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Insomniac's Blog
Part of my life story, my introduction and a few paragraphs of ammo if you need more of it for an argument or whatever else.
Published 06/18/21 by Insomniac- [0 Comments]

Hello, new member here,


Turns out I swallowed the pill when I was around 9, I just didn't know it was a thing, I felt isolated and alone, when surrounded by gynocentrism since birth pretty much - until today. I randomly came across some comment mentioning the Red Pill and I decided I might as well Google it. I've done some research, read Michael's story etc, caught the gist of it - or rather realised I've been living by the gist of it for 11 years and now I do not feel alone anymore, I am very glad to have found this place. A good handful of people I decide to rant to seem to agree with me, but they haven't experienced the pain so I'm not sure they could handle the entire pill. I would like to let you know about a few of the "unpleasantries" I've experienced from women since age 5, in case you could use this to your advantage in an argument or pulling someone in.



Kindergarten was relatively tame, there was favoritism but it seemed normal. I had a few unpleasant experiences, but they're not relevant in comparison to the later stages of life.



Years 1-5 of primary school is where it really begun. The most tame thing that happened was at year 4. A girl who was already an activist and a feminazi at age 8 walked up to me on the corridor while i was eating lunch next to the patrolling teacher (you will soon learn why I stuck close to those), waited for her to turn around and gave me a 12 fist punch combo into the top of my head with pure satisfaction on her face. I'm pretty sure I have a dent in my skull from that. She then proceeded to run up to the teacher, hug her and say in a shaky voice "[OP] hit me! :(((". The teacher proceeded to berate me and say she was very disappointed. This hurt very much because she was my favourite teacher and I really don't like disappointing people. Of course I tried to tell her my side of the story, but big surprise - she didn't believe me, and found it "disgusting" that I would try to lie like that on op of "hitting a pure and innocent girl". Fun fact, I don't lie - maybe a white lie here and there to make someone's day or keep them from trouble I don't think they deserve, but never anything nearly as damaging, so this is why it hurt even more to be accused of that.



Years 1-4/5 (not sure, years of trauma made my brain shut off my memory) I would have to storm out of the classroom and run as fast as I could - that wasn't very effective because I used to be quite plump - or hide somewhere. Why? For some reason the girls from my class and the parallel class decided it was hilarious to drag me by force to a secluded corridor that lead to the outside in the summer, but would be closed with a heavy door at the end of it, every other season. That created a corridor with no exit if the way you entered was blocked off by - oh I don't know, 30 girls? They would kick me relentlessly, more often than not aiming for my genitals, hit me and spit on me occasionally, I am very worried that I might be infertile thanks to that, I am yet to check. This was destined to happen at every break, it was just the matter of whether or not my slightly obese ass could bolt out of the area fast enough, or find a teacher I could follow around. There were no cameras in those corridors, any screams I would release were ignored because everyone because the school was loud and I couldn't defend myself - I was raised to never hit a woman and I already knew what deep shit I would be in if I so much as touched one of them. They knew that and they exploited it happily. Guess what, again - noone ever believed me. To this day when I meet a new therapist and I have to give them a sitrep, they just kind of stare at me and I know they either don't believe me, don't care, or if they're professional enough - understand I'm not lying by the fact I choke up, tear up and/or shake when recounting the story, but otherwise don't give a shit. Maybe I should start looking for male therapists.



At some point in life I realized I check a lot of boxes for depression. I would talk to my parents or teachers but they never gave a shit. "Be a man", "Get your stuff together", "Don't lie about these things" and more of the misandrist bullshit was always the answer. Surprise, almost two decades later I completely shut down, couldn't move from my bed and I was barely able to communicate. ONLY THEN did my family decide that maybe something's wrong with me and took me to a therapist. I've been in treatment and therapy for slightly over 2 years now, with no noticeable progress. After switching doctors a few times I was prescribed mirtazapine and other meds. I started gaining weight at an incredible rate. The doctor (woman) was adamant that I take nothing that could influence that and I should just get my shit together and watch what I eat. I already did, I started panicking after the first 2kg. I brought it up multiple times to no avail. I am now fluctuating between 20 and 25 kg gained - most of that was gained in a week. I have stretch marks everywhere and it hurts to move, walk and whatever else - I have other conditions but the weight doesn't help. She also knew I was previously diagnosed with Persistent Exhaustion Syndrome, but she kept insisting that I just have to go to the gym or move my ass out of the house for a walk even though I'm physically unable to. This is incredible because a quick Google search shows weight gain as the second topmost side effect for half of my meds (at the time) as well as "worsening depression" - great. I brought it up again and showed her but she wouldn't listen and got angry with me, telling me to never question her authority again.



Middle school was also very "fun". Day one of year 1, some pathological girl from my class (but still a year younger for some reason) decided she was in love with me. I wasn't interested, she was exactly the kind of person I want nothing to do with. She would bring apple cider to school in an apple juice carton. She had sex at age 13, possibly earlier than that, change boyfriends biweekly, do drugs etc. Unfortunately that wasn't the end of it. After that every day after school she and her group of "friends" would follow me and try to find out where I lived. Being exhausted after school, getting no sleep and all that, I wasn't allowed to go home and take a nap - I had to spend upwards of 3 hours trying to lose them in the city. It worked a few times, but eventually after losing them, I came home and they were just waiting for me there, I have no idea how they found out, my guess is someone told them, and the only person that knew were I lived was my, at the time, best friend since kindergarten - who would later stab me in the back. Now the game changed from trying to lose someone in town, to trying my best to get inside my home with all the entrances blocked. I have a few entrances I can use but eventually I ran out, they blocked all of them. Later that evolved into them trying to break in, climbing onto my balcony, looking in through windows and banging on the door as well as tireless texting spam and getting her older male friends who she probably fucked, to threaten me on the internet as well as come to my house, vandalise my garden and rip the gate off the concrete pillar It was attached to. I really wish I would've called the police, but I was sure noone would have believed me, I was alone and afraid. I told my parents, but they didn't care, again - "It's just childsplay", "It's romantic", "Stop being a baby". To this fucking day I glance behind me every few seconds to check if someone's following me. To this day I lock the door 4 times whenever I'm home alone. To this day I am physically unable to stand near a window that isn't covered, if I'm not looking out of it. While this was all happening, my class of 20 people, 15 of whom were bitches, would relentlessly harass me, tell me I'm the worst person on the planet, tell me that I'm a pussy, I don't deserve to live and other incredibly intelligent and mature remarks. Of course they didn't care when I told them the truth, neither did the teachers or the school psychiatrist. They only cared when I reported physical abuse by a guy from my primary school. He was a dick back then but to everyone, in middle school I was his only target. Luckily he ended up in juvie, he also had a child at age 14. So at this point I see no other option. I'm being harassed and abused because everyone I know is convinced I should take part in some stupid child fantasy of dating someone and it will not stop unless I accept the proposal. So I did. I played the part, tried my best to make her satisfied. Once, I put white shower gel on my hand and pretended it's... you know what. I took a picture in front of a mirror with my hand in my shorts (not in my underpants) and sent it to her. I agree it was a stupid move, but I thought it necessary. I hung out with her for like an hour before I've had enough. The "relationship" lasted about 9 hours before I broke it off and I slept through most of that. I spun some lies that she's a great girl and she deserves someone better than me, that I'm not ready for a relationship etc. Fun fact she tried to get me to touch her in the butt and breasts in the few hours I played along. Of course as long as the fake relationship lasted, the bitches of my class switched from "Why are you not dating her you pig! You're braking her heart!" to "Haha look at this desperate idiot, he fell in love with that fucking slut" and after I broke it off it changed to "How can you do that to that poor girl!? You're scum" etc. They would not only say that to me but also spread it everywhere they could. Soon enough most of the school either laughed at me or looked at me funny and I know for a fact people from other schools knew as well. "Bitches from my class" doesn't include one guy acquaintance and two girl friends who more or less felt sympathetic towards me, but they never stepped up to defend me or really cared AFAIK. At the end of grade 1 the patho girl moved to Wales and immediately the incredible girls of my grade switched back to "You have no right to talk, you dated [patho]", knowing full well I had no choice, or at least ignoring that. I actually didn't have a voice - I couldn't speak a word in their presence because they would remind me of that, team up against me and make problems or of nothing, make some shit up and get me in trouble or worse. That included answering teacher questions. Noone cared, noone noticed - even if they did, it was perfectly fine because "girls will be girls". All of this persisted as long as I knew them, until I cut contact. They also called a fucking class meeting on a school trip to tell me to stop playing pretend with another girl from my class because apparently even though I saw it as a joke, the girl didn't - that made me blush because I really liked her and she was miles out of my league - and because some other girl from my class was "in love with me" and I was breaking her heart or whatever. It hurts to this day that I listened, we had a great relationship, we had very good fun together. But I pushed her away, and since I cut contact with the entire year eventually, I can't even talk to her. I've since changed my image completely, it's worked every time so far, making sure noone from my past can recognize me unless I let them. I don't want to meet any single one of them and have my cover broken. We get to the betrayer now. The best friend I mentioned earlier. He was there for all this hell. He knew exactly how I took it, how painful and traumatic it was. Some time during school he seemed more like he hung out with me due to obligation. I kept making sure if he was alright, if I did something wrong but he never said anything. Eventually he started hanging out with the bitches, walking away without a word mid conversation with me to go over to them. He eventually became just like them. He came out as gay and I guess he was convinced I cut him off because of that, but in reality I couldn't give a smaller fuck about it, it was him who drifted away and cut contact. This is my only guess as to why he did what he did at our graduation party. The "joke" of my unfortunate date kind of burned out a little by now, it was still used but no longer multiple times a day, so it was a positive. We were playing some tabletop game, I said some joke, got a few laughs. In comes [best friend] and says "[OP], don't even open your mouth, you fell in love with [patho]". I would like to remind you once again that I did not and I didn't want anything to do with her. Of course the bitches loved it, they laughed and cheered and hugged him, I was just stunned. Of all the people who could have said that, it was him - he knew everything about the situation, he was right there, I never wronged him and yet, he stabbed me in the back so hard his hand came out of my chest. A quick glance at the two female friends of mine let me know they knew what just happened and they sympathized, they stayed silent though. At that moment I realized I lost [best friend] and I'm never getting him back - the brother I had was dead. Made it a lot easier to cut off any contact with them though, so I guess that's a positive.



Somewhere during middle school or later, I found myself a group of really good friends. They felt like family. What I now know to be a cult, was lead by a woman who claimed to have similar conditions to me and she offered guidance and relief. Eventually as my mind degraded and I trusted myself less and less, she had more and more control over me. I trusted her more than I did myself. She gaslit me and used me, but I refused to see it. At some point she made it clear she wants none of us to talk to her ex, whom I also knew and kept mild contact with. He seemed very nice and I never understood why she told us not to, but I obliged. Eventually tho, I saw he wrote in his status on discord that he was not doing too well and needed a break, so I shot him a quick message checking up on him and such. After a bit of conversation it turned out he was a very cool guy, we had a lot in common, and he even went through similar shit as I did. I'm guessing eventually she found out I talked with him because I see no other reason for what she did later. She told me some secret I made sure to tell her I want nothing to do with. A secret I couldn't hold to myself for long, it was regarding my best friend from that group, something I felt it was imperative he knew. It wasn't right to keep it from him. So I broke one of my life rules and told him. She then twisted it publicly to make it sound like I made that up to make her look bad, to undermine her or try to hurt her and her friends. I took it very badly. I was so dependent on her I believed her over my own memories. I cried, shook and cut myself (until that moment I was very proud that I had never done that, despite the hardships, but I lost control over in that moment). Later when I composed myself with the help of a different friend who is now essentially my sister, better than I imagined a great friend could be, I started questioning it all and I finally uncovered what really happened. I tried to regain my friends, or at least the ones that didn't immediately block me on everything when she told them to, but they would tell me something in a wall of text that was clearly written by the woman who orchestrated it all. It was copy pasted, I am 100% sure of that. That's when I realiszd none of them were ever my friends given they didn't even question what she said. I realized it was more of a cult than a group of friends. That helped me move on. I'm worried that the relationship I had with [the forbidden ex] was stained, that she lied to him and made me look bad. But we still occasionally talk and I'm not sure what he thinks of me. Maybe one day I will confront him. Since then I found new friends, some that I know would take a bullet for me, and likewise. I do have major trust issues because of what happened in this and the previous paragraph, though. I can't get attached, I don't trust people easily and I sure as hell don't want anything to do with anyone's secrets.


This may sound like I was conditioned to be a misogynist, but I assure you, I am not. I merely recognize the amount of power women have in our society. All it takes for a guy to lose his family, friends, job, reputation and any chance at future employment is a bored teenage chick thirsty for some attention to decide to accuse him of sexual harassment. The wife of a failed marriage may be a complete bum, druggie and abusive parent, while the husband is hardworking, caring and responsible, yet she will still get custody of his kids and take 80% of his belongings, landing him under some bridge in Kentucky. I could go on but I don't need to, you all already know what I mean.


Once again, I am very glad to join this community and I hope my painful experiences will find some use on your tongue.

Take care and have a great day.

-Insomniac




P.S. - to set things straight. I forgot to mention that while I do plan on and really want to get a move on with my life and definitely start going to the gym to lose the weight I gained - maybe even put on some muscle, however as things are right now I am unable to. The combination of major depression, Persistent Exhaustion Disorder and the fact that, as my name suggests, I don't get sleep very often makes sure I am deathly exhausted 24/7. It takes me a week / two weeks to get my stuff together to go to the grocery shop that's 400 meters away from my home. By all means, for the first time in my life I have motivation and I really want to do something with my life, I have a full mindset breakthrough prepared and in the back of my mind, I'm just too weak to do anything about it. I hope one of these days at least one of my many pills decides to work and I can start working on myself. Please don't take this post as me trying to find excuses or whining, it's just what it says in the title.

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