Ha! What's up mother fornicator!
I know you came here for a fight. But sit back and read - you know like a mature human being. Take a deep breath, let your tough guy badass alpha-ness flow through you and let all that angry energy settle to the ground.
Just breathe and read.....
You just might learn something.
______________________________________________
I am so tempted to write a fucking book about all the shitty advice I see on Red Pill oriented forums. Without a doubt, there is a lot of excellent advice out there too. But when the peanut gallery start stepping in, things can devolve into shitshow territory real quick.
I have been shouted at by Red Pillers countless times in the past for saying the things I am about to say. So I suspect the younger more emotional among you fine readers might feel threatened. Because I may be debunking some of your favorite pet ideas, it may feel like a personal attack. But alas they are just ideas bro. So calm your tits and enjoy.
New ideas can be painful, and letting go of old ones can be even harder. Ask any apostate. But such is the nature of learning, growth, and personal development. And much like religion – no matter the evidence, proof, or lack thereof, once someone holds a belief, they ain’t letting that shit go until they are ready.
With that in mind, here are three of my biggest pet peeves in the RedPill-osphere:
There is no such thing as an “Alpha Male”. Just let that shit go. This reminds me of the term “Leader”. There is no person who is a leader in a real sense. There are those who exhibit leadership, but put that person in a disaster area and see how they handle blood. Or put that disaster leader in charge of an Elementary School. LeaderSHIP is the key word, the person is irrelevant. It’s sort of like saying “The Driver”. Yeah, there are drivers, but when that person is not in the car, they are not the driver. It is a job – a set of competencies- and you can either do it or not. Context also matters, along with at least a dozen other major considerations.
Same with “Alpha” men. There is no Alpha male. Let’s pick someone like Mike Tyson. In the ring that guy is indisputably one of, if not THE most dangerous man to ever enter a ring. Anywhere, ever (in recorded history anyway). But if you put him in charge of a large tech firm, he would not be able to be Alpha anymore. Few people would listen to a brutish man, and all the talented people would bail immediately. He simply does not have the competencies required to be an Alpha at all times in all spheres of life. Now pick any other endeavor; creative, intellectual, social, etc. There are dominant men and women in all these spheres of life, but take them out of that context and they are no longer the top dog.
"Alpha" depends on a lot of things, and context is pretty much the biggest.
What is also lost in these discussions is the people behind the alphas.GW Bush was an alpha by some measures. Sure he was the goofy frat boy type, but he was the President of the US. That’s pretty alpha by any measure. But he was inept as fuck. He had a team that backed him up – not because he is alpha, but because they were all beholden to a system and ideas they supported. He was irrelevant.
I could do this all day, picking apart those who are considered to be alpha as fuck, or Chad, or whatever. Alpha as a term, works well in a bar, but it falls apart under scrutiny. Behind closed doors, every alpha male is a man at the end of the day. He has fears, and hopes, and desires, and vulnerabilities. Look at Johnny Depp and Brad Pitt. Look at Will Smith. Come on, how many more examples do we need folks? What you see on camera is nearly 100% fabricated. It is acting, even when it looks like it’s not. They know the camera is on them so they act the way they have learned to act.
So rather that use the term “alpha” I recommend you think of it in terms of assertiveness and dominance. Being alpha is indeed about mindset, and yes I can allow a bit of “fake it till you make it” because we all do this to some degree when we are young. But dominance and assertiveness are behaviors, not character traits. Anyone can practice them at any time. Some of it even comes with age and experience. Imagine Mike Tyson as a 3 year old. Pretty much any 12 year old girl could easily kill 2-year old Mike Tyson with her bare hands. Hell, just toss him off the root. Alpha depends on too many things to be relevant.
I was in the US military once upon a time, and I became am infantry squad leader. I regularly spoke to men who were at least as strong and violent as me, and some even stronger. And I was able to convince them to do things they did not want to do – mainly because I knew how to work with strong men. I was no more alpha than they were, but I was assertive and dominant in my words, body language, and behaviors. The trick was to earn their respect, not to trigger their competitive nature. The other trick was (and still is) to bring a strong set of competencies to the table. When you are making someone do pushups, you had better be able to out pushup that man or he will resent it and resist you. Competence earns respect in the military, not AMOGing. Too many men make this huge mistake because they think there can only be ONE ALPHA!
There is no such thing.
Stop feeding into the Alpha Male paradigm. That shit needs to go. Men speak in these terms, and it sounds just like when black people call each other the forbidden word. Other people call men pigs, dogs, and animals – we don’t need to assist in that foolishness.
Be dominant, be assertive, and yes sometimes you must be aggressive. But stop trying to be Alpha. To strong, assertive, dominant men you look like an idiot. Good women can see this too, and you will scare them away with that bullshit, and you will be left with only those women who are fooled by this.
Is this what you want? Really?
You cannot say no one warned you.
Women are people, not dinnerware. Women are indeed the weaker sex, despite the fact that they try to hide it. What makes them harden up is getting played and lied to by men (whom they chose, sure, but that’s another blog post). So when you “spin plates” what you are doing is fucking up these women up for the next decent man who may come along.
This is also true for women. I have seen at least three videos recently in which women talk about other women who ruin men for the rest of women. If women can speak up about this then so can we. People need to go back to a place of character and honor and decency – that is IF this is the life they wish to pursue. For the rest of you, carry on – nothing to see here. Ignore the rest of this and read no further.
Much of this particular discussion has to do with Vision. What is your vision for the future? What kind of life do you want? What type of house, car, family situation, job career, how much net worth? Now be specific – what size and style of house. How many bedrooms, garage attached or not? What does your woman do or not do for a living? So you split bills or is he a SAHM? The more detail the better.
If your depiction of your life 20-25 years in the future, involves a family, then you should stop spinning plates immediately.
Here’s why:
When I meet a woman, the FIRST and only thing I pay attention to is her behaviors. Sure her looks and her words matter, but her behaviors are everything. EVERY THING! Everything.
We all know this, but men too often keep asking a woman questions as if they are completely blind to the behaviors of the woman before them. Maybe they are just hyper focused on IOI’s and body language in the moment. That is important for sure, but only in that particular moment and only for a few reasons – like “does she like me” or “will she have sex with me”. Again, if this is your intention, stop reading.
I am interested in women a few years younger than me who are family-oriented. Sure she can have a career, sure she can go out with her friends, and sure she probably has a few male friends and exes lurking around in the background. There is NO avoiding this. But what is more important to me is her BASELINE behavior. In other words, what does she do on a regular basis?
For example, if a woman is divorced. There are only a handful of routes to go with this. She can do the direction of “go gurl, divorce party, road trip to Vegas, WOOT WOOT freedom!” Or she can pick up a class at the local community in something that can make her a better person. Sure women can do both, but what’s her basic pattern of behavior? If she SAYS she is all about family (current or future), but she is out with her girlfriends every weekend or always traveling to the Caribbean whenever she can, then this is not a family woman. No matter what the fuck she swears up and down to, family women and party women are two completely different things. Do not let anyone tell you different. Your dick will back her up all the way to hell, but we all know to not listen to our dicks. Right?
The same is true with women looking for good men. Women can read PUA material too. Yeah, they have read our shit. And some can even see right through it. If you find that you really feel something for girls/women and they keep rejecting you or it just doesn’t work, it just miiiight be because she can sense that you are trying to run game on her and she is not looking for that. And no matter what words you say, she will do what I do – she will ask you what you did last weekend, and the weekend before. If you respond with “out with the boys” or “at the club” to show her you are social and “Alpha” and all that shit, a good woman will smile and end it. Some women are not looking for players, believe it or not.
Again, if you want to get laid, then read the material, do the things and get laid. By all means, I would never begrudge a man some vagina. I have done it, and most of us have. But you already have that material to read. Look at this as an addendum.
If you approach women with the sole intention of finding a new “plate” you are potentially dooming yourself to being one too. How is that workout out for you Mr. Apex Alpha dude?
If you are looking for something serious, act that way. If you want a family oriented woman, stop looking in bars and clubs. The women and men who go that route, self-select into that lifestyle, and they deserve each other. Act accordingly. If you don’t want to be treated like a plate then don’t treat her like one.
Again, you cannot say you weren’t warned.
It is in our very DNA to have this feeling. Pair bonding is about as real a thing as there is in the animal kingdom, and not just with humans. We are programmed to seek out a woman and bond with her, and yes, to develop “oneitis”.We cannot help this. But we can help how we ACT on it. So rather than call this feeling oneitis, I will call it what it really is – bonding. Whether it shows up as sexual, love, chemical, or emotional in nature – or all of the above - it is all one form or another of bonding. So let’s use the proper term.
I have taken issue with contributors to r/theredpill about this issue (under an old, very large account that I had to nuke because some fucking 4chan-level autist nearly pieced together my identity) If there was a problem with that sub (thankfully not so much here) is the AMOGing. Jesus H Christmas the idiots who would spew bullshit was epic, and the dumber and the nastier the vitriol, the more upvotes! It was sometimes like /r/femaledatingstrategy- the insanity flowed like a river and the whole crew would cheer it on.
Fortunately the core content was solid and helpful – even to me at times. I got more than a few insights I would never have found anywhere else. So I am not shitting on the sub, but rather calling out the behaviors of a few popular users there.
The main complaint was when an apparently young man would admit that he caught feelings or fell in love – or even hinted that he might be- the brigade came out to shame him. And I must admit, this is not necessarily always a bad approach. Some behaviors deserve to be ridiculed! But a man’s inherent nature should never be impeached. Try to tell that to the knuckleheads who disagree.
Oneitis is our evolutionary instincts speaking to us. It is what makes men providers and protectors. It is what makes strong families strong, and safe neighborhoods safe. And even a man who grew up with a weak or “beta” father, or no father at all, ultimately he has many other men to thank for what security he and his StrongIndependentSingleMothertm were able to enjoy. Good men provided those things, and a large part of that involves our deepest instincts to protect and provide.
Even if it is not oneitis in the strictest sense, it certainly is an offshoot.
I write this assuming you, good reader, already know the downsides to bonding with a woman. It is dangerous and can cause a lot of hurt. But I see this bonding similar to how I see drugs and alcohol. You can partake in whatever you wish, just make sure you control it, and not the other way around. I think some men are more prone to this and that should be recognized. But we can ALL feel this way out of nowhere sometimes and for seemingly no reason whatsoever. I am speaking from experience here.
But when I feel that bonding I know I have to manage how I act on it. And that starts with me recognizing that it is primarily biological. All the spiritual, lovey dovey, dreamy, soul mate stuff is an effect of very powerful drugs. Evolution selected this into existence, just like it selected mosquitoes, cancer, and my appendix – all shit that has no good reason to exist. But whether our feeble human minds understand the big picture or not, we could easily brainstorm reasons why mosquitoes are good at keeping the human population from exploding. All this crap serves a purpose whether we like it or not; same with bonding (aka oneitis).
This is the beginning of a conversation, not a definitive statement of fact. The obvious question is “Okay Mr. Disturbed, then what the fuck do YOU suggest we do? What would you say to a guy who is simping hard for a woman who is playing him for a fool?”
To these things I would say
“If you are looking for a serious relationship, is this woman the sort of woman you want to be with for the foreseeable future? Do you want to feel this way potentially for the rest of your life? Decide and act accordingly"
The bonding instinct in men is arguably responsible for most of the best things in life. Safety, security , nice houses, engineering, happy children, and most art is all due to man’s deepest inner sense of beauty and wonder. None of that is possible when degenerate men run the show. For fuck sake, look around man! Half of the world is utterly spent and devastated by the depredations of men who pursue an r-selection strategy. Is this really what you are looking for Mr AMOG?
This protective bonding aspect of male nature gets too little recognition, and virtually no respect from the culture at large, and that needs to stop. In fact, the reason for all these words is that too many people exploit our empathy and bonding instincts. And that needs to stop too.And like the alpha male bullshit, and black men using the forbidden word against each other, good men should not be feeding into that shit by using the term Oneitis. It’s a fucking insult and you know it. Besides, it makes you sound like a moron when you start trying to AMOGi some teenage dude online by using shaming language.
More importantly, this crap teaches younger men to despise or resent one of the most beautiful, powerful, and important instincts that a man can posses. Bonding is dangerous, but again, like a alcohol or a gun, it is all about how it is used.
The pain of past rejection or breakups should not be used as fuel to make us think and act like the women of r/FDS. We are supposed to be better than that.
So start acting like it.
And again, you cannot say you weren’t warned.
Cheers
When I was young and naïve, I had a wish list of sorts for a future wife. It seems fairly common my teenage friends, male and female, would sometimes offer up an item or two from their own lists.
Of course, the teenage and early 20's version of me wanted things like, hot, nice hair, good in bed, easy to hang with, etc. But as I got older, the list became more serious, perhaps more mature, depending on how you view it. So it developed into the things I would hope for my woman to be, and do.
The list was something like this:
Yes, I know. This list is long. But trust me, it is far from comprehensive according to 19 year old me. For example, I do not expect my woman to do ironing, sewing or making clothing, arts and crafts, repairs of any kind, run social groups, or work outside the home, to name just a few of the myriad other "nice to have" competencies.
And while the list is long, most of the items on it are relatively basic features of a good parent or partner.
Where did I get this list, you may ask. I got it from watching the best women around me my whole life. Sure, I got a bit from TV and movies, but the absolute best women around me did these things and more. One never knows all the intimate details of the lives of those around us, but most of these things were on full display most of the time as a child growing up. To this day, most of the good women I know demonstrate most of these traits and behaviors. My ex-wife, in fact, nailed most of them on a daily basis for the better part of two decades - until she underwent her feminist "transformation."
Keep in mind that the phrase "....without complaining" is implied in all this.
Now, one would be reasonable in asking, Yeah, but what about YOUR contributions! And that would indeed be a fair question. And to that I would say, most of the same things PLUS everything else - repairs, outdoor maintenance, heavy lifting, long term vision and goals, family finances, home and personal security, and a long list of other male-oriented responsibilities. Whether these things are fair or balanced can only be answered by those who must balance them.
So I then focused almost exclusively on character traits (assuming the initial attraction was there). I also focused like a laser on her behaviors - words have come to mean very little to me over time. How a woman acts, holds herself, and behaves, and the routines she follows are far more telling than anything she can say. So I watched this like a hawk - mainly for consistency and congruence with what she claimed.
And as I went down this list, I found that the few women I dated were basically incompetent. I do not intend this to come across as an insult; this is just a straight up evaluation, like one would do with a job candidate. because post-divorce, that's exactly how I viewed the dating process - like vetting for competence and agreeableness. After all, who wants to work with or for someone who is incompetent AND disagreeable? This is just common sense, and any pushback usually comes from women, who feel that relationships should not be viewed as a transaction. Besides, what gives a man the right to expect a woman to do ANYTHING for him. It is HE who should be vetted. And to that second point, I would say, I agree. Men should indeed be vetted in the same way.
Fast forward a few years after this list was developed, and, well, let's just say it wasn't going well. And I believe there are two main reasons for this.
1. My expectations were not that a woman be or do all of the things on my list, but it was hard not to notice when she was not or could not do a particular thing. That is unfair to any woman, but especially myself.
2. Women in the US are simply not raised to be good partners. They either learn OJT, or they don't develop in this way at all.
Either way, the list was not happening. All I could reasonably expect was to get "a bunch" of them. But what the hell does that even mean? Did I have a subset or priority items? Well, as it turns out I DID have a priority list. So I whittled it down. I will not keep repeating the list, but let's just say that it took about3-4 iterations of the list before I decided to come at it another way.
I can cook, clean, sew, do laundry, and every single item on my wish list. Would it be nice to have someone to help? Yes. But it is no longer necessary. In fact, I have come to the point that I don't want a woman to touch or do anything in my house. I feel this way because too many times I have been confronted by household politics. These two words should be antithetical to each other; but feminism begs to differ.
And because I refuse to have household chores held against me, as a sort of bean counting ledger balance, this leaves one, and only one thing on the list.
And as I explain in my piece On Intimacy, this does not mean simply sex. Because I can outsource that too. So in order for me to maintain a romantic relationship with a woman, I require Intimacy = Trust + Respect + Sexual chemistry. Without this sort of intimacy, the relationship is merely a friendship - or something else.
So, as you make your way through the dating wastelands, you should consider my words and be on the lookout for Intimacy. You are not likely ever going to reliably get ANYTHING on this list, but in the short run and the long run, Intimacy is all that really matters.