I'm from a Reservation in Ca. and I've become one of those people who doesn't believe in coincidences. That maybe things happen for a reason and it's so easy to let reality slip away in an instant. But events like my headphones breaking on me and then ending up with a free pair of headphones shortly after or having TRP fall into my lap to finally embrace what I've been feeling the majority of my life and to be able to relieve the dissonance between what I want and what everyone else wants.
I feel like I'm at a unique point in my life where I either give myself a reason to continue with life or just be done with it already. The person I was before was one who expected things to happen only to be constantly let down. I was expecting happiness, girls, opportunities, all the good things, using my patience the wrong way.
The person I envision myself as and see myself now is the Strong-Silent type. The type who commands respect, that people listen to when he speaks. People, Small talk, and fun have never been my strongest personality traits and I realized that I can't take life seriously and expect to be happy at the same time. Happiness is attained, not granted and life is what I make of it.
Perfect practice makes perfect, but for some reason, I don't feel so far behind, only in the strength department. At 182cm, 84-86kg, diagnosed with Depression & Social Anxiety, things have gone quite well for me and I've just been doing me and enjoying every second of it.
Eye contact: former me's biggest weakness, now new me's newfound and biggest strength.
I think if not for the red pill and all it has to teach, I'd have drowned in a society I'm not built or suilted for nor welcome to and ended up just another statistic.
But then again, I'm just some random dude babbling on the internet >:-)
- Okimaw Maskwa -
As someone who's always been behind in terms of my social development (thx to bullying+racism growing up), for once I take comfort in my own skin and have accepted that racism will be something I can never get away from, but will never turn a blind eye to or keep my mouth shut about.
But now, I find myself unable to detect "shit" I get from others. This has led me to "defending" only to be told "I'm just messing with you". A phone call with my uncle made me realize this. I also realized I don't care to respond in a way that would increase my social status, nor do I feel the want to actively meet new people. While that will affect my ability to get laid and make friends, I also know I'll never the the typical Alpha or a "respected member of society".
I do know I'll always be my own confident, non-self-loathing, individual person who lacks empathy, doesn't care what anyone says or thinks about him, and is passionate about music. I fucking love music!
Eye contact used to be a problem for me. If a passerby manages to catch my eye, I put on my shit eating grin if they don't avert their gaze. I also need to slow down when I speak to people. When I talk, I tend to speak too fast and in bursts. One girl said I speak in iambic pentameter. Too much Slim Shady+rap+hip-hop me thinks. Body language comes natural to me: speaking and reading. I always get a kick out of seeing a girl playing with her hair. I have Joe Navarro and years of playing poker to thank for that. I also need to thank TRP for opening my eyes to the true nature of females and I dare say society as well.
At times I feel like a man going my own way, but I also enjoy objectifying girls and I have a few ethnicities I will cross off my "To Fuck List"
So,
So have a nice day and go fuck yourself. :)
Finally...
- Okimaw Muskwa -