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How do I become more challenging while finding a place for women in my life?
I'm struggling to put all the pieces together. I'm such a kinesthetic learner that all this stuff overwhelms me. I try not to mentally masturbate and go out and practice, but it seems hard to be consistent. I feel like I'm suffering from decision paralysis and information overload, to where I'm thinking about every step and getting anxiety about the decision, or what if she leaves and I have to make a move, and I hesistate. I still have a ton of fun when I'm out, but can't help but think about how I can improve. Some form of outcome dependence.
I'm naturally attractive, but my closing rate is so low, and it's always been my problem. Either I care too fucking much, and the girl gets turned off, or not enough, and I miss an easy lay-up.
Last month I went on a trip and saw some of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen in a party setting, so no clothes basically maxxed out looks, and I've come back completely disheveled. I had so much fun overall but I didnt get laid, I approached but nothing came of it. I don't know if its the setting or the time but all these women now seem to think that theyre gods and im not necessarily complaing about it. It is what it is but I dont know what to do. On one hand it seems this way on the other I still see regular guys with these chicks and it sometimes makes me think is it social situation these guys are in like social groups are the only way to really connect with these high smv women. The crazy part is a lot of my friends pull, but they never approach. It's actually so weird they don't get approached or anything really but I guess either social game, or they maximize their opportunities when they go out. I approached for all of us the whole trip and it felt like a losing game, most approaches were actually good, but I feel I need to take the next step, maybe improve my physical and verbal escalation.
It feels like you're constantly being assessed, like looks, status, frame, even social media, but I want these hot girls, I need to turn conversations more exciting I have no idea how to be challenging and I think thats where im going wrong. Heavily relying on my looks and I dont get nearly as much iois as I used to.
It feels like a clock is always ticking, not that im scared of getting old, but that I'll have less time as it gets eaten up by bigger priorities(many of these things are good). This all doesn't help that as I enter my 30s Im struggling to find a place for women in my life, the time the energy to get them. The activation energy, if you will seems so high that I'm losing my peace. I barely have time for any leisure any more with work which is fine but im becoming increasingly neurotic toward women, my libido is high and it almost feels like I have a sex addiction without the sex, a bottomless pit, a never ending sense of gluttony like itll never be enough no matter how may women, maybe it's the fierce competitiveness in me to always want to do better. That being said I actually like my life more now and seem to have found some meaning but the feeling still exists.
How can I finally be a challenge and conquer this hold I've had over my life?
I'm sorry if this post is incoherent and jumpy, but I couldn't even figure out exactly what I'm trying to articulate. I took some time to think it through and read a lot of the recent asktrp, and now I'm even more confused.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtwiAkUj5Go
Study the book and you'll do better next time around. That you're placing so much concern on females suggests your life priorities are totally inverted. Besides, nothing good ever came of men whose self-confidence was dependent on female validation. You're not a child anymore. A mans self-confidence is a result of pursuing and overcoming the various challenges of life. During which time, you come to understand what interests, drives, and motivates you. To that end, I suggest that you get yourself two sheets of paper, a pen, and sit down at a table.
On the first sheet write down a list of things that you've been putting off on the back burner due to work, schooling, or just life in general. It doesn't matter how silly, or stupid the task or idea might be, just write it down. When you're done, take the second sheet of paper, and re-write the items from the first list starting with what you believe to be the simplest, easiest task, to the most complicated.
When you're done with the second list, get to work. The challenge once you've got the list done won't be simply accomplishing them, but not allowing yourself to be de-spirited whenever you encounter difficulty, or failure. To not let yourself be defeated. You'll spend the time to troubleshoot and diagnose the problem, then start over. If you need help, ask. There's no shortage of #books we can recommend that may help you achieve your goal.
Best of luck to you.
Read MoreShould I block chicks who friendzoned me?
I've been blocking chicks who friendzoned me since I've been learning game but I'm not sure if this is the right thing to do or not because some of them weren't bad. For example, 2 of them used to buy me dinner or gifts all the time. Just, no intimacy.
I've been blocking them because I fear that I might get jealous and simp at some point, and ridicule myself but idk if this is an ego thing because those chicks could still be useful as wingmen. Or they might not because they might gossip about how they friendzoned me to other chicks.
And I'm also not telling them anything when I block, so it might seem weird. I could be overthinking things as well. Any insights?
Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his #book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
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Context: 22M, moved several hundred miles away for college and got a good job after graduating recently. Have been with current LTR for 4 years and have a decent relationship. Very low n-count, submissive, cooks, cleans, treats me well. I maintain good frame and am several SMV points above her.
I have recently been considering moving back to my home state later this year to spend more time with family and friends. I enjoy living there much more in comparison, this past year I've been working 60+ hour weeks and hitting the gym hard as there's not much else I enjoy doing here. I feel like I would be giving up a lot of time and experiences staying here the next few years solely because of my LTR. I wouldn't be losing much career-wise. Going forward with the move would mean cutting my current relationship off.
I'm weighing my options and it seems like I'm giving up a great option for LTR and kids/family. That is my ultimate goal, I know this is a long ways off but I don't see myself spinning plates at age 35 and above. No oneitis, I've been with a handful of other girls. It is rare to have a girl with a known history, comes from a good family, and isn't completely brainwashed by the current society.
I'm against marriage for the most part and would only do so if I could protect my assets 100%, i.e. completely separate from the state in a state without common-law. I understand prenups do not work and all the issues surrounding marriage as well. I could certainly find another LTR like this later on and vet her properly, there would be more unknowns though. Looking for some honest input from older members that have seen similar situations play out.
Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his #book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen. Best of luck to ya.
Read MoreAnyone else feel like they're not made for the 9-5 life?
I'm in my mid 20s in north america now working corporate in the tech field for a few years making between 100 - 200k. The 9 - 5 life bores me. I've been diagnosed with ADHD around a year ago and have been taking meds when I want to focus. It helps. But it still doesn't motivate me to care about the company goals, performance, vision etc. I see my coworkers talking about the company performance every few months and it bores me. I just go to work and do the bare minimum.
Sometimes I find myself catching up on missed work because during work hours I'm thinking about other things. I like creating apps, websites, and other things that I see a direct impact on the community from. I like side hustles. I like socializing and doing my hobbies. I can focus on things I like when I want to solve a problem. I want to build something of my own and not work for someone else.
Anyone else had a similar experience? What did you do?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZrjylHI-zwU
This is a tiresome non-issue guys constantly feel some need to whine about as if anyone cares.
Shut up, work your job, repay your debts, build up your savings, and maintain a list of the things you actually want to do with your life where you will regularly see it. When you're ready, resign from your job and move on to something else from the position of F.U.
Read MoreMy friend simped FOR me, save my plate
For context I've been recently reintroduced to the single life (saving that for another post). And I've been relearning all of this as I've gotten a bit rusty during a very long relationship.
I invited some guys to a party, aswell as a girl I've been seeing (non-excusive). With one guy I shared some details about my dating stuff to give him some examples as he's been single for a long time. I guess that was my biggest mistake.
So first thing we get to the party this guy says "I've heard so much about you" to the girl... I brushed it off and we went on to party. Then he loudly tells me she's so pretty.
At some point I go to the bathroom and I hear him say I'm such a good guy, I care for him and everyone. The girl should get with me and so on....
I take her back home and of notice the whole dynamic changed, she dried up, no more sex. She tells me the guy told me I really really liked her and I think she's extremely pretty. (He was projecting here, I never even said those things. She's cute sure but not the goddess he made her out to be at all) Aswell as details of us meeting...
Later I called my friend and he confirmed all she and he was only trying to help me, wtf. I didn't expect him to be this deep in nice guy land at all.
Guys is this salvageable? She now thinks I'm even worse of a nice guy then he is... I didn't expect a simp titanic event that would ruin my plate. And we're all 30+ ffs.
Obviously I'll keep my mouth shut to everyone and won't bring this dude anymore. I probably made more mistakes here too haha
Consider investing into a reliable ready reference you can pick up and study to better prepare yourself for engaging the opposite sex. I'd suggest that you get yourself a copy of Doc Love's "The System: The Dating Dictionary". Doc Love, who until his passing was also known as Tom Hodges, wrote a weekly advice column that's archive is mirrored on several mens focused sites and a podcast. His media is a bit pricey, but it's a solid foundation a guy can branch out from in RP aware circles. I'd suggest you review his advice column to decide if his view on dating and relationships is aligned with what you aspire for yourself. To save yourself a search, give this scribed link a gander to find out if his #book is something you'd like to add to your library. It should also be available on libgen.
Read MoreIs it possible to plate o former oneitis(severe) ?
Hello everyone, I'm in a dilemma right now and I'd appreciate some direction.
An ex (a carousel cock rider) was the source of a severe oneitis back in my BP days. I never fucked her , was weak at escalating, swallowed a lot of lies, and she already had massive sexual experience when I met her.
When the oneitis hit rock bottom, I decided to break it off and fully focus on self-development. The breakup wasn't easy, but it paid off. I got back in shape, learned game, improved professionally, and started spinning plates. After that, she tried to get back into my life. I gave her a chance, escalated properly + solid make-out this time, and she showed signs of interest. But when I tried to close, she suddenly said she needed commitment and that she wouldn't fuck until marriage because she was "done having fun" (classic say from a CCR).
I told her I wasn't looking for anything serious. She said she loves me that’s why she wants me to commit ( Best beta she knew , but i changed untill then). I soft-nexted her. Later, she reached out again saying she wanted to travel with me , clearly trying to secure a beta-bux situation: invest resources first, maybe get sex later. I ghosted her. She tried reaching out three times over the following year. No response from me. Now, two years later, she sent me an invitation to her graduation. She's 26 now, so yeah she hit the wall.
Currently, I have one plate and one FWB. I'm wondering whether I should give her a chance, attend the graduation, reopen communication, and plate a former oneitis ( who knew me when i was in my BP days) , or stick to the rule: "don't dig through the trash." Has anyone here successfully plated a former oneitis without falling back into old mental patterns?
Thanks in advance.
That depends on the guy and the sort of relationship the couple had. Unfortunately, neither you, nor the relationship you describe, suggests that's much of a possibility. Though you're free to try your luck.
You're just going to have to accept that she had her chance and blew it. There are more worthwhile things a guy can do with their time and energy than retread old tires.
Study the book. Resume blocking her from your contact points, cut ties with anyone who tries to reintroduce her into your life, and keep moving forward with your life. Let her suffer alone as you find your next cum dumpster elsewhere.
Best of luck to you, regardless of what choice you make.
Read Moreas i get older i notice my erection quality has gone down. erections aren't as strong or don't last as much as they did when I was younger. during sex, I could edge for hours, or cum multiple times and be just as hard. now i can go for maybe 15-20 minutes until i start slowly losing my erection and eventually just go flaccid. i.e. the problem isn't getting hard, but rather staying hard.
i only ever do bodybuilding style weightlifting for exercise; i heard that cardio (both steady state and interval training) is where it's at for sexual health, because from what i gather erection quality depends on your cardiovascular system. also, i heard kegel exercises may help. i'm also not taking any drugs or prescription meds atm. diet seems ok too: red meat, fish, eggs, dairy, fruits, veggies, mostly legumes for carbs. sleep is ok: 7-8 hours daily. stress could use some work, i do get a lot of stress lately.
those of you that developed issues with erection quality, how did you fix it and what was the culprit?
If this is a serious concern for you, make an appointment with your doctor. If you have a personal trainer, ask for questions to run past the doctor when you see them. If you're lucky, you'll be able to get more pump in your pecker by simply better balancing your workouts with some cardio. You might also want to ask them both regarding useful health and fitness #books to check out.
Read More(I'm looking for general advice. Maybe there's a flaw in my mindset.)
I did research and just life experience. The average body count for a 25 year old woman is 3-5.
I'm pretty depressed hearing this tbh. Cause you know it's just gonna get higher. Not to mention most girls I see in a relationship act very sexual for attention. Bitchy behavior.
Cold approach is a lone wolf fantasy imo. Outta approaching 100 women you get maybe 1-3 lays/success's. (if you're not retarded)
That's a lot of squeezing for a cup of juice. Maybe and just maybe they turn into a plate or a LTR.
You try to use social context to your advantage dating in ecosystems like Uni. or clubs. But then I feel like "DaT GuY". Cause I don't like being around people much it's a lot of bullshit. Guess get over it.
My thought process: Ideally you cold approach outside your ecosystems. And build slow leads inside your ecosystems to find a good prospect.
Online dating is a dumpster fire. Its not real life. People act very differently IRL. Most of the woman either all have the same generic profile or goth/liberal chick who wants me to have a tramp stamp. I switched my profile to be labeled as a woman for 5 mins and had 20 likes. ITS CRAZY.
But at the end of all the work it's the women your left with.
I don't trust women with marriage. And even in LTRs when you're not there they're flirting with other guys for attention. I've had good looking girls with decent guys give me sexual attention. I know its not cheating but if I saw my gal acting like that i'd be disgusted.
The problem:
So i'm left with casual dating women the rest of my life. No marriage. maybe have a LTR here and there but... It's gonna get harder and harder the older I get.
It's weird cold approaching in your late 30s and 40s and 50s. Im 20 so i can pass off as the young stupid guy.
How da hell do I keep this up? assuming i take care of my body to be physically attractive. Do I just end up single and alone around 40? Do I just give in a find a LTR at 40?
I'm just going be a normal guys who has his own place with generic normal salary. At some point i become 40 year old guy who's still single.
I'm uncertain of the future with todays modern landscape. Because alot of women are like scorpions and i'm playing frogger.
I feel that hollywood glamorizes the eternal bachelor lifestyle. I'm not a rich guy backed by the script. I'm a normal guy who dosen't trust the institution of marriage and the women i'd be signing it with. I feel my only option is to get lucky and find a good gal someday. But i'd really just be compromising. I feel extremely vulnerable when i'm committed to a woman.
How are you guys doing?
www.youtube.com/watch?v=kVgln2NNmzc
To be honest, feeling glad I'm not you among other things, I guess. Your report is pretty much the norm though. Most of the chicks any guy will talk to will turn them down no matter how good looking the guy otherwise believes themselves to be. Frustrating as the dating market is, experienced guys begrudgingly learn to accept the situation and focus themselves where they experience more satisfying returns for their time and energy. Some pour themselves into their work, schooling, distractions, or learning a foreign language before getting themselves a passport and seeking out greener pastures elsewhere.
Regardless of what you do, study the book. Hollywood doesn't glamorize the eternal bachelor lifestyle, so much as they present a carefully curated image to undermine your desire to resist their efforts to de-spirit and defeat you courtesy prolonged, sustained, mockery. In this case, your inability to find, or keep, a mate whether you employ traditional means and methods, or modern ones.
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