@Nich2022

Oneitis? Coping with Regret.

What’s up brothers, this is a shorter post of my previous one:

How do you guys cope with knowing the fact you lost a good girl (whatever that means to you)? We had amazing chemistry and I even convinced her to accept a one sided open relationship. I made sure to tell her this before the relationship, actually on the first few dates. And we had a threesome.

We were together for 3 years and the relationship was never fully agreement free. Due to me and my inability to communicate effectively and solve our problems - which I’m working on now.

Long story short, she finally left, because she couldn’t trust me and claimed we have different views on marriage. I essentially tried to get her back for a month straight in which I said I’d be monogamous (I meant it cause I was tired of sleeping around), and I’m willing to work on myself for the betterment of the relationship. We argued about finance structure in marriage and decision making. I wanted to be the leader and she wanted us to be an equal partnership (not wrong in terms of marriage). Remind you we been together for 3 years and this never was an issue.

So yeah, she finally left and now is talking to new men and finally blocked me. I understand most trp principles and have a few plates; so maybe it’s oneitis…My issue was that before she left, I didn’t really care to change anything as my ego was through the roof. She was an 8.5 in my eyes. Did almost everything right. Not a feminists or sjw.

The guilt that I let this one slip away is eating me up. Knowing I can do nothing about it. She turned cold. She’s 28 and on the prowl and we were talking about marriage and getting engaged this year. And that still wasn’t enough.

I’ve been hoping she reaches back out but I doubt it. If she loved me like she said she did, why not give a second chance? I never lied and we were so close. Unless it was all a facade.

During that month of trying to win her back, she did pop back up at my house but I was hesitant and kind of blew her off. This is what’s eating me up the most. I should have just set my ego aside and went all in, then.

Anyone else have similar experience? How long before you moved on? How did you move on? how long did the regret linger?

I have a lot going for myself but now I feel lost and so de-motivated. I’m still working hard but the drive is less now.

My advice to myself: I didn’t realize what I had until it was gone. I got too comfortable and had a big ego because she was a unicorn in my eyes, especially accepting the OLTR setup AND being a traditional woman. I put her on a pedestal. Nothing I can do besides move on.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=87Q042KlxI4

As I said before, If a girl's looking for guys she might form exclusive relationships with and that's not at all what you're offering, you're not loosing anything by encouraging her to continue seeking out other guys looking for the same thing as her. It frees you to resume wrapping up your Johnson to dive between the next willing girls legs as you continue riding the dragon without any burdens or regrets. Why concern yourself with exclusive relationships when that's of no interest to you? Keep going until you reach the point where you sincerely desire something more fulfilling than just casual fornication on your own initiative.

You're not feeling guilty about her departure, but disappointed that she didn't leave on terms you'd set. She rejected you after three years and your ego's mildly bruised from it. If you had one-itis or otherwise sincerely valued what you had with her, you would've spent those three years gradually weening yourself off the plates and reached out to us sooner to learn how to take steps to lay a foundation with this girl from which a strong relationship might grow. Now that it's over, you should take the time to process and accept this failure as you move on. Put her on block from your social media and tele-comm contact points, bang the other plates in your inventory, and consider studying the book so you're prepared to handle chicks you think are worth keeping around.

@Thenopill

Do I have this right?

From what I understand, it seems that they prefer a relationship dynamic where one person holds most of the power. They seem to want to play a secondary role and aren't necessarily looking for equality. In fact, if they do find themselves in an equal relationship, they will seek someone else. Is that the case? Because that goes against my values. If that’s what they are looking for, it feels similar to someone engaging in self-harm behavior, and I’m not willing to be part of that. I’m not here to be ridiculed, I will not change my values. Unless I’m wrong I will take whatever dignity I have left and head over to MGTOW and try to cope without needing them in my life. Before you call me gay, I wish I was I would be happy.

Even though our society increasingly expresses a retarded amalgamation of Marxism and gyno-centrism, males will never be exempted or absolved from being held responsible and accountable for the failures and incompetence of the members of their household. As such, a man has no choice, but to lead the relationship, though he's free to develop a leadership style that suits him and his mate. Some styles are beneficial to laying a strong foundation from which a healthy household may grow, but most are not.

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

That said, in order for a male to lay a solid foundation from which a strong relationship with any female can be had, the man must first earn her confidence. Frustrating as that may seem, this is the unavoidable natural progression of all relationships. Without earning her confidence, you'll never have her trust. Without her trust, you'll never have her respect. Without her respect, you'll never have her love. Her desire for you is a fleeting thing that will only last for so long.

If a female ever declares that she will not follow a man, or you discern that she's so profoundly psychologically damaged that you could never earn her confidence then it's in both parties best interests that the man quietly depart to find companionship with a female who will grant him reasonable opportunity to earn her confidence. No pu$$y is worth dehumanizing oneself, fighting for, or dying over.

@alchemist

Plate continues egging on for more attention aka "spinning" - what's the next move?

TLDR: Red flag plate caught feelings and wanted more than casual but went right back to initiating hookups—felt like a test to push me into commitment. Meanwhile, I met a new girl who's chill, drama free, and refreshing. Now red flag is pushing for quality time again and guilt texting when I don’t give a straight yes. I’ve got other plates in rotation now and more value to offer. Red flag’s consistent but draining. Not sure if I should cut her off or throw her a small bone to keep things smooth without compromising frame or future prospects.

---

I previously posted about the woman with the red flags that I was just spinning as a plate and she got all upset about the fact that we were just casual and said that casual sex was hurting her mentally (even though she was inviting me 9 out of 10 initiations past midnight) -- she tested my frame, had a whole tear session talking about how her therapist asked her to have the "where do we stand talk" with me and whatnot. I said I wouldn't rush into a relationship, especially since I don't see a lot of the traditional things my Eastern European parents' culture had instilled in me in her.

The next part of the story: following weekend, she invites me over, not a word about the previous tear session, she was being extra pushy to get into the bedroom. WTF I thought, all that must have been a show, a huge shit test to push for my commitment, when she knows that I won't hand it out like an ad flyer.

Anyways, that same weekend the following night I go out and meet a different girl, a whole other can of worms. There was this Greek night that happens once every several months at a local restaurant I met her at, it was going on till later in the night and I had obligations in the morning, so I left early. But this new plate was being much more agreeable and easier to be around. None of this combativeness. She invited me the following week to hang out, had some great sex, and afterwards she said she had been celibate for 2 years randomly.

Now, do I believe that? Probably not, but she graduated college and works as a babysitter and seems very aloof and rose-lensed, kind of shy, I wouldn't bet my money that she was celibate, but I have had a date with an actual virgin (a woman that hadn't even held hands with a man before) and I saw some of those similar qualities in this new plate, but of course all women are good with reputation management so I take their words at face value and follow the actions.

Anyways, I set up another time to hang out with my new plate (this Friday) - but now my original plate, red flag girl, asks if I'm free Friday night. Mind you, she just invited me over last night to fuck, and we did. I said, idk yet I might have to get up early on Sat. Which, she knows I have a lot of obligations 2-3 jobs at a time, but still, shit-tests me again. I get this long paragraph text, I'll paste it verbatim:

"okay wellll i know i have continued inviting you over and whatnot but i meant what i said about wanting to spend time with you that isnt just late night/my bed. doesn’t have to be anything crazy but i kinda was hoping if you were around friday evening we could plan something. if friday doesn’t work that’s fine, there are other days that we could do something or if you’re just not interested in that at all that’s fine too but please let me know that"

It's been 3 weeks since the last "crying session" and this is the first time she gives me pushback since that.

I'm not entitled to give her a whole night; you take what I give you. This second plate I told the same ordeal, she asked if I could hang out with her this last Friday evening, I said I'd be busy with Easter events, she said have fun, maybe next week. That's it, none of this combativeness and entitlement.

Also, I have a date set up Thursday evening, because fuck it, I'm expanding plates for this first time, in the past I'd have plates fall after a couple weeks, but now that I've leveled up, I've created more time and value to allow for that.

But I'm still perplexed what I am to do with this first plate. Do I let it drop finally? She's been the most available, but also hard in certain ways and good in others. It's been 5 months now and I've had to train her too much, it's like I bought a car that was used and restored it and modified it, but I could have bought the car I wanted from the get-go instead. What would you do?

Edit/ Solution: seeing that this plate previously had avoided the casual only topic after I reinstated/ introduced my frame, I should do the same course of action by not falling for the commitment puppy eyes bait. I could set up an activity, but that would ruin possible other plate spinning opportunities. She has got a long way to go from getting LTR'd and caving to the second major shit test would only weaken my value and future prospects. Seems one of those cases where you have to dig through a lot of shit to find gold, I just need to keep digging and not fall prey to shit testing.

What's would be your next move?

"Next move"? Honestly, I wouldn't have gotten myself into that sort of situation to begin with. I deal with Alchies. Regardless, if you'd bailed several weeks ago there likely wouldn't be any "next move" beyond updating your plate inventory, call-blocking, and in the extreme case, a restraining order. Love Hurts, and there's no way to soften the blow of ejection.

I pity the other poor bastard she's latched onto.

@medstudentgerman2002

LTR becoming distant

She started almost a year ago as a plate, slowly ended up as a LTR. For a while I was still banging other girls on the side (was allowed to, but she was exclusive the whole time).

She used to worship me, cry often because she was scared I’d leave, would gift me flowers or come over at 2am. Sometimes she’d bitch at me if I woke her up early or something but I didn’t take it seriously because the power imbalance was clearly in my favor still.

But this easter weekend I was at home 4 days, got lazy and spent whole time with her just doing nothing. After 2-3 days she got kinda bitchy, we barely had sex, etc. On 4th day she “broke up with me” over some bs reason (happens occasionally, usually because she went through my phone/got jealous but this time it was just bc I didn’t clean or something). Unfortunately when she called 2 hours later all happy and said she loves me, I met up with her again (shittest failed, but at least she paid for food as apology). I got cold after that and she sent me a very long email next day with things I did wrong like flirting w other women, not replying in time etc.

But after this I realized that she’s been getting more bitchy the past 2 months, and even worse, she isn’t worshipping me anymore. She’ll just say reassuring stuff like “you’re the perfect man, don’t worry it’s not your fault I get bitchy”. Also she said she wants me to fuck other girls on the side again because it’d help the relationship.

What now? I told her I don’t want this relationship to keep going like this and I’m not settling for a semi-good relationship. I value my self respect and would leave her in a heartbeat if necessary but it would hurt losing her and I’d rather go back to when she worshipped me

Edit: Attempt to answer own Q: Get other chicks on my roster again, live without her for a few days and then see where she stands. Don’t make this a big deal, stop talking to her about breaking up just keep things chill

What's done is done. If this is the same female you mentioned a few weeks ago looking to marry you then it might be best to consider this as a another hard learned lesson on the consequences of failing to plan ahead.

I doubt she'd have taken issue with her time with you being limited to just Saturday and Sunday instead of the entire Easter holiday weekend. Four days is a lot of time to spend with a gal who's not your wife, or otherwise unrelated to you. What she experienced may have killed a lot of mystery about you in her mind and in so doing, diminish her interest in you. That might be good, if you're not interested in marrying anyone at all and was looking to boot her out of your presumed inventory of plates, she's self ejected enabling you to passively ghost. However, if you wanted to ride on the momentum of her desire for marriage and have a motivated companion with whom you could help better educate yourself on the subject, this maybe a difficult situation to salvage.

While you study the book and deal with your own mental health issues, it's best you leave her to process her thoughts on the last few days she spent with you. Being married to a doctor, while it may potentially grant her access to a man possessing status, earning a significant income, won't likely afford her a particularly exciting life. If she decides to move on, you lose nothing of value, as it only cost you four days you otherwise weren't using for anything important to discover how fickle she is.

@Nich2022

Some advice needed. Oneitius? Guilt?

What’s up brothers, this may be bit of a long post but in need of some advice once again.

Have any of you ever felt the guilt, pain of losing a good woman, whatever that is to you? Knowing you were at fault, like in my case, a bit too “Alpha” and not enough “beta”.

To me, she was an 8, cooked, cleaned, wanted family/kids, didn’t have hoe friends, didn’t want to club, good family, sex was good. She was ok with me having sex with other women (then changed her mind on that) but realized she really didn’t want that lifestyle, silly like I liked, not a feminist, conservative, gym girl etc

But when I had her, I wasn’t fully present. I didn’t realize what I had until she fully walked away. We argued a lot, mainly about other women and other small things here and there. She claimed I undervalued her and didn’t really respect her nor did I want to compromise. No I wasn’t perfect. But I also wasn’t THAT bad. We had lots of fun, laughs, deep talks, sex, etc she liked me for a reason above all the other men she talked to before we got exclusive. She kept running back to me.

We argued about finance structure, decision making and she wanted equality in making big decisions and stuff like that.

Then when she walked away, I did the cardinal sin of chasing and trying to get her back, which seems like it made it worse. However, she did come running back but I was upset/egotistical and told her I needed some time to think. (This was in the span of 1 week).

Then by that time, long story short, she started dating other guys. Now she’s officially done. We talk here and there and I tried to get her back and the guilt is eating me up that my ego and lack of knowledge in LTR lost me an amazing woman. She was no saint as far as body count but she also was not a whore like many western women.

So now, she’s getting closer with these guys but why do I feel like I still have hope after she told me many times she cannot do it? Is it cause we’re still in contact? I’m having a hard time letting go. Oneitis?

It’s crazy because this isn’t myself, she always known me as the alpha type and this is what attracted her in the first place.

I have lots going on for myself, good job making over 6 figs, businesses picking back up, some side hustles, shredded, tons of hobbies, now becoming more emotionally intelligent and realizing it’s more than just being “alpha”. I’ve slept with close to 60 women if I had to guess.

I’m talking to a few women from dating apps and hooked up with one and I am going to start getting out here more but she’s still on my mind about “what if”, I wanted her to see the improved mental version of myself becuase tbh I could have did many things wayyyy better. And that is what’s eating me up. It’s eating me up becuase it’s hard to find good women like that. My confidence is shot because she turned so cold.

I get urges to text/call her and just try again. But now it’s almost like running into a brick wall unfortunately. I think the new guys she’s met are making her forget about me even quicker. But I still believe it was a reason she stayed this long in my life (3.5 years). I was her type, until I wasn’t.

I’ve definitely learned my lesson and maybe that’s why God allowed this to happen. Otherwise i probably would have been stuck in the ego loop of my way or the highway.

Any of you bros have had an experience like that? How did you get past it? Did you find someone better in your mind & forget about the ex? I’m 31 and this is a painful feeling. I appreciate tough love.

Side note: could these be because she is probably top 5 hottest women I’ve been with. Coupled with her personality.

My own answer: I need to accept this as a lesson, she was a great girl but that doesn’t mean I will not find another one. I should work on myself mentally and strive to find my own masculine identity independent of any woman becuase even if I did everything right, a woman can still leave. My ego was too big because I was getting everything I wanted and got too comfortable, emotionally. I should accept she’s no longer here and find other ways to fill my time and torch the past and not make the same mistake in next LTR.

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

If a girl's looking for guys she might form exclusive relationships with and that's not at all what you're offering, you're not loosing anything by encouraging her to continue seeking out other guys looking for the same thing as her. It frees you to resume wrapping up your Johnson to dive between the next willing girls legs as you continue riding the dragon without any burdens or regrets. Why concern yourself with exclusive relationships when that's of no interest to you? Keep going until you reach the point where you sincerely desire something more fulfilling than just casual fornication on your own initiative.

@Wintergreen

Best place to meet women in 2025?

I’m 28. I live in a city that has nothing to do.

Most of all of this time I used online dating. I currently don’t use online dating (I’d be open to it again but just don’t have new pictures right now).

Aside from that I’ve done club game. What I’ve noticed is that even dudes who talk about women all the time and act like they’re fucking left and right don’t actually talk to girls in the club very much.

Is there another place to meet women? I want to have a roster, which I’ve never had, but I would prefer to do all the meeting of women during the day as much as possible. Is this possible? Where should I go? I’m honestly wondering how dudes ever had a roster before online dating because none of these dudes ever talk to women in person.

P.S. Almost all of the club game I’ve done has been 1+ hours away. I’m fine with driving. Is the beach a good option? Is it frowned upon to approach women at the beach?

Edit: my thoughts are either the beach or maybe restaurants. However, I find restaurants to be extremely awkward for talking to girls. I can also join some kind of meetups.com thing if there are attractive girls in any, but from what I’ve seen many meetups groups feature unattractive women and men.

Study the book and make plans to move to a more lively city.

Failing that, supermarkets, grocery stores, libraries, museums, music classes, continuing education classes, aerobics and cardio exercise classes, swimming pools, doctors offices, restaurants, cafes, cafeterias, bowling alleys, meetup groups, and the list goes on. The only thing limiting you is your own imagination and drive to interact with women. The thinking shouldn't be finding the best places to meet women, but rather finding places that offer the best odds you'll come across women you can at the least, converse with. Afterwards, it will come down to two things. Whether you have the confidence in yourself to engage them in those moments with the wit to calmly handle their disinterest and rejection. Secondly, whether you're also keeping an eye out for comfortable places to potentially take them for your dates other than your home.

@Mofreer

is this scarcity talking, or is it worth trying?

I’ve been casually dating for the past five years, but recently I got into a serious relationship. It started long-distance, but she actually moved in with me last week—sooner than either of us planned.

She’s attractive, does the cooking and cleaning, and our physical connection is strong—we’re intimate multiple times a day. Before making things official, we had a quick talk about what we both expect in a relationship, and I made it clear that staying in touch with exes is a dealbreaker for me. She told me that she doesn't keep contact with them, which I appreciated.

After we became official, I brought it up again just to be sure, and she reassured me that there’s no communication with them.

But recently I found out that her definition of “not keeping in touch” is… flexible. She doesn’t message them directly, but she still interacts with their posts on social media. I even noticed that some of them seem to have access to more personal content she shares—like stories that aren’t public. At the very least, it seems like she’s still feeding off their attention—and that doesn’t sit well with me.

I really do like her, and we’ve been having a good time together. Still, this crosses a line for me. I feel like if I bring it up again, it might have to be in the context of ending the relationship—but part of me thinks there’s potential here, and I’m not sure if I’m overreacting.

For context, I’m not hung up on anyone from my past. I’ve been completely loyal, and maybe that loyalty has made me a bit too scarce emotionally.

So now I’m stuck wondering: Is breaking up the only logical step, since she hasn’t respected this boundary or even tried to understand it? Or is this my own scarcity mindset blowing it out of proportion?

Ending things right after she moved in feels abrupt, but the fact that she’s still emotionally entertaining other people while I’m 100% focused on her… makes me think I should start emotionally detaching and maybe even consider opening myself up to others too.

There's an attractive woman you've been longing for in your home, cooking, cleaning, engaging in regular heavy petting after five years of long-distance interactions, but one week in and the honeymoon seems to already be dimming, just slightly. You're reluctant to eject this woman from your home after discovering her deal-breaking lie, but as the old saying goes, "Lie to me once, shame on you. Lie to me twice, shame on me." And brother, you best believe more lies will be coming now that she knows your resolve and follow-through are as weak as they are.

Females are vastly better at manipulating men, than the male ego is inclined to acknowledge, so much so that even with game we'll never be as good and I strongly suspect that's why she's able to exploit your one-itis and scarcity thinking. If you'd had more confidence in yourself in other facets of your life, I doubt you'd have entered into a long-distance relationship, let alone installed this woman into your home without at least reaching out to us sooner for advice to better prepare. These sort of situations are annoyingly stupid, because this site exists to help you succeed, but most guys come to us after they've already failed, when the best time tested proven strategies with most things in life are advance planning and preventive care.

Additionally, what complicates matters is that depending on where you live, especially in parts of the U.S., after thirty days a tenant has to be formally evicted, which can be a costly process. In some parts, after two years a woman can be considered a common law wife. If either of those are at all applicable to your situation, then the clock is really ticking fast. I honestly think you should get rid of her, but you don't strike me as the sort who would follow such advice. It's likely been quite a few years since you've had female companionship and you're not eager to part with it now that you've got some.

So, just as before, what you do next is entirely up to you. Regardless of what choice you make, consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

I also strongly recommend you consider investing into a discrete internal car and home audio/video surveillance system as well as develop an exit strategy for yourself. If she ever lets her mask slip and calls the police, you don't want to find yourself subject to Duluth model law enforcement without tangible proof of her false claims against you. Most people are stupid, and cops are somewhat people too. Somewhat, but just as stupid as anyone else, if not more so.