We have all heard about women’s unrealistic standards.

Add to this, the growing trend of older women entering the dating scene (post divorce) with even higher expectations than they had when they were much younger.

Add to this the fact that so many of these women have lost their most valuable “asset” – youth.

So what’s a woman to do?

The overwhelming consensus among men seems to be that such women should lower their standards.

This is wrong.

If one does even a slightly deeper dive, it becomes clear that women’s dating standards are just fine where they are - for DATING. But they have little to no use in finding a partner or husband.

Perhaps an analogy will help.

Woman Seeks Good Handyman

Imagine a 20-year-old woman who inherited a 4-family home. She loves her house, and it is nearly perfect. She live in the bottom apartment and rents out the rest. Her tenants are all elderly and friendly and consistent in paying rent. It is an awesome situation for her.

Her overwhelming need for the first 10 years in the house was finding a plumber. The house was in great shape, except for the plumbing. It had a few issues, and she knew this. So, over the intervening decade, she had to seek out the help of a plumber nearly a dozen times. Some for small things like unclogging a toilet, all the way up to installing a vent stack - which is a more formidable task.

Every time she paid a plumber, she felt happy about the work. It always felt fair. She got what she paid for.

Still, something was lacking. Some plumbers must break through walls in order to get to pipes. (We all know what plumbers will do to framing when no one is watching, but I digress) They also never seem to completely clean up after a job.

Another issue is that she has, on most occasions, asked each plumber if they can also fix other things; like a washing machine, change oil, or replace a funky electrical outlet. Some plumbers can do these things, and some cannot. But most do not because they are not licensed electricians, or trained mechanics. Business insurance does not cover everything.

Besides, doing a job, and doing it well, are very different things.

Throughout the decade, she became increasingly aware that she needs someone who can be more of a handyman. Someone who is reasonably good and many things - but who but may be lacking in the plumbing or electrical departments. Small jobs, no problem; rewiring an entire house – not so much.

She also wants to put a pergola in the back yard, paint the master bedroom, redo the entire downstairs bathroom, and someone to take care of the lawn would be nice. This stuff is very expensive. And the list goes on.

Houses are a lot of work!

So she decides it might be good to hire someone part-time.

That should do it! YES! This is the answer. She makes enough to pay someone about $20k a year to do it all - about 15-20 hours a week for the foreseeable future is what she needs.

Yes. THIS is the way.

So what does our Girl do? Where can one find such a man?

She goes to plumbersforhire.com. After all, that’s where she found all the other plumbers. Surely there will be at least ONE generalist or handyman there. I mean the odds have to be in her favor. Maybe just ONE. Right?

She interviews them, in-person over lunch. She asks questions about plumbing, electrical, and other questions. She’s never quite sure if she’s asking the right questions; after all she’s not a plumber, or a carpenter, or…well any of the things she’s looking for. But in her view, SHE Is the arbiter of what a good plumber handy dude should be. After all, ALL of her best friends agree. They too struggle with such issues. And women know best.

Still, good handymen are hard to find. And her friends (and she) often lament "where are all the good handy men?”

After many interviews, things aren't going so well.

She had one guy ask if he could live there rent free for a reduced salary, plus food, and use of the laundry machines in exchange for a $5k reduction.

She thinks about it and has an epiphany.

FINALLY! Yes! Someone gets it. They negotiate, they agree, they shake hands. Easy-peasy lemon squeezy!

(By now, most of you know where this is going)

Her first mistake, no contract. Second mistake, too many terms and conditions not covered – can guests stay over, who mops the floors in the “common” areas, sick days?

You get it.

This does not work. She put a lot of time and effort and money into this plumber. But he absolutely sucks at most other things. She even cooks for him and even did some of his laundry. He thanked her, but did not reciprocate as she had expected (in her mind without saying it out loud). Needless to say, resentments build until it became unsustainable.

After 18 months, she had to let him go. They both got over it quickly - as it turns out there are dozens of women in the area who are looking for a live-in plumber. Go figure. He’s already on to the next.

But Our Girl is not happy. Why is it so hard to find a good handyman?

She knows! How about going to carpenterhelp.com Yes! This makes so much sense. She has had all of her plumbing issues solved by previous plumbers, so she should change her focus.

THIS is the way. Yeah, this one will do it for sure.

Fast forward in time. Our fair maiden is now 45 years old. Still living alone and the place look like – if we’re being honest here – total crap. She has 5 cats and thinking about another one. She has a few health issues that are managed with medication. But her energy levels have decreased. The boiler is on it’s last leg, and the roof just started leaking. She often cries herself to sleep, feeling "Why are things to messed up?" Why won’t a decent handyman just enter her world and solve all her problems, and just accept the peasant status and pathetic compensation?

After all SHE has all the power and SHE owns the house. Why can’t they just shut up and do the work.

She is very bitter at this point. She is on her third therapist. The most recent one recommends medication. She is despondent.

She has recently thinking about a few of the men who have come and gone over the past 25 years. Could she go back and "fix" what she did "wrong" and maybe get one back?

• Joe was a horrible plumber, but GAWD was he hot. She really misses him and his shirtless muscular form in the back yard digging post holes. She still keeps a few photos in the old “bank” (if you know what I mean).
• Dave was great, but he did not want to live-in. He wanted fair pay, which would cost her nearly triple and he would not be there for emergencies. Paying for him to be on-call was even worse. She could not afford to pay $80k per year. But he might still be available.
• Esteban was super good looking, but he was always busy. He showed up when he wanted, and generally got the job done well, but he bailed out after 6 months for a new house down the street. The female owner was younger, less demanding, and the house needed less work. Much better situation for him all around.

*sigh*

Life sucks.

What adds insult to injury, is that she knows so many women with perfect live-in handymen. Like, what the hell is the problem with handymen!? It is clearly not her or her selection criteria. That is one thing she knows for sure. After all, she is THE expert among her friend group at seeking and hiring such men. In fact, she has 10 times more experience in this area than all her friends combined.

What do they know?

Yet they seem happy with their respective handymen.

Mostly happy anyway. A few of them complain about how their guy cannot fix a transmission problem, or replace a roof. These men are so worthless. Like what are they even paying these men for? Also, three of her friends want a new addition on the back of the house. And all three of their men told them that this takes permits, a lot of money, and a whole construction crew. Besides, to buy the tools and equipment alone would be a bank-breaker.

Ugh. MEN.

One evening on girls night out, she was whining about her miserable situation, when one of her friends drunkenly blurted out. “Girl, you just need to lower your standards!”

An argument broke out:

Our Girl: What the HELL is that supposed to mean?

Drunk Chick: You always complain on and on, yet you have standards that no man can meet! What plumber can also do roofing? Girl, you are delusional!

Our Girl: You know what, fuck YOU. Look at YOUR handyman. He can’t even rebuild a transmission!

Drunk Chick: Yeah, but look at my HOUSE bitch. I live in a fucking mansion. You live in the basement apartment of a slum building!

Yeah. This was not a good night for our girl.

Needless to say, the debate got heated and the other friends intervened to calm things down.

Another friend gave our girl a ride home. She offered:

Girl, you know how she gets when she’s drunk. But you also know she’s right. You expect way too much from these plumbers. Plumbers gonna plumb. Also you keep looking for a handyman on plummerboys.com How did you think that was going to go?

You really do need to lower your standards.

Here’s my advice and keep in mind that I love you girl. Besties forever, right?

Our girl (dejectedly): yeah. *sigh* besties forever.*fake smile*

First, lower your standards. Don’t expect plumbers to be able to do most things. Just take all your expectations and cut them in half. Let’s be fair to plumbers here. Who’s gonna do that work? You?

Second, go to Home Depot. STOP LAUGHING. Just try it. I guarantee you, you WILL Find a better array of men there.

So off our girl goes to sleep off the hangover. The next day she sits down and starts writing:

**Seeking Handyman**

• Owner of 4 family building seeking a generalist
• Must be able to do basic plumbing
• Carpentry and electricity skills a plus
• Overall handyman strongly preferred.
• $40 k per year for 10 hours per week
• Will help clean up after jobs
• I can help with painting and holding tools for you when necessary

She prints out a bunch of copies and heads out to Home Depot on a sunny Saturday afternoon. It is absolutely packed, but the outdoor garden center is boat loaded with men, so off she goes. She begins introducing herself and handing out flyers. After the pile is done, she goes home and waits for the calls to start coming in.

No one calls.

WT actual F!

Ok, fine. That was just one weekend. Maye, she thought I’ll give it a month or so. It’s early spring, so I have time! So back she goes, week after week, and sometimes three day s week. Hundreds of flyers and quite a few hours invested.

She has high hopes. She took the advice and went where the working men shop, she lowered her standards, AND raised her price. This hurts her because she feels like she is setting AND overpaying. But the house is really falling apart at this point. Some tenants have even complained and threatened to go to the local code enforcement office. This would be very bad because now she will have a timeline and risk having her property condemned. Then it will be way more expensive.

It has been two weeks since the last flyer and still no handyman.

She just goes numb. That night she goes home and gets drunk by herself for the first time ever. Her friends are all busy these days enjoying their beautiful homes and the company of their handymen. As it turns out, working class men are a lot smarter than her friends realized. They talk about movies and poetry and even art museums. And they tend to be more traditionally masculine, so her friends feel safe and taken care of in the presence of these men. Something they did not expect.

Half of her friends cook and clean up after their handymen. NOT ONE of them will openly admit it, but she has caught them more than once taking care of these men. What they get in return is WAY more valuable than folding a few pair of jeans and shorts, and adding a few ingredients to daily meals. Like please. No brainer!

Who knew?

Fast forward six months from the last Home Depo visit. Our girl has pretty much given up. She is taking a walk in her neighborhood, and she sees a house that was having a front porch rebuild. An older man and woman were there working together. The woman was making lemonade and sandwiches and playing DJ on Bluetooth. But the thing that jumped out most was that they were both laughing hysterically She could hear and see it from down the block.

“What could be so funny about working in the heat in the summer?” She thought.

Weirdos.

As she approached, she noticed something odd. The man went over to a pile of material in the driveway. She noticed some pex pipe, electrical conduit, cinderblocks, and a few bags of cement. She was intrigued.

Our Girl: Hey, excuse me.

Older Lady: Hi, what can I do for you?

Our Girl: May I ask what you’re doing?

Older Lady: My handyman and I are renovating the façade and the front yard. Well (she whispered) if I’m being honest, HE is doing all the work. I’m the entertainment!

They both giggle.

The old lady continues:

Back when I was your age, this place was a wreck. I tried so hard to find men to help, it was a nightmare. All these men were good at one thig or another, but there is always something going wrong with a house! If you own a house, you know what I mean.

Our girl smiled coldly.

Well when I was about 30 I ran into his guy. Well, technically I went out looking for him. I went to a few websites and asked everyone I know – I told them I need a handyman. And before you know it, I had a few takers and here we are:

Our girl’s jaw dropped. Wait, just like that?

“yes, just like that. I guess I just got lucky”

Our girl: I have tried everything!

Our girl recounts her entire tale. The countless mistakes and disappointments, the trials and tribulations. The flyers, the money, the lower standards. Everything.

The older woman listened attentively and nodded. “May I offer some advice?”

Oh my god, yes please! I am getting old and I am desperate!

Here is my very biased opinion, and it may sound harsh, so please take this in the good spirting in which is is being given.

Of course! I’ll take any advice at this point!

Ok, here are a few thoughts:

• You should never EVER lower your standards. You need to ENTIRELY CHANGE those standards. The standards you are using keeps attracting plumbers. Plumbers are great when your problem is plumbing, but you cannot be surprised when they fail at other things. The problem is not them; it is your standards. Change them entirely. Trust me.
• What reasonable man is going to spend nearly half his waking hours working part time for you for such a low salary? What did you expect to get with $20k a year for what is essentially a full-time job. Keep in mind that these men also have other jobs. Also, you get what you pay for, no? if you really want a committed handyman to fix most of your problems, and who you can trust to work in your best interests, split the house with him. Trust me, he will KILL himself before he lest a chip of paint hit the floor. Look a my guy. He is whistling in the hot sun! It has been a thirty year partnership and we are pretty much best friends. He helps around the house and I help him wherever I can. It’s a true partnership.
• You are looking in the wrong places! Home Depot?!! Really? Isn’t that a meme? *giggles* If you’re looking for a full-time handyman go to fulltimehandyman.com. Haha. I am not teasing you, but did it never cross your mind to check THE place where good long-term oriented handymen literally go to find matches?

Our girl stood there dumbfounded. So many things became clear in that moment - it was like getting struck by lightning.

Were her friends clowning her with all that bad advice? It sounded good at the time. Whey didn’t her mom tell her? Well, mom always did have issues with committing.

Older lady: Well miss, I would love to keep chatting, but my man needs to come down and take a break. I think we BOTH need a break – in the bedroom, if you get my meaning. Haha! Don’t tell anyone I said that! Good luck! I hope you find what you’re looking for.

Our Girl: Thank you so so much. And good luck with the house work!

Older Lady: Tomorrow we’re putting in a small fountain – that’ what all those other materials are for. My guy is always learning new things. Thank God for YouTube!

Bye!

___________________________________

As our girl makes her way back home, she covers the two miles a little more slowly than usual. She was lost in thought. Suddenly everything seemed hazy and confusing. She felt something powerful inside. She decided it was anger. For all these years she was crapping on “men”. She finally realized how ridiculously easy, and rewarding it could be to get what you want and need by just going to the right place and asking!

She never gave to much thought to the long-term future. What the hell was she thinking?

(A random thought intruded- did that old lady just imply that she was going upstairs to get LAID? WTH!)

Shit, even old ladies have it better than me!

She walked in the back door, took off her shoes, fed the cats and sat down to write a new list for her first post on wherearallthegoodhandymen.com:

Homeowner Looking for Long-Term Handyman

And she started listing her new criteria.

_____________________________________________

And that is where we leave our girl to her devices.

Sadly, this story does not have a good ending.

As it turns out, not many competent, energetic, ethical, easygoing, reasonable handymen want to buy into a broken down slum building. There is just too much neglect, too much work, and too little value. Besides, this woman is asking for someone who is good at all things. No man can do everything. Plus, her long list of disappointments with past plumber is a massive red flag at several levels.

The comment "Not looking to play games" pops out for most men.

So as we pan out, we find our girl alone with cats in a one-bedroom apartment.

She lost the house due to the large list of unacceptable code violations. She got away with it for over a decade, but the town had to do something.

Deep inside, she feels happy. Yes, she is happy. All of that responsibility is done. She doesn’t need a handyman after all! Besides, she has plenty of boxed wine and she has her fur babies. She now spends most of her time on reddit complaining about how bad the trades are. Her last post advocated extra taxes on men working in the trades to help pay for lonely women who cannot afford to repair and maintain their own houses.

After all, a properly maintained house is a human right!

She ended her post, signed u/whereareallthegoodhandymen

Tip deeplydisturbed for their post.