Her realtor sent the numbers

Knows how to save money, but can't be bothered to look up stuff herself, and doesn't understand debt or interest very well. Very few women do.

With those numbers, today's rates, AND the full 20% down payment, you're paying $892,032 over the course of a 30-year mortgage, most of that being interest to banks.

Your monthly payment will be $2,478, which is 4x more than the $600 you've been eating rice and beans to afford. That does not include taxes, HOA, repairs, maintenance, or utilities. As a woman who presumably can't repair/maintain anything around the house, these things will be even higher for you. Besides, you'll be working all the time, for three decades, to pay off the loan.

doing everything right

Uh, no. You've missed your purpose in life as a woman. You were launched well and are now flying sky high, but your trajectory is wrong.

It's a man's job, duty, and joy to manage all these financial things. It's what we do best. It's your job to respect your husband for managing his money which he generously shares with you, and become a wonderful mother (and then grandmother) to many of his children.

In this sense, you never even got off the runway. F for failure and U for useless.

Skipped every vacation, same car, cooked at home

This is hilarious. Women do these things and think they're being frugal. Absolutely nuts.

Come on over, and I'll show you a woman who has been under the poverty level for 25 years, yet is so frugal her husband has been able to invest and grow the family fortune. She respects and appreciates every dollar he makes. She cooks everything from scratch, mends clothing through multiple hole cycles, gets furniture from the dump, buys everything second-hand, does not buy makeup of any kind, re-uses everything possible, makes clothing and blankets. She goes out to eat 1-2x per year, and her idea of a "vacation" is camping with her family. She does all of this with a content and thankful spirit. She never compares herself to other women and finds her life lacking, and she is happier than most richer women.

You ain't done shit, lady.

Ok I want to help here bro, there are a few mistakes, but these are calibration errors not true dire mistakes.

Let's start with your first question: One: This isn't about planning better, this is about integration.

Let's say you have a good date. You're going to tell the girl. "This was fun. I want to hang out with you again. I'm going to Myrtle Beach for the week so you're going to have to be patient (shit eating grin) I'll shoot you a text sometime during the week and we will work out a time and place".

This is where you show interest but you're not needy. It tells her you're going to reach out and leaves the door open. On your trip you get to demonstrate value send her a pic of something. "Look at this sunset" or I just has the most amazing cake that my aunt made". Keep her engaged in your story while giving her a bit of attention.

Now you're going to get a lot of spergs on here bitching that you shouldn't give a woman attention ever and you should only text for logistics. Don't listen. These are the guys that aren't getting laid. Keep her engaged and she won't lose interest.

Two: It's quite possible that she wanted to smash, it's also possible that it was a compliance test. So here's the thing, you're the man. You set the pace and the frame. So as a guy who gets laid I can tell you that if I have shit to do I'm not dropping it regardless. You're not her dancing monkey or errand boy, fuck that!

So here's what to do: Set the frame first. "Spider" huh? I see what you did there (smirk emoji). I would love to visit your house but I'm occupied until ____ time.

If that doesn't work how about Friday at 6. I'l take care of any spiders and address other things that may need "attention"...

If she laughs and likes this, she wanted you to smash and then you will later. If she gets butt hurt and meant this literally, you are her beta errand boy. In this case, you fucking bail because you know how she feels about you.

In the future just be flirty and keep the inertia going. You can do that by just a bit of playful banter while you're busy.