Inspired by: https://www.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/9npv0s/se...

I see this a lot on asktrp: "How do I make friends?". The poster above has the incite to realise that most people have friendship *happen* to them, and in fact anything else is seen as manipulative. Our society says "friendship is a magical thing that should just naturally happen. If it doesn't, then you shouldn't force it or do anything to change it, because that would be manipulative and wrong".

But this is TRP, so fuck that noise.

From the post: What about someone who started with no social prowess and has to build their social circle from the ground up?

I can relate. I learned how to make friends (I had to, I was an obnoxious socially retarded kid) and I also learned how to build a social circle from the ground up every time I moved to follow work. I've learned how to do this. You can too.

From the post: This person is me, and while these things are not excuses, they are handicaps, serious disadvantages that have proven extremely difficult to overcome.

This is wrong thinking. Don't see yourself as disabled, handicapped or in any other way a victim. Society doesn't give a fuck about men with problems, and you don't have any friends, so now you're a friendless loser who is dragging people down. Noone wants to know people like this. Do not be a victim, do not see yourself as a victim.

You're the end product of a billion years of multicellular reproduction, and ever single one of your ancestors managed to breed. Many of them had friends too. So shut the fuck up, stop whining and start DOING. "Woe is me" alienates people. Society rescues its women, but as a man it's your job to rescue yourself. And deep down, you gotta admit it: you don't want to be rescued, you want to be respected. And that means sorting your fucking head out and getting on with it.

You're not a victim, you're a guy living his life.

What the fuck actually ARE friends?

The narrative here is "well, every friendship is different", which of course means "I don't know".

Male friendship is generally experienced as mutual respect and support. There is genuine liking, relaxation, and at least the potential to help each other out significantly in life. A bed for a week, a small loan, an introduction to a job or an investor or a friend who might help. There's some degree of shared goals and wishing the best for each other. Furthering each other's goals. Suggestions. Shared expertise.

Friendships are often somewhat transient sadly. Make your peace with this and be ok with it. Things don't last forever.

And don't expect your burgeoning friendship to survive your new found bestie getting married: most men succumb to the female narrative sooner or later. Not always, but often.

"Sure Mattyanon, but what the fuck do I actually do?" [Hypothetical question that you should be asking right about now]

These are roughly in the order you should be applying them. You don't have to do them all to have friends, but they all help. NONE OF THIS WILL GET YOU LAID. This is designed to get you male friends. Applying this stuff to women will get you in the friendzone at best, hated at worst. Women operate on different principles and a lot of this stuff will alienate them. Doing small favours for men can win you respect, admiration and friendship. Doing favours for women gets you labelled a friendzoned beta faster than you can blink. Men like equals. Women like their men to be superior.

So Don't apply this stuff to getting laid or making female friends.

Fundamental belief shift:

IT IS OK TO MANUFACTURE FRIENDSHIPS OUT OF NOTHING. There, I said it. You can engineer friendships and they are no less genuine for it.

Join a social hobby, club, job, etc and talk to people

Don't aim to make friends at work or school or college. These "friendships" are usually not genuine and different rules apply. By all means be friendly and have fun, but don't expect these to be true friendships especially if you don't see each other outside school.

Find a way to meet people outside school/work/college. Join a club or organisation doing something that you want to do, something you'd like to be better at, something you're interested in. "Social club" type things generally suck because they're full of people who can't socialise in any other way, and you want to meet normal people who are getting on with their lives. Making friends involves first meeting people, so make a start on this first.

With most social clubs the needy and desperate will be the first to try and befriend you: these people are usually low status in the group and are trying to get you on their side. Don't be rude, but don't get too friendly with them. The best people can afford to hang back and check you out first, they'll take a few visits before you get to talk to them properly.

You'll find with most social clubs that the second and third visit is way easier than the first, as people realise you're both safe and someone who is going to keep coming back (so worth the time/risk to invest in getting to know), which brings me neatly onto:

Take it slowly, a bit more each day

The first time you meet someone, their guard is generally up. It's a long slog to get past this, but fortunately you don't need to bother. Quick hi the first time you see them.... next time (generally a different day, but works later in the same day too) you say "hey... how you doing" ..... each time you extend the conversation a little further.

Be non needy

The biggest fucking killer of potential friendships is neediness. Needing or wanting something from the person you're talking to. Manipulating the conversation to get your emotional needs met. Looking to see if they like you. Caring if they approve of you as a person. Urghhhhhhhhh. And probably the worst: telling tales of woe from your life in the hope of garnering a little sympathy. Not even your mother wants to be your mother at your age, noone else does either. Be a fucking man already. You want to seem like you're full of life, with stuff to give just oozing out of you as you go about being awesome. Sure, it's not always easy to live up to this ideal, but this is what people want.

Be a giver, not a taker

Take NOTHING from people, especially things they don't want to give. No social pressure, no boring them, no demanding from them, nothing. You don't have to give anything you don't want to give either, friendships are not paid for with blood, sweat, money or time. This isn't some blue pill "give and the world will give back" because it fucking won't. But emotionally speaking things should flow from you, not to you. You're the rock, the leader, the instigator.... not the victim, the follower or the complainer. Give value, don't take it. Value is basically good feelings, being high status, entertaining (without being the entertaining dancing monkey), emotionally strong, etc.

Be worthy of respect and you'll get it.

Don't talk all the time, don't listen all the time

Do both, should be obvious by now.

Talk in statements and about things you care about, but not about yourself. High status men do not say "I" much, that's what women do.

Don't ask fucking questions when you meet people. It's asking for them to lead, it shows poor social skills, too much interest, is nosy and fundamentally people don't want to give of themselves to people they don't yet know are high value.

Asking their name shouldn't be first... leave this until some common ground has been reached (eg after a few minutes or more). This is really simple: "Hi, my name is MattyAnon, pleased to meet you", smile, offer hand. If they forget ti give their own name, simply add "And who are you?" or "What can I call you?". Part of being the charming motherfucker you want to be is smoothing out small social glitches like this so that everyone feels comfortable.

See what other people do

I mean, don't watch them like some sort of creep. But do observe how other people handle social situations and the impact this has on other people.

"Bonding" moments

Enjoy these as they happen, but don't seek them out.

Mutual respect

Male friendship is based on mutual respect and common values/

Accept feedback

Don't defend yourself. Someone says "you're a fucking tiny dicked loser", you just say "ok". That's it. Compliments: say "thanks". Insults: say "ok". Sure, there are advanced better responses, but this is not worth the time to develop right now.

Appreciate people

The one thing missing from most people's lives is any sort of genuine appreciation. Don't overdo this! This is max once per day. It's really simple... "Hey.. I heard you did X thing... that's really cool" or "Well done on X". Things like "I like X about you" is pretty intimate and I'd save that for the girls they introduce you to.

Stand for something

People want to believe in something. Fucking stand for something. Try and achieve something. Strive. Tell people about your progress. People love to have something they can believe in. If it's hard to believe they'll be polite, and it's your job to show progress on this to show you're actually getting somewhere and working on it, and you're not a crackpot.

Popular people are often lonely

This is fucking gold dust. Those social centres, the person who knows everyone, the person who organises all the meetings, the one everyone knows? Often fucking lonely. The reality is often: no genuine friends, annoyed that people are flakey, struggling to cope and bring people together and getting zero appreciation for it. Invite 20 people to the best party ever and only 3 people say thanks or even that they enjoyed it? That's the lives of these people ALL THE FUCKING TIME. They don't complain because they know to be non-needy and not to complain.

What you do: show them some appreciation and offer them something. Invite them out to something. Include them in something they otherwise wouldn't do. Organise/run/create/build something yourself so you are an ally, so you have something in common. You're both trying to build something. And they'll love you for it, and you can bang all their friends. Or at least leverage their social network to create your own.

Escalate

By which I mean make things happen. Invite people out for drinks. Make social things happen. Organise a karting trip. You don't need a venue, you don't even need a house..... and most people are short of fun times.

Willingly help out... once

Help people... an hour here or there can be hugely appreciated. But don't keep doing it for people who are not offering the same. Don't say "no, I've done a lot to help you, it's your turn now", this never fucking works. Accept that this is how they are, and simply be too busy when they need you. You want to find mutually beneficial friendships, not sponges. It's worth investing a bit of time in people to find out which they are.

Don't criticise

Andrew didn't invite you out to the bar with his friends after you invited him out the previous week? Just fucking say nothing. No good will come of criticising or discussing it. You'll get your answer in time, meanwhile just get on with your own life and not depending on others. Criticising will just make you look weak or them uncomfortable.

It's much better to say "I heard you were out the other night, I'd have come along but I was in XYZ city getting laid" than it is to say "Why didn't you invite me? I invited you the previous week!". This just looks weak, even if you do have point. In fact the more you have a point the more he'll feel bad, which is now associated with you.

WAGs

Wives and girlfriends. Guys who say "I'll need a day to think about it" mean "I need to ask permission". These people are of limited use in your journey. Sure, they can be ok as friends, but their balls are in a vice and their significant others won't let them spend much time with you, especially if you're single. If you meet their partners just be friendly and pleasant and downplay how much you want to bang her friends.

Preselection

When you're "on the inside": people are vastly more friendly and easy to get to know. Party where you all know the host: everyone will be super receptive to talking to you. Simply start talking and it will go fine in situations like this.

The more exclusive and hard to get into a place, the more friendly everyone will be to you. Street? Terrified. Bar? Wary. Party? Fine. Small dinner party among known friends? Fucking easy.

Be Supportive

Yeah, don't leap straight into this one. This applies only to people who already offer you something you value and isn't a fucking whiner. But for good people, showing a little understanding and even helping here and there can work wonders.

Be good for the group

If you're seen as good for the group, you will be liked as supported. If you're seen as bad for the group, you won't. This applies at work, in social groups, in charities, in all organisations . The more you epitomise and further the (true) goals of the group, the more status you will be given. Be a threat to the group and you'll be hated. The only caveat to this is that the real agenda and motivations of the group may not be as they appear. for example a charity that is short of money: "let's help the poor" will be a lot less popular than "here's how we will fundraise". A men's group whose real purpose is friendship rather than action will not appreciate your call to arms, etc.

Weird Tricks [don't]

Behaving like an asshole because you saw this guy being a drunk asshole and everyone loved him? Yeah, don't do that. Most "assholes" that women talk about are just attractive men enjoying their options. The attractive came first, the asshole only with the options. Being a dick does not make you attractive. Same goes for any other weird tricks that you've thought of or heard of but which aren't normal: don't do them.

You don't need any weird tricks to make friends, especially with men. Just get the basics down and you'll be fine.

In summary: making friends isn't hard if you get out there, work on it a bit, and follow some basic rules.

See also: https://www.trp.red/p/mattyanon/556

Charm is universally applicable and it can be learned, here's how.

This post is primarily about how to be a charming man for the purposes of persuading pretty female things to press their girl bits against your boy bits.

This is partly in response to the following article: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/65zuu... archived here: http://archive.is/GRNFd

Don't overdo the listening

Dale Carnegie (How to Win Friends and Influence People) and many others advocate listening intensely and closely to people. Unfortunately a lot of advice out there is persuading you to be what the author wants you to be rather than what's best for you. Your parents almost certainly first started doing this.

MattyAnon however is only interested in the truth and what works, so here you have it. Everything I know about charm thus far: the good the bad and the perverted. Maybe not the perverted bit. Well, a little bit ...

So as regards listening: yes but only up to a point. Do not overdo being the good listener. If you're listening you are being dominated and you are supplicating. You are giving your attention. Put a price on this, don't give it for free. Don't let people who don't reciprocate with their own attention just dominate and talk over you while you listen. Women love to do this. Don't let them, they don't respect it. If you talk she should eagerly stop talking and listen. Otherwise be prepared to remove your attention like yanking the rug from underneath her if she starts to bullshit you or not let you talk.

I've been the dutiful listener. I've tried that. What Carnegie and no-one else mentions is that people use listeners to offload their bullshit, feel validated that someone cares about the shit they are saying, and that they often have ZERO respect for the person listening. Learn to listen, learn to actively-listen (repeat snippets to show you're paying attention), but don't fall into the trap of being a sponge for people to spout off into.

So don't just be a good listener. Be a good talker too. Be STRONG (more info below). If you listen too much, she'll eventually start to either talk shit or try and get her bullshit past you. Keep your wits about you and listen to her point but don't agree to any bullshit. Periodically challenge her on stuff, disagree, stand up to her points, have your own fucking opinion. Manufacture things to disagree with if you find yourself agreeing with her too much. Women respect strength more than anything else on earth. For women, respect and attraction are very closely linked, so keep their respect.

Take yourself out of the conversation??

Make her feel great about herself??

No, this is not what you should be doing. You should make her feel accepted, liked, and in the presence of a strong and attractive and sexual man. Making her feel great about herself is just inflating her Instagram-fueled ego. You should give her acceptance for her real self, not making her feel great about who she is or claims to be. Chances are she shouldn't feel great about herself and deep down she knows it. Someone telling her how great she is flies in the face of how great she knows she isn't. If she DOES have genuine reason to feel great about herself, she won't need your help doing it.

And who does she want to fuck... the guy who makes her feel like she's the superior one, or the guy who is clearly cleverer than she is? (Hint for newbies: women fuck up). But do try to keep your intelligence situationally relevant.

> In conversation, take the mindset that you don’t matter, your whole goal in the conversation is to make the person you’re talking to feel good.

Yes sure... if you want to be her orbiter. Go on, make her feel like a princess. She where that gets you. Everyone here on the manosphere knows exactly how well this particular strategy works. Men have moved on from pedestaling women.

So after what-to-avoid, on to the meat of this post, ie getting her to want your meat:

MATTYANON'S GUIDE: HOW TO BE ONE GENUINELY CHARMING ATTRACTIVE PANTY-WETTING BEAST OF A MAN

1. Be attractive, you gorgeous Greek sculpture of a man

Be as physically attractive as you can. The halo effect is real, give yourself a head start. Endless info elsewhere about this.

Be as outgoing and confident as you can. Eye contact. Lots of eye contact. Smile at her like you like her (even before you know you do - you can change your mind later). Have your own opinions and be firm in them. Be sexual, be dirty, be controversial, be absolutely unapologetic. Go far enough to invite shit tests then shrug as if they don't exist. Court a little controversy.

Be happy in yourself. Be honest about who you are (but do put a positive spin on it!) Flirt with all the girls. Smile, eye contact. Ignore anything where they indicate any disinterest.

2. Be strong, you buff confident man (no homo)

Physically yes (although I believe low bodyfat and slim face is most important). But most of all: mentally/emotionally. Don't fall into the traps (shit tests) of others. Don't agree just to get them to like you (weak). Women appreciate premature rapport as much as they appreciate premature ejaculation.

What is strength vs weakness? I don't have a good definition (please someone chip in with one). Mostly strength seems to be "behaving as if you are in a strong negotiating position" and weakness is "behaving as if you are in a weak position". Being in a good negotiating position: having other options, not needing this thing right-here-right-now to work in any particular way, I-Don't-Give-A-Fuck attitude, indifference [to negatives especially], assuming she likes you, being prepared to walk away.

Partly she will infer your strength (and attractiveness) from what she sees, and partly from your behaviour. So give her both. Convey options by letting her see you flirt with other girls, attractiveness by letting her see whatever good features you have. Convey attractiveness and strength through your behaviour with non-neediness, outcome indifference, not supplicating or agreeing with her too much. She wants a man, not a puppy. Unless she's a furry. Avoid furries, unless you want to spend the night dressed as a puppy. That's okay if you do, no judgement here. But be a man meanwhile.

From an emotional-conversation point of view, strength means not getting lost in the opinions of others (including their opinions of you). Not being swayed. Not agreeing. Overtly disagreeing sometimes. Being unreactive to what happens. Being your own person.

Strength makes a girl feel safe. Even if you're slightly dangerous (and you should try to cultivate the impression that you are), she feels safe with a man she can't sway or control. You are the rock in the storm below the bridge that you burned, to mix an analogy or three.

What you're aiming for with people is a fun conversation for you BOTH. If you're having fun, others will be drawn into it. This is much better than false validation anyway.

Obviously never big yourself up. No humble bragging. No overt bragging. Mystery is more attractive. Women disbelieve all attempts to show off, instead interpreting it as trying to impress her, therefore putting you below her rather than where you should be - on top of her (both metaphorically and physically).

Care nothing for whether people like you are not. Or appear to not care. Engage just the same with people who you suspect dislike you. Some will come around. Some won't.

4. LIKE people, you sexy privileged shitlord hunk of manflesh (probably no homo, but you're starting to get very appealing)

Like people. Engage with them, laugh at their jokes (if funny) or say "that's not funny" if not. Don't blank people even unintentionally (unless they are giving you very high bullshit levels). Inadvertent blanking of people causes deep offence. People would rather be insulted than ignored. People inadvertently blank each other all the time, and it causes no good for anyone. It's the nuclear option - keep it in your back pocket and rarely use it. Meanwhile aim to not blank people even accidentally.

Throw shit tests her way and credit her for a good response. Laugh at her tests and credit her with doing it well. Don't take it seriously. Show a little appreciation of people, say what you like about them or something they do. No false flattery. Appreciation rather than compliments.

I have had experiences where a few sentences of genuine appreciation for a guy has made instant friendship. Women are different - you have to show strength and attractiveness for the appreciation to be well received. Who is doing the appreciating REALLY matters to women, so get attraction in place first.

Like people for who they are, accept people. You do you, they do them. Don't try and change them.

You want to carry yourself as if everyone always likes you, you like people, and the world just works and revolves around you and it's all easy. This is how your world works, and why wouldn't it? Women find this very attractive, and the reverse abhorrent.

Liking means non judgemental. Accepting. You're here to have fun, not judge people. Don't overtly judge anyone. This elicits more truth from them. Definitely choose who you want to be with though. You are aiming for accepting-and-choosing rather than judging-and-controlling.

Oh.... and always deny being charming. The point is that all this comes naturally to you, you have no need to even know what the word means.

4a. Aligned Interests (taking a break from the no homo comments)

You both want the same thing. You're on the same page. Or you've created a common enemy - someone on the outside of your instant two-way clique. This makes people feel like you're fighting the same battle. Trying to get the same things out of life or a situation. You are on their side.

4b. Someone to look up to (don't worry, the homo jokes will be back)

Sometimes people like me because I embody something they want to believe in. Even when it's of no benefit to them, they really like that I represent... perhaps.... the possible. People hear and read about success, but meeting and knowing someone who embodies some aspect of it is very appealing. Do they want a little reflected glory? Someone to lead the way? Perhaps, but it feels more like they need someone to believe in. Something to believe in. Someone to prove what can be done. If you're in this situation don't undermine it by belittling yourself or your achievements or them, just modestly accept it and go with it.

Conversely any success will breed jealousy and haters. You should join in with them and provide as much fuel for their fire as possible. They'll appreciate you for it. You can't charm them all this way, but you can some ...

5. Putting it all together you strong charming motherfucker (ok, I'm definitely sounding a bit homo now)

A woman describes a man who shows he likes her as charming.... IF he is also strong and attractive. If a man indicates liking but isn't strong and attractive, he's not charming he's a creepy loser. Charm is the perfect combination of attraction and comfort.

Charm = attractiveness and strength plus liking the person you are speaking to.

Shit tests and glitches

The classic shit test response to men being charming is "I bet you say that to all the girls" or similar. This is an apparent comfort test and it seems to mean "I like what you are saying but I want to know this isn't a line that you say to everyone, I want to know that I'm as special to you as I feel I am right now". The worst thing you can do at this point is reassure her that she's the only one, and put yourself firmly into the scarcity beta category of supplicating loser. Just say "only the pretty ones" (reword yourself obviously) - she still feels special but without closing down your options.

Now you know it, act on it

Charm = interest + attraction.

Creepy = interest + no attraction.

What can we do with this knowledge? Well obviously "be seen to be attractive before showing appreciation". But also use this to detect a woman's attraction/respect for you. Show some appreciation. Well received or not? You'll get MORE interest from girls who are attracted and LESS interest from girls who are not. Polarising is a double win. The more overt and sexual, the stronger this works. "You are intelligent and genuine" will be appreciated by most, "nice rack" is a touch more divisive...

Having a charming conversation you sexy beast

Do not fucking start with "how are you". Urgh. It's AWFUL. What you're really saying is "please do the conversation for me while I pretend to care". I know people who will ask this SEVERAL TIMES because they have nothing else to say. Weak as fuck.

Start by saying something about YOU that others can relate to. If you don't know them, don't ask how they are. If you do know them, also don't ask how they are. Just start by talking about YOU. It's easier for them, it's better for you. It's more masculine. It gives them a starting point. Literally start with something topical and recent. "I nearly ran over a chihuahua on the way here... little fucker ran out into the road. Fortunately I swerved and got its puppies instead". Just start talking. It works. But then transition into a two way fun conversation. And that means avoiding facts.

After a few sentences you can ask them something SPECIFIC if you know them. "How's the new job at X treating you?" or "How was the transgender penis implant operation? Big success?".

Don't ask big/factual questions. Try to avoid their job as much as possible. "What do you do" is horrid. Their favourite icecream is better for a million reasons. Exaggerate things, it makes conversations a trillion times better (but not facts. keep facts straight or you look ridiculous). Be a bit larger than life. Be mysterious - leave lots of unanswered questions about what you do and when you do it. Don't be pinned down. Relationship status: "it's complicated". What are you doing this weekend: "rock climbing or a keg party". Where were you last night: "fuck knows". Keep your power, your truth, your options. Don't give them away. And certainly never listen to any woman who says "a real man would....".

The big secret of conversations is that you don't need to do all the work. Be charming and the other person will join in, or at least make it super easy for you.

Can I fake it?

A bit, yes. And you probably should. But it's best if as much of this is as genuine as possible. People know to test what you say and what you do. Incongruence feels weird. The easiest way to make it all work is that it's basically genuine. Aim to be on a path where this stuff is as genuine and easy as possible. It's easy to look non-needy if lots of girls like you. You might have to fake it if they don't yet. For most of us this stuff is genuine but we also need to know how to do it - how to convey it so that it works as intended.

Look at men (real or fictional) that are considered charming, or that you find charming. Look at how they do it. Some very different men are charming in apparently very different ways. As humans we feel things, but we don't know why we feel them. Hopefully now you have the inside information to see how all this works, see what they do, see how it's charming.

Conclusion

Charm = attractiveness + strength then showing you appreciate the girl for who she is.

Sources: TRP, The Charisma Myth, life.

A condensed version of this article is on Reddit / TRP.