@Stigma I think we have an opportunity when it comes to slaving. We just need to contemporise and work on the model a bit.

In one of slavery's recent incarnations, areas of Africa were for some time able to sell all the people they didn't want to us for profit and we took them away for them. This meant that for a long time there was a flow of genes that they didn't want in Africa going to the west. I think the west might benefit from reversing the flow. It might even help to keep down those rising rival economies in the long term if we exported our trash.

No one in the west is going to want a human slave when they can buy a tractor or a factory machine that doesn't sleep or complain or have a load of rights under the law. But in Africa there are still some less well regulated sweat shop economies and they might like some slaves.

We need to catch liberals and welfare bums and take them over to sell to them. This will greatly improve our countries at a profit. This should be easy with the liberals "Go to Africa to do voluntary work to save lion cubs, build village wells and save women from something or other" should do it. Offer a cheap deal on the low carbon sailing ship transport for them and they will even pay you to take them. Welfare bums -well there we might have to go to "You won a free cruise, food and drink all included"

I gather quite a lot of lads in Africa fantasise about having a white woman and that they like ladies with larger behinds. I can think of quite a few specimens over here matching that description that I wouldn't mind selling. We could tell them we do a special line in rare purple and green haired ones.

I think that the golden triangle of the trade these days ought to be Liberals and bums from east coast blue states of the US to West Africa. Cocoa from West Africa to the UK to sell to guardian readers in Covent garden market as fair trade wonky willy cacky choccy, then Chinese tat that now has huge US tariffs on it smuggled to the US from a UK port. We might also try occasionally sailing from London, picking up some economic migrants in Calais, and going straight back again to Africa skipping the Chinese tat "Free boat to Dover is all we would need to tell them. This will probably mean installing a motor in the old galleon to go against the trade winds but we can at least take comfort that we helping with God's work of warming the place up a bit.

What do you think?

@Stigma

What in Davy Jones' locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat?

I'll have ye know I be the meanest cutthroat on the seven seas, and I've led numerous raids on fishing villages, and raped over 300 wenches.

I be trained in hit-and-run pillaging and be the deadliest with a pistol of all the captains on the high seas. Ye be nothing to me but another source o' swag. I'll have yer guts for garters and keel haul ye like never been done before, hear me true.

You think ye can hide behind your newfangled computing device? Think twice on that, scallywag. As we parley I be contacting my secret network o' pirates across the sea and yer port is being tracked right now so ye better prepare for the typhoon, weevil. The kind o' monsoon that'll wipe ye off the map. You're sharkbait, fool.

I can sail anywhere, in any waters, and can kill ye in o'er seven hundred ways, and that be just with me hook and fist. Not only do I be top o' the line with a cutlass, but I have an entire pirate fleet at my beck and call and I'll damned sure use it all to wipe yer arse off o' the world, ye dog.

If only ye had had the foresight to know what devilish wrath your jibe was about to incur, ye might have belayed the comment. But ye couldn't, ye didn't, and now ye'll pay the ultimate toll, you buffoon. I'll blow scurvy all over ye and ye'll drown in the depths o' it.

You're fish food now, lad.