@taya2002

LDR Girl Brought Up Moving — Now She’s Stressed That It’s “Real”

I know I'll be scorched here as LDRs are frowned upon, and not considered as real relationships, but this is the situation that I am in.

So, been in a long-distance relationship she’s visited me a couple times — things always go well in person. She was the one who brought up closing the distance and moving to my country. Her words: she doesn’t want us to keep visiting and then one day ask, “Why are we even doing this?”

I started looking for an apartment with that in mind. When I told her I found a place and might sign, she suddenly got stressed. Said it made things feel “real.” No breakdown, just visible tension. She even started seeing a therapist about it. Which suggested for her to take things very slow.

We had a call yesterday. She said her job situation is the biggest concern — figuring out remote work or how to land something here. Logical concerns, sure. I put emphasis on not feeling pressured and that we can go with the flow, while also comforting her and that I want her to move here. But there was no emotional reciprocity from her side. She was glad we had the talk, mentioning that it was comforting, but for me it felt the opposite and gave me even more ambiguity. We haven't spoken much after this.

I’ve paid for most of the trips, but we agreed long-term we’d split costs. Still, I’m the one putting in most of the material investment so far. Now she’s talking about the move more like a logistical challenge than something she’s emotionally committed to.

Question: Is this just normal pressure hitting her, or is this the first sign she’s pulling back?

My take: When fantasy meets reality, people show their true calibration. She liked the idea — but now that I’m making moves, she’s reacting with stress, not certainty. That’s not a great signal. I’m watching closely, but I won’t chase.

You need to seriously study the book, before you follow-through and import this girl you've met a few times to your country to live with you. You're clearly very interested in her, but you've only known of each other for five months and met a few times. The problem isn't that you're chasing, but that you're lead footing thing. If you don't curb your enthusiasm, this one-itis you've developed may lead to you alienating this female against you.

If she's telling you that her therapist, of all people, is suggesting she slow down, then take your foot off the accelerator and cultivate a few hobbies to occupy your mind. Few relationships fail because the couple took their time. Allow yourselves a few more months to get to know each other.

@Durek_The_Bald

@Noidea

Should I end it or keep going?

Took another very long break from dating. Now I met a girl, went out, all good. She has a few red flags, but were not here for a LTR right.

The thing is, Im so unstable at the moment, that little, unseemingly things send me into a emotionally downward spiral. Were I ask myself afterwards if I actually went insane. It think it would all be a lot easier with abundance but I haben't taken any measures yet to build that up.

So Im wondering if I should keep going with her or end it and start clean from the beginning, i.e. with step 1: Build abundance by upping the approach- and online dating game.

(I cant post in the AskTRP forum apperantly)

Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.

Looks like he was made aware of the book several months ago. While I can't say whether he's read it or not, it's good to regularly re-read, if not study, useful books to keep the material fresh in ones mind. So thank you for encouraging him.

@noidea Good on you for getting back into the dating game.

One of the biggest challenges in life is not letting disappointment and failure affect you such that you stop dating forever. A lot of females out there are messed up in the thinking meat even so far as taking psychotropic medications to suppress their delusions, so if your gut is telling you something is wrong about a gal, don't second guess that feeling. It might be the only warning you ever get before disaster strikes. Better to find out you're not a match when dating, than after several years of marriage with children. You lose nothing by avoiding being drawn into the maelstrom of someone else's dysfunctional life, especially as you claim to be working to sort out your own.

Being able to make the best informed decisions you can is one of the few actual freedoms we have in life. Regardless of what choice you make, take some solace in knowing that you don't need our permission to make them, just as we take solace in knowing we're not otherwise obliged to cater to your whims. Regardless, keep asking other females out until you find those who're better matches.