The two approaches taken to absolutes are opposite ends of a spectrum. For most people it is wisest to aim in the middle of the spectrum and then adjust a little depending on your character and a little depending on hers as you get to know it.

Some people will not work well together full stop. Others can with a little adjustment. No one is a perfect fit.

If you do not ever discuss expectations you are as dumb as one of those women who expects her man to mind read what she wants. If you are always analy harping on about your rules you are in danger of being a little man with an inadequacy problem.

Ideally (and this is ideally, reality will n=mess this up to some extent) talk about boundaries fairly relaxed and form time to time. Learn what hers are, tell her what yours are, debate and compromise where there is a gap. If you can't compromise, then consider if either she is inadequate or you are too demanding.

Women are not as good at compromise as most men because they tend to be more self centred, so they do need to know what you like. They are better at compliance and agreeability. Note the compliance is to their social group not to you as their lord and master. So consider her social group. If she is a polygamous mormon, you will probably get to lay down your rules firmly but you will have to go to church a lot to pay for that. If she has a liberal arts degree she will expect to lay down the law to you. You can't out alpha the hive once the honeymoon period runs out. So talk early talk when the stakes are low and there is no risk of losing anything because no one has done anything.

I am a 29-year-old male.


Ever since I got a PC and internet, around the age of 10, I was introduced to porn. Since then, I have probably been watching porn and masturbating daily.


I also smoke cigarettes, smoke weed, eat junk food, doom scroll, and game.


It got to a point where I was watching porn and masturbating 4–6 times a day, sometimes back-to-back three times. I have always felt that something was wrong—it was no longer about pleasure; it was just coping or numbing something. But I didn’t know what I was running from (maybe just plain boredom?). I still don’t know, but something had to change.


I decided to quit everything altogether because I’m a man who either goes all in or not at all. I can’t say, “Okay, I’ll have a cigarette but no porn or masturbation.” Nope. Right after a cigarette, I’ll order pizza and masturbate to porn while waiting for the pizza.


So, my non-negotiables:

• Wake up at 6 AM
• Stick to a diet
• Lift weights
• Read at least 10 pages
• Sleep at 10 PM
• No weed, no cigarettes, no porn, no masturbation, no junk food, no gaming—none


For the first two days, in order to build some momentum, I deliberately overdid gaming. I smoked my last cigarette at 11 PM, then forced myself to stay awake until 10 AM by playing games or doom scrolling all night so I could wake up in the evening, knowing I hadn’t smoked for about 20 hours. I did it once, then again, and now it’s been 48 hours—I can’t go back. I didn’t go back.


After the third day, I fixed my sleep schedule and stopped gaming.


Now I’m around day six, and something weird is happening.


First of all, the withdrawal from porn and masturbation is so strong that I don’t even crave junk food or cigarettes. Or maybe it’s cumulative withdrawal hitting me, but still—I don’t crave junk food or cigarettes.


But my libido is through the roof.
 It's either nofap works or I been abusing and numbing myself for so long, I got this incredible energy.

I wake up with a raging boner. I have dreams about everyone—literally everyone—but I try to stop myself as soon as I recognize it, since I believe it’s kind of like porn. I’m so horny that I feel like I could have sex with everyone in my department and even people in the next building. Furiously impregnate them all! Over time I’ve developed this strange attraction to pantyhose—if anyone is wearing them, god help me.


I can’t stop myself from staring at women. Especially the coworkers man, previously I didn’t even notice them existing, but now, I’m in love with their never-squatted-but-jiggly-ass, not my coworkers but for other women I even want them to notice that I’m looking at their fat ass, tits, never breaking eye contact, smiling at them. But I don’t try to approach them or call my ex or my former fuckbuddies, because from past experience, I know what happens: I call a fuckbuddy, she comes over, we have sex, and then I slip—masturbate, order pizza, smoke, scroll endlessly, and then can’t sleep, so I smoke weed.


So, I need to ignore the urge to approach or have sex for a while—maybe 30 days or so. I believe it will help me detach the link between porn and real women.


Man, lust is hard to beat, I guess. Any comments are appreciated. Thanks.