time replying in this thread. It's glaringly obvious from his comments that this man has his mind made up: he WILL marry this woman and move her in. She has realized that she has overstepped and will calibrate her actions going forward, until she has the ring. Then she will be free to behave as she pleases, since the threat of divorce/alimony, along with the fact that he has stated that he fears loneliness, will keep him in check. Despite all the red pill knowledge you have read, you, OP, cannot shake your inherent blue pill essence and she will punish you for it. Keep ignoring the sound advice and thinking there may be a happily ever after

I agree with the other comments and I'll just add that my wife moved to the other side of the planet to be with me. If I say we're doing something she jumps on board whether she likes it or not. One time she told me she wouldn't have sex with me during Ramadan and I told her I'd divorce her. Shut that shit down REAL fast. Your woman is not in your frame.

You ask if this can be salvaged... I don't know. I've lost frame and recouped it before. This is why we call marriage red pill on hard mode. You would need to re-assert dominance and let her know you can walk away. YOU are the prize, not her. Either she gets with the program or you'll find a woman that will.

Oooh fuck. Fuck. Damn.

Look, I'm gonna break this down and it might hurt because you love this woman. Just brace yourself.

We have been together 8 years. 4 months ago we got engaged.

Honestly, that is longer than some marriages. I'm glad you didn't marry her yet though. More on that later.

We also brought a new house and 6 months ago.

Everything that I'm about to tell you is colored by this one fact: she knew about the house during the whole process. She helped pick the house, she was there at the closing. Nothing about the house should come as a surprise to her.

This is our first home and we both were looking forward to home ownership. We are due to move in around mid summer once the current owner leaves.

So she's had time to think about it. Okay. Also, stop saying "our". I'm willing to bet it's all your money and only your name on the mortgage.

She then all of a sudden says she doesn’t want to move. She hates the location, hates the house.

This is completely her fault. If she didn't like the location or the house, she should have said something before you bought it.

I dig deeper then realise it’s due to moving away from her parents and her sister who lives at home.

And that's the root of it. She's still tethered to her family. I'll tell you what's going to happen if you marry this woman.

She will never be completely yours. Her family will influence every thought and decision she makes. The fact that it's starting so soon with something so major is a huge fucking stop sign for the relationship. Imagine what will happen when you have kids.

We currently live around 10 minutes away from her parents. The new house will be around 25 mins away.

You know what the difference between a 10 minute drive and a 25 minute drive is? Not enough to give a shit about. That's what. This is a flimsy excuse that she's using. I'm willing to bet that she wastes more than 15 minutes a day doing all sorts of inane shit, yet she balks about doing something with the man she allegedly loves?

No bro.

But she thinks this is too far. She also thinks I will spend more time with my dad if we move there.

What? She can spend time with her family, but you can't spend time with yours?

She says already I don’t spend enough time on her.

You know what won't help that situation? Her being closer to her family. This is not about the amount of time you two spend together. That is, as the kids say, "cap". If she wanted more time with you, the optimal solution would be to move in with you into the house that you bought for that purpose.

The new house is a good location. Close to our jobs.

Seems reasonable to me. Where does she go more, work or her parents? (As an aside, her single sister is probably the big influence here because single women hate seeing other women get married).

What can I do?

Date a woman that respects you.

I’ve tried to say 25 mins will not take that long. She has said she doesn’t want to move but also she doesn’t want to loose me.

She doesn't have to move. But make it clear that you will be moving whether or not she does. She can stay wherever the fuck she wants.

(Btw, I would not recommend marrying this woman because she has demonstrated that she is unwilling to follow your lead and doesn't respect your willingness to commit.)

I know I can’t force her, but what can I do.

You can only control your actions. If it were me, I wouldn't even get mad. Id' simply tell her "I understand that you don't want to move. You don't have to. I however, will be moving." It isn't a negotiation. If she values you, she'll get on board. If she doesn't, get a new woman that does.

Legally speaking I contacted a family friend who is lawyer. They said we are legally bound to buy this house. If we do not, the house seller can sue for are large amount.

Not "we". "You". Please tell me you didn't put someone who isn't your wife onto a mortgage you're paying for.

So one way or another one of us has to move in and begin mortgage payments for 15 years.

So you are aware that you are going to move. The only question is if she does.

She now has moved with into her parents house.

Nevermind, she made her choice. She doesn't realize it, but that's the fastest way to spinsterhood.

Women are supposed to go from their fathers to their husbands. This woman had a man who tried to make her a wife but then she regressed and went back to her father.

What's worse is that her sister will now be poisoning her ear constantly. She's gone bro, and even if she came back you wouldn't want the woman she will become.

She said she didn’t want to and didn’t want to leave me.

Do not listen to what they say. Watch what they do. If she wanted to stay, she would have. What she wanted to do was stay with her parents and sister, so she did. Her words are just PR to keep you dangling.

But she said she needs time to think.

She doesn't need "time to think", because she already took action - she moved back in with her parents.

She is still texting me etc still in contact. I told her that if she wants space then she should go.

That's not how that works. She isn't going to say "you're right. Because I'm uncertain about this, I understand that it's unfair to you." She will keep you in limbo for as long as you'll allow it.

Set some damn boundaries.

TL;dr future wife does not want to move into new house after buying it.

You mean your ex fiancee.

Dude here i'm I, a barely experienced guy, about to give you my two cents. I just wrote a FR where i was with a 11years married woman. Her husband inherited a house and she started with this "i don't want to move there bause this that his that this that". It's a 100% better Neightbourhood. They live in separated houses now. And they bought one together, gonna get the keys and she told him she is not going. TLDR I didn't bang her because i DIDN'T WANT TO. The marriage is over and she is keeping for convenience.

I'm sorry for your marriage.

Here is my post. https://www.forums.red/p/asktrp/322534/my_fr_with_a_post_wall_wanting_to_monkeybranch_woman_is_it