Hello everyone, I'm not an extreme red piller, but I increasingly see the problems women can cause. My story is quite simple: I've always had a clear mission. Find a good relationship and start a family. That's been my mission for a long time (since I was 20). I'm now 33 years old.
In my 20s, I spent a few years fucking as many women as I could, but at some point (in my late 20s), I wanted to dedicate myself to my mission. I found a hot girlfriend who seemed nice and sweet at the time, but nothing could be further from the truth. In the last five years, she has occasionally turned into a narcissistic drama queen. Manipulation, trying to squeeze money out of me, lies about her own family background, skillfully withholding sex, trouble at work, and so on. I'm actually getting very little out of this, but we're married and have a large part of our finances together. By the way, she is 30 years old.
Now my question, which I ask out of desperation, is: What's my next move? I really want to have a family and feel that if I start having children with her, I can at least partially fulfill my life's mission. Then I can always dump her in a few years and take on a large part of the parenting myself. For fatherhood, there don't seem to be many other options. It would mean years of investment and trouble again, with the question of whether the new partner would even want children.
Additionally, having children could shift the power balance (which has been too much in her favor in recent years) back in my favor, allowing me to demand more in the relationship.
It seems that breaking all ties would set me back to square one. No kids, huge financial losses, years of trouble, and nothing to show for it. Am I thinking wrongly, or is it actually a smart move to have kids and pull the plug in a few years?
Vermillion-Rx Admin 5mo ago
Bro what the actual fuck no it won't. You think you have a bad power balance now, wait till she can rape you in front of a judge at family court
Einsamer 5mo ago
This. Having children puts LOTS of power in her hands. In the west and almost all developed countries at least.
crasshomeplate 5mo ago
Just give me my alternatives, then. So far, I've always stayed calm over the past few years, so I think I'll be able to end it coldly when the time comes. Without insults or shouting: I will simply sell the house, take the emergency fund of tens of thousands I've saved, and start my own new life (and buy my own house) with the child/children.
Then all my investments will have been worth it. I'll still have to deal with the bitch, but at least I will have brought children into the world. (And probably attractive children too, since she is good-looking)
Einsamer 5mo ago
Better start preparing. Put money aside in a way that it's not tracked and inaccessible to her. Start going to some pleases where it's easy to spend money (like a casino/penny arcade) and maybe sure to pay "something" there with credit card so that you can prove later-on that you were there and "lost lots of money".
If the house is in both your names, you can't just sell it. It all depends on the laws where you are, but I'd get advice from a lawyer without her known. Be prepared but try to avoid any fights.
You will NOT be able to take the kids in most cases. I think you have no idea what the hormones and kids do with a woman's mind. And to yours too.
If you just wanna bring a child into the world, go to Thailand or so and do it with a girl there.
crasshomeplate 5mo ago
Regarding the first points: I'm already doing that, of course. I've already set aside thousands of euros in cash that is completely untraceable. I'm not stupid. Fortunately, we also have separate accounts, so I can easily transfer money. Furthermore, I'm already avoiding any possible arguments. As I mentioned before, I'm just playing along as calmly as possible. She currently thinks that nothing is wrong.
I don't want Asian children, with all due respect. So that's not an option.
Einsamer 5mo ago
Since you are married (and I assume no Ehevertrag) you will still have to half of your Zugewinn. Optimally, if you can get as many old bankstatements from her and you, that can become important (to prove how much the two of you started with).
Also, in Germany, if you have the kids less than 50% (even 49%) of the time, you'll pay full child support. And she WILL get the kids if she wants to. And once she realizes the financial benefits, she WILL want to get the kids in 90% of the cases.
But you seem to be at least kind of prepared, that's good. Keep it going, prepare for a war but try to fix the relationship if you can. If you can't you got enough advice for that to do. And don't forget to read https://www.trennungsfaq.com/
[deleted] 5mo ago
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adam-l Moderator 5mo ago
Is this question for true or are you just trolling?
If the woman is narcissistic, as you say, she will induce mental disorders in your children. You will have her and a few copies of her to deal with. Having children with a disordered woman is hell. All women are programmed by nature to appropriate their children for their own personal ends (read:pleasure, self-interest), let alone the disordered ones.
This seems like a clear case of having to cut your losses. Don't worry about "having nothing to show". Show to whom? Fuck them all. Your mental health is your primary concern. That's until you have children: then, your children's mental health is your primary concern.
crasshomeplate 5mo ago
I understand what you mean, and perhaps I have too much confidence in my own (potential) parenting style as a man. The influence of her, which will still be at least 50% even after a divorce, is indeed not to be underestimated.
On the other hand, regarding your question about "nothing to show for": I'm sure that if we divorced now, I wouldn't have the guts and energy to fight my way out of it quickly. I'd end up with less money, no children, and a bleak future.
So, wouldn't it be wiser to play along for a few more years to ensure I get enough out of it?
adam-l Moderator 5mo ago
Then you certainly don't have the guts and energy to raise children, and I mean to raise children in general, let alone with that narcissist. Raising children is something men should do from a position of abundance, not necessity.
You obviously need to work on yourself. Get a group of good buddies, a satisfying social life, and hang around TRP for the skills to game women - you should always be in a position to replace your woman, even if you are in a LTR or marriage.
33 yo is not old, you have plenty of time to have children till your 40 or even 45, no problem for men.
ObliviousDuck 5mo ago
I had to laugh at this, I'll assume you are just naive, but this borderline delusional. Having kids is the single strongest trump card you can give a woman. Most men can come to term with having to completely nuke their life and leave everything behind, except their kids. If I had a dime everytime a guy said: "I would leave her but I don't want the kids to pay for our mistakes".
crasshomeplate 5mo ago
I live in Europe, not in the United States. In my country, the arrangements concerning children are well organized. Of course, there can be hysterical situations, but as I mentioned above, I have always remained calm and will certainly do so during a well-planned exit. You can be sure of that.
ObliviousDuck 5mo ago
I'm not even talking about courts and divorce. A narcissistic and manipulative woman will use the kids, manipulate them and risk destroying them just to get to you. They are that petty.
Sure you can find a woman with a low risk of doing that, but the way you are describing your wife, she's not one of them.
crasshomeplate 5mo ago
I get it, but if I break up now, I’ll have nothing left to fight for. I don’t want to make this into a sob story, but honestly, every last bit of trust I had in women has been drained over the past few years.
Einsamer 5mo ago
So what's the exact country?
crasshomeplate 5mo ago
Germany is the country.
Einsamer 5mo ago
Ah, a fellow.
Sorry to say Bruder, but I think you are making wrong assumptions. Here's what you should read: https://www.trennungsfaq.com/ It's a pretty good and fairly neutral faq for that topic.
FreeMeal3000 5mo ago
it didn't happen in a vacuum, you didn't stop her from it, or stop yourself to participate in it - all on you
there is NO skill in it, there is skill in male hamsteringto stay together [excuses]- - that also ties to previous quote, you are hamstering all this time, because your prairie house [or else] dream blinded your judgment
more hamstering, you are on a great path to grow vagina - long hair and tits, if you'll feel lonely hitting a wall at female 40, let me know. I might find a corner for you [must have stilettos]
ok here I'll offer a different view than anyone. If you are saying that, that might mean she is way more wealthy than you. You will be a stay home dad and she will be away most of the time and where you live - a court will grant you the kids. Then yeah why not. Divorce bitch and take the kids, the money and the house.
Lionsmane8 5mo ago
You think withholding sex is a power move?
Wait until she uses children as a bargaining chip.
whytehorse2021 5mo ago
Get your passport. These Western women are for the streets.
First-light 5mo ago
First off children will give her huge power over you both emotionally and legally. She will be needy and dependent and this will both piss her off and entitle her to screw you over. You will get no thanks for supporting her.
BUT it may still be worth cashing your investment in her in. You put years into this relationship. If she is quality genetics and mentally stable knock her up. There is still time to move on to another relationship if she does not work out.
BUT before you knock her up, take huge precautions. Get your finances safe, start secret stacking and stashing. If you can get self employed or own your own company. Consider pushing her on in her career so she earns more than you, consider being the ridiculous house husband so that you can walk away with the kids and maintenance. Look into this whole business of women's power by law and see the weak spots.
You will ever be safe, you have to take a risk to reproduce but the future belongs to those men who pass through the fire of risk. Always has, always will. Play blue pill and you are into hard mode, one shot or ruin. Play red pill and you are into taking the punches, dusting yourself off and starting over again if need be. It starts with seeing women as what they are and acting accordingly.
Durek_The_Bald 5mo ago
Dumbest thing I've read in a long time. And I sometimes check out Huffington Post.
Musicgoon78 2 5mo ago
Having kids with someone that doesn't treat you well is the absolute worst thing you can do to yourselfever!
If you want to have fuel to "opt out" of living. Then go ahead and make this decision. I cannot stress how much you shouldn't have kids with this woman. Dumbest move ever! It will be the worst and most destructive decision you will ever make and bring you nothing but pain and misery.
I speak from not only first-hand experience, but also watching my cousins, friends and co-workers lose their lives because of that decision.
I cannot say how bad your own situation is, but it sounds like you should not be with this woman and it's not a good fit. If the only thing keeping you around is the thought of " it's cheaper to keep her'. It isn't.
The emotional toll and her chipping away at your manhood and happiness and also sex. Life is a huge cost! You can run dread on her, but more than likely she is not going to change and only make you more miserable as time goes on. I'm a firm believer that freedom is worth any price. I would rather be poor and happy with potential than rich and miserable. The ladder decision is like being in a prison that you have to play and absorbent amount of money for.
Do you really think there's going to be a shift in power towards you? It will be the opposite. Any Western country will rake you over the coals simply for having a penis. Father's rights are an absolute farce. I've had to deal with that pain for 16 years now. It's more difficult than anything I've ever faced and the pain emotionally is extreme!
seekinghelp4 5mo ago
In a similar situation. 34m. wanting to have kids but can't find a plate worth promoting.
Just stepping outside myself and thinking... I'd move your assets to safe havens and then leave her. When single max out your life: lift, invest, build social circle, etc. Get into a teaching role in your profession to meet suitable women. Be the hot older mentor who is a leader in your profession. Have kids with an 18-21yo you meet whilst teaching. Give her so many she can't leave you without sinking. Or go to south america/asia.